“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
Entering a new school has always gotten the best of me. Thinking about it, this has been my fourth time transferring to another school since my second year of middle school and it never gets easier. I woke up today at four starting my morning by taking a shower, changed into new clean clothes, and was soon pacing around my room deciding that I didn't like the clothes I was wearing. It is always frustrating having to change a few times until I find something comfortable and it only makes me feel hot like I need another shower. It's unbelievably difficult to start school halfway through the year as well and I was barely adjusting in my last school even though I had already attended for a year. I sat on my bed with my hand over my chest feeling my heart pounding and my throat tight making it difficult to breathe.I knew I was already having a panic attack, but I didn't want it to get to me; not yet. Not until the day is over and I can return to my room to cry over this feeling I am having
Elliot paused for a second before standing up and staying where he stood. “Just about your condition... that you might not be too open to the class for a while and make sure you're comfortable with the distance between the students.” He said and rubbed the back of his neck. “We're still a little confused about how to be around you…”I shook my head. “It's fine. I'm not planning to be that interactive this semester…” I said, pausing for a second before glancing over at him. “I don't want to go in yet.”“That's fine. I'll go in with you when you're ready.” He said and watched me closely. “So how long have you had this condition?”I glanced over at him and stood up to take a step away from him. “Almost two years... I think… It kind of built up to it a few years before that, so kind of like five years.” I answered.I wasn't too comfortable discussing my haphephobia, but I can answer a few basic questions about it since a lot of people are always curious and I knew I should share some infor
During the drive home, it was silent as Mom had nothing else to say and I didn’t want to talk more about what happened. I was exhausted so I went to lay down on my bed after coming home and I closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep. I just want this day to end, but I don't want tomorrow to begin. I don't want to start a new day or even try going to school either. Elliot was only trying to help yet he did everything that I couldn't handle, but I don't blame him either. I want to blame him, but it wasn’t exactly his fault because he doesn’t know what escalated my anxiety. I sighed as I got up walking to the restroom and closed the door behind me as I played some music from my phone while I leaned over the counter. I looked at myself in the mirror before opening the cabinet taking out a bag that hid a small blade and I sat down on the toilet as I took a few breaths starring it. I haven't cut myself for almost a year and there have been a few times where I sat down with the blade in my hand a
It was silence between us, again, as we didn't have anything else to say before Elliot got up and turned to me, “Come on.” he said as he pulled out his car keys from his pocket. “Where are we going?” I asked as I stood up to follow him. “Just to get some fresh air,” he said as he opened the door and I locked it behind me. We walked towards his car and we began to head out once I buckled myself in. I didn't mind not knowing where we were going, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if I was even interested in wanting to go anywhere since I still didn’t know the area. I sighed as I looked out the window and realized that we came to a park after he pulled into the parking lot. We got out when he parked and I zipped up my jacket as I felt the cool breeze once stepping outside. Honestly, it was refreshing feeling being outside after I’ve kept myself in my room and getting a little bit of sun. “I haven't gone to the park for a while…” I said as we walked over to an empty picnic table and s
I woke up around five-thirty in the morning and slowly got out of bed to grab some clean clothes trying to find something comfortable to wear. I felt a little calmer compared to two days ago, but that anxiety is still there when I think about my day and I'm trying hard to not freak out just yet. I tried taking deep breaths as I’m getting myself ready and during that time I’m playing with the rubber band on my wrist trying to calm myself down a bit. Mom left me breakfast on the stove before leaving to work and I was standing at the door after I ate. It's only been a couple of minutes before seven and I checked my backpack to see if I had everything; checked if I had my house keys in my pocket and double-checked if I turned off the lights in my room. I finally stepped outside and made my way when I saw Elliot already there.“How long have you been waiting?” I asked.He shrugged his shoulders, “Five minutes, maybe.” he said before smili
“I didn't mean to…” I said quietly.David was about to walk over to me when someone reached out to grab his shoulder and pulled him back. “Everything okay?”I looked up and saw Elliot; it gave me such a relieving feeling as I saw him.David looked at Elliot before shrugging off his hand, “Everything's fine.” he answered back.“Well, you better go then,” he tells him and David slowly started to walk away.David took a last look over and we made eye contact, but I turned away quickly.“Thanks…” I said as I moved to pick up the books from the ground.“No problem. I was trying to figure out where you went off to,” he said as he moved to sit on the chair beside me.I looked at the books for a second before putting them on the table and I no longer feel like working on my assignment anymore. “He’s kind of…” I said but I didn