They say that you can’t push back a wave.
Well, I am standing on the beach about to be pummelled.
If I had known that day that I was going to break, I would have chosen differently. I could have prevented it all together; I would have. Through everything, I did the best that I could to stay alive.
It was lurking in the darkness, just waiting to strike and make itself known.
It took my dreams and left my life in pieces.
It was like a shadow that clung to me every day. A companion that I have had for years now.
I fell so hard and so fast that I had to be hospitalized for a week.
Type one, rapid cycling with moods congruent psychosis, which apparently is a devastating and severe form of Bipolar Disorder.
They told me that I had a mixed episode, which is dangerous. It has a tremendously high suicide risk, higher than a major de
I watch him as he is busy getting dressed. He is one of the sexiest men I have ever seen and probably the only one that I will ever be with. Yes, I am saying this as I care, but there is no harm in admiring the view while you have it.Lucas Lucero is definitely a price that any woman would love to have. And for a brief moment in time, he was mine.Or was he?So it is with nothing but that fucking gorgeous smile on his face that he leans over and places his lips softly against mine, “I need to go, baby doll.”As I take his lips for mine to taste, I only softly whisper, “Will I see you later?”He fumbles a bit, looking for the right words, “I am going to be a bit busy tonight at the club, but I can come over afterward.”Well, now do I tell him that I will see him later whether he likes it or not, or do I keep
It only takes one tick of a second…That same adrenaline that I said will turn sour on me? Well, it has now turned into a fit of utter flaming rage as I watch the man that claims that he loves me with another woman on his lap.Now the question is… What do I do about it?So I look at Savanah next to me as she only drops her head, “Sav, what must I do? I feel like going over there and ripping is goddamn dick off and stick it where she probably had it a few hours ago.”“Lexi, I think we should just go home. You guys can talk this out later.”Well, that is not going to happen; I was merely asking for an opinion and not advice. So I move further into the crowd to make sure that I blend in.Savanah only but shakes her head as she heads off to the bar to get drinks. How I would love to toss that drink, in fact, I
As my entire world comes crashing down in one ball of fire, I make my way bursting through the crowds that seem to have only but grown in the past five minutes. It feels like I am suffocating; I am slowly choking on the very breath that is supposed to keep me alive.I am dying inside, and god, it fucking hurts.This time it hurts even more than the first.Why did I get close to Lucas again, I let my guard down for only one second, and he managed to drag me into those hazel eyes. He knows that they drive my knees to weakness. Did he set to do this from the start, or did he fall back in love with me too?Whichever way, I am drowning in a pool of my own tears that is making their way down cheeks that are still burning from the rage that took over my body only but moments ago. I have never lost it like that before, I don’t know what the fuck happened, but
…Lucas POV…Driving home in dead silence with the rain pounding down on the car, my thoughts are taken back to what happened earlier tonight. Yes, I am a fucking fool for treating Lexi the way I did, not only now but all those years ago. I can make up any excuse no matter how goddamn lame; it will still not make up for the way I broke her heart.I can honestly say that at this very present moment, I feel what is probably only a glimpse of what she felt. My heart is being sliced open and ripped to shreds. The pain is suffocating; it squeezes every breath of air from my lungs. There is nothing else I want to do now but cry. Lucas Lucero, even as a young boy, has never shed a tear in his entire life.It is taking such a gorgeous creature as Lexi Rose to bring him down. But it is not truly a complete undoing, for I can say for certain that the love I fee
By now, the hurt in his heart must be raging.As for the hurt in my heart, it is still burning out of control. I have not for one second let go of how angry I am at him. It has consumed every single fiber in me, and it still has not let go. I am growing closer and closer to the edge, and god, when I get there, I am going to crash and burn.My emotions are out of sync, and my mind is playing tricks on me. I have surrendered control over my demons the moment I set my foot in that club, and it still has a firm grip on me. If I don’t find myself between all the darkness soon, then I fear that I am going to be lost.And lost is what I feel. I will be very honest with myself; I am not as happy as I thought I would be when I finally bring Lucas Lucero down. My emotions are mixed. There are moments when I feel guilt and then
The phone was off.So I am left here with nothing but my thoughts and an evil that is growing inside. I have tried for the past several hours to let go of what is haunting me, but every time I think of him, I fall apart. The edges of my restraint have snapped, and I have stopped thinking straight almost an hour ago.An hour ago, I decided, what the fuck, I am going to get drunk.So it is with a bottle of cheap whiskey that I find myself sitting in complete darkness. A darkness that is surrounding me with a suffocating grip on my chest. My only aim now is to numb the pain that has consumed every fiber in my broken body.But it is not working.I am busy going fucking crazy.Should I continue on my path of self-destruction, I am going to come down in one hell of a spectacular way. Crash and burn that is what Lexi Rose is famous for, well, only si
...Lucas POV...They say that the future is a blank sheet of paper, and we are the ones that draw the lines on it, but sometimes our hand is held, and the lines we draw aren't the lines we wanted.That is life, isn't it? A long series of what-if's that lead from one moment to the next, time never pausing for you to catch your breath, to make sense of the cards that have been handed to you. And all you can do is play your cards and hope for the best.Well, I am not a fucking poker player.But, ya…Life is also a collection of moments, some good and some bad; they ultimately form the puzzle of your life. There is someone who has stood in the same dark place, that the very same puzzle as you. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Sometimes, it's normal, healthy, and necessary to feel defeated, so you know what it's like to rise another time.
…Lucas POV…The drive to the Hospital is near to torture as I feel torn away from Lexi for each ticking second too long. The only thought that consumed me as I sat there in silence, trying my best not to show the tears that wanted to burn with pain down cheeks that had gone pale and near damn cold, the only single thing that ran through my mind is that all of this is my fault.If I were not fucking cheating when I was supposed to be with her, then none of this would have happened. I will wallow in my own misery rightfully deserved if anything has to happen to her.So here I am, I am standing in a godforsaken waiting room. With each second that the clock ticks to a minute, there is a small piece of me that is slowly dying.The hardest thing in life is having patience. They say the longer something takes, the better the outcome. Well, I say it i
...Lucas POV...The day has finally arrived.Today the babies are born.Lexi is completely petrified, pacing the room as she is trying to get into her hospital gown. She has been going to see this doctor, but to me, it does not seem that there is any approvement. Now, I have asked her and the doctor what is going on, but neither of them wants to tell me. And as for Tina, Lexi has not told her either.Now she is here working herself up, and believe me; I ain't the one telling a pregnant woman that is about to give birth to calm down. Well, not that she would listen because what I say really does not count, for she does keep on reminding me that we have separated. She does not want to understand my perspective, and I don't know what is wrong with her. At this rate, it is not helping us both.So once she has put on that godawful hospital gown, the nurses come to push her bed through to the operating theatre. Not once does she hold my hand as we move t
...Lexi POV...The things you go through now, the heartache and the pain, the smiles and the laughter, prepares you for your fate, for your destiny. All the if's, the why's, the will's and want's, brings you what you ask for. So when you ask for something, make sure to be clear, or you may land with something you asked for but did not really want. If you the lucky few, you will get what you asked for but receive a whole lot more, a whole lot that you did not expect but that you realize you actually wanted.Never did I know what love is, let alone being in love. I never thought anyone would ever make me smile, laugh and capture my heart. Never did I think I will fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. Whether it was fate or karma, love found me, and I found love.My journey has come far; at times, I did not understand it, and at times it was really hard. My love was questioned, and my patience tested. I have learned that people a
…Lexi POV…We have been planning for this for almost a day; I have been waiting for it just a slight bit longer. This is the day that dreams are made of. It should be the happiest day of my life.I have dressed for the part, a classic white princess dress with a modern twist, a beaded lace bodice with a thin beaded belt, a dreamy and voluminous tulle skirt that gorgeously flares out underneath. My porcelain skin is composed to perfection, and my hair is tucked neatly into place. And to finish off, a pair of stilettos that hug my feet and glimmers as it shines.This is my wedding day.…Lucas POV…This is it; I stare at myself in the full-length mirror. I am dressed to perfection in a black tux with a white designer collar shirt. It is silky to the touch and just as easy on the skin. This feels right; this is what I want to be.We have been preparing for this moment; this is the hour; this is the minute my life will
…Lucas POV…I am standing in utmost patience, waiting for her to give me the answer that I want to hear. But that little shy smile says it all; she is going to tease me and drag it until I am nearly about to burst out in anticipation. I know she will say yes, but I want so desperately for her to say it. I guess she wants to hear me beg for it."Lexi, what do you say?""Mmm, I need some time to think.""If you take any longer, then your head is going to explode.""You know what else is going to explode?" she asks me as she nips on her bottom lip.From outside the door, I hear Savanah's voice loud and clear, "Lexi, can you say yes already. I am not getting any younger."I watch as she reaches her hand to me, and I know for certain, "Yes, Lucas, yes."The moment those words escape her lips, Savanah opens the door for us. With a very satisfied look on her face, she pulls us both in for a hug.For one moment the
...Lexi POV...I look at Lucas with squinted eyes, trying to show him how displeased I am to be stuck in this damn broom closet with him. As he looks back at me, it is hard to figure out if he is finding this somewhat amusing or if he is just as annoyed as I am. Just as he is about to get that cocky smile, I snap at him."Is this just not fantastic!""Oh, believe me, I cannot think of spending my day in a better way.""What does that mean?""I don't want to be stuck in a closet with you.""What is wrong with me?"He dares to look me up and down; he studies my body too long to be comfortable with. We have been intimately close so many times; why does this feel somewhat different. It is as if he is judging by the mere look in his eye, which seems to be very hard to read; I have no idea what he is thinking."Well, where do I even start?" he says with eyes so cold. His words knock my heart back hard; how can he be so cr
...Savanah's POV...These two are driving me to insanity. They are stubborn; they plain well do not want to listen. The one thinks the other is better off without the other; all clarity in their heads have gone out the door.Something has to be done.I decide to text him first."Lucas, it is time this bullshit stops. Fair if you don't want to speak to Lexi."Not even a minute later, he phones."Hey, Savanah.""Don't you hey Savanah me.""Where the hell have you been?""I am okay; I have been at a friend's place.""Don't bullshit me; you don't have friends.""I guess you are pretty mad at me?""Whatever gives you that bullshit idea?"“You have used the word bullshit three times already; I don't think I have ever heard you say it before."He is damn right that I have not said it before, but I am beyond my patience with these two."If you two are not going to act like grown-up
…Lucas POV… I am not sure how to take Lexi, she just made love to me. She is furious with me, I do not understand why, why would she make love to me? There is a different kind of look in her eyes. She has been mad at me before and not wanted to come near me at all. Yet, now, she craved to be around me more than anything else. I do not understand if she is still upset, or are we just leaving this unsaid. Well, I have yet spoken but too soon. What does she mean by what is going to happen? The only thing we need now is to work through this and move forward from here. But I do not believe that this will be that easy. So it is with a deep sorrow that she reflects those blue eyes back into mine. The pain is clear, the pain is there, I am foolish to think any other way. And so I need to prepare myself for the worst. "Lucas, I don't know if I can forgive you. I mean of all the things that you have done wrong and hidden away from me, I do not think that I can
…Lucas POV…“What do you mean that we are not really friends?” I watch as the anger build on Lexi’s face as her voice travels to every corner of the room.With that, I take a very much furious Lexi to the white leather couch. She is quite shaken up so I shall not mention anything about anything to her at the moment. And while I sit her down, I turn to make my leave."Please stay," she asks with words that are strained. I can see the pain in her beautiful blue eyes and I need to be convinced if I should be anywhere else but here.So I sit down next to her and pull her close into my arms. No matter what wrong that I have done, there is no other place I would rather be than here.I need to stop for one moment and take a step back, for beyond all the craziness that fill our lives, I need to allow myself to remember what drives me, and it is Lexi. What makes this all worthwhile is the beauty that I hold in my arms. Should
I have not seen Lucas for two days; I am hoping it is because he is busy at the club and not that he is avoiding me. I do not know how I ever thought we could have sex and go back to being friends. I hate being rejected this way, and for some reason, especially by him.Was I just another knot in his string?I am starting to doubt if he wanted me the way I thought he did. In fact, I do not know which way he truly wanted me to start with. I am starting to doubt that we were really such good friends as he said that we are. I honestly think he will not want me again now that he has gotten what he has desired for so long.But it is my own fucking fault!So why am I here sitting and feeling sorry for myself?I guess it is just hard to move back to where we were before the mind-blowing sex. Which was supposed to have been only once, but then he had to take