50. Hardcore

Dusk had fallen by the time the sudden Hardcore party had come to an end. The boys were all sprawled on the couch, or some on the floor, while Alex, Clark and I stood in a corner, analysing everything.

Clark had succesfully become immortal, right in front of his idols, which brought in another episode of celebration. But this time,I did not partake in the celebration. I already had my fill but it seemed like Alex and Clark hadn't. Clark was shy to admit it at first, but one single compliment from Mark had his spirits sky rocketing and once again, he was on. Alex, I had no idea why but my guess is he just wanted to have some fun.

Drunk as they were, the boys had dosed of as they are now, leaving the dead three of us to tend to their mess. It was a miracle no one came looking for them, but it also broke ny heart to know that no one from Juniper actually cared for them anymore. This was just outright cruel.

"It's alright. You guys don't have to do anything. I... I got this." Said Clark, back to his timid self as Alex and I grabbed two plastic bags, starting to fill them with the garbages as we were 'too lazy' to use our powers.

Alex and I gave Clark a pointed look as if to say, 'Whats wrong with the character change?' But that only sent Clark to stagger backwards as if we just burnt him.

"I mean... I was just... I..."

"Clark." Alex called out slowly, but Clark wasn't even listening. Instead he kept reeling backwards, wringing his hands in nervousness.

"I... was... I... I wanted..."

"Clark."

"... don't... didn't... I..."

"CLARK!" Alex finally screamed, not too loud but loud enough to snap Clark from whatever nervous breakdown he was having. I couldn't help but stare at Clark, wondering what kind of life this boy had that he ended up like this.

Clark looked up, finally snapping out of his riverie as realization dawned on him. But before Clark could say anything, another voice cut in.

"Leave him be Alex. Our Clark here is our Guardian, bound to protect a falling group but he is also still a child, which means we look after him too. He just had a nervous breakdown, don't worry about it." Hector said lazily, his head rolling backwards as he lay on the couch.

The three of us turned to the boys, as one by one heads shot up, trying to regain their balance in a drunken state.

All heads turned towards Clark as the boy sucked in a deep breath, then, without looking at anyone, said, "I... I need some air. I'll be right back."

Clark flew out of the balcony, not sparing a single glance behind even when Mal called out to him like a mother. The boys looked stern now, as if they weren't drunk a while ago. Ben sighed, rubbing his temple. The others followed.

"What happened to him?" I asked, not bothering to hide my curiosity as seven heads turned to look at me this time, Alex included. I didn't care, Clark was under my care now, even if he was their Guardian. I had to know everyone's background story in order to trust them.

Oliver sighed again, a longing look in his eyes as he begin. "Clark... was bullied before a died. He was...as you can even see now, a very naive and reserved boy. And a nerd, obviously you saw that too. As usual, nerds are the first prey to bullies. Clark here happened to become one."

Silence enveloped us as Oliver's words sunk in. There was more to it, but it seemed like Oliver didn't have the power to voice it, so Jim took over.

"The bullies had made Clark do their homework, and when they got caught, Clark was the only one punished. He was told to stay at the school till midnight, alone. But he wasn't alone, of course. You see, the bullies weren't done with him yet. They started their games again, but this time, Clark tried to fight back. He had a lighter, with which he tried to scare them away. But what he didn't know was that the boys had karosine. So... a fire broke out."

The whole room had fallen into pin drop silence, save for our frantic breathing. We all knew this story didn't end nicely, but we had to know.

"What... happened in the fire?" Alex whispered, but even the whisper was too loud in this Hell of a quiet room.

No one answered for a long time, for no one was ready to say the unthinkable. At last, Jackson replied. "Clark died in the fire. He was locked inside the room in which the fire caught."

My heart hammered in my chest, begging me to release the breath I was holding. But I could not. For I feared that if I did, it would come out more like a gasp, and I didn't want them to know how much it affected me.

I have seen death, death in old people to death in children. I have seen innocent lives taken to brutal and unjust lives sucked out. But knowing that someone I now knew, someone I cared about had a terrible death like that, sent millions of knives at my chest. Clark was just another of those innocent souls who didn't deserve this. And yet here he was.

I guess that's what death is. No matter how many times you see it, how many times you feel it, death will always be new and painful every time it comes. You can never get used to death. Death just means death.

Seeing the fact that Clark was now the Guardian of Hardcore, I had a feeling he treasured them a lot when he was alive, just like Alex and I. Being a nerd, I'm sure his parents never let him see them. Perhaps this was the good outcone from his death. Like mine was to be Heathens Guardian and Alex's was Fiction, I guess this was Clark's, to spend the rest of his life looking after Hardcore.

But that didn't mean Clark wouldn't want revenge. Alex was just as innocent as Clark, yet he had wanted to turn into such a big demon. Clark would want revenge too. Now that he is immortal, he would want to kill them too.

Just when I'm about to voice my thoughts out loud, Jackson spoke again. "The bullies got locked inside too. There were four casualties. Three of them happened to be the bullies."

I inwardly sighed in relief. Thank goodness there's no such thing left. Call me a heartless monster for being thankful to hear someone die, but hey! They brought it on themselves!

Mal snorted, bringing everyone's attention on him. "And like the rich ass people Clark's parents were, they did nothing about this whole case. Their son was bullied by three other rich ass people's children, so they did absolutely nothing when their son died, incase it ruined there business."

"You mean, they covered it up?" I asked, not really surprised at this infornation. I had dealth with a witch of a mother myself, had found an orphaned Alex too, by now I was very much clear with the concept of cold hearted parents. Alex didn't seem surprised either.

"Yup. And yet our kind hearted Clark still wants to protect them, although they don't even know he ever existed anymore." Mal replied with a long sigh, the rest of us nodding in agreement.

"That kid sure is odd. Even after all that is happening to us, with talks of disband and all, he still sticks to us." Mark said slowly, a fond smile on his face.

But Alex and I weren't listening to that. What caught our attention was something else.

"YOU GUYS ARE DISBANDING!?" Alex literally screamed, but the boys seemed unfazed, sad smiles in their faces.

"Hardcore will always be there, in your hearts. But it's time we went our seperate ways, away from Mr. Peterson at least. He will bring Hardcore down however he wants, if that means he can save his fame. He plans on abandoning us anyway, it's just that we want to do it first. Clark agrees with us." Hector replied softly, and I had a feeling he was speaking up for the last time as Hardcore's leader.

Alex and I nodded sadly, my heart in the brink of shattering. I kind of felt ashamed of myself right then. I had stopped listening to Hardcore's music for a while, saying they lost taste. Yeah, I know, I'm the worst fan ever to exist. It took me a while to realize that their last albums were actually a sign of goodbye.

I just have no idea what Clark must be going through right now.

I picked up the plastic bag again which had dropped from my hands. "We will clean up this place. You guys go home now, Clark will be staying with us."

For a while, the boy looked like they had no idea what I was talking about, until the trash and garbage around the room started levitating and at once, pushing their way towards the plastic bag. All the while, the boys just stared.

At long last, they stood up, completely sobered up and started doning their coats. Before exiting, they turned to Alex and I as we resumed cleaning up.

"Guys?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For being Clark's friends."

I didn't know what to say to that.

Should I say them that we just met or yeah sure why not? I don't know. Thankfully, Alex did the talking.

"Sure. Why not?"

Okay. So that was the answer.

---------

Three days later:

"Hey guys! Clark and I will be heading out for a while. We won't be back for lunch." Alex called out as the duo made their way towards the foyer, doning their over coats in the process.

"You guys have been doing that for three days now, why bother notifying us?" Jason replied carelessly, taking his own coat in the process as he got ready to leave for work. Julia nodded, walking in on the scene.

"Let's just say, it started ever since Clark got here. Why do you always have to go out so much? Yesterday you came home after dinner!"

Alex rolled his eyes, but Clark looked scared, his eyes darting every now and then at Jason, which the latter didn't seem to notice.

"Relax oldie! I'm not your son. I'm a grown man and I can take care of myself and so can Clark. Isn't that right?" Alex asked, to which Clark nodded timidly.

Julia gasped dramatically, her eyes growing large like baseballs as she fanned herself in embarrassment. "O-Oldie! Whom are you calling Oldie here you little brat?"

Alex didn't seem fazed by Julia's little rant at all, as if he was already used to it. Instead, the purple head turned to me. "What do you say, Cilia?"

You might be wondering what I was doing  in the middle of the scene. Simple. I was brooding. I had been doing that quite a lot for the last three days.

Ever since the moment Clark stepped foot in this house, Alex had been his constant companion. He had thought him all the rules and regulation of this house, which also included to not gape at our Grim Reaper brother. He also went to the extent of having Clark's room next to his.

One day, he even found it in his gut to say that he was finally glad to have a male friend, as if I was that bad. Was I that bad? True, I might have always nagged at him for his extravagant clothing, but did that mean I was such a terrible friend? Or did the guy just want some male space?

I don't know. Whatever it is, it does not justify how Alex had been staying 24/7 with Clark or Kai and not even once did he approach me. Did our friendship mean so less to him? Or was I being jealous? I don't think so, for at one point, I had been so bored that I had finally seeked his company on my own. And guess what the bastard said?

I have plans.

Like the fuck I care about your plans! But nonetheless, that was my first and last approach and I never tried again. As much as I was happy to have found two Guardian's, it was quite lonely, knowing that none of them wanted my company. I spent most of my time with Heathens, but even that got lonely, I'm sure you know why.

So here I was, looking through some of the files that Jason had given me about some people who are 'In need of miracles'. The files explained their cases and I was debating over which one I could handle alone, considering that no one will acompany me, even Julia.

I walked out of the parlor, removing my glasses which now hung over my neck as I started walking towards Jason's office.

"Cilia?"

"What?" I snapped through gritted teeth, only to realize it was Clark and not Alex who just called me.

The boy flinched back and Alex turned to look at me in surprise. "I just asked you what you think about us coming back after lunch! You didn't have to snap like that!"

"I don't think you are in a position to tell me what to do and not do." I hissed back, my hand in the door knob.

Alex scoffed, letting go of Clark before turning to me again. "Why? Because you are finally making an effort to dress up?"

What the actual fuck?

I felt three pairs of eyes scrutinizing me from head to toe. No matter how awful this sounded, Alex was actually right. I had been putting on an effort to dress like a decent girl, wearing pinafors or dresses or even skirts. Like the fool I was, I thought Alex didn't want to hang out with me because I didn't dress like a normal girl.

But this didn't work either, and yet, I was still wearing a cream color dress right now. The blood rushed to my cheeks at the fact that Alex knew all along, and yet he didn't care. He didn't care for the effort I was making, as if I do that for just anyone.

Alex was still the same. Just like the first time I met him.

Instantly, I changed the dress  into a pair of skinny black jeans and a black full sleeve shirt. I hadn't tried this magic ever since becoming a true Guardian. It felt odd.

It was a wrong idea to have tried being different for someone else. I was back to my normal self. Back to who I trully am.

My sudden change brought out a single gasp which I later understood was Clark's. I shut me eyes tight, my back facing them as the tears of humiliation tried to burst out, the pain choking in my neck with the bile.

When I made no attempt to reply, Alex spoke up again. "If we are done here, then let's leave. The reason I said we would be coming after lunch was because we are going to have lunch with Fiction."

Really?

"But, you just had lunch with them yesterday right?" Jason asked, I could almost feel the venom in his words which Alex didn't seem to notice.

"That was with Hardcore. We were late yesterday because the guys wouldn't let us go! We had so much fun!"

Of course they did.

I chuckled bitterly, which I realized, was heard by everyone. Alex cleared his throat.

"Of course, they were disappointed that Cilia wasn't there. We said she was busy. Fiction told me to bring her too, but I don't think that will be a good idea, considering she's not a Guardian of any group or so..."

"ALEX!"

Alex trailed off and with that, followed by Julia's shriek, I opened the door to Jason's office and slammed the door shut behind me.

For the first time ever, Alex had done something like this. Busy? I was busy yesterday? When all I did yesterday was soak myself in a bathtub? And how is bringing me over a bad idea? Am I some bad omen or something? Was it because they thought I'm not a Guardian to a band?

I'm an Devil, for fucks sake. I'm the Guardian of Heathens. He's treating me this way because he doesn't knows. How will he react when he actually learns the truth?

He is just like them. Alex. He is just like the haters. Who think that a DEVIL can't be anything but a DEVIL. Although he doesnt knows that, his behaviour today proved it.

It is never the artist's fault. They just love any kind of fans, be it a DEVIL or not. It's their fandom, not all off them, but the toxic ones. And right now, it was Alex. He was one of the toxic Fiction fans.

I breathed heavily as the tears theatened to burst out, a door slamming shut with screams following behind. A while later, the door to Jason's office opened, revealing Jason  and Julia.

"Don't listen to anything that brat said. We all know he is not straight in the head." Jason said, which made me chuckle.

"Did anything he say was wrong? It's true. I had been putting on an effort to dress up. It wasn't a lie."

"But he didn't have to say the later part! He doesn't know anything about what you had to go through! Or what you are still going through!"

"Does that change anything?!" I finally screamed back, the tears gushing out of my eyes in an uncontrollable way.  I felt so small, so childish as I rubbed my eyes in my sleeves, the duo staring at me sympathetically.

"It doesn't change anything." I sobbed. "It doesn't change the fact that I can't tell them the truth. I can't tell them who I'm a Guardian to. I can't tell them what the mission is. I can't give them one damn information! Then who am I to get angry at them?"

The whole room was quiet, safe for my haggard breathing. Slowly, Julia walked towards me, placing a hand to my shoulder. "You should tell them. Tell them about Heathens."

I looked at her as if she was insane. Right then, I thought she actually was. "And then what? Will they treat me differently? No Julia they won't. They already consider me less then a human, how will they react when they realize I'm the Guardian of Heathens? Let me tell you what they will do. They will consider me more of an ethical being, a sorcerer.  THIS, this is the kind of world we live in Julia. No matter how much the truth will scream into their faces, they will make their own stories."

Julia looked confused at my words, which made me sigh. "They are not just any people, Julia." I said, my voice oddly calm. "They are fans, and Alex is a Fiction fan at that. Fiction's fans and Heathens fans have had bad blood for a very long time. Fans are really scary people. We run our mouth without a stop, not realizing how far our words can go and harm someone. Especially a die heart one at that."

I looked down at my feet, the tears falling down none stop. I was no longer angry at Alex or what he said. Once again, I was angry at my own fate.

"Life is so cruel. It gives you everything you ever want, in exchange for the thing you most love. I have everything, and yet I feel like I have nothing.  Am I being cruel?" I looked up at Jason from my kneeling position, who stared at me sadly.

"It's not cruel, Cilia. But it's not fair either. You do know that you agreed with this yourself right? You agreed to this life of not being seen by them?"

"Then why do they remember me?" Once again, my blood was boiling. My head was starting to throb violently.

"Why do they still remember me? Why do they remember every single moment with me? That was not supposed to happen either! But it did! And now, I have no idea what's going on! All I can wish for is if they could just see me! I can't help but get greedy! And no one can give me any answers! No one, not even you guys know what's going on! What am I to do?!"

My heart ached violently as I finally poured out all the pain I had been bottling up. I had been trying to distract myself by finding Guardian's, thinking they could fill up my empty space. But now, even that didn't work.

My head was starting throb, my breathing getting unsteady in time. I felt so small, so lonely that I wished for once that none of this had happened. That I hadn't died. I wished to be comforted, but the ones to comfort me can't even see me.

Just then, a hand rested on my shoulder, delicately, but firmly. I looked up to see Julia kneeling down in front of me, a sad smile in her face. Before I can say anything, she embraced me.

Is this what it felt like? To have an elder sister who looked after you like a mother would? Is this how elder siblings comforted their younger ones? I never knew. But I knew it then.

I had always underestimated Julia and Jason, when they were the only ones there for me. Julia's hug was not just a hug for consoling. It felt comforting... warm... peaceful.

After so long, I felt protected.

The hug broke off, but Julia held me by the shoulders as she studied my face. "Do you want to see them?"

"What?" I asked in confusion, not knowing were this was going. Julia on the other hand looked stoic.

"Do you want to see Heathens? No- Do you want Heathens to see you?"

"Yes... bu-"

"Then get dressed quickly. We will be taking a tour to time."