It had been four months since I had been here. They called it a Psychiatric Hospital, but it was more like a loony bin as Collin would say.
He never visited me, I didn't have any more friends since I was with Collin. I didn't even realize, that I had estranged myself from my friends since I was with him.
Day after day, it was all the same here. We would gather for a group session, and a private session with the psychiatrist couple of times a week. Then in between, there were several activities that we could join, there were painting, pottery, games like chess, cards, but I would usually sit in the corner and just read books.
It had been peaceful here, I was finding my rhythm. Until one day one of the attendants told me to try another activity. She wanted me to blend in, rather than reading a book and distant myself from others. She said It would help me socialize with others when it was deemed time for me to be back into the world.
But I didn't want to be out. I liked it here. I didn't have anybody else out there.
They put me in a painting class. They said, that a volunteer was teaching the class today, he was very talented and I should give it a try.
I entered the class grumbling, everybody was looking at me when I walked in. I just wanted to be left alone.
Fuck it! I was just going to sit, paint, then back to my reading nook.
Well then, why was this an all-women painting class?
But then I looked at the volunteer. He was a tattooed handsome goodness. With his manly hands stroking the canvas, and his back muscles stretching his shirt every time he paints upwards. No wonder. I arched my eyebrow at every woman there, smirking.
Well then, maybe I could paint a little, And see what the fuss was all about.
I sit my ass on an empty stool in front of an easel. Waiting for further instructions.
"Right, ladies we will continue where we left off a couple of days ago. And looks like we have a newcomer. I will be with you shortly. Please, everyone, continue as I will circle for viewing." He explained to the class.
Such a deep voice. Sexy. Woah...why am I even thinking about it?
I was still waiting for him. But I decided, I needed to get away. This was not what I wanted. I didn't need another male in my life. I was done. I just wanted to be left alone.
I used to be an independent strong-willed woman, I still didn't understand what happened to me. I would stare outside for hours thinking about it. But then my thoughts got the best of me, as I retrieved back to my cocoon, feeling like my own worthless self.
I walked out of the class without even looking back. I was back on my reading nook, staring outside. Not even realizing that I shed a tear.
"Hey, sorry I didn't catch your name. Are you okay? Why do you leave the class?" The tattooed handsome goodness asked.
"Nicolette. Not okay. Loony bin resident. I like reading better. This is my favorite nook." I wiped my tear and held my book tightly to my chest.
"Well then Nicolette, why don't you bring your book to the class. Just stick around. You don't have to paint yet. Just that Laura, had already jot your name on the list. Come on." He held out his tattooed covered arm at me.
I looked at it and decided not to take it but I followed him anyway. He smiled, pleased that I was following him.
Well then. I guess I just had to endure this handsome torment in front of me, for a while longer.
Laura looked at me from the far corner. I could see her smiling at me. I always liked her. She was the oldest and most senior attendant here. She was very kind to me. She knew my history with Collin. She was here when he gave the consent and signed all the paperwork here. She accidentally, overhead what Collin said to me that day.
"Goodbye, my dear wife. I shall never see you again. I will make sure all is taken care of, for your permanent stay here. I've got your parents' money, to take care of the bill. And their house, for me to fuck other women in." He whispered and kissed me on the temple, looking at Dr. Raynes showing off for appearance.
But Laura was watching and listening behind him, with a sad face as she saw me shed a tear for my life.
Since then she had been my rock. I would try a couple of times, to end my life here, feeling that I've had enough. His words sent me over the edge. Making me wanted to die. But she would hold me and rocked me to sleep. Unlike other attendants here, that would just give me shots, or even more pills to make me complied with their program.
I was looking at my blank canvas, when the tattooed handsome goodness took my book, and put it on the table beside me, and gave me a graphite pencil. He pointed to the plastic flower in a vase, in front of the class.
"Nicolette, why don't you try and sketch the object?" He left me, to view others' painting progress.
I gripped the pencil and started drawing frantically, fast long strokes with the precision ratio of length and width. God! I haven't done this in three years, not since Collin.
Suddenly my vision became blurry. Then I threw the graphite pencil on the table, and quickly run to the third story window.
Fuck it! I wanted to die! I had enough of this. I was done. I gave up. Then I felt a strong pair of arms grabbed my waist and pulled me in.
Shit! I couldn't even die! I was a failure even at trying to kill my self.
"Please! Please just let me die." I cried hard and slumped down.
"Just let me go and end my life. Please just give me that." I cried hard as the person kept on holding me tight.
Suddenly I saw Laura, and she rushed to my side and took me away from whoever I was clinging to.
"There child, I'm sorry I pushed you too far. It's okay, you don't have to draw anymore. Let's get you to your favorite nook okay?" I kept on crying to Laura. But went with her to my nook.
Laura finally left me alone with my book. I love my books, where I could escape from my reality into another world of people's minds. Sometimes I would think, that was my therapy.I would feel better in the inside minds of brilliant authors. Lost in fictions of heroes, knights, and kingdoms where all led up to bravery, strength, and persistence. I would get lost, and caught up in the story and found out another day had gone by, and the sky was getting darker.That day I could feel, someone was watching me from the corner, as I was reading. But I kept on reading anyway, never minding others as I liked to be left alone.Until Laura came to get me and ushered me back to my room. I passed the corner seat and saw a sketch, a beautiful sketch of a woman by the window reading a book with rays of sunshine highlighted her soft pale features. Laura saw to my direction and picked up the sketchbook."It's Brenton's, I
Collin called me this morning. Laura put me on the line with him, after confirming whether I would like to receive his phone call or not. I said yes to her. Saying I was afraid he would come here if I didn't answer his phone. I didn't want to ever see his face ever again. Not even in another lifetime.He called just to check-in on me. "Hello wife, how are you today? I've got your report from Dr. Raynes in my hand. Saying that you still try to kill your self there, a couple of days ago. Answer me, wife, is that true?" He started laughing and my tears started to fall, Laura was by my side in no time. Knowing I was still on the phone with Collin. Gesturing if I want the call to be cut off or not, I shook my head no to her. I was still afraid that he would visit me. At least I didn't have to see his face when he was mocking me."Well? Can't you speak anymore woman?""Yes, I did. I still want to." My voice was just a whisper now. I was telling the t
Fruits! Fucking fruits!It's like art class all over again. Wait...this is an art class. It was an art class with tattooed handsome goodness standing in front.Well, this I can live with. I started to paint. Sketching my outlines slow then fast, strong strokes keeping my sketch composition proportional.I could feel him behind me, saying nothing. His warmth hovers on top of me. I closed my eyes for a moment then sighed. He lowered himself, put his tattooed palm on my shoulder and his lips lingered beside my ear."Beautiful, nice strong strokes, powerful arch, keep it up, Nicolette." He left me abruptly, his deep voice made me sighed.Deep breath woman! You can do this! Just paint the fucking fruits!You can fuck the tattooed handsome goodness later on! Wait what??
Dr. Raynes called me to his office the next day. "Morning, Mrs. Buford. First of all, we would like to give you our condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. Please have a seat." He told me, pulling a chair for me to sit. He waited until I was seated, then he continued."I'm not sure if your lawyer has been in touch with you or not. If not we will facilitate your meeting, and contact him for you. We will make sure, everything goes as smoothly as possible. In a couple of days, we will transfer you back to your home." He told me, while he was shuffling my files on his desk."But be sure that we will still available for you, for further consultation. Laura will assist you, Mrs. Buford. Again, we're sorry for your loss." He explained to me, another technicality but I was already tuned out by then.My head was already doing weird thinking, I was ready to fall back to my corner when Laura assisted me to get up, and we went back
Two days later I was back home. Ian, my lawyer was at the hospital previously to assist me with the paperwork for them. Then when we got home, Regan his daughter was there waiting for us.He asked previously, was it okay if Regan joined us. He said that she has been asking about me. We used to be really close in college, but after Collin, we just drifted apart."Nicolette, hey how are you holding up? I'm sorry I haven't visited you. I'm just not sure about where we stand, since Collin. I should've fought harder for you when he told me things about you. God, I'm so sorry, Nic." She hugged me, it felt so nice to have her back."I miss you, Regan, I miss us, I miss having friends. It's not your fault Reg, look can we just move past everything and move on?" I hugged her back and wiped my tears away. Happy tears, for having my friend back."Thank you, Ian, thank you for bringing her back into my life." I hugged
I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed.Fuck! The bed! I need to change the bed.Before I knew it, all the memories came flooding, the betrayal, the hurt. I quickly got out of bed like it was on fire. Tears streaming down my face.Fuck it, woman! You're better than this. The fucker is dead!I kept on trying to hold my self up. Conversing with my self. But still couldn't do it. I needed someone. My hands were trembling. I reached for my phone, it slipped out of my grips a couple of times but I managed to call Brenton. Didn't know why I press his number. But I just wanted somebody to be here, not talking about it.He picked up, after a couple of rings."Nicolette? Are you okay?" His voice was heavy like he just woke up."Hey, Nicolette. Are you at the house?" He asked again since I hadn't answered his
I woke up, feeling the empty bed beside me. I stretched out my arms and legs, feeling the soreness between my legs.Oh my... it was definitely not a dream.Then I saw him seating on the other side of the room, with his sketchbook. Wearing nothing just his boxers. "Morning Brenton, what are you doing?" I smiled at him suddenly embarrassed, that I was still naked.I tried to find my clothes, but he threw me his shirt instead.Ok then...He came to me, giving me a cup of coffee. "Thank you." I grinned, sit myself up, and drank it."Finished your coffee. I want my breakfast after this." He said, and then threw his sketchbook, and got under the cover. His hands started to wander to my legs, slowly inching to my sex. I sipped my coffee, then set it aside to the bedside table."Need
"So, you want to check out the studio? I think you will like it. You can paint there also." He gently rubbed my arm."Why don't we start the day like normal people, and have breakfast first? Let's go, it's been a while since I prepare my own meal. You can sketch me cooking if you want?" I teased him."Anyway, I have a lunch date with Regan, we have so much to catch up. I think Collin said some hurtful things to her. About she's being gay, and he doesn't want me to stay friends with her. But I love her. She's part of my past. We used to be inseparable in college." I started to get up and wore his shirt again. He was looking amused at me now.I took my coffee and went to the kitchen, he followed behind me, after he put on his pants."Savory or sweet for the pancake?" I pulled out some flour and started mixing the batter. It had been a while, I missed doing this mundane stuff, around the house. It felt good t