Getting Depressed (B)

Claire

I didn't sleep at all that night.

When I could dose off a little, I'll quickly be woken up by a nightmare. It was either Frank was trying to kill me, or my Mom was a zombie... I'd blame the horror movies I usually watch.

The week passed slowly; I never left the room. Uncle Mark's family took turns checking up on me. Uncle Mark tried to get me to talk to him but I wasn't up for it. Barely looking at him, you'd know he was still hurting and hasn't coped with his pain yet, so how did he want to help me? 

Aunt Miriam avoided talking about my Mom entirely; she would rather talk about happy moments with her family. Could be her type of therapy. It worked a bit though; I didn't cry so much when she was around. I felt a different kind of calm with her close, but as quickly as she left, I'd go back to my depression.

Tyler didn't visit until after my second day there. He was just as I remembered; bright blond hair like his Mom, a friendly personality and an occasional goofy smile. He was only taller than me by a few inches.

He was just like his Mom; no comments about my mother. He filled me in on the four years we've spent apart. He now had a three-year old sister, Jane and an older adopted brother, Jason. Apparently, James and Jane hit it off and was always in each other's company.

Could be why I barely saw James. When he could come around, he'd just sit quietly without saying anything whatsoever. It was strange to me; I felt like he was mad at me for making a promise I couldn't keep, but his expression held no grudge.

My week of isolation dragged out and I still had no plans of leaving my safe place anytime soon. No one tried to persuade me to come out anymore, maybe they felt it was best to let me do it in my own time. It was.

The day that officially made it a week since I lost my Mom, I was cooped up in my room as usual, looking out the window at the peaceful environment. Someone tapped on my door and came in. It was my Aunt.

"Dear, we're heading to the mall. Do you want to join us and grab something? You haven't really shopped for clothes yet." The idea was appealing since I only wore the clothes I came in and a pyjama Tyler lent me. Yet, I wasn't ready.

"Thanks, but I'll pass." Her face fell slightly, but she quickly masked it with a smile. 

"Alright. Everyone is going, except Jason. If you get bored and need to talk to someone, his room is down the hall, first one on the left."

"Thanks." That won't be necessary. I haven't even met him yet, just heard stories about him. And from what I heard, he's a private person.

She left.

I was left to my thoughts again, thinking about what would have been if my Dad hadn't left us; if I had been supportive and nicer to my Mom, maybe we would have had a better relationship and I wouldn't regret everything now.

Someone tapped on my door again and came in.

"Hey." The tall, lean boy with jet-black hair stood in my room. His greeting came out as nice, but his expression was neutral; I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad or annoyed, his face was blank.

"Who...?" I stopped myself. Aunt Miriam already said that Jason would be home. It wouldn't be nice to demand who he was.

"You should talk." He said simply. His expression suddenly changed to a disgusted one.

"What?"

"You should talk." He repeated. "About what's bothering you." I'm sorry, is this guy crazy? I lost my mother! Shouldn't I be bothered? I couldn't help but dislike him.

"Thanks, but I'm okay." I replied. It came out a little meaner than I wanted. He looked away from me for a moment, pressed his eyes closed, exhaled deeply, then turned to me again and smiled for the first time. Okay, with a smile like that, I can definitely like him again.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. It's just that, everyone here is worried about you. I know my Dad will feel better if you can talk to him about your loss, you can help each other. Your bro misses you, kinda. He doesn't stop talking about you and when we tell him to come see you, he gets nervous. You know he's just a kid and you aren't even trying to help him not miss his mother so much; did you forget she was his mother too?" He arched a brow at me, I swallowed.

"Tyler told me a lot about you..." He chuckled softly. "A lot for someone he only met twice. But what I could gather from him is that you were very cheerful then and fun to be around. Everyone wants you to be like that again, but you're not making it easy with this your new prison." He waved his hands around, gesturing to the room.

"You're lucky, Claire." My ears perked up. "You have a lot of people that love you and wants to help you anyhow they can." He looked away again. "I wasn't that lucky. I had no one else in my life until your Aunt came along." He suddenly stopped talking and frowned as if he had said too much. Well, he had! If what Tyler told me was true and Jason's a quiet person, how come he has been talking non-stop since he came in here? I didn't mind, he made sense. I've been so engrossed in my grief that I actually forgot that James needed me too, we needed each other. It wasn't like my Mom loved me, it always felt like she just tolerated me. Here, I have people going out of their way to help me, why throw it away?

"Think about it." He said and made for the door.

"Jason...?" He stopped but didn't turn to me. "Thank you, that helped a lot." He grinned and left without replying. 

There was no use drowning myself in futile thoughts, my mom was gone. And though I'll never stop missing her, I had to move on; at least for my brother's sake.

I smiled and headed for the bathroom. It's time to break out from my prison.

The next week was better. I didn't spend so much time in my room anymore. I had meals with the family and participated in family games. Jane was a sweet girl and usually bright. She clung to me immediately she met me, fighting for my attention with James. I quickly had my hands full with both of them. I didn't even notice when the week flew by. It's true what they say, time do fly by when you're happy.

I was alone by the pool one evening, watching how the lights danced in the water. Aunt Miriam was tucking James and Jane in while the boys were playing video games; they invited me though but I wasn't feeling up to it. Uncle Mark had received a call a few hours earlier and had left immediately, furious.

"Hello, Claire. Where's everyone?" I heard his voice behind me and turned around. His face was a mess! It was either he fought with an angry bull or he collided with a rock. He was putting ice on his sore eyes.

"What happened to you?" I jerked up from my sitting position by the pool and walked up to him, checking out the different bruises.

"It's nothing, really. I just met an old acquaintance."

"I can tell it's not a friendly meeting. Who would do such a thing to you?" He tried to smile, but winced in pain.

"I'm fine. We just had a score to settle, there was no other way. Trust me, I did a number on him too." This time he grinned broadly and I almost smiled.

"I guess I can never understand men." His face became serious.

"There is something you should know about this particular acquaintance of mine." I shrugged.

"What?" 

"It's Matthew Wagner." When I didn't register who that was, he shifted uneasily on his feet. "He's your father. He's back and he wants his kids." He turned towards the pool entrance. My eyes followed his and I noticed for the first time that someone stood there. Even with the equally messed up face, I needed no one to introduce him to me. He was my Dad... He was back.

My heart jolted.