3. Loneliness

3 months ago, before Bella was rushed to the hospital and a bloody incident occurred...

The scorching heat of the sun in the middle of the field did not make Alec lazy for routine training which became a mandatory menu in his daily life. The training schedule for the week is very neat.

"After my training schedule, we'll meet, okay?" The message that Bella received from Alec this afternoon.

Bella was glad that her boyfriend still remembered her despite Alec's busy schedule. It was time for Alec to make a plan. Therefore, after a long time, they finally went on a date, but Bella had to patiently wait until Alec finished training.

Most of the students had gone home and the school seemed deserted. Although it was very boring just waiting outside the field. As long as being able to spend time with Alec was enough for Bella. Besides, she didn't want to waste time complaining about their infrequent time together because of Alec's busy schedule.

Alec is a gridiron star. The school plans for him to join professional training next year. Now is the time when Alec knit his dream. Bella wholeheartedly supports it. She knew all too well how Alec had struggled to get here. He is just one step away from his dream.

In Bella's eyes right now Alec was like a bird flapping its wings high in the blue sky. If only she could fly with him, she thought. Sometimes Bella feels jealous of Alec who has found a dream. His everyday life is earnest, looking at goals and trying to achieve them.

Always and always that thought came to Bella's mind, the thought of what Bella wanted to do. For what reason she was here. What will Bella be when she grows up? Anxiety about her way of life. Unlike Alec, Bella had not found anything and decided on anything.

Bella's heart was tired, don't know why. Always feeling anxious and restless. Something is wrong but she doesn't know where the error lies. Although Bella searched never found an answer. And in the end, all that was left was herself alone.

"Bella, seriously. What are you thinking about?” Alec came from a direction beyond her line of sight.

"Oh, nope." Because she was so lost in her thoughts, Bella didn't notice Alec's presence.

"Hmm..." Alec looked at Bella probing.

“Ehm, the training is over?” Bella tried to change the topic while giving him the bottle of drink she had deliberately provided for him.

"Yup. Sorry, it's been a while, huh?" Alec took a seat next to her. Open the bottle cap and take a sip of its contents.

Not to forget Bella also gave him a towel to wipe Alec's sweat.

“No, I'm glad we could go together. But aren't you tired, Alec? If you don't mind I'd like you to stay with me until curfew." Bella asked.

"Sure! I am alright. But wait, you don't want to go home, do you? Is there any problem?"

Bella realized she had said something wrong, she had to find an excuse. "Nothing, it's just that we haven't been outside for a long time. Is it okay? Haha.." She laughed awkwardly.

In her heart, Bella apologized to Alec. Sorry for always lying to him. What she had decided not to tell would her keep to herself. Even if that person was Alec, Bella didn't want to tell him.

Not disbelieving Alec or ignoring his existence. But because that person is him, Bella is increasingly unable to tell him.

"Maybe later, someday." Bella thought in her heart.

“The moment where Alec left me. When he found the real me. When he finds out that I'm full of lies."

That doesn't mean that she who is with him, Bella's self that Alec knows is a fake. Bella just wants when she is with Alec, she can forget all her problems. Be free and let go, even if only for a moment. Because when Bella returned home, the void enveloped her again.

***

A quiet and lonely house always welcomes Bella's return, only she and inanimate objects. How can someone live like this? In fact yes it can, for example, Bella. As long as this house has a roof, walls, doors plus the spare key. There are groceries and water, maybe a credit card too.

Bella is still alive and is now sixteen years old. sixteen years, she somehow passed the time during the sixteen years of her life. Bella couldn't remember how fast time had passed. Maybe she has amnesia and lost some of her memories. Don't think so, it's more like Bella doesn't want to remember it.

Bella stepped into the kitchen, dinner was already on the table. Even though she hasn't had dinner yet and her stomach is very hungry, Bella doesn't really have an appetite.

In this empty and cold house when Bella eats alone, she feels like she is part of this void. Besides, it's already past 8 pm. Looks like Mariana is working late again at the office.

As an employee of a large insurance company, her mother has been quite busy with work. When she returned home, she immediately chose to rest in her room because she was tired from work. On holidays Marians is also used to still going to work to meet clients.

It wasn't that Bella was complaining, lonely, or wanting attention. She was used to this. Bella understands Mom's situation so she never says everything she feels, what Bella thinks, what she wants. Never and can't, don't know since when Bella became like this.

Bella had better lock the door first and go back to her room to do her homework.

Bella's empty stomach was jammed with light snacks in between doing her homework. Not her habit like this but this is an effective way to delay hunger. At around 9 pm her homework was done too. Bella immediately put books and other equipment into her bag so she wouldn't forget them tomorrow and just take them with her.

Bella went downstairs to get a drink because she was very thirsty. While descending the stairs, the phone rang. She didn't mean to pick up the phone, let the person calling leave a message if it was really important. Bella still with her aim of getting a drink, walked towards the kitchen.

"Piiip.." Incoming message alert tone.

"Mother, I have arrived home. It seemed like no one was home because no one was picking up the phone.”

Bella recognized the voice of the messenger very well.

“Today thank you for the dinner. Say hello to my sister for me. I'll call again later."

“Piiip...” The voicemail ended.

Too bad the food that Auntie had prepared was not eaten by anyone. Mom has eaten out with Jennie.

"What can I do, I will eat even a little." Bella sat down, eating dinner.

The taste of Lauren's cooking is unquestionable, delicious as usual. But the food was cold, as cold as Bella felt in her heart. Or it's just a feeling because it seems the floor of the house is also getting cold. Maybe she was too tired today. Bella had better finish eating quickly and go to bed.

Her parents divorced when she was in middle school, Jennie was nine at the time. Jennie is Bella's younger sister who is three years younger than her. After Mom and Dad separated, she decided to come with Mom.

For Bella, divorce is the best way than every day she has to see and hear fights at home. Gloomy times that she can not forget since she was seven years old.

Throughout the years the fighting went on and on without end. Meanwhile, Jennie, who from the beginning did not agree with Mom and Dad separating, didn't want to choose anyone. The fight for custody of Jennie took place in court, it took a long time because Mom and Dad didn't want to budge until finally, custody fell to Dad.

Maybe Mariana didn't win because she already had Bella on her side so the court decided to be fair on their side. After living apart for four years since the divorce, Bella only sees Jennie occasionally.

Time and distance are no excuse. Bella thought a lot, about everything. Humans as long as still alive if there is a desire to meet each other no matter how far it is not impossible. The bond between humans as long as time passes if they take care of each other will remain strong even if death separates them. But if none of that is there, then this is what happens. Bella and Mom live under the same roof but they live their own lives.

Between them, there is always a time lapse which results in an invisible distance. The parapet walls were getting taller and thicker, either Bella or Mother had built the walls. The thing she knew for sure was that neither of them had any intention of destroying it. And to this day the wall still stands strong.

Bella turned off the bedroom light and climbed into bed, her hands reaching for the blankets ready for bed. She could faintly hear the sound of a car engine from outside, it seemed like Mother had come home. Just before Bella lost consciousness, her bedroom door opened. Someone was standing in the doorway, and soon the door closed again.