Memories

As Tess prepared for potential interview questions from Alex, unwanted memories began to flood in. Even though Tess was in her silk pajamas and they were her most comfortable pair the memories began to make her feel physical discomfort. The image of a drunk Alex yelling at her and throwing her work phone completely shattering the screen and spitting in her face after she had just gotten home. Tess closed her eyes tightly together as she thought of Alex’s handsome chiseled face with cheek dimples and brown green eyes darkening as he looked at her with contempt. No sign of his dimples in sight, the green of his eyes completely darkened.

Whenever Alex drank he took out a lot on Tess. When they argued Alex would tell her things like her mom and sister never loved her and they don’t care for her at all. He would say no one would ever want her but him. That he made her better and anything good she was if he wasn’t around was because he made her that way. He once threw a controller at her chest, and punched the wall right next to her head. As the memories started flooding in she was disappointed, how could she have ever mistaken this for love?

It wasn’t always bad, it had slowly became that way when she noticed he had a drinking problem and started asking him to hold back. Tess now knew he was an alcoholic, and like her drug addict mom before was in denial. He didn’t want to be held accountable to his actions when he drank. He just wanted the constant buzz of being drunk and none of the responsibilities for his actions. In those three years Tess learned whatever Alex did or said drunk he would either not remember or would remember in a way that was beneficial to him.

For the longest time different memories would seep through her dreams haunting her of that time with Alex before. He had lost her everything, she was not rich then nor did she have desires to become rich. All she wanted was the simple things in life, she was the first Fairmont in her family to purchase a home of her own. Behind Alex she lost her home as he never assisted her in paying towards and of the home expenses. Whenever she thought of letting go of her hatred of him she remembered her house.

It had a big backyard and a swinging porch, when the realtor handed her the key she was so excited. She thought finally things were looking up. When she fled originally that night she had intentions of going back. Until Alex texted her photos of the foreclosure documents and where he had drained all her life’s savings. He had cruelly sent laughing emojis saying if he couldn’t have her she would have nothing. True to his word the first 6 months he relentlessly located her and showed up to jobs accusing her of stealing from his company getting her fired from every job.

The only option she had left was to change her entire identity, emails, numbers, name, and even looks. She did watch Alex’s social media as he would post subtle posts referencing her nickname suggesting he was searching for her. His last post was 6 months ago saying”Pumpkins are still in hiding, that’s fine I never loved pumpkins. I hope I never need to see them again.” Alex used to call her pumpkin she originally thought it was an adorable pet name. She never thought he oiled go to such lengths to torment her and give her know proof of his wrong doings by referencing a nickname only they used amongst themselves.

She then realized how cold and calculating Alex truly was. Whenever friends or family would comment in confusion on his posts saying things like,”wow Alex I never realized how much you hated pumpkins until the last 4 years!” Or “Here Alex goes again with his hatred for Pumpkins! Hide your pumpkins Alex is on a pumpkin smashing spree!” To these comments he would never reply in his own words but like the comments or reply with a gif of a laughing emojis. She had never realized his true colors. People say in love you wear rose tinted glasses, what they don’t tell you is those glasses sometimes blind you completely. Mia sometimes thought when she was Tess she should have been named Tess the mess.

She didn’t ever question as Tess why Alex constantly criticized her. It was everything from her cooking, cleaning, pet care and even self care. He always had a way of making her feel less than, she used to think she just wasn’t putting in enough effort and needed to try harder. Alex wouldn’t even allow her to sit on the bed until she would wash her feet saying that they stink. He would often say her food tasted great but if he was home and in the kitchen while she made the exact same meal he would correct every little thing she was doing. Alex would even yell frustrated,”Your putting way to much salt Tess!” Tess just felt like she could do nothing right when he was around and would just let him take over. He had stomach issues and although Tess had switched his entire diet to dairy free he would eat out often with coworkers and come home with severe cramping. Alex wouldn’t even allow accuse her of using dairy products despite knowing that Tess her sele gave up dairy for his diet.

Whenever memories big and small cama up with Alex, Mía couldn’t believe she ever was Tess. As Mía if you so much as forgot to open a door once she would never grace that man with her prescence again. Her standards now are through the rough. How the times did truly change for her.