Prologue

"It's him again"

Every time that I will enter the library, I'm always seeing him. He is always with tons of books and I don't have any idea what is he doing.

I am always looking at him and every day seeing him I already memorize his whole features. He has thick eyebrows, pointed nose, sharp jawline, tin lips. His eyelashes are long too, his face was clear and no trace of acne. He has brown hair and I think he is 5 feet and 8 inches tall, but the most attractive part of his body is his eyes. It was color brown and it shows nothing but calmness, I am attracted even if I am a guy.

Maybe he felt that someone is watching him so he lifts up his face and our eyes met. We stare at each other for a few seconds then I realize something, I am busted! So I stand up and immediately walk outside of the library.

"I wish he wouldn't remember my face or he'll think that I am a kind of weirdo" I mutter to myself.

"Hey Jesse!" someone called me.

When I looked back to see who is it, I saw my best friend Matthew. He was running and waving his hands, I waved back.

"Oh, Hey Matt." I greeted him.

"Did you see him again?" He asked immediately, he was teasing me again.

Geez, Yeah I already told him about this senior student that I always saw in the library and now this idiot was teasing me.

"And what is it if I do?" I ask him with annoyed tone.

"Come on Jesse! We're best friend right? Spill the tea!" he was forcing me.

"Shut up and let's go back to our classroom because we are already late!" I shouted to his face and I dragged him inside our school building.

I lied that when I said we are late, I just don't want to tell him something that I might regret telling.

While we are walking, I can't help but to think about that guy. I don't even know his name even his age. All I know is he was student who always has tons of books beside him.

-------------------------The day gone so fast and it was still the same. It was afternoon and I am here at the library and of course he is always reading that books and I am doing nothing but to stare and admire him from the distant.

And for someone who was reading this, before you think something weird I'll explain myself. He is not the reason why I am here at the library. I am here because I want to have peace of mind and to read, but I think my reason to come here has changed. All I want now is to see him.

I blushed at my thoughts and to brush up that idea in my head I stand up and I go to a bookshelf here. I scan the bookshelf and one book caught my eyes. It's a novel and not an academic book, but the big problem here is I can't reach that book. It is in the higher place, there is no ladder here and I am short.

I stand at my tippy toe because I think it was easy that way but, darn it! I can't really reach it!

But... I saw a hand that effortlessly grabs the book. I faced him, uh not really looking at him. I am looking at the book. I grab the book in his hand because he was literally giving it to me.

"Thank you" I said still not looking at him.

Of course I am shy, but I haven't heard anything at him so I looked up and I recognized him instantly. I was utterly shock because the one who reached the book earlier is that guy. The guy I always watching, the guy who always have piles of books in his desk. It was him, I can't say any word. Maybe he noticed my awkwardness because he smiled on me but I didn't return the smile. Who wouldn't be shock? My crush just helped me.He patted my head and I can feel the hotness of my face, I was embracing the book tightly in my chest because it was pounding erratically.

"Hey If you don't mind let's go there" he pointed at the desk he previously sitting.

Then I realize something. He saw me. He saw me while I am attempting to reach the book! Gosh it was so embarrassing.

He started walking then I follow him. He sat near at the library's window and I sat across to him.

"That was a novel right?" he asked me referring to the book.

"Yeah, I just uh... this book just caught my attention" I shyly said, still embracing the book.

"Do you love novels?" he asked, I looked at him.

"Yeah, why? Are you interested at novels too?" I asked him too.

"Yup! I do love reading novels!" he cheerfully statedWhen I heard him saying those words, my eyes immediately turn shiny. I can't believe that in many people I have known in my life. My crush is the one who have the same taste as mine.

"By the way, I'm Oliver." He smiled at me and extended his arms to shake our hands.

I took it

"I'm Jesse" I introduced myself.

"What an adorable name!" he said with a big smile on his face.I blushed because he praised my name, dammit! My heart is fluttering.We talked about novels and I learned that we share the same feelings about novels. We both love William Shakespear and J.K Rowling. We love the same genres. But the only the only different we have is that, he doesn't like to make one. He was only interested reading them and I want to write one.

"Uhmm, Oliver can I asked you about something?" I asked him.

"Yeah sure" he answered

"hmm, I just want to know why do have piles of book in your desk?" Shit, did I sound weird?

"I just want to study more" His only answer.

Even though I am dissatisfied to his answer I just let it slipped. I don't have any rights to know though.

....................................Our days in library were always like this and he was not complaining though. It is the only time I can spend with him. He was my senior so our schedules don't match. We are comfortably chatting with each other so it was not a problem.

Matthew was teasing and mocking me about it, he always saying that the only reason I am always in the library because I want to see him. I really want to punch his face right now but maybe he was half correct. Maybe I fell in love with Oliver.

I am now at my own apartment. Yes, I am living alone because my parents are living abroad. I decided to be independent but they are always sending me allowance and they told that I should not be working now that I am still in High School. My apartment is not that big, exactly for someone who's living alone.

I am relaxing at my sofa because I just done cleaning myself when my phone rung and I saw my parents calling me.

"Hello?" I answered the call.

"Hello, Jesse? Son? How are you" It was my mom.

"I'm doing great mom" I politely answered my mom

"How's school?" She asked.

"School is great but tiring sometimes" I stated. I just heard her laugh.

"Son, me and your father talked about your transferring here" she said.

"Why mom? I am fine here, you don't have to worry" I said.

"We know Son that you want to live alone, but It wasn't the right time to do that? Please think of it" my mom explained.

I don't want to leave now. Now that Oliver and I have communication. So I just end the call, I go 

to bed and sleep.

................................

It was lunch break again, I go to the library. It becomes a part of my daily routine I was happy that It was fine with him. I walk straight to his favorite spot and then I saw him, nothing is changing he was still reading so many books.

"Hey!" I greeted him and sit across him.

"Hey! "He looked at me smiles

I grab one of the books that were in his desk and started reading it. It was a physics book so I enjoyed reading it. I like physics.

I was busy reading this book when I notice the movement of his head. I look up at him and I was sure he was looking at something. I follow his gaze and landed to a young lady standing near at our place, she was reading a book.

I was confused at Oliver's action so I asked him.

"Do you know her?" I asked.

"Yes" he briefly answered.

"And I like here" he said this with a smile on his face.

My heart stop working, I think I misheard so I asked him again.

"Do you like her?" Even if my heart is not in a good condition now, I still manage to ask him.

He only nodded. I was stunned and I heard my own heart broke into pieces like a glass. I can't explain this feeling. I can bear it anymore. He was looking at the girl with a big smile on his face.

"Excuse me, I need to use the comfort room" I say it out loud just to cover my sadness.

I didn't wait his answer, I just went out of the library, I want to run from him and for this freaking feelings. Darn this! Why I am so affected? Why my heart hurts like hell? What is this feeling? Why does it hurt so much, he only likes that girl but---- yeah a girl. Of course, he will be attracted to her because he likes girls. I am nothing but a guy who fell to another guy, guess that I should stop now. I thought I can confess my feeling to him but it was all wasted now because of that suddenly confession but then I think that it was good anyway. I don't have to confess my feelings for him and got rejection, but damn it! It was still hurt.

I need to talk to Matthew now. I go to the cafeteria and when I reach it I scan the whole place and 

I saw Matthew with bunch of people. I walk straight toward him.

"Can we talk?" I asked Matthew.

He turned to me smiling but it instantly fade away when he notice sadness in my eyes. I dragged him in our school garden."What happened?" He asked me when we reached the garden.

"Don't worry I just want to tell you something" I said with a serious tone.

I was glad that Matthew cares for me, but I am guilty for making my best friend worried.

"My parents called me, and they want me to transfer in America?" I explained.

"What!? I thought they are fine with you living alone here?" he said, I am really guilty now.

"Yeah, but that's my parents decisions and I am just a fifteen years old guy" I said with a low and sad tone of voice.

"But what about him?" Matthew asked

I want to tell Matthew that he was the primary reason why I want to leave, my fifteen years old self cannot bear this kind of feelings. I was too childish and sometimes unreasonable. Hayst.

"He will be fine, he doesn't have any concerns here and I know that he wouldn't be worried about me" I manage to say this even I feel like that I was stabbed in my heart.

"Okay! I hope you'll be fine there" He said and hugged me.

I return the hug and smiled just to cover my unwanted feelings.

Fast-forward and I agreed to my parents, they sent me money to buy airplane tickets and I do so.

I am now in airplane, watching the clouds outside the window. I was thinking if I confess my feelings to him earlier before that happened. What would be his reactions? Maybe he'll be scared or disgusted because a guy has special feelings for him?

I sigh heavily to let out the heavy feelings inside me. Love is blind anyway, you cannot choose who you'll love. I think that was the reason.

But... That's what I thought.