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My heart hates me

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What more reason do I have to try living? You were my Ikigai and still you are. Everything was bearable just because of you. Now that my heart bleeds in the cold lone night, and you are not here to get me through it all, make it all so hard. What am I supposed to do now? Why is my life only filled with winter and darkness? Why does it have to be me? Why only me? Why doesn't the heavens want me to be happy? Knowing he doesn't want me, knowing he broke my heart I can't stop myself from loving him. I still love him. I still love him and I hate myself for that. I am so scared to die. Scared of not being able to see his face after I die.

My heart hates me for loving him............

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