"Jake," I tapped his small shoulder to wake him up. When he didn't respond, I pinched him harder.
He couldn't be dead.
When he moved under my hand, I let out a sigh of relief. He massaged the back of his head as he spoke. "What happened? "
He must have felt the wetness of his head so he stared at his hand when I spoke. "Mike hit you. That bastard pushed you and me- I- thought I lost you." I sobbed.
His brows furrowed in confusion while he continued staring at his hand.
"We have to get you cleaned up. Let's go to the hospital," I commented trying to pull him up.
Jake was very quiet compared to other days which worried me even more.
In their room, mom's screams competed with Mike's. "How dare you hit my kids. They do not fault this."
"Jessica was being a bitch like usual and Jake was defending that little piece of shit. No one goes against what I say."
There was a brief silence before mom continued. "I know what you did to Jessica and I can see why she hates you."
Like a bucket of cold water poured over me, I shivered. It was a secret I once told mom years ago when Jake was a baby. He'd come to my room at night and force me to do disgusting things to him.
But Jake didn't know about this and it wasn't the right time for him to do so. I glanced at him expecting a reaction but he was lost in his world as he stared at his hand.
He was having an episode.
Seeing him like this made my heart heavy. What could an eleven-year-old boy do to defend himself? Although he was tall and heavy, already building the body of a handsome man, he was nothing compared to Mike.
I tried to hold back the pain as we moved around the kitchen and to the living room. The door to the outside world was right there and seeing it made me feel less nauseous. If only mom held him a little longer for us to leave before he had time to see us.
The fact that we lived here as prisoners built another wave of hatred towards him.
I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't. If mom wanted to stay, it was her business but Jake was just a boy and he didn't deserve any of this. He deserved a better life.
"Where are you two going?" Mike's voice came from the room.
I froze on spot and although fear started rising in me, I couldn't let Jake die in my hands. "He needs to see a doctor," I spoke, unable to look at him for fear of losing my composure.
"The fuck you are leaving! No one leaves the house."
Jake was silent against my body and I could see the pain in his eyes, nevertheless, he didn't say anything. I was just looking at him made my heart tremble.
I looked back at the monster who had a mischievous grin on his face.
Not long after, mom stood behind him with a bleeding lip and a swollen eye. She was as beaten as I, or probably worse.
"Mike, please," I pleaded.
Thoughtful, he took a long swig of his beer. "You must have learned something at school, Jess. Nursing must have shown you a trick or two."
I froze. "You wouldn't."
I was not prepared. I didn't learn enough to help Jake and I hated Mike for not letting me finish.
"I have a first aid kit under the bed in case you want it," he shrugged.
I gazed at the door, at him then at mom. What if I hurt him? I couldn't. He needed a real doctor, not a mediocre student who didn't finish nursing school.
"It's your take. You do it or he dies. I can see all the blood and the way his eyes want to roll up. "
Mom's trembling body didn't stop her from kneeling to him. "Please Mike. He is your son, your blood. You wouldn't let him die, would you?"
He was taken aback as much as I was at the scene. I saw the monster fire up in him when he broke a grin. "Oh no, sweetie. I am not doing anything. It's up to Jess."
Jake's entire weight fell on me but when I tried to catch him, he slipped. Instinctively, I let out a scream which was followed by Mom.
"Alright! Alright! I'll do that. Just help me get him to my room."
Our eyes locked and when he didn't move, I pleaded in desperation. "Please!"
A smile broke on his lips again. He enjoyed this. The surrendering, the pain, and the power over us. He pushed mom from his way and took Jake to my room.
When he disappeared to get the kit, Amanda stood beside me. She was trembling as I checked his pulse.
"I am sorry, Jess."
Her voice made me furious. No, she didn't deserve us. She chose this. She loved it. She had many opportunities to leave with us but she chose to stay. But for us, we had no choice in this. Mike made sure I didn't finish school and that I never worked.
When I didn't respond, she took one of my hands. "Jess, I mean it."
"I know," I lied retrieving my hand. My arm was hurting, but I didn't wince anymore. Right now getting Jake better was my only priority.
"It's not true."
"Just leave. I need to fix him up." I muttered when Mike came back with the box. He had another beer in his other hand and his breath stunk worse.
"You heard her babe. Let's get out. She needs privacy," he smiled and embraced her before she could protest and left.
I opened the box in a hurry. His pulse was weak, he was losing blood. The pillow was already stained with it and the iron smell was too much for me to handle.
But it was Jake and there was no time to lose. I studied the equipment, sterilized what I was going to use-- cleaned, shaved then cleaned again his head, and started working.
I had never prayed longer than a minute except for this time. God was the only one I could think of and for the first time, I didn't feel alone. I kept talking to Jake to stay with me, but in my heart, I was pleading God for help.
My hands trembled at first but as I worked through it, I became more sure of what I was doing.
Anything for Jake.
"I promise that I will get us out, Jake. I don't care what it takes but I will not leave you. Mike won't be able to find us. I feel sorry for mom but I know she won't want to come. But it's you that matters the most. I promise I will give you a better life where you can go to a good school and have real friends. You will fall in and out of love and that will be the only pain you will feel. That's what I want for you even if it takes me forever. "
*****
Mike was not home. He was probably out there doing his dirty work as usual. He'd steal cars and remodel them to sell afterward. Or maybe he was gambling and drinking with his so-called friends.
It was perfect. When he drinks out of home and comes back, he'd fall asleep immediately. Then, he wouldn't hear me leave tonight.
My arm was hurting and I could see the purple and swollen mark from the kick he gave me last week.
"Jess, take me with you," Jake cried. I could see the pain in his eyes and the fear of me leaving and never coming back.
I took his hand and kissed it gently. " I need to find a place first. I need to make sure that wherever I take you is safe. Wait for me a week at the max. I will come back, no matter what."
"I am scared," he sobbed.
"I know. I know." I cried. "I am scared as well. I cannot let you sleep out on the streets at night. Your wound is still bad."
"What if he takes it out on us?"
"He won't."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because he hates me. He does things to you so I can suffer but if I am not here to see, I bet he will come after me."
"Jess," he sobbed again and threw his arms around me. We were nearly the same height.
"Be strong. I will get you back okay?"
"Promise?"
I pulled him to arm's length and stared into his eyes. "I will never leave you, no matter what."
After a moment of saying goodbye, I continued packing my few things and then hid my bag behind the shelf where my medical books remained.
I helped mom do dinner and finished doing laundry as usual. I wasn't going to let them see through my plan. Not even mom.
We didn't eat although we were starving until Mike arrived. It was a rule he had made. He loved family times he said and forced us to eat until he was home.
It was ten past nine and my stomach was churning in hunger when he stepped inside. He could barely walk and talk. His words were a complete slur.
"Honey, you are home," mom welcomed him. She ran to his side and helped him sit on the sofa. I looked up from the magazine to see him looking at me.
"I won a sweater. Gambling does bring good things. It's for you." He threw the black plastic bag at me and I flinched when it touched my arm.
"Aren't you going to say thanks? It's cashmere."
I forced a smile as I opened the bag. I had a collection of them in my bag. It was the only valuable thing coming from him that I was planning to take.
"Thanks, Mike. Looks good."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What ya' cook? I am starving."
"Lasagna."
He hummed in approval. "Jake! come help me. Amanda, serve me!" he ordered and waited for everyone to do what he just said.
We sat around and started eating. Mom's eyes still wore a dull black bruise and the top of her lip was already closing.
No one spoke except for him. He laughed at his own drunk jokes and got mad when he spoke of something unpleasant from 'work'.
Dinner was over and Jake and I decided to go to our room before he started with one of his tantrums. I needed to walk well if I wanted to be far away by sunrise.
His loud snore was the only thing audible by the time the lights went off. I waited for a few minutes to pass by then decided it was time to leave.
"Don't worry." I kissed Jake on his forehead. "I will be back."
We exchanged one last hug and off I went. Jake's dog chain hung around my neck. He gave me this so I wouldn't forget about him. Not that I could. He was the only one I had truly loved and no distance or time would ever erase that from my memory.
The sky changed from black to orange up on the horizon. I'd reach the most popular side where tourists were up early in the morning and where traffic never slept.
I was far from home, yet not far from Mike. He was a bad man and bad men had bad links everywhere.
When my stomach churned I opened the bag and pulled out a biscuit. I just needed the energy to continue my journey. I didn't know where I was going but I was going up.
When my feet started hurting I paused by a shop where tourists were already sitting out of the restaurants having breakfast.
Lifelike this appeared beautiful and in a massive world like this, no one suspected things happened to innocent people.
I suddenly shivered and turned to look back. A man was sitting alone and drinking coffee. He staring right up at me.
I pulled out the stone from my tennis and put it back on. Without hesitation, I started walking faster. It didn't feel right, something was wrong.
Right up ahead the people became less and that's where I decided to run. Run as fast as I could to hide.
I didn't realize how long I was running nor how far had I come. The location was confusing and the place looked isolated.
I looked around and there was no one. Like if the earth had stopped producing people and I was standing here alone. Then, out of nowhere, a black van appeared behind me and swallowed me into it giving me no time to scream for help.
A few years later... I stared at the school gate as the students crowded outside in groups before they headed home. The memories made me sick. It had been a while since I was back in San Fernando but the disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there. I had friends here and once upon a time I used to wear the same uniform but the vague memories were a compilation of nothing but nightmares. Mike had me followed, that I was sure. He couldn't respect privacy. My eyes followed the faces in search of Jake's. It had been five years since I last saw him and I was scared I wouldn't recognize my little brother. My heart raced against my chest at the thought. Blood called blood, of course, I'd know him. It felt like ages and for a moment thought that I was given the wrong direction. Scattered groups started disappearing until the place was half deserted. I turned in the radio to drown the suffocation and the nerves. My hand started sweating so I turned on the A.C. What if Jake
Jake was sleeping soundlessly on the passenger seat. He hadn't said much on our long drive except for when he was hungry and tired. I knew he was mad at me but for now, he was worrying more about momma and her girl than any other thing. It was Jake we are talking about and he cares too much about people. "Two burgers with fries and coffee." The girl said as she extended the foam tray. Gabe's number flashed on my screen as I finished talking to Sebastian. Again, I battled with the bag of junk food in one hand and the tray in the other. "Any news?" "He is tracking you. The boy must have something on him. Stop in the following town. Wait for me there." I fastened my pace. I settled the food in the car and opened the door. Jake was still sleeping. He sure wasn't used to traveling. Having Mike behind him meant he had never left San Fernando. "Got it. " I cut the call and pinched him hard. He moved lazily and looked around confused by the surrounding. "Do you have a phone? " He gav
I gazed outside the window of the black jeep thinking... Sebastian wasn't pleased about the idea of me coming back to San Fernando without him. But he doesn't own me. We married for convenience and we have sex because we enjoy it, and although I've grown feelings for him, he is a heartless son a bitch who doesn't deserve an ounce of it. But it's not easy to just turn off the feelings. It's my fault for falling for his enchantment when he is such a dickhead with me. I wonder why I agreed to the marriage. Probably because I felt alone and saw someone good in there. The way he helped me escape, the things he did, and the shelter he offered when I had nowhere to go. But even then, I knew he wasn't good for me. I was stupid, that I can tell. "The bag is underneath your chair," Gabe voiced interrupting my thoughts. I nodded and pulled the item from its place. I opened it to verify its content and pulled them out. "This is your passport," I told Jake as I handed it to him along with oth
Jake stared at me from across the table which made me self-conscious about what I was doing. "Is the food good?" He slurped his noodles as he made a perfect sign. But his eyes didn't falter. "Don't look at me like that," I sighed and pushed the plate away. "I didn't realize you don't like pasta. " I shook my head. "It's not like that. I am not hungry, that's all." "Since that man came, what did you say was his name?" "Sebastian." He spun the fork to tangle his noodle around it. "Yes! Sebastian. Since Sebastian came you are acting all weird. Who is he anyway? An ex-boyfriend...or a fuckbuddy?" I choked on my saliva. "Jake!" "I am just asking. He got to be someone important. You were both a mess. I am not a kid anymore and I understand what I see." "I can see that." He ate silently and waited for my response. I didn't answer right away. "Something like that," I admitted. "I knew it," he shrugged. "I just wanted to know. Whenever he comes around, I now know I am not supposed
I was back in Russia in that old stinking room. Sitting beside me was that sixty-something-year-old man stiff and dead. He was a regular client. He had come over and over every weekend since he met me and now he was there, lifeless because of his greed. I had learned through Kenya, another girl, that he owned a casino. He was a nasty son of a bitch, with a long thick beard and no hair. Because he paid for the service, he thought that he had a right to do as he pleased. Sometimes he tied me to the bed and did things to me like a dirty pig. Sometimes he'd spit on me or hit me over and over until I was half dead. But now it was my turn and this time I did end his worthless life. Kenya was a wild and tough girl. She drugged men and knew how to seduce them to do what she wanted. She didn't love it here either but she learned to live with it. Good thing she never had to deal with crazy men as I did. She was exclusive and almost unreachable, so men who wanted to be with her needed a cert
Jake was easy to recognize anywhere we went. Even if staring at the back of his head was the only thing at the moment. I wormed through the tables and headed straight to him with a smile. He said it earlier, he wasn't a kid anymore, but how I wished I could turn back the clock to be with him those five years I missed. The echo of cutlery faded in the background as I approached the table. Jake was fiddling with the button on his shirt, unbothered by anything in this world. I thanked God for not letting him possess any feature of the devil. It would have been harder to look at him if that should had been the case. "Hi!" I pulled out the chair and sat. "I thought I'd be here earlier than you. Sorry for making you wait." He waved his hand. "Hey! No biggie. We went for a ride to waste time but turns out I was still early. I hope you don't mind." "No. It's good you entertained yourself. I shouldn't have left you alone in the first place." "I understand you have work. Or else, how would
Every time I saw Sebastian with Pollen, my heart became numb. I wanted to stop loving him. I wanted to stop looking at him the same way I'd been looking at him since the moment we made those vows. I wanted to hate him for playing with me the way he was doing, but I couldn't. Each time something happened, I made excuses for his mistakes. The sad truth is that I'd do it all over again without hesitation. But it wasn't his fault. I'd willingly take the blame for believing his vacant promises. A wave of jealousy ran through me when Pollen locked her arm into Jake's. Sebastian and Pollen had caught up with Jake and Elena. Immediately, Jake's eyes found mine. He was concerned about my reaction, but I had no right to ruin his night. I gave him a smile of reassurance before stepping away for the waiter. I took a drink from the tray and turned back to Alex. He was inspecting the bottle of wine I gave him. "It sure is my favorite one," he chuckled. He settled the bottle into the bag before
I sniffed back more tears. It was hard to know for how long I had been crying, but my pillow was damp under my cheeks. There was a ringing sound coming from the back of my head that forced me to roll to the other side of the bed. The sun rays peeking through my thin curtains caressed my back with heat. The soft strokes became melted crystal sweats, which to my annoyance made my skin clammy. I sat upright to study my surroundings. Pillows covered the floor, and my bedsheets were halfway out of my bed. I rubbed the sleep away and remained still until the memories of the previous night became clearer. Embarrassment tainted my cheeks as one specific image clouded my thoughts. How could I let my emotions take control? What will Jake think now that he knows how I truly feel about Sebastian? I have turned into an incautious woman overnight. What happened to all my hard work and self-talking about wanting to be an independent woman? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I sigh in exasperation as I slo