CHAPTER 3

I can feel my hands sweating and it's shaking a bit. Pinilit kong pinakalma ang sarili ko pero hindi parin maalis-alis ang pagkabalisa, pangamba at takot na nasa puso ko.

Where is he? Hindi ba dapat kanina pa siya nakauwi? For fuck sake it's already twelve in the midnight but he's still not home! Gustong-gusto kong umalis at hanapin siya kung nasa'n man siya ngayon pero pinigilan ako ni Manang Jenna.

I bit my lowerlip because of the heavy feelings I felt. Paano kung may nangyaring masama sa kaniya? Paano kung sobrang kailangan niya ng tulong ngayon? Mababaliw na ata ako kahihintay kay Bastian.

Is my decision right to be his maid? Hindi ko na nababantayan ang galaw niya dahil nandito lang ako sa loob ng bahay!

“Manang may alam ba kayong lugar na pwedeng puntahan ni Sir Bastian?” I don't know if how many times I asked this question to her! But she just keep her mouth shut!

“Hindi ko alam, baka nagsasaya lang 'yon.” si Manang na parang normal lang na palaging late umuwi si Bastian.

I massaged my nose bridge because of my damn frustration. Fuck Bastian, please come home! I'm getting crazy in here!

Napatalon ako nang may marinig kaming busina ng sasakyan. My heartbeat doubled because of relief and excitement. Hindi ko na hinintay si Manang na tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo dahil agad na akong tumakbo palabas ng pinto.

I walked faster towards his car. Nakita kong bumukas ito at agad na iniluwa ang imahe ni Bastian. My forehead creased when I saw his face so flushed and red, he can't even stand properly. Is he drunk?

I pursed my lips and went to him. I held his elbow when he suddenly went out of balance.

“Shit...” he cursed and held his head.

“Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi? Mag-uumaga na...” I mumbled while looking at his face.

I saw how his drunk green eyes looked at me amusingly.

“Fuck it,” he laughed and took a deep sighed.

My jaw dropped when he didn't answer me at basta na lang ako tinalikuran. Parang may kumirot sa puso ko sa inasta niya. Nakita ko siyang maglakad papasok sa mansion nang pasuray-suray. My chest tightened at the sight.

It's okay Jazziyah, sanay ka naman masaktan. Hindi na 'to bago. Just don't give up on him. Hindi ko talaga siya susukuan dahil akin siya. I smirked at myself.

Nakita kong pinandilatan ako ng mga Mata ni Manang ngunit binigyan ko lang siya ng isang ngiti.

“Matutulog na ako, ikaw matulog ka na rin. Marami pa tayong gagawin bukas.” she ordered. I immediately nodded my head at her.

Nang makita kong pumunta na si Manang sa kwarto niya napangiti ako ng matamis at agad na tumingala sa itaas kung nasa'n ang kwarto ni Bastian. But my smile suddenly vanished and I think my soul leave my body when I saw Bastian staring intensely at me while his two elbows is on the railing.

I saw how he tilted his head as he stared deeply at me like I'm some kind of question he can't understand, he then just suddenly shooked his head and he immediately went to his room. Mabilis kong ibinalik ang katinuan at naglakad paakyat sa hagdanan papuntang kuwarto ni Bastian.

With my trembling insides. I tried to knock on his door. I pursed my lips when I didn't hear a sound from inside. Sinubukan kong buksan ang pinto. My eyes gleamed when it's not even locked!

I think my heart just dropped when I saw Bastian lying on his bed.

“Damn it, she really looked like her. Fuck her eyes...” he whispered on the air while pushing some tears away from his eyes. He chuckled dryly.

Anong binubulong niya? I can't hear him well. Who is he referring?

Akala ko hindi niya ako napansin dahil tahimik naman akong gumalaw. Pero nagulat ako dahil sa malamig niyang berdeng mga mata na nakatingin sa'kin. Bumangon siya at agad na itinukod ang dalawang kamay sa likuran para suportahan ang sarili.

He licked his lowerlip sexily as he looked at me. Kahit nanlalamig ang kalamnan ko pilit akong naglakad patungo sa pwesto niya. I just want to check him okay? Kung maayos ba siya.

“What the heck are you doing here?” he asked coldly while eyeing me. Bakit ang bait niya sa'kin kanina? Pero ngayon parang ayaw niyang makita ang imahe ko.

“Gusto lang kitang eh check.” I said bravely while looking at his drunk green eyes.

He chuckled without humor as he eyed me suspiciously.

“Really?” he asked with his innocent voice. But I know he's just teasing me. Umiling ako dahilan upang kumunot ang noo niya.

“Then why are you here?” he asked grimly.

Nangingiti akong lumapit sa kaniya. I brushed my hair while biting my lowerlip. You know what, you need to be punished because you made me so damn worried! I thought something bad happened to you! Yeah right Jazziyah! Sino ka naman para sabihan niya kung saan siya pupunta at kung kailan siya uuwi?!

Isa ka lang namang hamak na babaeng baliw sa kaniya diba?

“Can I sit on your lap?” I asked while giving him a cute but creepy smile. Do I looked so crazy right now? Yeah I think so...

Napaawang ang labi ko nang tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya at binigyan niya ako nang mapang-asar na ngiti. I can smell the alcohol from him and it's making me crazy even more.

Parang gusto ko na lang kumaripas ng takbo palabas nang maramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa magkabilang baywang ko.

“Hmm sure. Kawawa ka naman makikiupo ka na lang, gusto mo pa sa kandungan ko.” he said mockingly making my face to flushed! Damn this man! Ilang taon pa nga 'to? He's just nineteen pero grabe na ang epekto ng mga salita niya sa'kin!

I know he's not that innocent as I think. Bastian has this playboy aura but he's really not. Sa isang taon ko siyang sinusundan hindi ko pa siya nakitang may kasamang babae. He's so fucking handsome that he can pulled any girls in their school but he's just not a fan of playing girls. Reason why I am so amused to him.

Sobrang rare lang dahil may pera siya, may pangalan sa lugar nila dahil siya lang naman ang nag-iisang anak ng Mayor. I thought he's that some kind of man who used to play in any way but I think of him so wrong.

Hindi siya gano'n. Something in him is unique and I wanted to find out why he makes me so curious about him. Even myself can't understand why he caught my attention suddenly without me noticing it.

My lips suddenly parted when I felt his hand gently squeeze my right chest making me gasp. Wala akong bra!

I can saw amusement dancing in his eyes.

“I think this is more better than a stress ball, it's so soft.” he murmured raspily.

Uminit ang pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Nanghina ang dalawang tuhod ko nang mag-angat siya ng tingin sa'kin. He bit his inside cheeks as he stared at my eyes deeply.

But the amusement in his eyes suddenly vanished and his hand stopped squeezing my breasy. Nakita ko kung paano dumaan ang lungkot sa mga mata niya bago siya pumikit ng mariin.

“Get off please, I want to sleep.” nahihirapang saad niya. I can't move because of his sudden switched of mood.

My heart aches. Can I sleep beside him? Can I hug him? Can I sniff his neck while comfortably lying on his chest?

Can I kiss him roughly? I want to do those things with him but I'm afraid because he might reject me.

Nobody wants me... except for Talliah. She's the only person who loves my all. I wonder if Bastian will love me too the way I love him.

My chest tightened as I form my hand into fist while looking at Bastian back. Nakadapa siya sa kama. I can clearly see his broad back. I bit my lowerlip lip as my breathing became uneven. How can I make him love me?!

Everytime I felt that we’re getting close. He suddenly shut me off. Sometimes, it's hard to understand what's running on his mind.

With a feeling in my chest I stormed out from Bastian's room. My gaze went down to my both fisted hand. Natawa ako ng mapakla sa sarili. Why I am always seeking for love and attention?

Dahil ba ni minsan hindi ako mahal ng mga taong mahal ko? But Talliah loves me and I can feel it. She cared for me and I cared for her too.

She's the only family I have right now.

I hug both of my knees as I was staring at Talliah's face in the picture she sent me. Genuine smile plastered on her lips as she was hugging ang clinging on Rainer arms. She seemed so very happy and inlove.

Nakuha niya na si Rainer kaya hindi niya na ako kailangan. Masaya na siya at iyon lang ang gusto ko para sa kaniya. Para makabawi sa pagtulong na ginawa niya sa'kin noon.

My soft fingers slowly trace her face. She deserves the happiness she's feeling right now. Ako kaya? Kailangan ako sasaya ng totoo? Yung hindi pilit. Yung saya na kusa mo na lang mararamdaman na walang takot sa puso mo.

Sobrang hirap bang sumaya ngayon? Kailangan ba paghihirapan mo pa ang kasiyahan bago mo ito makamit? Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung saang direksiyon patungo ang buhay ko.

I'm not that so happy but I'm not in so much pain also. I felt like I'm in the middle of everything.

I don't have my real family but I have Talliah. But sadly I can't be with her always, sticking by her side like a lost child wanting an attention because she already has Rainer.

She has her own life to live.

Kahit mabigat sa dibdib ko gusto kong mabuhay na hindi na naka depende sa kaniya. I don't want to be weak as always. I maybe look so strong outside but inside, I'm a wreck.

Hindi buo ang pagkatao ko. There's so many broken pieces inside me that I want to be fixed.

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo at naglakad patungo sa nag-iisang drawer dito sa kuwarto na tinutuluyan ko. There are so many rooms inside the Contreras Mansion. Nakakamangha nga dahil may nakalaan talaga na isang kwarto para sa mga maid. Mas malaki ang kuwarto ni Manang Jenna kumpara sa'kin.

Dahil syempre matagal na siyang nagsisilbi dito. Ang alam ko bata pa lang si Bastian nagsisilbi na si Manang sa pamilya nila.

But I'm okay with my room right now. Hindi maluwag hindi rin masikip. Sakto lang para sa'kin. My eyes twinkled when I saw my notebook. Mabilis ko itong kinuha at naglakad ulit patungo sa kama. I brushed my long black hair with my fingers as I was scribbling the pages of my notebook.

“Gotcha,” I uttered and chuckled softly as I saw Bastian cute baby picture.

He's so cute in this photo! Parang hindi na siya makilala dito dahil sa icing na nakakalat sa mukha niya. My heart swelled in happiness while looking at his baby picture.

Kung magkakaroon ako ng anak gusto ko ganito ka cute! I want to know Bastian more. I want to discover different sides of him, I want to embrace who really is, even his darkest side.

I bit the inside of my cheeks as many scenarios of me and Bastian together flashing inside my crazy head. Damn Jazziyah Blaise, get a hold of your craziness! Mas malala ka nga kay Talliah!

I swear to myself I’ll make Bastian fall inlove with me. Deep and Hard.