The last time someone held me close and tight, it was him. It was him in his checkered shirt and blue jeans. It was him in his growing hair and shiny eyes. He held me so tight, bones crushing mine and i was afraid to tell him it hurt as much as I loved it. The intimacy of our silence, only faintly accompanied by the puffs of air we let out against each other's skin, would've been like water rippled by a skipping stone. Was it not him stepping away, I would've wept, shaken and screamed in agony that would've drenched his shirt and made his brows crease in the most familiar way ever.
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"W-What do you mean by that?", he knew exactly what she meant but he just couldn't accept it, not when he was completely whipped for her. Minjae licked her lips nervously and tried explaining it to him again.
"It means I want you to be my sugar baby," he stayed silent after that and clenched his jaw
"We're actually fuck buddies as of now, he stumbled into my apartment by mistake one day, and then bam, the two of us were drunk and naked," Jess giggled softly and rubbed her flushed cheeks with the back of her fingers. "Oh! you've met him too! Remember the guy who was with me that day we met?" she asked, excitedly grabbing Minjae's hands. "O-Oh? That's good to know, he's cute," she smiled painfully stretching her lips up in a curve. "Fuck cute, he's amazing in bed," she whispered and hid her face behind her palm. "Mhm, I know about that alright," she mumbled under her breath, bitterly giggling along with her through her gritted teeth. "He's not very well off though," she commented, scrunching her nose up in disapproval and Minjae almost scoffed right in her face. "I mean he's amazing for
I would've let him touch me, gentle and cherished like i want to be. I would've closed my eyes and let his hands find way into my hair. I would've, I would've, i would've told him I loved him right there and then. I would've, could've done so much I couldn't for this heart is a bearer, it will bear you stepping in and it will bear you leaving. It is you, afterall. So instead, when you moved to let me breathe, I blinked and hid it with a smile. - Enigma. The word rolled around in her head like a bullet through the glass and it shattered completely when her eyes open. She fixates his pupils onto the fan in the center of the hotel ceiling and sighed in exhaustion. Minjae wondered how he ended up where she was despite all the want not to be. A weird dull ache is present in her chest and it only gr
"Young-Jae!"She had started yelling way before entering the cafeteria and now that she was inside but couldn't spot him, Minjae's heart was clenched in worry. She felt nauseated by the thought of him being so overworked that he fainted. Kim and Joon followed her quick on their feet but not as quick as her. She felt her eyes prickle with tears when she found him lying on the floor with a very worried Yeon who was rubbing his hands softly."Young-Jae!", she exclaimed and dropped all worries about her image as she engulfed him in her arms. Yeon softly took a few steps back and let Minjae take over. He watched her and Joon pick Young-Jae with his arms around their shoulders and smiled in relief."Damn, how much has he been working?", Kim asked pulling Yeon along with them into the car. The three of them took their previous positions with Young-Jae's head resting in Minjae's lap and his feet in Ye
One day, someone else will kiss me and feel a bitter taste on his tongue for mine spells your name everytime I part my lips. - She stripped herself leaving just her underwear on and got into the tub first. Once she was in with her back against one side of it, Minjae opened her arms with a gentle smile spread across her face. Young-Jae slid his pants down and awkwardly got into the tub as well, trying his best not to hit her legs or something. Once he was inside, he rested his back on the opposite side but she frowned and beckoned him into her arms with two curved fingers. "How will I wash your hair if you stay that far?", he crawled forward and turned around to lie between her legs. Minjae smiled and adjusted so his head was just below her left shoulder. She stretched her arm out and grabbed the bottle of strawberry-scented shampoo that was to her left. Young-Jae sighed in relax
Waking up was extra ordinary for Minjae this morning and it wasn't even the best part considering last night. She had opened her eyes to his angelic face in front of her eyes. Raven black hair fell onto the silk pillows and pink flushed cheeks made warmth bloom in her chest. If she could, she would wake up like this every day. Every. Damn. Day.Young-Jae slept like a baby the whole night, he had a firm grasp on Minjae until she decided to wake up and get ready to work. She tiptoed around the room, dressing up while humming a soft song to herself all the time trying not to wake him up. When she was about to leave, she decided to sneak a kiss on his cheeks and forehead but he opened his eyes as soon as she was near."G-good morning," she stuttered quickly stepping away. Young-Jae grumpily sat up in his bed and looked around the room with half-closed eyes. He kicked his feet under the duvet with a small whine and got off the
The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her? - Minjae was standing in front of the mirror in her office bathroom, fixing her lipstick for the millionth time that day. She was feeling herself today and when she looked into the reflection, she felt good and happy. 'Why is today such a good day?', she thought to herself. "Noona," Young-Jae whined from outside, his cheek pressed tightly against the door. "How long are you gonna take? I'm bored," he complained and she had to hold her breath from absolutely melting at his behaviour. She wondered if he was acting extra cute today or if he was actually this cute always.
"Psst, Jae?" Minjae whispered playfully poking his sides to get his attention again. What actually happened was that Hyun had called Minjae up, catching up with her after at least four days. He was the only one who knew about her going to Paris before hand and that Young-Jae's blood boiling. "Jae!", she called for him again but this time more sternly or she tried to but Young-Jae crossed his arms over his chest with a huff of frustration. Minjae whined in desperation and threw herself over his lap, he wanted to smile at her clingy behaviour but he held himself back somehow. "He just called up because he's been away for so long! Can't he check up on his friend?", Young-Jae's eyes shot back to her and she cowered under his angry gaze, immediat
Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point. - "No, YOU don't get it, Jess! There's nothing you didn't have in life but all of this hate in your heart made you lose it!", Young-Jae had never seen Minjae as vulnerable as she was right now and as much as he was insecure about Hyun he knew that she certainly didn't take anything from Jess. "You had a functional family which loved you, an amazing man who was head over heels for you, and most of all you didn't have to go around taking loans at the age of sixteen to pay your fucking bills," her chest heaved up and down vigorously while Young-Jae and Jess could only watch her pour everything out in silence. He was just
//If someone was to ask me why I write so much about you, or about love in general I would have no answer. What must I say? That you consume all over? Or does my love for you do that? How do I tell them that I had been so far banished from intimacy in all stages of my life that the mere sight of it feels like an opportunity to be grabbed? How do I tell a stranger that there is so much pain, so much suffering I've witnessed, been a part of, that I can't let out of my chest? It's like a dragon, chased and locked up in a cage so small it has compressed itself. How do I tell them that if I were to twist the cage's lock open, I'm afraid I'll never be able to close it again? That it'll chase away all that is left of me? All that I want to have and to be? I wonder if you'd be able to look past it, look past the green moss over my mind, past the rusting on my heart and finally see what I've been hiding? The little boy that had been far too afraid of what they said was 'love'.&nb
"Sometimes I wonder what's the point of this, everything after her but then I see you smile, listen to your laughter and let u kiss me. That's when, for a brief moment, I see. I see the point.The rain settles deep into my bones, I ache for things I do not know, things I did not know I could want. The door to my studio is open, you sit with your laptop spread out in front of you and I stare. I stare and find meaning in life once again. How much longer do I have to pretend that I do not love her?""Oh god Young Jae, all of this is so beautiful," She huffed a little. "You need to put it out in the world. I had no idea of the extent of pain you were going through. I just- God, I am so sorry.""You know, Noona, People say they want their lovers or more precisely, their loved ones to never hurt but when you were in Paris I used to wish that you did. I wished that the ache I have in my chest bounced off yours a
"I drive past that empty house sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever see you again. If you'll ever see me again. The lump in my throat is enough for me to turn around but I wish you'd see me somewhere and be brave enough to call out my name. The goodbye I didn't get to say lays crumpled up in a letter and in the texts I haven't sent to you. The agony of knowing you lay in someone's arms like you did in mine, is enough for me to have blinked my eyes clear of this fog. But oh god, my pens bleed onto paper, my thumbs bruise up against the keyboard. You are everything I write and i have become the ink that bleeds. No matter how much I struggle, even breaking through my shell, I leak all over the paper, still bleeding. And when the paper is flipped, the ink spots prettier than words ever could. They ask you to wipe me down but you too, are helpless as you gesture vaguely with your
The post wedding dinner was fun to say the least.The table was occupied by all the important people in their lives and a few acquaintainces were on the other table to their right. The couple sat next to each other, Minjae's hand clasped tightly in Young Jae's as if she could run away at ay given moment. Joon had wanted to make a joke about it but resorted to staying quiet for once.Hyun was sitting directly opposite to Young Jae on the circular table, poking around with this tteotbokki like it was as tasteless as it could get. Kim watched him lose focus a couple of times and frowned at the plate of food in front of him. Tteotbokki was his favourite, every single person around him knew that. What had caused this gloomy atmosphere over his head? Hyun seemed like he had come to terms with this reality a few weeks ago.Why the long face now?"Are you sure you are okay, Hyun? You have barely to
That’s how their dinner went, the two of them talking to one another with no shame, no filters, just complete utter love between them, and when it was time for dessert, Minjae got up and pulled a cake trolly in. It wasn’t until she poured him yet another glass of wine that he grew suspicious of her. Was she okay? Was she hiding something?“Hey Young-Jae, don’t mind but I would like it if you stay quiet for another ten minutes, kay? I need to get this done,” he hesitantly nodded, settling the glass back on the table and leaned back in his seat. “Ugh, oh my god, I’ve never been more nervous.”“Just say it-“ “Shut up.”He pursed his lips together, squinting his eyes at her th
“Fucking hell Min, you drive me crazy,” she moaned, hips dragging up against his crotch. Young-Jae shrugged tilting his head to the side with his tongue poking his cheek and the new surge of confidence had her knees weak. Does he have a glow up every week?Was that even possible?“Do I now? Why don’t show me how crazy at home?”, he teased cocking his head to signify that they were almost home. Her heartbeat shot up and for the first time, the infamously confident Minjae felt nervous. She felt as if Young-Jae was too attractive to be hers but now that he was, Jae couldn’t give him up for the world. So, with a nod and a gulp, they were tangled together on their bed.
"It's a weird thing isn't it? To touch someone and feel like you're on fire when it's your fingertips that are freezing cold. They shiver on their own as I run them down your neck, your collarbones, the dip between and you huff, half at how agonizingly slow the touch is and half at how incredibly it affects you, makes you fall apart without realisation. It is all so elevating, the hair at the nape of your neck stand, my skin ripples in goosebumps and yours follows the effect. There is a fingertip, cold, nimble and long in the middle of my back. It splays up and runs down till I shiver, back arching into you and I part my mouth from yours in a whimper. It really is weird, isn't it? I break for you, shatter and turn over inside my body all because I get to touch you and most importantly, I get to be touched by
"It's been years since I lost you. The years, the months, the days stay the same. Your birthday is always a warm day and I smile to myself the whole day. My birthday is always a cold day, you must've forgotten it but I remember every smile you gave me years back. The only thing that has changed is, that time seems to have slowed down. The days are lengthy, the nights are lengthy. I am either too warm or too cold, there is nothing intimate about it but it's been years since I lost you. Every January reminds me of all we could not be, every December reminds me of your insolent smiles and every September reminds me of all the suffering I have escaped.Your scent tucks me into bed, not only is it on my skin, it is in the air; lingering, breathing and settling deep inside me. It is November, I'm warm under the blanket
The hard ridges of your body press against the softness of mine. It's a different feeling, skin to skin and it's a different feeling to get lost in it. Your hair's grown out, I feel it under my fingertips and it barely stays in the gap of my fingers but as usual, everything looks lovely on you. However, the thing that looks exceptionally lovely on you is me.“Hey babe?”, he asked turning his head up to look at the beautiful girl who had him tight in his arms. She hummed with closed eyes and Young-Jae wrapped his leg over her waist with his arm around her shoulders, latching on like a Koala. Minjae chuckled again and picked his head up to drop a soft kiss to his forehead.“How much do you love me?”, he asked softly, snuggling against her shoulder till his lips over almost touching her jaw. “Wait, no, don’t