PRESENT DAY
My tears keeps falling but I am trying my best to be quiet about it all. It wouldn’t be right if they saw the ice queen brawling her eyes out over a silly rom com. It wasn’t right that I was crying my eyes out over it but it is what happen when something reminds you that you lost the best thing ever that was ever yours, you don’t care for right or wrongs. Sometimes you just sit down and cry your eyes out.
“You actually stayed until the end. I am so honored.” The Script writer said when she reached the place I was sitting down, a little bit separated from the others. I knew this was going to happen and still I let it happen.
Why do I enjoy hurting myself?
Maybe because I feel like I haven’t been punished enough for losing him.
“There is nothing to be honored about.” I fused an annoyed tone into my words, I needed to make people believe that I did not give a care about what the movie I mean what is the use of a bitchy personality if you cannot use it as an amour to protect your feelings. “The time I spent I already regret them.”
“Oh.” I watched as the light in the scriptwriter eyes dimmed, she was very excited about this and me too, apparently she loves my work and although her script was great, since I had already started the process of bashing it, I needed to continue.
“Yes. The Script was okay, the corniness reminds me why love is stupid and the lines are horrible I wish my ears would bleed out the words but alas they are already in my head.” I stretched my lips into a sarcastic smile. “Tell me, how do you think I enjoyed the movie?”
“You are cruel.” She blurted out.
When I was told this the first time, I had cried for hours afterwards but now I have gotten used to it. The word has been used to describe me alongside with Ice queen and quite frankly I even grew to smile fondly at the word when it is mentioned. I like her. A for Originality.
“Go on.” I goad her. “You can do better than that.”
“You are mean, both on screen and off. I thought it was just an act but now I see that you are nothing but your role. Cold, dank, empty and lonely. No wonder Npah left.” She turned on her heels and left without any extra word from me.
Not like I could talk, she had got me with her words, I was cold and lonely but the Noah comment was a low blow. Nothing gets to me like that, everybody knew it but they have the decency not to use it. I guess making a writer angry is not the way to go.
I sat there in silence, ignoring everybody, my mind, a million miles away. I was hurt and I knew better than to take her words to heart but I couldn’t stop myself for doing it. I do deserve me.
Still in the process of beating myself up, someone shook me, I looked up with a ready fixed glare on my face but when I saw it was Josh, my glare faded.
“I told you, I would come out myself.” I told him but he shook his head.
“The last person had left a while ago, everybody is waiting for you Tiffany.”
“Oh,” Was all I could respond with. I stood up with his help and held on to his arm as I fixed my signature glare on my face and we walked out together. I ignored the paps as I walked to my limo as if tears where not hanging on my lashes and if behind my shades, I was not hiding red eyes.
When I got inside the limo, that was when I took off the shades and poured myself a glass of wine. I drank it as if I was drinking water and poured myself a second glass.
“Wow, easy on the wine Tiff, it is a classic.” Josh chuckled as he poured himself a glass and relax beside me, settling for the ride to my apartment where he would see I got in safely before heading to his own place or whatever Party he wants to crash.
“Josh.” I called him and when he looked at me, I turned my face to him. “I really don’t care.”
“Your eyes are red.” He noted as I raised my glass as if it was a toast not an observation.
“Thank you Mr. Obvious.”
“Other than the movie, what happened.” He asked.
Knowing he would hound me until I gave him a play by play account of the event, I decided to spare us both the time and answer truthfully. “Someone might have mentioned Noah’s break up with me, normally I would be able to control my reaction but seeing that I was a bit vulnerable then cause I had just finished watching the movie that depicts my mistake so hearing it, just made me go back in time and that is something which I don’t like doing.” I gave him a wry smile. “Satisfied?”
“By the account yes, by you being hurt no.” Josh said softly as he tapped my leg in a bit to give me comfort but I jerked my legs from under him and he cleared his throat. I was not a full ice queen with him -I think he is the only one whom I am not that with- but still the iciness is still there.
“It’s okay Josh, I am the Ice queen remember, and nothing should hurt me. I don’t even have the feeling so to say.”
“But still. He argued but I shook my head as I took another sip and relaxed.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, just drop me home and then go do whatever it is you want to do. Talking of this just brings up memories that I would be doing better without.” I sighed as Josh nodded.
I relaxed back into the chair as my thoughts flew back to Noah. Back to the time when we were us.
Five years agoI entered the complex where we were staying, Noah was doing his part time job and I was still getting tiny roles, they could pay the rent but we didn’t have enough money for anything else. That was why walking into a candlelit dinner brought tears to my eyes even though I knew it was a splurge.“Noah.” I breathed his name with barely concealed excitement. “You shouldn’t have.”“Why?” he asked as he lit the candles. “Until you forgot that I am a romantic guy, nah. I wouldn’t let that happen on my watch.”And still he did not come to where I was standing by the door. “I miss You.” I tell him and that was what took his ass to stand up and walked towards him. Still he did not stop when he was closed to him, he stopped when I had to tilt my head backwards to look at him.“I miss us.” Came his simple reply.“We might not have much now but we certainly will in the fu
NOAHEven when I am fighting with Lucy, I still think of Tiffany. Yes that is how badly that girl, my ex has dug herself into my skin, I don’t even bother trying to remove her again. I was done with that stage a long time ago, I just learnt how to live with her in my memories and stopped deceiving myself that some other girl will be able to take her place eventually.Lucy however, I thought was different. I didn’t get to think much about Tiffany when I was her so I used it to convince myself that I was finally getting over the ice queen but right now, it’s like I am back to where I was before I started dating Lucy, thinking of other girls fifty percent and Tiffany as the other fifty.Normally I would get mad at myself. I mean these girls did not break my heart for crying out loud, Tiffany did with her words, she has always being good with them and as if that was not enough, she just had to calve out the heart by cheating on me and
NoahI got to my apartment, tired and weary thoughts about writing new music and not just any kind of music but dope ones filled my head and when the door swing opened, I smiled while I realized that Lucy was probably here and possibly cooking.Maybe I will not remain angry with her. I rounded off to the kitchen where I can almost always guarantee to find her, there was always something about kitchens that Lucy loves.Getting closer, I started hearing voices, not like I was expecting her to be here with company but it will be a pleasant surprise if she is. Normally it was the guys who were relunant to introducing their friends to the girl they were dating but in me and Lucy relationship, it was the opposite. Probably because I didn’t have any friend here and Lucy wouldn’t be caught somewhere which is not in the map for something spectacular, even if I was hosting a show there. Now her case was different. She has the friends but she still just
Four years ago.NoahIt has been two weeks since I walked out of Tiffany with no hopes for reconciling ever again… in other words, it has been two weeks of utter hell. I have learnt the trick to getting some sleep, I have to exhaust my body to the point where all I wish for was a bed, that works like a dream because when I started to do that, my dreams were no longer haunted with dreams of Tiffany while she was being kissed and being thrust into. We were each other firsts. It might seem inconsequential now, especially with me wondering how many other guys she has been while she was with me and how many guys she has been with since I was gone.The paparazzi’s have been having a field day, we went from being nowhere to everywhere on gossip rags. I guess our actions did not help that. I was sleeping with everything in a skirt and she has been partying every night, sometimes taking a guy or two home.We both
NoahAfter carrying out my promise to Lucy by tweeting to my fans about my recent break up, I got drunk in the comfort of my home but when I woke up with my head banging, I had the itch to write something down. It was not my usual kind of writing but if it was worked well on, it could be charts topping.And so after finding a pen and paper, I started my scribbling. I was still scribbling hours later when I yawned, raising my head from the paper to see that my manager, Ernie, was in the room with me.“When did you get here?” I asked him, shocked at his appearance in my home, something which he doesn’t do too often anymore.“About two hours ago, you have been scribbling like a fiend, I am sure that your coke has not lost some of its coolness though. He tossed a drink at me.I snatched it out of the air. “Thanks man.” I opened the drink, took a sip and close my eyes.“Noah, this Brea
TiffanyHearing about the breakup of Lucy and Noah apparently made it okay for me to go on the show even though she was still going to be there. A lot of things were shaking in Hollywood currently and my company didn’t want to shake more.That didn’t mean that I didn’t keep my righteous anger about everything though. I was still very mad over their actions and the decision they made without involving me. Since Josh represented my company for me, he has been the one getting the blunt of my disapproval about what they did.I was backstage at a talk show, still not talking to Josh. “What do you want me to do? Clean your tears and apologize for something which I have no control over besides you are both his ex so I don’t see the reason why you should still hate the show. You were excited for the show before you knew who that particular housemate is…” When I raised an eyebrow he corrected himself. “Well as much as a woman of your
TiffanyTwo hours later, I had downloaded all of Noah’s song and I was listening to them while getting drunk, he bared himself out for the public to see. That was why he was loved. It was years ago but I could feel the words as he sang them, I could hear the emotions. I watched one of his stage performance for the only soft song on his first album released and when he got to the chorus for the last time and everything changed and became more emotional. He had tears in his eyes as he sang from the heart and that was when my tears started.I did that to him. He was singing of our past, he was singing about us and how I wrecked him. I was aware of the fact that I did ruin what we had but that stage performance made me realized how far the hurt went.“Tiffany, you should stop tormenting yourself with this.” Josh said unable to keep quiet anymore. Yes you might have fucked up then but you are human, humans make mistakes all the time.”
Eight years agoTiffany.The day I realized I love Noah was when he was singing to me, it was a usual occurrence but it was magical for me when he first did it and it has never stopped being magical.“You know when you put your hand under your chin and listen to me like that, you make me feel like I am the most accomplished singer in the world.” Noah teased me after he sang the last lines of this song and put away his guitar only to look at me and see that I still had my chin in my hands as I stared at him with a mixture of awe on my face. Yes I know how I look because he brought a mirror one day to show me what I look like whenever he sings for me.“You will be.” I tell him with all conviction. “In little to no time you will have hordes of fans screaming your name, just don’t forget about me then.”He laughs. “Why will I forget about my number one fan? You will always be that for me.” He sighed.