Chapter 1

"Where are you bitch?" napalunok ako habang nakatingin sa pintuan ng aking silid. O kung silid nga ba ang tawag sa kwartong itinuturing kong safe haven. Kasalukuyan kong ginagamot ang aking mga sugat na natamo mula sa mga sipa at suntok na mula sa pack mates na nakatira sa pack house. I haven't shifted yet  kaya hindi kusang gumagaling ang aking mga sugat. It takes some time to heal it on its own.

Sunod-sunod na katok ang aking narinig.

"Open this f*cking door or I'll rip it!" sigaw ng nasa kabilang pintuan. I know who it is already. 

She is Beta's mate and supposed to be my mother. And I am afraid of her just like how I feel about her husband, her mate, and my father.

Tumayo ako habang sunod-sunod na napalunok.

Binuksan ko ang  pintuan. Hindi ko pa halos nabubuksan ito ay agad na niyang hinila ang aking buhok at kinaladkad paakyat sa taas.

Instantly, bumuhos ang aking mga luha dahil sa sakit ng kanyang pagkakahawak sa aking buhok at sa bawat pagpalo ng baitang ng hagdan sa iba't- ibang bahagi ng aking katawan na alam ko ay magdadagdag na naman ng mga pasa at galos sa aking sugatang balat.

"I told you to clean the mess in the kitchen and yet you didn't do it! This is how you pay the food and shelter we provide you huh?" galit na sigaw niya sa akin bago ako inihagis sa kusina kung saan tumama ang aking tagiliran sa center island table na mesa. Gawa iyon sa marmol kaya ganun na lamang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. 

Nanlalabo ang aking mga mata bunga ng luhang namuo sa aking mata at  kasabay ng tahimik na pagsigaw ko dahil sa tindi ng sakit na sinisigaw ng aking katawan sa kanyang ginawa.

"Clean this mess right now. Deric and I will going to have a very important visitor later tonight. If you fail to do it, you know what will happen," iyon lang ang sabi niya bago nagmamadaling lumabas sa kusina.

Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko. I wanted to escape this pack but I can't. A werewolf without a pack is considered a rogue and being a rogue means you are  prone to be killed whoever you cross paths with. Kaya ako nagtiis. I don't want to be a rogue, that's why kinaya kong magtiis dito even though I don't eat food that I cook. They gave me scraps in order for me to stay a live and be their slave and punching bag. I  don't even have decent clothes. All I have are their old clothes which are either torn apart or simply too old to wear. 

Unlike every teen in the pack, I never had the chance to go to school. I  only know how to count one to ten and I don't even know how to properly talk to anyone though I am not allowed to talk to anyone or let alone be seen by visitors who often visit the Alpha and the Luna.

Tapos na akong maglinis sa kusina at inaayos na lamang ang pagkaka-arrange ng mga mugs sa cup board nang biglang may humawak sa aking braso which made me flinch because a sudden jolt of pain strike in my body.Nakangiting mukha ni Garnet ang sumalubong sa akin. May dala itong isang plastic na hindi ko alam kung ano ang laman.

"Come before Dad and Mom will see us," aniya sa akin sabay hila sa akin pababa sa aking kwarto, ang basement.

Agad niya kong pinaupo sa sira-sira kong kama at agad tinignan ang aking mga sugat. 

Narinig kong bumuntong-hininga ito bago kinuha ang mga ointment at panlinis ng sugat sa plastic at sinimulang gamutin ang aking mga sugat. Unlike my pack mates, si Garnet lamang ang naging mabait sa akin. He never treated me like a piece of garbage, instead he treated me like his younger sister. 

Yes. Garnet is my older  brother and the next beta of this pack. He is the only sole reason why I keep on holding on and why I didn't break down yet and why I am still sane even though the amount of pain that others gave me were all unbearable. 

"I will never allow anyone to hurt you when I become Beta sis," sabi niya sa akin habang maingat na dinadampihan ng bulak na may betadine ang aking sugat. 

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. 

He was just a year older than me and he can't be beta until he becomes twenty. I don't even know If I can last to see him becoming beta to this forsaken pack.

"Mom shouldn't treat you like this," sabi niya habang nilalagyan ang bandage ang medyo nawala sa linyang buto sa aking kaliwang kamay. "You are also her child," aniya pa. "I don't like seeing you being tortured while me, I got all the things I wanted. I don't like them being unfair to you."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"It's because I was a shame to the family. Until now I haven't even shifted yet. And you, you are the son of the Beta and their real son. That's why mom and dad love you so much," nakangiting sagot ko sa kanya though I know being unfair aches my heart so much.

"But that's unfair! It wasn't your fault why you haven't shifted yet. I'll talk to them. I promise that to you. I'll ask the pack members to leave you alone but first, I want you to have this," sabi niya bago kinuha ang isang regalo sa loob ng plastic. "Happy birthday sis," nakangiting sabi niya sabay bigay sa akin niyon. “Happy eighteenth birthday.”

Ngumiti ako at saka niyakap siya.

"You never miss my birthday brother and thank you for these," sabi ko.

"It's not that much sis. I hope you'll like it," sabi niya.

"Don't worry. Kahit ano pa ang ibigay mo sa akin, I'll treasure it."

Ngumiti siya at saka muling sinipat ang aking mga galos at pasa.

"Sleep sis. Mom and dad will going to throw party later this evening. They don't want you to be seen. There's food in the plastic. Eat it," aniya bago h*****k sa aking noo at lumabas na sa aking silid.

Kanina pa ako nakaramdam ng gutom ngunit pinili kong huwag muna tignan ang pagkaing laman ng plastic. Bagkus ay binuksan ko ng regalo ni Kuya sa akin. Ganoon na lamang ang aking ngiti ng makita ang isang jewelry box na kulay lime green. Binuksan ko iyon at tumambad sa akin ang gold necklace na may pendant na korteng luha at ang bato ng pendant ay isang garnet stone, katulad ng pangalan niya. Agad kong kinuha ang isang basag na salamin na napulot ko sa basurahan at inilagay ko ito sa bintana bago sinubukang i-lock ang kwintas sa aking leeg. 

Hindi naman nagtagal ay nailawit ko  ang lock ng kwintas at saka inayos bago tumingin sa salamin. Pakiramdam ko ay bumagay sa akin ang kwintas dahil na rin sa maputla kong kulay marahil dahil sa hindi ako naaarawan. Hindi ako maaaring lumabas ng pack house ayon na rin sa kagustuhan ng Luna. 

Bahagya akong natigilan nang makita kong nag-glow ang pendant na nakikita ko sa salamin. Sandali akong pumikit at mula uling tinignan ang pendant ngunit hindi naman iyon nag-glow.

Maybe my hungry state lets me see something which is not happening. I have to go and eat then sleep after.

I was standing in lush green of grass. And there I saw a white smoke standing too and eyeing me. Ilang sandali lang ay lumapit ito sa akin.

"Hello, my name is Naja and I am your spirit. Now that you finally meet me, we are able to find our mate and keep us safe away from our sorry calls of pack. And when we found him, he would love us, protect us and give everything we needed. I guarantee that to you, my sweet little Crimson,” sabi nito sa akin.

Nagtataka ako sa kanya. If she is indeed my spirit, why she don’t have a shape?

“What are you? Why don't you have shape?” tanong ko sa kanya.

“Oh that is because you can’t shift yet. When the time comes, I will be able  to form a figure,” sagot niya sa akin.

Umupo ako sa harapan niya at sinubukang damhin ang usok ng aking kamay. Naramdaman ko may balahibo ito. It was so soft and silky under my palm and between my fingers.

"But," sabi niya na muling tumingin sa akin. "Can you see that black cloud over there?" tanong niya bago itinuro ang isang bahagi ng lush green landscape na nababalot ng  itim na langit at animoy hamog. Hindi mo makikita kung ano ang nasa loob niyon dahil na rin sa kapal ng hamog.

"Yes," sagot ko.

"Don't ever try to listen to whatever it tells you. I am keeping it at bay for us.  When mate will find us, it will eventually go away," sabi pa niya.

"What is in there?" curious kong tanong.

"It's nothing. Just don't ever try to listen to it. Promise me, Crimson,"

Tumingin ako kay Naja.

"I promise.”

“I want you to go outside and exercise our body, Crimson. You need to get your muscles for stretching because it is a must when it comes to shifting. I want you to start doing it when you wake up tomorrow,” sabi pa niya sa akin.

Paika-ika akong lumabas sa aking silid kinaumagahan. Buong ingat akong umakyat sa hagdan kahit buong katawan ko ang nagpoprotesta na huwag gumalaw ay hindi ko ito pinansin. 

I need to do what Naja told me to. I need to get my body to do some exercise if I want a painless shifting, iyon ang nasa aking isipan. And if I can shift by then, my wounds and broken bones will heal. If they hurt me again, I will only heal in no time.

Nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid. Tinignan ko kung wala na nga ba talagang pakalat-kalat na pack members sa sala at sa labas.

“All clear. Go to the forest Crimson. I want to see and smell the forest” sabi sa akin ni Naja.

“Wait a sec Naj. I'm still in pain and sore. I can't walk faster than this,” sagot ko sa kanya.

Naja probably pouted because her smokey image in my head looked like she actually pouted and it made me smile.

At nang sa wakas ay nakapasok na kami sa gubat ay muli akong nag palinga-linga upang sa huli ay makita kung wala bang mga patrol na pakalat-kalat. Mahirap ng mahuling nasa labas ako.

“Jog Crimson in slow phase. Sakit masakit tiisin mo. in that way your body will be used to it,” sabi niya sa akin.”

I hissed in pain kahit na dalawang step pa lang sa pajgojogging ang aking ginawa. My muscles are giving me agonising pain.

“Please bear with it, Crim. After shifting, the pain will go away. I promise you.”