Chapter 52

Chapter 52

*Flashback*

“You can't be like this forever, Faith.” Lily said while peeling the apple for me. I remained looking nowhere and had no plan to do anything else.

It has been a month since we left and went here in New York. I thought I would be able to get up on my own once I left, but it's not what is happening right now. I know that I am already being a burden to my friends, but I couldn't find the courage to stand up again and continue this hellish life of mine.

“How will you make them pay if you're being like this?” None of their words succeed in waking me up and pulling me back together.

I heard how Lily sighed when her phone rang.

“I'll come back,” she said before I heard her footsteps leaving my room.

The moment she left, my eyes just landed on the knife she was using to peel the apple. It looked so sharp that I found it beautiful.

“I'm tired,” so much tired. I am more than just exhausted from all the fighting. My hand was trembling when I grabbed the knife.

My thoughts are killing me and the pain seems to be endless that no matter what I do, I can't stop from bleeding inside. I thought leaving Elijah would solve everything. I thought I would be able to fix myself again, but why do I look like this now? Why do I still look miserable and ruined?

My life is useless. I have all the money, the success, and I also have all the sufferings and pain engraved in my chest. What's the use of living when I can't find a reason to live? They killed the only reason I had to live and they killed me as well.

My tears fell as I began to hurt myself, ending my life when I started to cut my wrist. These tears aren't because of the physical pain I feel with my blood dripping on the bed and floor; nothing hurts more than the wounds I collected from loving the wrong people.

“I'll peel the app—what are you doing? Faith!”

“No! Let go of me!” I exclaimed when Lily stole the knife from me. I found myself on the floor, crying aloud after being silent for a month.

“Are you out of your mind?! You're fucking bleeding! Brian!” I couldn't say a single word. That moment, I just cried, hoping that the pain would fade away. Lily ripped her clothes just to cover my wrist and stopped it from bleeding. I was so numb that I couldn't feel any pain from it.

“What the fuck?” I heard Brian comment as soon as he went to the room.

“Do you really want to die, huh?! Are you that weak, Faith?! You want to avenge your unborn child and yet you want to end your life?! Wake up, Faith! You need to fucking wake up!” Her voice shattered as she bursted into tears while her hands were being painted with my blood. I felt so weak. I didn't know if it was because of too much blood that I was losing or because of what I am carrying.

“I'm tired…I don't want to live,” Brian quickly locked me in his arms, not minding the blood that would stain his clothes. I cried on his broad chest like a child who was bullied.

(End of flashback)

“I failed to take my own life,” his eyes were glued at me while everything flashed back in my head.

He doesn't have any idea how much I suffered that I attempted to end my life. He doesn't know what I have been through to be able to stand up on my own feet again. Yes, Elijah. It took me four years to recover, but do I really recover or am I just forcing myself to live?

“I-I’m sorry,” he moved his eyes away. Regret and conscience were what I saw from those eyes of his.

Sorry? Does he think that a single sorry will erase everything? I can't even heal all the wounds they left in me.

“How have you been, Faith? Why did you vanish? I was looking for you for fo—”

“It is not your business to care anymore, Elijah.” I sighed lightly before I grabbed my bag and stood up.

“Go and see me tomorrow. I want to choose the design,” I quickly turned my back to him.

“Faith, wait.” My eyes shifted down on his hand on my wrist. It was the first time he held me again. When I glanced at him, I pulled my hand back.

“Anything else?”

His eyes were full of questions. I couldn't help wondering what those were. He was hesitant to ask me, probably considering how I would react.

“Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow,” he said. I only nodded before I left his office.

The next day, I was back working again. My runway just finished and I have to keep an eye on our sales. Just like before, our sales are piling up. My company is earning a lot again.

“It's not something we should celebrate,” I uttered, which ruined my employee’s delight from her report to me after I left the meeting room. I gave back the iPad to her, not satisfied.

“What do you mean, Ms. Faith? It's a blast!”

I shook my head. “I want triple success. Now, if you can't do it right, I can just fire you.”

“I-I’ll do my best,” she said before she ran away.

I was about to continue walking when I saw Elijah standing there. He probably heard our conversation.

“Architect,” I uttered and headed straight to my office.

“Come in,” I said as I sat on my swivel chair. I grabbed a stick of cigarette and began smoking there again.

I paused when I found his eyes at me, looking so surprised.

“What?”

Of course he would be surprised to see me smoking.

“Since when did you learn to smoke?” He has no idea how much smoking helped me to cope with everything.

“Four years ago?” I smirked and shrugged.

“It's not good for your health, Faith.” His voice was firm. He looks so damn serious with his tone.

“As far as I know you are an architect here. It isn't part of your job to stick your nose in my life,” I intentionally blew out the smoke right in front of him, making his eye hurt by seeing me doing the thing he didn't expect me to do.

“Here’s everything I prepared,” he said after I shut him up. I put down the cigarette on the ashtray as I examined everything he prepared. He handed me a different style or design of the house.

“Which one do you prefer?” He asked.

I wasn't surprised to see how good he is with his job. He wouldn't be the top Architect for nothing.

“Would you be offended if I say that I didn't like anything here?” His priceless reaction satiated my satisfaction. He looked surprised. Why? Was it the first time that his client rejected all his prepared designs? I wonder if he stayed up all night doing these designs last night.

“They look common, simple, and ugly. There's no wow factor with any of these, I don't like it.” I slightly threw it back on my desk as I began to smoke again.

I was successfully tearing up his pride as an architect.

“You have to tell me what you exactly want so I can make it for you,” my brows crossed before I blew another smoke.

“That's why I am your client. I thought you were a famous architect? How come you cannot even do this simple thing?”

I was expecting him to be annoyed, but his face remained calm as he grabbed the sketch pad on my desk.

“You can leave. Make sure to show me different designs tomorrow,” I made sure that I sounded so bossy as if he was one of my employees. His face couldn't believe that the Faith he knows is actually being like this.

“I'll come back tomorrow,” he said and flashed a smile on me. I can't believe he managed to do that. Well, my plan is just beginning.

After that, I headed straight to the mall to check my shop there. It has been a while since I was last here.

“Lily is already on the plane,” Brian uttered while I was checking everything in my shop.

“Yeah. She messaged me this morning,”

“Should we have a meal together?” Brian suggested.

“Aren't you busy?” Well, when our country found out that he is back as well, they started to offer him tons of projects again. The news was also filled with both of our names as the people are thinking that we have a relationship.

“Oh, I want to take a few days off. I'm so tired,” he complained.

“But you are here instead of resting,”

“Faith?”

My entire world froze at that very moment. Then again, everything that they did to me came back, starting from the day we lost Freya until the day I lost my child.

“You're back!” She hugged me so tightly that I couldn't move there.

It was my mother who killed her own grandchild.

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