9- He knows

I sniffed back more tears. It was hard to know for how long I had been crying, but my pillow was damp under my cheeks. There was a ringing sound coming from the back of my head that forced me to roll to the other side of the bed. 

The sun rays peeking through my thin curtains caressed my back with heat. The soft strokes became melted crystal sweats, which to my annoyance made my skin clammy. I sat upright to study my surroundings. Pillows covered the floor, and my bedsheets were halfway out of my bed.

I rubbed the sleep away and remained still until the memories of the previous night became clearer. Embarrassment tainted my cheeks as one specific image clouded my thoughts. 

How could I let my emotions take control? What will Jake think now that he knows how I truly feel about Sebastian? I have turned into an incautious woman overnight. What happened to all my hard work and self-talking about wanting to be an independent woman? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

I sigh in exasperation as I slowly push my feet into my slippers. Where can I hide my humiliation? 

I walk around the house in search of Jake. Well, it's more like hiding from Jake. I take my time in the bathroom, scolding myself for as long as I can, and trying to get back into my senses before facing my consequence.

I peer from the crack of the bathroom door opening and again find no movement. I head to the kitchen, where a box of cornflakes waited on the table along with a bowl of fruit salad. I smile to myself. Jake was a terrible chef, I can conclude that he preferred to continue with simple cooking. 

On cue, the main door opened. He wore a white shirt with black jeans and a pair of tennis I bought him a few days ago. Jake grinned up at me with his signature smile. I am sure that any girl would melt under those handsome features.

"Hey! How are you feeling this morning?"

I look away in shame. "Great. Just a mild headache. Where were you this early in the morning?"

"Downstairs. Gabe brought me some pills for you."

I make myself protest, but he throws me a glance as he walks to the other side of the counter. 

"Thanks, but what makes you think I need medicine?"

He chuckled. His shirt rolled up at his back as he reached for two cups in the cabinet. I watched him move around a little to get them filled with water before placing them on the table. "You complain a lot when you sleep, Jesse."

I tsk. Obviously, he was joking. "No, I don't!"

He inspected the items on the table before turning to me. "You do more than that." He was smiling as he pointed at the seat in front of him. "Alright! Let's eat."

I thought about a million excuses to get out of the place, but each one faded as they came. Though he had said nothing, I was certain Jake wanted to know more about what I said last night. He was a natural gentleman, but this time, something told me that he was curious about my love story.

"Come on. I did my best. I promise you won't get poisoned."

I laugh at his comment. I tried to reason with myself. Why would I hide that truth from him? Jake was old enough to understand my situation. Even if that truth was just a small piece to the huge puzzle he was one day going to discover. 

My heart raced as I sat across him. I dragged my actions, hoping to drag the upcoming conversation as well.

The piece of apple fell from my fork when I tried to put it in my mouth. I was shaking. It felt as if I was going to a trial I already knew I was going to lose. I smiled up at him when I felt him observing me.

"Drink your pill," he commanded. 

I accept without hesitation and start mashing it until it turned into powder. I giggled when he stared at me with disbelief. 

"I am sorry. I cannot overcome that trauma."

He shrugged. "I didn't say anything. Just drink it and eat something."

Jake laughed when my face contorted in distaste. The pungent taste stuck to my tongue even after a few pieces of fruit.

"You cry, and you laugh as well." He took a spoon full of cereal. When he realized how confused I was, he elaborated. "When you sleep, you talk, you cry, and you laugh."

Shame covered my face. "I do? Why didn't anyone tell me about that?"

"Well, I used to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night. Most of the time, you cried. Actually, that's my little secret to know how you are feeling."

My stomach dropped. He was always the one to pay more attention to. If he remembers that, I cannot imagine what else he looks back on.

"Don't feel bad, " he added, taking a piece of pear into his mouth. "I realized you knew how to smile when you got into nursing school."

I throw a piece of banana at him. "You are mean."

"I know. Still makes me cool," he laughs, "now that we are past the tense stage, let me get to the point."

I roll my eyes. "Oh, come on! Give me a break, Jake."

He shook his head. "A break is going to turn into a month and then into eternity. I don't have the patience to wait."

I sigh in defeat. He is being unreasonable. "Fine, What do you want to know?" I put the spoon back on the plate.

"Before anything, I need you to know something. You are my sister, and even if I am younger, I am still here to protect you. This includes matters of the heart." He scrunched up his nose. "Shit! that sounded better in my head. I think I watched too many dramas with Rosaline."

Although he was being extra-cringy, I loved it, but I couldn't help but laugh. If only it is easy to protect the heart as he thinks.

"I still mean every word I said. I am not going to let Sebastian ruin you. I see how you look at him and how bad he can make you feel with one glance."

"It's not like that," I defended myself. I've been crazy in love with him, for so long, that I no longer want to think about what a terrible idea it was to hand him over everything I use to have control over.

"And you are still defending him? Let me get one thing straight..." Jake wasn't shouting at me, but his voice was laced with madness, "...he is married to Pollen, yet, you are crazy in love with the man that you've been sleeping with him? Aren't there any other men in Bristol that you could get?"

Well, if you look at it that way, it does sound bad. "Yes! I mean no! Please, don't make me do this."

"No, No! Tell me. I want to understand. I refuse to think that my sister is a home-wrecker." His voice is confident. I am suddenly thrown off-guard. 

"Fine, I love him. There! I said it out loud. I am out of this conversation."

"Explain," he demanded.

"There is no explaining to do," I stated. I got out of my chair and placed my plate in the sink. I took my time rinsing it.

"Jessica, look at me in the eyes and tell me that you aren't hiding something else."

Frustrated about the situation, I throw the spoon on the rinser and stare back at him. He is sitting with arms crossed over his chest. He isn't releasing clouds of vapor as I expect him to. His face is expressionless, waiting with such calmness for me to confess. 

"You won't let this go, right?"

"What do you think?"

Both of us turn to the telephone ringing on the wall. Before I have time to answer, Jake is already taking the phone to his ear. 

"This is him. Yes. We'll be there," he studied the clock on the wall to continue with his conversation, "is it okay at eleven o'clock? Right. We'll be there." 

His voice shifts to comprehension and knowledge when he looks back at me. "I have tried my best to be a good brother. If only you would've told me earlier, I wouldn't find the need to judge you, Jessica. I am also sad that you no longer trust me. One tip before we leave for the school tour. Divorce him, and you will be happy."

I watched him turn around and leave. As he does that, the realization hits me. He knows about my marriage, and I start to wonder for how long. Has he been testing me? Was he actually waiting for me to confess? Why wasn't he mad about the truth?

"Jake!" I called back.

He lifted his hand as he continued walking. "Get ready, or we will be late."

Is he mad? Of course, he is mad. Perhaps more hurt than mad. Why wouldn't I tell him? Why is it so hard to open up with him? I hit my head with my hand. I've been ruining everything since he came with me. I am supposed to make it a memorable time for him, yet I am here destroying and towing him with me. 

I took a quick bath and got ready in a few minutes. Again, Jake didn't speak to me as we get into the elevator and, then, into the car. I completely understand his anger. Even when I promise myself to speak to him with the truth, it's hard for me to do so. I am scared to let him down. But I admit that by not being honest, I am losing him.

"When we get back, we will talk," I tell him. I reach for his hand and expect him to pull away, but he doesn't. He stares at it for a while before nodding once in response. 

Gabe drives us to the school. We get to our destination in fifteen minutes. Point to that. The closer, the better. 

"Looks better in real life," he laughs.

I blinked in the hope to see what he is getting at. The building looks more like a medieval castle made out of bricks. The lawn is neatly trimmed, and the gates are open wide welcoming us inside. However, I don't see much more than that. Looks like a place where paranormal activities take place at night. 

"Are you sure about this?"

"I like this place," he reassures me. "I bet the inside is better."

"You have a weird taste in things."

"That's what makes me better," he winked. 

When Gabe stopped, he jumped out of the car in excitement. He ran to open the door for me and starts urging me to walk faster. Noticing his enthusiasm, I do as told. We head straight to the office, where we wait for our tour guide.

A young man who seems to be around my age...probably a little older, walks up to us. He fixed his glasses before extending his hand to shake. 

"Good morning. This is Mr. Johnson, your tour guide for the day. You can call me Ben."

"Good morning, Ben. I am Amanda, and this is my brother Jackson."

"Hello, Jackson. Are you ready?"

He was practically jumping. I didn't know he liked school so much. "Very much ready," he said. 

"Great, then. Come with me." 

We follow Ben around. He starts with a small school history followed by a tour of classrooms. We don't get inside because we don't want to interrupt the students. The more we learn about the place, the more interesting it gets. He shows us the long walls of lockers and also proudly takes us into the bathrooms. Everything screamed expensively, but it only took the hygienic bathrooms to buy me completely. That's two points already.

"Are you happy with all this?" I turned to Jake. 

He is obviously lost in his own world as he inspects the place keenly. He even peeps through the glass window on the classroom doors. 

"Yes."

"Are you looking for someone, Jake?"

He glares at me. "Am I supposed to know anyone here? Chill, I am excited." I ignore the rest of his mumble as I turn to Ben. He is explaining the trophies the school has won in a variety of games. I can see the passion and how much it means to him. 

"Hold up. Please tell me you are the school coach."

Ben turns to me in embarrassment. "I was the only teacher available today. Ms. Martha got sick."

"Great then. I hope you can get my brother involved in some activities and keep an eye on him."

"I don't need anyone to take care of me, and I don't like any sports enlisted here."

Ben was taken aback by his response. "But you look athletic."

"I love boxing, and I am naturally handsome," he shrugged.

I laughed at that. "Jake, be nice. When did you get all hostile?"

"He is being a kid. I get a lot of that here."

Already knowing Jake's response to that, I intervene. "I still hope you can get him into a sport, Ben. I'll be counting in that."

The buzzer blared from every corner of the building. When kids started running out of the classrooms like crazy canyons with no direction, it was hard to discern what was making me deaf. The buzzer, or the children shouting at each other from across the room. 

"It's lunch break. Let's wait here for a while, so I can show you how chaotic it can get during this time of the day."

"Cool!" Jake smiled.

I rolled my eyes at him. Earlier, he was trying to act like a big brother. Now, he was acting like a five-year-old child on his first day of school.