Chapter 45

Chapter 45

“Faith, please! Don't leave me!” He hugged me once again when I was already on the veranda of our house. I closed my eyes and endured the pain of seeing Elijah beg.

“Don't do this, Faith…don't leave me, I'm begging you.” His voice was so broken. He was begging me like a kid telling his mother to stay and not leave him alone on the streets. My heart was aching. It was being squeezed so much that it bled. The more Elijah stops me from leaving, the harder it becomes for me to leave.

“Let go of me,” I was so weak that I couldn't speak louder anymore.

“I was wrong, okay? I admit that. Please, don't leave me, Faith. Please, please, please, Faith. Don't do thi—”

“Let go of me, Elijah!” I exclaimed and pushed him away from me. I saw even more how much it shattered him into a million pieces but I remained firm in front of him.

He shook his head and even cupped my face gently.

“I love you, okay? I love you so much, Faith. I was not just into myself when I did those! I love you, Faith. I love yo—

“Enough, Elijah! I'm so done with this! I'm so done with you!” Now, I began to cry aloud in front of him. I showed him the concealed emotions that I hid when I was pregnant. I showed him how miserable I am.

“Look at me,” I uttered. “Look how miserable I am! Look how ruined my life is!”

I never saw Elijah this miserable. We were both just wrecked with different pain in our hearts. I witnessed how Freya's death tore him apart. But right now, it's a double pain. This time, he was very wounded as if there would be no hope for him.

“How did we become like this, Elijah?”

We were friends. We always enjoy each other's company even before. I fell in love with the man that I thought would never be mine. And when we tied the knot together, he didn't become mine. Love wasn't the foundation of our marriage but the anger that ate the two of us.

None of us speak. We stayed eyeing each other with no words but tears speaking from our eyes. I love him, too. But it is not enough anymore to defeat and erase the wounds he left me.

“I am wrecked because you were the one who tore me apart,” I'm losing my remaining strength already. At any moment, I might lose my balance and pass out all of a sudden.

“I love you, but I hate you so much, Elijah. You cannot fix me, because I failed to fix you, remember? I ended up shattered trying to heal you. Now, look at us. We are both fucking wrecked,” I don't know how the fate played with us. All I know is that we failed to play with fate and ended up getting burned by the fire that he created.

“All my life, I've done nothing but to understand my parents, Freya, and you. Just for this once, let me choose myself…let me save myself, Elijah.”

“I-I’ll bear with everything, Faith. Do everything you want. Hurt me, use me—I don't care! Just don't leave me, please Faith. Let's start over,” I quickly shook my head at him, declining that again.

“I saw myself spending my entire life with you but I don't see myself with you in the future anymore, Elijah.”

My car parked in front of the house and beeped aloud. My driver was already inside, rescuing me just on time.

“Don't follow me,” I said coldly, giving him warning.

I turned my back at him and was about to go inside the car.

“Are you leaving now?” I paused as I heard Marie’s weak voice. It was the only reason I had to look back. Her tears were soaking her face while looking at me.

My heart got squeezed even more after seeing her.

“Marie,” I called and quickly embraced her. I hugged her so tight as if there is no tomorrow left for us. This might be the last time that I will be able to see and hug her.

“Thank you for everything you've done, Marie.” My voice trembled immediately as I cupped her face gently.

“I wouldn't have made it here if you were not with me,” if Marie wasn't there, I don't know what I would do. I don't know if I would be able to endure all the pain alone. She witnessed all the pain and how I suffered. If there is a person who can prove what I have been through, it's her, it's Marie.

“Take care, okay? I'm proud of you, Ms. Faith. Come and see me soon when you're already okay, when you're better.” I nodded with a small smile on my lips.

Once again, I hugged her so tight. I lost Freya, but Marie stood up for me like a sister. I sobbed on his shoulder in the middle of the hug. I glanced at Elijah who remained standing there, watching me leave. I never thought that I would be able to step out of this house and leave Elijah.

“Bye, Marie. Thank you for everything,” I said once again before I went inside the car.

“Faith!” I closed the door immediately when I heard Elijah.

“Go now,” I quickly said to the driver.

“Faith!”

I didn't look at him when he chased us. He even slammed the window of the car where I was sitting but I chose not to look back at him. I crumpled my hands, trying not to be fragile. This time, I will not melt down for him again.

Do you know what's funny? When we left the house, the rain started to pour as well. I looked at the sky and it was mad. It was so dark as if it speaks with the hatred and pain that I carry.

“Bring me to Lily's place,” I said to the driver.

All the way, I didn't stop crying. It seems like even if I cry all day, the pain that I feel will not fade a bit. I messaged Lily and told her that I am on my way to her place. She asked me if everything's fine, but I didn't reply anymore. I will just explain everything to her when I arrive.

When we got there, I saw her waiting in the veranda of her house while checking her phone out. The arrival of our car caught her eyes immediately.

“Can you get all my things there? I messaged Marie to prepare everything secretly. She'll be waiting in front of the gate,”

“Sure, Ms. Faith.” My driver said before I came out of the car and faced Lily with my swollen eyes.

“Hey, are you okay? Did something happen? Did he do something to you again?” I wasn't able to answer any of her questions immediately.

“I left him for good,” I said. “I asked for divorce, Lily.” Now, my voice was shattered again as I burst into tears all over again. She quickly embraced me and locked me in her arms, letting me cry it all.

“You did well, Faith. You did the right thing,” she uttered as she caressed the back of my hair.

I don't know how long I was crying in her arms. I tried to empty the pain but nothing changed even if I already cried a river. The wound is still bleeding so much and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

“Let's go inside,” she said when I finally got tired of crying. We headed to the living room of her house and she didn't leave my side until we both sat there.

“Can you give us something to eat and drink?” She asked her maid who obeyed her quickly.

“He begged me, too.” Funny, right? I was the first one who begged him not to leave and now he did the same thing to me. I begged him when he was confused with everything and he begged me when I'm already sick of everything.

“What's the problem, Faith? I thought you loved him? I thought you could never leave him?” That's what I thought, too. But I was really wrong with that. I ate all my words that I will never leave Elijah.

“I do,” I replied with a glimpse of bitterness from my voice. “But I hate him, too. I can't stay with a man that killed my child, Lily.”

I used to love his image wearing his widest smile that brightened my day always. But now? I despised it. I despised his image smiling after we lost the baby I treasured the most.

“What are you planning to do now?” Her eyes were filled with worries.

“File a divorce? After that, I have no idea yet.” That's the next step, to cut the marriage that ties the two of us together. However, if I get what I want, what will happen next? What should I do next?

“Are you sure with your decision?” They were the ones who pushed me on the edge to do this. Now that I'm doing it, I can see from Lily's eyes how much she was dubious of the decision that I am making.

“I've made up my mind,” I replied. This time, there is no turning back.

The next few days were the worst. Lily and Lucas took care of the divorce that I wanted while I stayed at Lily's place. I never leave the room. I stayed there all day while her maids were trying to make me eat.

“Are you okay, Ms. Faith? The company is doing well. We are all taking care of it for you,” my secretary said while she was in my room and I was on the balcony.

Since the day I lost my baby, I haven't been able to go to work as well. I almost forgot that I have a company to take care of and a job to do.

“You can give me the papers that I need to review here,” I said with my cold voice.

“Faith,” I heard Lily's voice.

“I'll do that, Ms. Faith. I will go ahead now,” I felt her stare at me for a few seconds before she left the room.

I knew that my name was all over the news right now. The entire world is probably talking about how I lost my baby and pitying me for what happened.

“Someone's here to meet you,” she sat beside me. I stayed looking nowhere and allowed the wind to play with my hair. Even the sky and breeze doesn't give me peace anymore.

“Who is it?” I asked. There is no glimpse of hope from my voice anymore; I lost all my emotions.

“It's me, Faith.” I slowly turned from that voice and I saw Elijah's mother. When our eyes met and she finally saw how miserable I am, I witnessed how it tore her apart and how it breaks her heart.

“Why is she here?” I quickly asked Lily.

She only smiled at me with softness. “She did nothing wrong, Faith. Don't push her away,” Lily stood up and emptied the seat beside me. That was when Elijah's Mom sat there and faced me.

The first thing she did was to hold my hands. I moved my eyes away as I felt my tears playing there again.

“W-Why are you here?” My voice shivered again. I don't want her to see me looking like this.

“I didn't know about the baby,” she uttered. “It pains me to know that you lost it.” I know she meant it. If there are people who have been waiting for us to have a child, that is Elijah's parents.

It's such a shame that they weren't able to see our baby. Now, it's me apart again.

“My own mother killed it,” my voice totally broke as I said that. Everytime I speak about it, the more I remember what they did.

“Your son did nothing,” I glanced at her with my sharp eyes. “He didn't do anything to protect me.”

“I'm sorry for what you have been through because of him, Faith. You don't deserve all of this,” do I not really deserve all of this? If not, then why am I the one experiencing it? Why am I the one suffering with all this fucking pain?

“I'm filing a divorce,” I brought up. It's such a shame for me to say that when I told her last time that I will never leave her son and divorce will never be my option. Look at me now, eating my own words.

“You did the right thing,” I was surprised when she didn't stop me from doing that. But then, I remembered that she was the one who told me to divorce her son if he did it again.

I tried to dry my own tears but even after many times I wiped it, it kept falling from my eyes.

“I want you to know that I will never stop you with what you want, Faith. You've already done a lot for my son and I am very grateful that you are the one that he married,” she shed tears on my face while saying those words.

“I just hope the anger inside you doesn't lead you to doing things that you know you cannot do,”

With the hatred and pain that I have, where would it take me?

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