Getting Depressed (A)

Claire

My life was a blur.

The week that followed after my uncle said those three shocking words to me was my worst! I couldn't make sense of what he said for six whole minutes. They were just having their usual fights that ends in cries and bruises, why would he kill her? Was it a mistake? Did she slip and break her neck? 

It was unbelievable! 

"You two can stay with my family now, it'll be okay." Uncle Mark said, shifting James's weight to his shoulder. James was already fast asleep. How do I explain to him that he won't see his mother anymore? He was so bent on not leaving her behind; maybe if I wasn't so impatient, she wouldn't be dead. Maybe if I had ignored them and completed the storybook, she wouldn't have had a reason to hit Frank with the vase. 

"Claire..." I ignored him. My Mom was killed! She's gone; we won't ever see her again. I know we weren't so close but she was still my mother; she just wanted to save us, she wanted to get us by after my excuse of a Dad went MIA. No, it wasn't my fault. It was my Dad's fault! If he hadn't left, she wouldn't have needed to marry a murderer. I did what was best in that situation; what if we had stayed and then he'd murder us as well? I couldn't blame myself, it wasn't my fault.

"Claire, come on, it's freezing out here and you kids have thin clothes on. We need to treat your bruises before..."

"My Mom is freakin' dead and all you can think about is how cold it is? Do you think I care about the weather right now?!" I screamed at him, venting all my frustrations on him.

"She was important to me also, okay?!" He screamed back. James jerked up, staring at us, confused.

"I lost too, Claire. She was my sister for crying out loud and even though she shut me out, I cared for her." He said softly as his eyes glistened with tears. "Do you think I don't want to punch something until my fists bleed? Do you think I find any of this easy? I can't do anything for Doris now... she's gone. But her two kids are right in front of me and they are shivering from the cold. You're my responsibility now, I at least have to do that right." 

Until he said that, I didn't know that I was shivering lightly and my teeth chattered. I looked at him and I knew that whatever pain I was experiencing, it wasn't different for him.

"Let's go? I live a bit far from here." I nodded. I didn't have the strength to ask when he moved or dwell on the fact that if the cops hadn't called him, James and I would have been stranded, thinking he still lived in that house.

I followed him to his car where he put James down in the back seat, I got into the back as well. James didn't go back to sleep anymore and he clung to me as I sat next to him. I couldn't tell if he knew our Mom was gone; he didn't ask any questions and I didn't offer to explain. 

Uncle Mark got into the driver's seat and started the car. The drive to his home was a bit long, I couldn't tell how long because I was in and out of my head, thinking up a migraine.

"We're here." He said softly. I looked out the window and my jaw mentally dropped. It wasn't a house, it was a mansion. The illuminating lights made the environment look like a nature themed amusement park. I wasn't amused though; how was it possible that my Uncle's rich enough to buy a mansion, but not rich enough to help his sister?

I saw a fat woman walk swiftly to meet us, I could remember that I had met her before. Aunt Miriam.

"Claire! Oh God!" She literally opened the door and dragged me out, squeezing me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry. We..." She trailed off, wiping a stray tear from her face. Her light blue eyes were red and swollen from crying and her hair was a mess. I gave her a small smile though; I really needed to be alone quickly.

"I'll show you to your rooms. Come on sweetie..." She said to James as she tried to smoothen her hair a little. She stretched out her hand to him and he took it immediately.

It was scaring me that he hasn't asked any questions yet. He's smart, he should understand the situation, but why wasn't he saying anything? He hasn't even gone into his private world all this time, which was weird.

"Miriam honey, don't worry about it, I'll do it. You shouldn't be up right now, it's not good for the baby." Oh! So, she wasn't fat, just pregnant.

"It's fine. Let me tuck in James, you can take care of Claire." She smiled at me before leading James into the house. Now, that's what a married couple should be like, not...

"Come on." Uncle Mark placed a hand on my back lightly, gesturing to the huge door.

The interior of the house looked nothing like what I expected the insides of the mansion to be; furniture worth millions that no one touched and glass figurines. Rather, it looked like a regular house but larger.

He took me to my room; it was pretty plain, judging by the fact that no one used it. But it was perfect! As long as it had a door to separate me from the rest of the world, I loved it. 

Uncle Mark left me for a few minutes and returned with an ice bag.

"Do you need anything?" He asked tenderly. You didn't have to look at his face to know how worn-out he was. 

"No, I'm good. You should rest." He chuckled dryly.

"I doubt I can. It's been a hell of a day." As if realizing that he swore in front of a kid, he cringed a little, muttering: "sorry".

"Nah, curse words are nothing new to me and James. We've heard enough from Frank and our Mom to write an anthology." When I mentioned my mom, I felt a pang in my chest and suddenly needed to sit down.

"You know you can talk to me about it, right?" He asked as he sat next to me on the bed. More than anything, what I wanted to know was why he never tried to help us. All of this would have been avoided if he helped, right? I tried to think of a gentle way to ask him.

"If you're this rich, why did Mom have to marry Frank for his money?" I was looking at him right in the eyes, I had to know if he would lie or not. His eyes dimmed but he didn't look away.

"That's the question that has been ringing in my head ever since the cops called me." He looked away. "Would you believe me if I told you I never knew your Mom remarried?" That question came as a blow to me. Why wouldn't he know? I mean...

"Doris has never valued our relationship. When we lost our parents, she drifted far away from me. She was in college, determined to graduate and get a really good job. I had just started my own wine company and I tried to include her, to show her I cared. She never took my calls, she never called back nor did she reply my text messages. I didn't know what was going on in her life. Then one day, she came to my factory and told me she was pregnant for some guy and they were getting married. She didn't answer any of my questions or even invite me to the wedding; she left.

"I tried reaching her for months. She finally answered my call one day to tell me she was doing okay and I didn't have to worry about her. After that, she continued shutting me out." He paused to exhale.

"It was crazy! I mean, I didn't even know who she was married to or where they lived; it freaked me out. Eight whole years went by before I got a text from her with an address, saying that I can meet her daughter." He turned to me. "That was the day I visited with Miriam and Tyler. I didn't know when she would shut me out again and they wanted to meet you too, so I took my whole family there. We finally met you for the first time and I got to meet my brother-in-law." As he said that last part, his expression changed. He frowned deeply and his jaw worked, as if he was gritting his teeth.

"Our relationship got better for a few months. I invited you guys for Thanksgiving and she even surprised me by accepting. That's when you visited us at our old home for the first time." He paused. "Anyway, she shut me out again and she didn't let me visit. When I did visit, it turned out that you guys..."

"We moved out." I finished for him.

"Yeah. Another depressing two years passed and she sent me a text that her husband left her with the kids and she was going to raise them by herself. I tried to talk her out of it; I offered to help but she didn't even want to hear it. I've been sending her non-stop messages since then and got no reply. It scared me badly; I didn't know where you guys were, if you ate properly... Doris wasn't someone who'd commit to a job."

"Yeah, she never had a job. She just married money." I said bitterly, feeling the pang again.

"Claire, I know this will be hard and I'll give you time alone to understand and make a decision for your future. But, I don't want you to shut me out, we can get through this... together." I nodded without making eye contact.

"Get some sleep. I'm sure the kids will want to meet you tomorrow, I'll tell them to give you some space. Unless...?" I nodded again.

"That would be great, I'm not so social right now." 

"Alright." He patted my shoulder and left, taking the ice bag with him.