"I'm so sorry Collin, please don't leave me," I begged him, though I know it was not my fault that I didn't get pregnant. It had been three years now, we had been trying to have a baby since the first year we were married.
I loved him once, with all my heart. He was my high school sweetheart. We dated in high school, then we separated because we went to a different college. Then we reunited at our best friend's wedding. We dated for almost a year on and off and decided to get married.
"You're useless wife, you can't even get pregnant. I should have left you by now. Just leave me alone! I'm so upset with you right now." He slammed the door and left me to get drunk in the next room.
I was an only child, and both of my parents had passed away a couple of years back in a plane crash. Since then, I had been independent and on my own, until I met Collin. After our marriage, Collin moved in with me since I got the bigger house.
He told me to quit my job and prepared myself to be a full-time mom. I was happy, I was thinking of building a family with him.
Since I was settled in finance from my parents' inheritance, I agreed with him and quit my job.
I rushed to him trying to mend our marriage. "Collin please, don't be upset with me. We will try again, and again just please don't leave me."
From the first year that we failed to have a baby, I suggested to him that we both went to a doctor to get checked out and see what our options were. But he went mad at that idea, saying that it must've been me. From then on, it went downhill.
He would go home late, drank after work, and called me names. Told me that I was not a real wife, because I couldn't even get pregnant. From then, my love for him slowly diminished.
He never hit me, but his abuse was mental. He would threaten to leave me, every time I got my period by the end of the month. After my period ended he would fuck me every day, but never pleased me anymore. He would come inside me and leave me be, he would tell me to be a good wife and get pregnant. But every month I didn't. Until the third year this year.
It started one evening when I saw him having sex with another woman in our bed. I confronted him and yelled at him. But he just shrugged, saying that I won't let him leave, so he would do as he pleased.
I cried that night, my heart shattered to pieces. How could it turn to this? We were very much in love. Where did I go wrong?
This went on for months, making me depressed. Until one day I decided to end my life, and consumed all the pills in my bottle, with liquor.
I was happy and relaxed after that. Feeling myself drowning away, in my sorrows. But I woke up the next day in a hospital. Collin was by my side, he was putting his game face on. Looking sad, and caring towards me. But he was smirking at me, when the doctor and nurses, would look away from us.
I just didn't care anymore. I just wanted to die. I was such a failure, I couldn't even kill myself. I just closed my eyes, didn't even want to see his face.
He kissed the top of my head when he saw the doctor, was coming into the room.
"Good afternoon Mr. Buford. I'm Dr. Raynes, we've talked about admitting your wife to a Psychiatric Hospital. Mrs. Buford here is in a good condition already for her transfer. I don't think, there would be any problem. If you could follow me, we can continue with the paperwork. And I can have the nurses, to help with her things." The doctor explained to Collin.
I slumped lower to the bed, thinking that at least I didn't have to be near him, and see him parade all his women around the house, and belittle me. Maybe I could be happy there, maybe I could even get better there? No, Who was I kidding, I was too tired for this life.
Collin was supposed to be my one and only, my true love, my happy ending. If I couldn't even manage one person, that I love deeply before. How could I even get better? I was ready for sleep time. I was already drowsy, from this flow of information today.
Whatever happened to me in the loony bin, I guess it would happen anyway. Not like I could do anything about it. Not like I wanted to do anything about it. I just didn't have the drive, like I used to.
Having failure after failure made me what I was, despite all the people were telling me about this morning.
It had been four months since I had been here. They called it a Psychiatric Hospital, but it was more like a loony bin as Collin would say.He never visited me, I didn't have any more friends since I was with Collin. I didn't even realize, that I had estranged myself from my friends since I was with him.Day after day, it was all the same here. We would gather for a group session, and a private session with the psychiatrist couple of times a week. Then in between, there were several activities that we could join, there were painting, pottery, games like chess, cards, but I would usually sit in the corner and just read books.It had been peaceful here, I was finding my rhythm. Until one day one of the attendants told me to try another activity. She wanted me to blend in, rather than reading a book and distant myself from others. She said It would help me socialize with others when it was deemed time for me to be back into t
Laura finally left me alone with my book. I love my books, where I could escape from my reality into another world of people's minds. Sometimes I would think, that was my therapy.I would feel better in the inside minds of brilliant authors. Lost in fictions of heroes, knights, and kingdoms where all led up to bravery, strength, and persistence. I would get lost, and caught up in the story and found out another day had gone by, and the sky was getting darker.That day I could feel, someone was watching me from the corner, as I was reading. But I kept on reading anyway, never minding others as I liked to be left alone.Until Laura came to get me and ushered me back to my room. I passed the corner seat and saw a sketch, a beautiful sketch of a woman by the window reading a book with rays of sunshine highlighted her soft pale features. Laura saw to my direction and picked up the sketchbook."It's Brenton's, I
Collin called me this morning. Laura put me on the line with him, after confirming whether I would like to receive his phone call or not. I said yes to her. Saying I was afraid he would come here if I didn't answer his phone. I didn't want to ever see his face ever again. Not even in another lifetime.He called just to check-in on me. "Hello wife, how are you today? I've got your report from Dr. Raynes in my hand. Saying that you still try to kill your self there, a couple of days ago. Answer me, wife, is that true?" He started laughing and my tears started to fall, Laura was by my side in no time. Knowing I was still on the phone with Collin. Gesturing if I want the call to be cut off or not, I shook my head no to her. I was still afraid that he would visit me. At least I didn't have to see his face when he was mocking me."Well? Can't you speak anymore woman?""Yes, I did. I still want to." My voice was just a whisper now. I was telling the t
Fruits! Fucking fruits!It's like art class all over again. Wait...this is an art class. It was an art class with tattooed handsome goodness standing in front.Well, this I can live with. I started to paint. Sketching my outlines slow then fast, strong strokes keeping my sketch composition proportional.I could feel him behind me, saying nothing. His warmth hovers on top of me. I closed my eyes for a moment then sighed. He lowered himself, put his tattooed palm on my shoulder and his lips lingered beside my ear."Beautiful, nice strong strokes, powerful arch, keep it up, Nicolette." He left me abruptly, his deep voice made me sighed.Deep breath woman! You can do this! Just paint the fucking fruits!You can fuck the tattooed handsome goodness later on! Wait what??
Dr. Raynes called me to his office the next day. "Morning, Mrs. Buford. First of all, we would like to give you our condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. Please have a seat." He told me, pulling a chair for me to sit. He waited until I was seated, then he continued."I'm not sure if your lawyer has been in touch with you or not. If not we will facilitate your meeting, and contact him for you. We will make sure, everything goes as smoothly as possible. In a couple of days, we will transfer you back to your home." He told me, while he was shuffling my files on his desk."But be sure that we will still available for you, for further consultation. Laura will assist you, Mrs. Buford. Again, we're sorry for your loss." He explained to me, another technicality but I was already tuned out by then.My head was already doing weird thinking, I was ready to fall back to my corner when Laura assisted me to get up, and we went back
Two days later I was back home. Ian, my lawyer was at the hospital previously to assist me with the paperwork for them. Then when we got home, Regan his daughter was there waiting for us.He asked previously, was it okay if Regan joined us. He said that she has been asking about me. We used to be really close in college, but after Collin, we just drifted apart."Nicolette, hey how are you holding up? I'm sorry I haven't visited you. I'm just not sure about where we stand, since Collin. I should've fought harder for you when he told me things about you. God, I'm so sorry, Nic." She hugged me, it felt so nice to have her back."I miss you, Regan, I miss us, I miss having friends. It's not your fault Reg, look can we just move past everything and move on?" I hugged her back and wiped my tears away. Happy tears, for having my friend back."Thank you, Ian, thank you for bringing her back into my life." I hugged
I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed.Fuck! The bed! I need to change the bed.Before I knew it, all the memories came flooding, the betrayal, the hurt. I quickly got out of bed like it was on fire. Tears streaming down my face.Fuck it, woman! You're better than this. The fucker is dead!I kept on trying to hold my self up. Conversing with my self. But still couldn't do it. I needed someone. My hands were trembling. I reached for my phone, it slipped out of my grips a couple of times but I managed to call Brenton. Didn't know why I press his number. But I just wanted somebody to be here, not talking about it.He picked up, after a couple of rings."Nicolette? Are you okay?" His voice was heavy like he just woke up."Hey, Nicolette. Are you at the house?" He asked again since I hadn't answered his
I woke up, feeling the empty bed beside me. I stretched out my arms and legs, feeling the soreness between my legs.Oh my... it was definitely not a dream.Then I saw him seating on the other side of the room, with his sketchbook. Wearing nothing just his boxers. "Morning Brenton, what are you doing?" I smiled at him suddenly embarrassed, that I was still naked.I tried to find my clothes, but he threw me his shirt instead.Ok then...He came to me, giving me a cup of coffee. "Thank you." I grinned, sit myself up, and drank it."Finished your coffee. I want my breakfast after this." He said, and then threw his sketchbook, and got under the cover. His hands started to wander to my legs, slowly inching to my sex. I sipped my coffee, then set it aside to the bedside table."Need