Ulterior Motive

Fuck.

I won’t ever think of drinking again; I woke up with the sun’s intense rays, my head throbbing, and I couldn’t understand what was happening.

I tried to open my eyes; I was wasted; my god, when was the last time I got as wasted at this? Why did I even dr- memories flood seamlessly, like, it meant for me to remember.

Tears started to flow from my eyes; my heart sank, and my throat felt dry like I had been stabbed with thousands of knives; memories from what happened yesterday were as fresh as my flowers, but they poisoned the happiness I planted and took care for I don’t know how many years.

Jack, did he—did he cheat on me? Was I lied to? The Jack I loved for how many years, the man whom I thought would be my end game? Did he actually impregnate another woman, aside from me?

I stood up, setting aside the heaviness of my heart; I won’t let them; Jack was mine from the very beginning; I can accept the child; we can even adopt that child if he really wanted to keep it; that’s how much I love him, I will forgive him, and forget what he did; I can do that, we have to talk about it.

I didn’t bother to look myself in the mirror; I went straight downstairs; I saw my parents having their breakfast; seems like they were about to finish when they both stopped and looked at me.

Mom’s radiant smile is contagious enough to lessen the pain that is killing me right now, without them even knowing, “Sweetheart, we’re sorry, we didn’t wait for you to get up; your dad has been calling you; we assume that you’re too exhausted from your deadlines,”

“Have a seat, lovely,” my dad sweetly said and even got the chair for me, which I accepted; they were having eggs and bacon, with toast bread and coffee; dad loves mom’s coffee, “How was school? Too tiring, huh?”

I tried to shrug and act casually, and dad poured me milk from the carton while mom made me a slice of bread with strawberry jam and some eggs; I didn’t speak; I was just staring at them peacefully serving me.

“Mom, Dad,” I called them; they both stopped for a second and gave me a quick gaze, and continued doing their things like they were saying, that they were listening, “I’m planning on getting married, to Jack, of course,”

“Is there something wrong, sweety?” mom asked with her concerned voice; she put down the bread knife and gave her full attention to me, “Was there anything happening between you both? Are you..”

My forehead creased with her hanging sentence; I couldn’t comprehend what she wanted to say, and she actually cut herself; my eyes widened upon realizing, “Mom! Come on; I’m a virgin!” I exclaimed, “I mean, we’re at the right age, right? I’m a college graduating, and he’s about to finish his; I mean, we’re planning okay,”

“But, Ija, I don’t think marriage is that simple; yes, of course, marriage is one of the new chapters of your life, but don’t you think it’s too early for that? Why don’t you enjoy your singleness for a while, then? If you’re both ready to settle down, then go,” dad’s soothing voice made my heart calm; he really knows how to settle things accordingly.

I tried so hard to smile at the both of them, “When did I ever disappoint you guys?”

                                                                 -------

“Hi, babe, I’m sorry, late. I didn’t read your message. Were you waiting?” I didn’t talk for a while; I was just staring at him, my Jack. An epitome of perfection for me. His clean looks, his warm smile, his aura, his presence, his voice; who would have thought that behind all of his sweet words and gesture, hiding a cheater? I never did.

“No, that’s okay; I know you’re too busy,” I even emphasize it, but he seems oblivious to what’s inside my head; maybe, he’s too confident that his secret will be forever safe; god must’ve been caring for me.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you; let’s have the whole day; sounds good?” he’s still trying to convince me; if I didn’t know he impregnated other women, I must have been swoon by his act.

“Babe,” he immediately turned his gaze to me, smiling, like he didn’t do anything wrong, “Why don’t we plan for our wedding, then get married before graduation?”

His smile vanished, and his eyes were both confused and shocked, “Why all of a sudden, babe? I mean, we have enough time, right,”

What, for your other women? “But, aren’t you the one who asked me first about marriage? I want to talk about it now; we have ample time to do it; let’s do it today since you’re making up to me, right?”

His forced smile and nod didn’t miss my eyes; I almost smirked, “Alright, if that’s what you want, let’s do it,”

I smiled sweetly, wow. I did not expect this kind of answer from him, so he is willing to continue with the wedding?

“So, I was thinking, let’s have our wedding before your birthday, how about 9th of august? The day before your birthday, so we can celebrate our honeymoon and your birthday?”

I saw a subtle changed of emotion that he eventually masked with a radiating smile—kung hindi ko lang alam at nadiskubre ang nangyayari, baka kinikilig pa rin ang singit ko sa ngiti na yan—but not today, satan.

“Hmm, I mean, babe; I love that you wanted us to celebrate two important even in our lives, but wouldn’t it be okay if we celebrate it on different and not a day space? Ayoko na mapagod ka, I want you to be the most beautiful and not a stressful even for you, it’s a once in a lifetime event, so I want it to be memorable, is that okay with you?”

May kung anong kumurot sa puso ko habang pinapakinggan ko ang sinasabi nya. Doubts starts to linger in my mind, asking a lot of questions on where did it go wrong, saan ako nagkulang, para gawin niya sakin to?

Hindi ba niya alam na hindi lang ako, kung hindi pati ang magulang nya, masasaktan kung sakali na malaman nila to? I bet they will do, in no time. Hindi niya maitatago ito, kahit pumunta pa siya sa ibang universe.

I knew and expecting that he would think of an escape to that day, because I have already did my investigation, and discovered that the due date of that woman is on August 10th—his birthday. His fucking birthday, which I always celebrated with him, and I always look forward to surprise him.

“Okay, let’s do it that way you want hon,” I said and tried to give her a knowing smile which he reciprocate with one.

You will really go this far, just to hide that bitch, huh, then, let’s do it, my way.

I won’t let you be happy with that woman, with your child, you have to choose, between your child or me, you can’t be selfish and keep the both of us.