When I came out from the bathroom, Jordan was no longer in the bedroom and it made me feel worse. I changed quickly into a simple gown and flats and went downstairs. He was downstairs of course and they were all sitting at the table, waiting for me. I sighed and put on a smile on my face as I went down. Jordan got up from where he was sitting and pulled out a chair for me. It lifted my spirit and I smiled at him, but he looked away the moment our eyes met and my heart fell again.He sat back down and chatters rose around us. My entire family and friends were present and it was one of the rare moments of life that we should always cherish. It made me think of Liam and how we never actually had a decent meal with him, and now he was gone. I turned to Jordan who had a stoic expression on his face, no different on how he always did. Whenever something funny was said, he would smile with his eyes but he didn’t change his facial expression. I sighed and looked away, feeling guilty that he w
“He is going to be fine,” the doctor turned to me. He was one of the doctors of the family and I was beginning to get confused on how many family doctors they had. I sighed in relief and stared at his face. He looked peaceful and fine, but I was guilty since it was all my fault.“He shouldn’t be put through under any kind of stress, so this won’t repeat itself,” he warned and I gave him a nod.“I’m truly sorry for any inconvenience I might have caused you,” I entered and walked him to the door, before bidding him a goodnight. I walked back to the bedroom and stared at Jordan’s face. I was worried about him and it was a good thing that he was fine, that however, didn’t change that I was annoyed and hurt. I walked closer to him and made sure that he was covered properly, then I took a pillow and walked over to the couch. I went in search of another duvet and made a bed for myself and there I slept.JORDANI opened my eyes and found the familiar stars shinning above me. My heart eased up
I never got to see my father so often anymore. He stayed far from me and never looked at me when ever we saw each other. He became a stranger, a shadow, a dream that never existed. This went on for weeks and all my mom could tell me was that he was just angry about something. I knew that was not it, because I had apologized time and time again for any wrong, I might have done. I have apologized for doing something I was not aware of and apologized on behalf of anyone who provoked him to such an extent, but the look in his eyes didn’t change and the way he spoke to me never changed. I couldn’t take it anymore and one morning, I had prepared early so I could join him to school. He always took me to school himself, except for days he was extremely busy. I stood at the door to the car he would use that morning and waited for him. When he came, he had a tight frown on his face but I smiled at him.“Good morning, dad,”“What is he doing here?” he turned to a guard beside me.“I want to join
Tears blurred my vision, seeing all the love he once had for me till I grew older. He was no longer in these videos and I was always alone. However, I wasn’t, because he was always somewhere, looking at me. I stopped having a smile on my face, I stopped being happy, I stopped running. That was after I was diagnosed and my father began to show his real self.More videos of me came up and I was almost never happy. One hour later, it was still me, during graduation, during family dinner, during public functions, videos of me that were never even supposed to exist. And in all of them, though I was alone, my father was at a distance and his eyes were always on me. They were not cold, they were not harsh, simply a father staring lovingly at his son. These videos went on even till the day my heart failed and I was rushed to the hospital. He kept telling me that he would make it right, that it would be fine, that he would change it all.Tears ran down my eyes when I realized that he knew ever
“Even now that I see how much of a mistake, I made to have switched off my feelings because I feared losing him, I realize the mistake that I made and would want to make up for it. He never lets me, no matter how much I try, what I say or the gestures I make. Even the universe is against my attempt to make it right because it keeps getting in the way and every opportunity, it keeps slipping away from me. Maybe, it’s too late, maybe I had truly lost him even before I lost him. Maybe, I was never meant to be a father. Liam would have done a better job and he would be so disappointed in me. I ruined it, because I am a coward who can’t bear to be in pain anymore. I ruined it because I am a coward. And I fear that I won’t get it back. Is there even a need? I can just carry on being this person my son remembers. I can just allow him see me as he had always done and keep carrying on this act of a hateful father. It’s no longer complicated and the guilt won’t be as taunting if I take my act a
GENESISI stole a glance at Jordan just to see if he was doing okay. Things had truly gotten better, he had truly not changed, so much. He goes quiet and moody every now and then, but he was still my husband and nights of love making, passionate kissing and whisperings of I love you every now and then confirmed that he was truly back to me.The burial of Mr. Liam Chase was arranged and the state went crazy. With everyone on black and a thousand guards everywhere, people, powerful people from all corner of the world came to commemorate him. Most didn’t actually care about him, we knew about that, others only came for the sake of reporters and nothing more, others decided to confirm with the both eyes if he was actually dead and some came for business purposes. Whatever the case was, we were surrounded by business men, traitors, politicians, liars, reporters, and fake sympathies.Jordan didn’t look so good himself and my heart went out to him. He always read the journals every now and t
“Would you be eating dinner downstairs or should I bring it up here?” a staff asked me the moment I came out of the shower. I sighed and turned to the bed, all I could think about was laying on it and closing my eyes. My stomach grumbled, reading my thoughts and announcing how empty it was, that I had to have a change of plan.“Just bring it up here,” I yawned and tried to towel my hair. But my hands were tired and so was entire body. I groaned and walked over to the mirror stand and sat down. For a moment, I was beginning to regret why I washed the hair when I was so tired.I did my best to towel it till I could no longer feel the water on it, but at a point, I gave up, yawned again and made space on the table where I rested my head and shut my eyes.I can’t tell how long I was there for, but a gentle whisper in my ears woke me up. Warm hands caressed my arm and I lifted my head from where I had been resting them. The familiar cologne and scent filled my senses and told me instantly
“Wait, what?” I jumped up from where I sat on his thighs and stared at him with a confused expression. He lowered his gaze and avoided my gaze.“You can’t mean that,” I shook my head, clearly not understanding what he was saying or why he would such a thing.“You wanted kids, a dozen even and….” I halted and racked my brain for a time when we talked about kids. My heart fell when I realized that we have never actually spoken about kids. Aside the fact that I joked about a dozen kids. Mom Leona had come over one time to confirm if I was actually pregnant, but I wasn’t and that was it.“You can’t mean that?” I turned to him again, this time, I could feel a desperate feeling settling at the pit of me. I wanted kids, I wanted little Jordan’s and Genesis’ running around the house. I wanted kids as well.“Genesis,” his voice came sad and he got up from where we sat.“I have a genetic problem that has a 50% chance to get to my offspring’s. My grandfather, my father and myself had this and th