18. How Could You?

"So...you didn't get to visit?" Asked Victor. I shrugged and replied, "Nope. Not even for a second."

"Why?" Pushed Jules. He and Justin were now able to listen to my voice miraclously too.

I had no idea what to say. I couldn't just tell them I ran into a Grim Reaper version of Jason who wished to take me away as every Grim Reaper would want to do.

No, I couldn't tell that to them. I looked up at them and just said, "Simply. I wasn't feeling like it."

They nodded, understanding what it would feel like to have a mother who would murder her own child. Even if it was a lie, they plainly believed it.

Heathens were on their way to their studio when Victor started the topic of the previous day. Something between the two of us had shifted ever since that day, I could tell. But I tried my best to act like nothing had changed. He knew I had gone to check on the murder case. Jules and Justin heard our conversation close by.

When the other's where around, they gave the yoimger's paranoid looks as if they thought that the younger ones finally lost it. But when they weren't around, we discussed freely.

The boys were practising one of their choreography. There were a lot of people around, so I tried not to be noticed much. Victor, However, made it very obvious.

Whenever he got the chance, he would turn to smile or wave at me, much to the crew's displeasure. Sometimes, Jules and Justin would notice and do the same, knowing very well where I was standing.

All I could do was smile and wave back. I couldn't help but fall for their cuteness.

The practise came to an end. Not an end actually, just a break. But the boys dispersed for their stuff anyway. Some went for water, some went for air, while some just went to check on their phones.

Victor stood there silently, not sure what to do. So I did the one thing I thought appropriate. I brought him his flask of water, just like a proper manager.

Victor displayed his boxy grin and thanked me, melting my frozen heart with that.  I watched him as he drank from his flask. It was a very weird thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. I watched as he bended his head backwards, his jaw stretching as his sweat trickled down.

"Handsome aren't I?" Victor said suddenly, breaking me from my spell.

I blushed in emberrasment and for that one time, I wished he wasn't able to see me. I tried to act as casual as possible. "Of course! You are a member of Heathens! A group filled with the most handsome boys. You even won TC Candler for the most handsome face. Why wouldn't you be?"

Victor stared at me in utter surprise. He wasn't expecting the sudden outburst.

Did I have to go that far?

And TC Candler? Seriously?

Suddenly, Victor started laughing...really very much, and I could feel my cold cheeks heating up even more. "Man I almost forgot that I won a TC Candler. Thanks for reminding me, dearest fan!"

I should smack the back of his head. Yeah that sounded really appropriate. I should.

But I didn't.  Because I'm a coward for cuteness.

And like that, I spent the rest of the day hiding.

---------

Later at night:

"Hey can you come out already? We will be leaving USA tomorrow. Don't you have work? Don't you have to check if everything is fine? What if another stalker attacks? What if one of us dies?- oops...I went to far. What if one of us gets badly injured? What then? Hey, Cilia Carpenter, are you listening?" 

Victor kept ranting even when I was inside the room. The only difference was he was packing and I was thinking. He wanted me to help him finish packing with my 'magic' but I said if I had to do it for him, I had to do for the others too. Which wasn't possible at the current situation. So he kept sulking and complaining. Believe me when I say how very cute he looked.

I turned around as Victor used my name.  I should have been surprised, but back then I couldn't. I was too absorbed in my thoughts.

"What is it?" Victor asked, coming to stand nect to me in a heartbeat as if sensing the tention. All of a sudden, his warm hands were cupping my cheeks again, worried eyes loking my face over as if I was hurt. Damn... this guy doesn't knows what he's doing to me, does he?

"I...I want to go see my mom. No. I have to go see my mom." I finally said. Victor nodded slowly and said, "Okay, Go. But don't go alone. Take Tin with you. And don't look at me like that! I'm serious. Take Tin with you."

Saying that, he let go of my face, but not before rubbing soothing circles which only made me want to kiss him. Whish was so wrong.

I'm a ghost.

And so, Tin and I set out together to visit my mother.

When we reached, she was already asleep. Good. I dropped Tin on the bedroom floor and crept my way towards mom.

Slowly, I placed my palms over her forehead and murmured. "Show me. I would like to see. I would like to see everything. Show me."

Suddenly, I was inside a pool of colors, which where actually mom's memories. And it all started from the beggining.

The day I was born. A crying me. The day I learnt walking. The day I ate my first rice. etc.

I would have already started weeping had it not been for my cold, stone heart that the woman before me created.

I watched in long silence. Then the images shifted. They became more recent. The day I attended first day of Highschool. Mom pretended to be so happy she packed me a large lunch box that could feed the whole family. Me being arrogant for Heathens sake.

Good. Very good.

The tantrum she threw when her drug's went missing just a day before I died. And then it came. The one I was dreading.

Mom meeting with a thug like man. I had seen him in my file as prime suspect. Oliver Woods. He drove a pen knife towards her throut as she denied to give him money. She ushered him money and he let go.

Mom looked very angry. She muttered something about a wench eating her brain and I knew exactly who the wench was.  It was me.

Oliver asked her what was the matter and she told him about me. So easily. Oliver smirked and asked her if he could finish me off but mom relented. But a while later, she told him she will let him know if she needed his help.

As if it wasn't her daughter she was talking about.

The scene shifted and it came to the day of the interrogation. The police asked her about Oliver and she easily denied. She told them how much it breaks to hear her daughter was murdered and I couldn't help but gag. As if.

Once again, the scene shifted and it came to the day I ran from home. The day I died. Mom called someone on the phone. Oliver.

"Where are you? Eating? If possible, please try to attend the concert nearby. You will find something." And just like that, she hung up.

I fell to the ground once I broke away from mom. I gasped desperately for air.

Can't breath. Someone help. Can't. Breath.

Suddenly, Tin was right beside beside me.

"Pat me." He said. And so I did.

It seemed like patting him brought me back to eaze. Victor sent him for a reason. He knew something like that would happen. That was why he sent him.

"Ho- how co....could she?" I stammered. Tin just sat silently.

"HOW COULD YOU?!" I screamed at my mom. Tin went back to his spot and I took mine. I forced myself into her dreams.

I could not say who was more sursrised. Mom or me?

"Cilia?" She said. I winced at the way she called my name.

"Don't you dare." I growled. "How could you? HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU KILL YOUR OWN DAUGHTER? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"

Before I knew anything, I was already out of the dream since mom woke up- panting.

"It was just a dream." She said to herself. And that was all it took me to grab Tin and fly out of this nightmare.