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It's Fine, I am Fine!
It's Fine, I am Fine!
Penulis: Ravenwhere

The Beginning

Penulis: Ravenwhere
last update Terakhir Diperbarui: 2024-10-29 19:42:56

Hello everyone!

This story contains mature language and scenes. This is your only warning 😊😊

Enjoy it!! 😊

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Lena

The restaurant was quite full today. Today out of all days, for my bad luck.

The loud chatter around me was very distracting and I couldn't move as fast as I wanted to. People were walking constantly towards and outwards the bathroom, leaving me almost no space to move around. Some kids screamed their lungs out, after devouring our special ice cream bundle and their mothers made no effort to quiet them down.

As I walked towards the kitchen with a full tray of dishes in my hand, I deliberately inhaled all the delicious smells from around the tables in the dining hall, so the awful scent of the kitchen wouldn't overwhelm me. Smelling burned oil and dirty dishes could easily make me lose my appetite or the will to work.

Once inside the kitchen, I stepped on a piece of tomato on the floor and cursed under my breath.

"Aaron there is food on the floor," I said to my boss, but he ignored me. He was too busy preparing food over the grills and fryers. He was sweating like crazy. Not very appealing, but what could he do?

"Lena, can you stay a couple more hours?" he asked and yet it wasn't a question. He knew I would agree anyway, then why ask?

"Sure" I replied and quickly unloaded my tray on the dish-washing counter.

Even though I was very tired, I would never say no to extra working hours, because I desperately needed the money.

Last night I didn't sleep at all, I only managed to close my eyes for a few hours in the morning. I felt so damn tired, so I took a long sip from my Red Bull and went back to wait on my tables.

The place where I parked my car last night was the worst choice I could have made. The police came and politely asked me to move my vehicle to another location. And I did. And then another police officer asked me the same thing. And I was obliged to do so once more. Needless to say, my night was horrible, but luckily, I found a place to crash until morning.

Living in my car was difficult from day one but finding a parking spot every night was even worse. I kept avoiding parking in the same spot for more than a day, that was one rule I'd never break. It was dangerous out there for a twenty-four-year-old woman like me.

"Lena, table six needs the check," Antony said urgently while passing next to me in a hurry. This was the busiest night in all my seven months of working here.

Antony became my friend, I guess. If gossiping about people, I didn't know and drinking coffee before work counted as friendship. I liked him a lot, his sense of humor was top-notch, and he was genuinely very kind to me. He was short like me and had the most amazing sparkling blue eyes I have ever seen. 

As my shift ended a little later than Aaron said, it left me even more tired.

I slowly walked home, holding a paper bag with my dinner inside. The silent walk after a long shift was something I really enjoyed. Especially when the weather was warm, and the cool summer breeze played with the strands of my hair as I walked. It was something that helped me collect my thoughts and unwind somehow.

A good fifteen steps before I reached my car, I took my keys out of my bag and held them in my hand tightly, like a weapon. There were a lot of times I had been robbed right before I entered my car, but I've learned my lesson.

Once inside my old grey Toyota Corolla, I locked the door and sighed. I allowed this feeling of solitude to sink in. That moment, was the best moment of my day, every day. Coming home safely.

I started the engine, so I could light up the dark inside of my car. Only to see the mess I have been avoiding almost all week.

There was so much dust on the dashboard, dirt on the floors, and a few empty food containers on the passenger seat. Don't get me started on the boxes and bags with my things all scattered everywhere.

It was a very busy week, and I had no time for cleaning up. I sighed again and felt the exhaustion slowly taking me over completely.

I quickly opened the paper bag and took a big bite of the burger. I haven't eaten anything all day and I shouldn't fall asleep on an empty stomach.

My bed linens need washing; there was an odor that irritated my nose. I was never a slob, what had happened to me?

I wish I had a bed to sleep in every night under a safe roof and not just a few days a year in a motel. I wish I could take a hot shower right now. The last time I showered was two days ago in my usual gym. If not, public restrooms could do the job. I showered in my car once, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone or my lifestyle in general.

Earning a minimum wage as a waitress could only cover some of my expenses, like gas for the car, car insurance, and groceries. If my car breaks down... things get harder. But I managed somehow all these years.

I prefer my current life; to the hell, I was in before.

After finishing my dinner, I drove to a supermarket parking lot that allowed overnight parking on Sundays. The lights coming from the its huge sign always made me feel safe somehow. 

I covered my windows with dark thick covers I bought from a store years ago; they kept the sunlight away in the mornings and all the curious looks I get from strangers that walk by my car. 

I searched for my pajamas for a few seconds and then gave up the effort. The place was too messy, and I was too tired to even move one more muscle.

I tried to make myself comfortable on the back seat that was my makeshift bed. I was glad that I wasn't tall because I couldn't fit myself straight as I was, I always sleep like an S. It's not ideal, but it is what it is.

I sighed at the thought of how many years have passed since I started living like this. Four. Four long years.

I was only twenty years old when I bought this car. Obtaining it wasn't easy.

I chuckled at that memory and rubbed my eyes with my hands. Some mascara residue was left on my hand, but I didn't bother to clean it up. 

I worked a whole year for that used car. It was difficult to put money aside, but I managed somehow. I was only seventeen when I left home. I stayed in a youth detention center until eighteen and then I lived on the streets for a little while, not fun at all, but I had no ogther choice. Had I?

I chuckled again.

Then I met a guy... Zack.

I wondered... why was I always reminiscing about my life when I was tired? Why couldn't I just go to sleep peacefully?  

"Come stay with me," Zack said and I foolishly agreed.

"I love you," he said, and I didn't believe him. For me, it was him or the streets, so I chose him. Little did I know...

I shifted my body to find a more comfortable angle, but I knew already there was none. I felt the ace on my knees as every night.

I was so damn tired, but the thought of him made me anxious and I couldn't drift into sleep. Even though he was so far away from me, I couldn't let go of the awful memories I had with him.

We lived together for a year and a half, and it was nice at the beginning and only at the beginning. He used to take a lot of my money and was very demanding and controlling, but never abused me physically. He could, but I consider myself lucky, very lucky.

I left him the day I bought this car and drove seven hundred kilometers away from him, and never saw him again.

I sighed with relief and then at some point I drifted into sleep and woke up sweaty and tired the next morning. The smell on my body was repulsive.

I groaned and tried to stretch my body a bit. I wanted to get out of the car and stand on two feet as soon as possible. So, I took my window covers off, jumped into the driver's seat and quickly opened the window. The fresh summer air filled my lungs and the inside of my car, taking some of the odors out.

How the hell did I end up living like that?

"Fuck" I whispered to myself, while rubbing my tired sweaty face. 

I need a shower. But instead, I grabbed a granola bar from the glove compartment and while munching it, I was searching for the local ads online on my phone for any job opportunities. I couldn't be a waitress forever.

"Software engineer... Hotel Manager... Medical Assistant... Project Manager..." I mumbled between bites.

"Librarian..." I would love to do that. I have loved books since I was a child. I instantly clicked on that and sent my resume. Fingers crossed!

Books were the only consolation in my life because as for my family, let's say I have none.

All I had were books and stories.

I turned and looked at the big cardboard box on the floor on the passenger seat and signed with pride. I had so many journals full of stories written by me inside that box. Fantasy, adventure, horror, and so many more. It was something that I deeply enjoyed doing and it was the best way to escape from my sad reality. Writing for me was the best medicine of all.

"They stayed in this box for too long" I breathed "It's time to be shown in public, right?"

It was time. And the way to do it was by uploading them to a few websites online. Easy and completely inexpensive for me. I had a lot of doubts at the beginning because romances are in high demand on those sites, and I have never written one in my life.

Epic battles, I did.

Dragons and magic, I did.

Horror and zombies, I did.

But romance and erotica, never.

After thorough research on the genre, I wrote an erotic novel myself, with the not-so-much unique name, The rush.

I would like to see this baby published one day. Dreaming never killed anyone, except the people in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

"All I need is a damn sexy cover for the book" I breathed anxiously and bit my inner lip.

It was something I wanted to be done quickly and if possible, with no expense. Money was my constant problem. I was overthinking it and gave myself anxiety for no reason. I would buy a damn photo online and be done with it today!

But before everything, I must shower.

In the gym.

Where hot and sexy guys might lurk around and could give me more inspiration to write more romantic stories. For future purposes, I kept saying to myself.

"To the gym my sisters, to the gym!" I shouted Anton Chekhov's rephrased lines with joy, as I started the car's engine. 

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I hope you liked the first chapter. Keep reading it's getting better😊😊😜

✨Thank you for reading!! ✨

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  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 1

    LenaWhat I liked about this gym when I first came here was that it was close to work, and it was quiet. I never liked big crowds, so I avoided places with lots of people.I avoided conversations with people as well, so I guessed I could be a little agoraphobic. Or maybe I was just fine. Being cautious never hurt anyone.As I walked inside, the woman at the front desk smiled widely at me. She always does that, not just to me but to everyone. It was her job to do so, and she was good at it and so pretty.I could never land a job like that because I wasn't as attractive as her. Physical appearance mattered around here. I wasn't a monster, but I wasn't an I*******m model either.I paid ten euros to allow me access to the showers and I walked through the weights area towards my destination. On my way there, I was astonished to realize that there were a few handsome guys working out.Usually, most guys around here are too bulky for my taste. I prefer a lean muscular guy and not the Hulk. I

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 2

    Lena "Finally!" I exhaled with joy, while holding my new laptop like a new born child in my arms. My driver's seat felt somehow smaller than before, like the laptop was a huge box. A huge box of joy! How much did I want one. How difficult was to save up for it. But finally I have it right here with me. I felt like a was in love, with an object, but still. I would listen to the sweet keyboard sound, touching its smooth surface, clicking on websites, enjoy a piece of technology and most importantly edit my stories with ease, like a normal person and not with pen and paper. Erase, write over... bah... It was a pain in the ass! It might took me three days to transfer my manuscript to my laptop, even though I was typing like a mad person, but hearing the sound of typing made me feel like an actual writer. It was almost too sexy to handle! The guy didn't text me about the cover and it was expected. I didn't really gave it much thought, since I my mind was occupied by my new shiny toy

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 3

    LenaI have been waiting for Max to text me for four days. How busy was he? I was impatient indeed.I really wanted for the cover to be done and ready to be uploaded along side my story, but also I wanted to see him again, He was very nice and very pleasant to be around. And I finally got a text, Friday I'm free.It was more like a statement, rather than a friendly text. But it would suffice. I was getting nervous even for these small social interactions and that wasn't great, wasn't it?It was only Monday. Bah! I was getting very impatient indeed. I was quick to reply,Great. Let's say around 19:00?AlrightHe isn't a great texter, but who was I to judge, I laughed with myself. Can we meet at Sunset Park on Bridge Street, near the picnic area?I suggested because it was my favorite park and I knew a few places we could take great pictures at. My phone camera couldn't really provide me with the result I wanted without good lighting anyway, Sure. I'll see you thereSee you there :)

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 4

    Lena I took another deep breath. I kept telling myself that I was stronger than this. I repeated it like a mantra. Not the best coping mechanism, but it was the only thing that worked, at least temporarily. I locked the car and walked slowly towards my meeting spot. I kept looking over my shoulder nonstop. I felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me, when in fact no one paid the least attention to me. People were happily strolling, playing with balls and rackets, smiling, having a picnic, walking their dogs. Some couples were kissing, babies were crying and laughing, and children happily enjoyed the playground... and all I wanted was to curse them all. Even though my life problems weren't their fault, I really wanted to shout at the top of my lungs for everyone to disappear. I took another deep breath to calm the fuck down! For my surprise, I saw Max sitting on a bench talking on the phone. Did he come early? Or was I late? I took my phone out of my pocket and it

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 5

    Maximus I stayed there watching her run away from me like I had the plague. What just happened? I honestly felt foolish, for even offering to take her home. It was a decent thing to do, but she refused again. I think I even saw her eyes water, but she left me no time to react. I stayed there with my eyes wide open, in some sort of shock. What just happened I wondered for the hundredth time. That drunk asshole apologized to me first, as if the ball hit me instead of her. Who does that? It was obviously an accident, but his attitude really pissed me off. He couldn't even stand on two feet, let alone play with a ball in open space. Damn that ball hit her hard. Lena seemed so angry and yet said nothing, did nothing at all. She didn't even demand a new phone as she should. She just stayed there motionless. What was wrong with her? She was clearly in pain, but she said she was fine, as she froze there and then ran away. She was gone in seconds. So weird. I have never had a w

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 6

    Lena I had such a bad day. Such a lousy fucking day. I ran to my car so fast that he I definitely made him think I was mad. From the moment I found a place to park for the night, I couldn't stop crying, and not just crying, but sobbing! After a good thirty minutes of doing just that, I felt a little better, as anyone does after a good cry. Since I felt haunted by imaginary dangers all night long, I slept worse than I ever had. The heat didn't help either. It took me a while to finally fall asleep and forget, even for a little bit, how messed up my life was. I woke up about four times during the night, nightmares filled my dreams and I prayed desperately for some peace. That peace never came. I woke up sweaty and tired. I must fix the AC, or I might burn in my sleep in this heat if fear or panic doesn't do the trick! Most definitely, I need a safe place to sleep at night and a better job to afford it. This living in my car situation must end at some point. But unfortunately, th

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 7

    LenaOnce we were outside, I burst into laughter. "Oh, Max thanks for this. She’ll hate me forever now" "Why?" he smiled while letting my hand go. Didn't like that. "She was flirting with you, and you left with me. That will kill her" I laughed some more. "I see. And that is good for you because...?" he smiled. "I don't really like her and you... you are handsome and all and... oh forget it, it's childish, but I loved her reaction" I kept giggling. "So, imagine if I do this" he almost whispered and immediately leaned closer to me. He put his hand around my waist and caressed my cheek for just a moment before he softly pressed his lips on mine. Dear God! I thought my heart would burst out of my chest. What happened? My whole body caught on fire instantly and I didn't feel like touching the ground anymore. I released every reservation I had, and I kissed him back. I indulged in that, without thinking... A moan slipped my mouth and the little voice inside my head screamed 'W

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 8

    Lena I drove near Larson Street, which was close by, and walked two blocks to reach his apartment building. Basically, I hid my car. I saw his name written on the intercom and buzzed M. Walker. The camera was pointing at me, and I guessed he could see my face in high definition. He buzzed me in, and I took the super clean elevator to the seventh floor. That was a very nice building. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t check myself in the elevator’s mirror. My heart was still racing out of excitement, and I walked slowly towards his apartment, somehow making the surroundings my own. I took a deep breath and raised my slightly trembling finger to press his doorbell. A very monotonous sound emerged from the inside and after a few seconds that felt like minutes, he opened the door. He wore long grey pajama pants and a plain white T-shirt. His muscles looked toned as always and he softly smiled at me. "Your order, sir" I awkwardly smiled back. He waved at me to come i

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  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    The End

    Lena I sighed with frustration once I saw my car behind the wired fence of the police pound yard. We came early to pick it up, since it got confiscated by the police the night, I drunk my sorrows away. It’s been two weeks since that awful day and I already avoided this matter for long enough. It had to be down today. “We are going to sell, right?” Max asked yet it wasn’t a question, as he knew me too well. “It’s like one mind” I smiled at him. I didn’t want to drive it any more. I didn’t even want to be inside it. All I had was awful memories out of it. It was time. “We’ll drive to the yard to sell it today” he grabbed me by my hand and we walked to get it back. “Does it worth anything really?” “Not much, but it’s better than to have it hanging around for no reason” “I don’t care, I want to get rid of it” I squeezed his hand. We went straight to the used car dealership and it was gone, not for much but I didn’t care. I didn’t even take a last look at

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 49

    Max Once outside, I gave her a firmly warning "Don't you dare walk away" without even turning to face her "The car is over there" I added in the same way. She followed without protesting, as I heard her dragging her feet behind me. We entered the car and I quickly drove away the moment she closed the door. I didn't even wait to put her seat belt on, I was so angry and tired. I pressed my lips together, to stop myself from cursing all forces of nature, as we enjoyed this awkward silence that could easily kill us both. With a quick look, I saw her looking out the window and having her arms crossed in front of her. Her jeans were slightly ripped on the left side and her sweater was a bit dirty and she had a few scratches on her hand. I slowed down with the gas, as I was calmer, just with the thought she was safe here with me. So many questions filled my angry mind, as we were going through the calm before the storm. "I want a divorce" she breathed and I froze in place. A div

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 48

    Lena My widened eyes stayed on her for a second, thanking her silently for this selfless act that would shock me until the day I die. I have never experienced such deep connection with my mother until this day. With that stare I felt love, even though we said nothing. I closed the door and pushed myself in the front seat. I put my keys in the ignition and turned to look at her one more time. She was leaning close to the passenger seat window, as she wiped a tear off her eyes and pressed her lips together. "You'll never, ever, see me again," she whimpered. Her voice was focused and she made extra effort to stop her tears like she was making the statement of the century. As lovely as it was, I preferred to cut my arm off, instead of seeing her ever again! I didn't know how to react, she got me fooled too many times. I was just staring at her, battling between run away or give her one last hug. Was she concerned over me or it was just another rouse? "Go back and live your life. I'

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 47

    Max My eyes laid on Christina’s calm face with great surprise. Firstly, because I thought she left with Karen and secondly, I have never seen her wearing a simple loose athletic outfit that’s not super tight on her. "Why are you here, Chris? And especially now?" "Because your mother called and said there was something wrong with you” “And the first person she thought to call at this hour it was you, smart” I scoffed. “I came here to check on you. You know I care for you, Max" "Why the hell did she call you? You shouldn't have come and you shouldn't care. I'm fine. Just leave" I firmly said, showing her the way out with my hand. "No. I would rather stay here and talk about what's wrong. Where is your... wife?" I snorted. Shit, she was enjoying my pain, wasn't she? Where was Lena, it was an excellent question. I didn't know if I should be worried or angry at her. At least she could leave me a simple note or something, Fuck you, bye. At least! But she didn't leave a note f

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 46

    Lena I stopped the car in front of this very sketchy bar. It seemed dirty, as every bar in this city that wasn’t downtown. I sighed, as I didn't expect anything better. Vanessa’s boyfriend was waiting for us outside and waved to her the moment we parked. He was tall and seemed very strong despite his weight. He was bald but had a huge beard. His tattoo above his right eye seemed painful and it was like a tiger or something, I couldn't see clearly. Both of his knuckles were fully tattooed and even though I liked tattoos a lot, I didn’t like what I was looking at. He opened the door and sat on the back seat, like we knew each other for years and we were about to have a fun ride. He had a very confident attitude. A heavy smell of marijuana filled my car and I felt like throwing up. I hated the smell, as it reminded my childhood. "Hello, baby" Vanessa greeted him with the greatest joy, like he was the most important thing for her, as he just simply nodded at her with a half-smile

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 45

    Lena My heart was racing as I quickly put on a pair of tight black jeans and a black thin sweater. I crossed my bag over my shoulder and then stormed out, to find Vanessa, hoping for the best. I couldn't let come closer to Max's parents. I was embarrassed enough already to look them in the eye, after they found out about Oliver, how could I let them meet Vanessa? She would probably ask them for money, so I would let her ask me instead. I would give her all my savings and then she would leave. I hoped. I parked near that coffee shop and walked angrily towards it. My heart was pounding, as I felt anxious, fear and disgust. I would meet the woman who was laughing, while her son was dying. The woman who never help us when we needed her the most and then disappeared like she never had children. I noticed her from afar seating on a table outside the shop. I would recognize her anywhere, despite how many years had passed. It was chilly outside and I was thankful for the sweater I w

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 44

    Lena Once I reached the final step of the stairs, Max rushed close to me and yelled, not to me but definitely around him "We are leaving, now!", as he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me towards the main entrance door. "What is wrong, son?" Karen raised her voice in concern. She got no answer. He quickly put me in the car, without saying goodbye to anyone and practically drove like crazy through the driveway and out of the house in seconds it seemed. The wheels even spined during his effort. He was very angry, very, very angry, I haven’t ever seen him like this. After five minutes of just driving in silence, I dared asked him "What happened?" "Karen happened!" he raised his voice; he wasn’t yet calm. "What did she do?" I tried to stay calm for the both of us. "She invited her!" He kept the same tone. "Christina?" "Who else, babe?" "Why were you chasing each other?" "What?" he snapped and looked at me for a second and then turn his eyes on the road again. At least h

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 43

    Max I had this unusual feeling that I couldn’t shake off since morning. We were getting dressed for the party at my parents’ house and I felt nervous, and I couldn’t understand why. I knew that Karen would screw this up in one way or another, the how wasn’t important, so feeling this way made no sense. We dressed up for the occasion, it was a formal event that Karen was in charge. We matched our outfit without planning it, as she wore her nice black knee-high dress and her heels and I wore a black suit, minus the jacket. We arrived at my parents' house at 20:00 and all most of the guests were already there. My Karen quickly welcomed us at the front door, wearing a very expensive blue dress and she had her pearls around her neck. She smiled politely and hugged Lena, as she softly kissed my cheek without the affection, someone would expect. I felt good with that as she just simply smiled at me. Lena might be softer with her, but I still couldn't. "You look so beautiful, dear," m

  • It's Fine, I am Fine!    Chapter 42

    Lena Paul asked the server to add two more sittings to the table and he politely obliged. He set them up between Paul and Chris. Karla didn’t even greet anyone, as she was sitting on her chair. She kept touching her hair with her long red long nails and looked bored as always. Karen on the other hand, sat softly on her chair and crossed her legs, as she pointed her nose up proudly, like she accomplished something. Even though I didn’t like her change of attitude, she kept herself behaved. I thought she would start a fight or complain about something at least minor, but nope, she was being an angel. She stayed there silently at her seat and listened to the rest of our guest chatting. I was relieved and somehow happy, considering that I wanted her in her son's life, she was his mother. Funny that I was quick to let her off the hook when I couldn’t do the same with my own mother. We kept chatting, laughing, and sharing stories, as it was excepted. "And we were dancing at this c

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