Sofia Adams - May, 2012Entering the house where I lived with Nick feels strange because it seems like a lifetime ago that I was here, not just two months. I gather all the cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and boxes that I will need.Entering our bedroom is like being hit by a million memories all at once, including our last fight. Nevertheless, I stay strong and begin to clean. I carefully fold and store Nick's clothes that will be donated, pack away items I don't want to get rid of, and items that I know his parents would want.After everything is sorted and sealed, I start cleaning the room. I change the sheets, take out the trash, and I even find the empty box of the pregnancy test from that night. It was never a possibility, and I feel sad for the children I never had with him. But it's a sadness that I now know I can bear, and I can do it all without alcohol.I call Anne. I hear her sleepy "hello" from the other end of the line; I think I woke her up."I'm in my room," I say aft
Ethan Hernandez - May, 2014As I embarked on my journey around the world, I thought of Sofia every day.We kept sporadic contact through messages, just checking in on each other. Every time I receive a message from her, my heart fills with joy. She seemed to be doing well, having landed a job as a primary school teacher near her home, and most importantly, she was sober.While traveling, I meet incredible people, visit fascinating places, and delve deeper into my career as an architect. But in every new location, there's an emptiness, a void that only Sofia's presence can fill.Two years quickly pass by.I look at my latest project nearing completion. A beachfront vacation home in Lanikai.This was the last house I would work on in the renovation of the friends Mr. Miller referred me to.After that, a position as a university professor awaited me in Chicago, my hometown, where my family lived.I was eager to live near my mother and sisters again, but I'd be lying if I said that the ca
Sofia Hernandez - January, 2022I enter her room desperate not to see what I wanted. I try to contain the panic, while my logical side screams that she's only been missing for a few minutes.My cellphone beeps."I found her, she's in the tree."I exhale in relief and head straight to the garden. Up high, proudly standing, is my treehouse reminiscent of another life.I climb the stairs, which are sturdier than ever after the renovation five years ago.I hear her carefree laughter before seeing her face. "I'm sure it's not written like that, Daddy."My little girl looks at the book resting on her lap while her back is supported against Ethan's chest.- "Don't blame me, blame the book. It's right here," Ethan points to a passage on the page, laughing.Her childish face contorts into a grimace, and I know she won't stop until she gets the answer she wants."No, Daddy, that's not right. That word isn't "stinky" I know what stinky means, and it's not that," she responds, looking into his e
"Akai Ito An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet... Regardless of time, place or circumstance.... The thread can stretch or tangle, but it will never break." - Ancient Chinese belief. *** Prologue - Sofia Adams As long as I can remember they have always been there. Ethan Hernandez was my neighbor on the left, Nick Williams on the right. We grew up practically together. Each two years apart. Ethan was two when Nick was born and Nick was two when I was born. Which made Ethan and me four years apart. It wasn't much. The three of us became best friends. While Nick always encouraged my craziness Ethan was the voice of reason. We were an even-tempered trio. Inseparable. We were perfect after Anne and Tom joined the group. The years we spent together were definitely the best years of my life. Every day for years on end we would meet in our tree house after school. Ethan taught me to read for endless afternoons, my first kiss was there, and consequently Nick'
Sofia Adams - February, 2012 I sigh tiredly at the memories and take another sip of the drink in front of me. I try to focus on some point to see if the tears will disperse from my eyes, but I am already getting too dizzy to control my crying. I remember the day Anne moved in and that same day we started to put up our tree house. My dad went crazy with five kids around him. But it was cool. It took two weeks to get it finished and by then we all had a new scar from our construction and our friendship was already cemented in a way that no one could explain. We were what we were. And it was good while it lasted. If I had known how things would be later on I would have enjoyed it more. I rub my arms and hands continually marked by my fingernails and my finger brushes against the scar I had on my fist from trying to hammer a nail into the house without my father seeing. The bartender, George, glares at me trying to ascertain if I was okay. I wasn't. I was as shit as ever. And it was
Sofia Adams - November, 1997 “Why is this house blue anyway?” asked Anne before she climbed the stairs to our tree house. “I don't know, Ethan picked it out when he was helping Dad paint.” “Ah, I see" Anne said thoughtfully. “What?” I asked. “It's blue because it's his favorite color, everyone knows that, and he always does everything to please you," Anne answered, reaching the top and entering the house. I didn't question, it was true. Ethan was my best friend even at fourteen, he didn't play with Anne and me anymore, we were just little ten year old girls, but I liked that he talked to me about serious things. He was the only one who treated me the same. He knew I was a smart kid and I felt that way around him. He still hung out with Nick and Tom, mostly to play ball or video games, and was getting closer to Nick's older brother Eddie. If I were to admit it, it pissed me off a little too. It was easier when we were all small to like the same things, but now, as they entere
Sofia Adams - March, 2012 Anne entered my apartment horrified at my condition. I was drunk. Again. Céline Dion was playing the song from Titanic in the background and I had a bottle in my hand and was screaming at the top of my lungs while dancing with my bottle feeling like Rose herself owned the fucking world. “NEAR, FAR, WHEREVER YOU ARE I BELIEVE THAT THE HEART DOES GO ON” “What?” Anne was torn between being scared and confused, and then her eyes fell on my clothes. I was wearing a black dress shirt that was too big to be my own, a samba panty and a suspender. “Are these his?” she asked cautiously, but she knew the answer. They were his. I was packing my bags when I found them buried in a mountain of my clothes. I carefully picked them up in shock flooded by the whirlwind of memories it brought back. I knew I shouldn't smell it. But I did, and then everything became hazy. I just urgently needed to drink or I would go crazy. Which resulted in my current state. Anne looked
Sofia Adams - March, 2012I used to hate airplanes. I had such a dread that I couldn't fit it in myself.But here I was, crammed into one about to take off towards Las Vegas. Luckily for me it was only a few hours flight.I could handle it, right?I heard the turbines start to gain strength and the plane shudder as it prepared to take off.God in heaven, somebody get me out of here!I took a deep breath and squeezed Anne's hand that was beside me and she smiled at me. Tom was fast asleep next to her and we hadn't even boarded five minutes ago. How could he do it?Anne, practical as always, made sure that we got the middle seats on the plane, so that the three of us could sit together without having to separate. I thanked her internally for this, if I had been alone on a plane I would have freaked out a long time ago and tried to get out, even if only by flushing.I started thinking about our first trip to Vegas in an attempt to distract myself from the growing panic in the pit of my s
Sofia Hernandez - January, 2022I enter her room desperate not to see what I wanted. I try to contain the panic, while my logical side screams that she's only been missing for a few minutes.My cellphone beeps."I found her, she's in the tree."I exhale in relief and head straight to the garden. Up high, proudly standing, is my treehouse reminiscent of another life.I climb the stairs, which are sturdier than ever after the renovation five years ago.I hear her carefree laughter before seeing her face. "I'm sure it's not written like that, Daddy."My little girl looks at the book resting on her lap while her back is supported against Ethan's chest.- "Don't blame me, blame the book. It's right here," Ethan points to a passage on the page, laughing.Her childish face contorts into a grimace, and I know she won't stop until she gets the answer she wants."No, Daddy, that's not right. That word isn't "stinky" I know what stinky means, and it's not that," she responds, looking into his e
Ethan Hernandez - May, 2014As I embarked on my journey around the world, I thought of Sofia every day.We kept sporadic contact through messages, just checking in on each other. Every time I receive a message from her, my heart fills with joy. She seemed to be doing well, having landed a job as a primary school teacher near her home, and most importantly, she was sober.While traveling, I meet incredible people, visit fascinating places, and delve deeper into my career as an architect. But in every new location, there's an emptiness, a void that only Sofia's presence can fill.Two years quickly pass by.I look at my latest project nearing completion. A beachfront vacation home in Lanikai.This was the last house I would work on in the renovation of the friends Mr. Miller referred me to.After that, a position as a university professor awaited me in Chicago, my hometown, where my family lived.I was eager to live near my mother and sisters again, but I'd be lying if I said that the ca
Sofia Adams - May, 2012Entering the house where I lived with Nick feels strange because it seems like a lifetime ago that I was here, not just two months. I gather all the cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and boxes that I will need.Entering our bedroom is like being hit by a million memories all at once, including our last fight. Nevertheless, I stay strong and begin to clean. I carefully fold and store Nick's clothes that will be donated, pack away items I don't want to get rid of, and items that I know his parents would want.After everything is sorted and sealed, I start cleaning the room. I change the sheets, take out the trash, and I even find the empty box of the pregnancy test from that night. It was never a possibility, and I feel sad for the children I never had with him. But it's a sadness that I now know I can bear, and I can do it all without alcohol.I call Anne. I hear her sleepy "hello" from the other end of the line; I think I woke her up."I'm in my room," I say aft
Sofia Adams - April, 2012Spending ten days with Ethan, fully aware of my feelings, was almost magical. Whenever his work allowed, every minute was spent together. We visited every tourist spot in the city, went back to the Ferris wheel, talked on the rooftop until dawn. It was like how we used to be. Him and me in our own little bubble, stealing kisses here and there. It almost made me want to give up everything and follow him around the world. Almost. But here I was, sitting by the fountain one last time, looking at Ethan waiting for me.April is coming to an end, and so is our deadline."Have you made up your mind?" I ask, gazing at the undisturbed water. I tap my fingers, creating small ripples.Ethan touches his fingers to mine through the water."I've thought about it a lot, and I'm going to follow your suggestion... I'm going to accept. I've talked to my family, and in a month, I'll have a week off to visit them. For now, Hong Kong is my next destination," he says, taking a dee
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012A long time passes without a response, and I offer another option."Or not, I can decline the offer, and we can go back to Chicago," I suggest.Sofia raises her head, and I see her eyes shimmering with unshed tears."We? Ethan, it's not your obligation to take care of me," she says, sounding slightly offended.It wasn't my intention to offend her with this conversation. We slowly resume walking aimlessly."I know that, I just want to," I say nonchalantly. I can't make a big deal out of it, or Sofia will run away.Sofia sighs."But I don't want that, and I don't think it's what I need right now," she firmly responds.Suddenly, I feel guilty. It seems like this conversation isn't going as I planned."But..." Before I can argue, she interrupts me."Look, Ethan, I appreciate the invitation. I really do, but I need to decline while you need to accept this offer," she says.I look at her confused; if I accept, the chances of us seeing each other will be almost
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Mr. Miller sent me another message asking if I accepted the offer.I send the following reply:"I'm still thinking, Sir. I promise to have an answer by May 1st."My phone immediately beeps."It will be two years traveling the world, Hernandez. You're young, you can make the most of this personal and professional experience. If it makes you more comfortable, I'm sure the costs of an additional traveler can be covered. Maybe that pretty friend of yours could go with you? ;)"I laugh at the message. Who would have thought my boss would play cupid. It's not the first time he suggests it; he's very generous.It would be a lie if I said that whenever the subject comes up, I don't stop to think. And to have a little hope.If Sofia were to come with me, traveling around and exploring places. Just the two of us enjoying our lives. It would be a dream.Before my mind wanders too much, I pull myself back to reality.Sofia is still slowly overcoming Nick's death. Sof
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I leave the meeting room with Kate in tow and find Ethan outside. For a moment, I forgot about our dinner."What's wrong?" he asks, already sensing that something isn't right."Jones didn't come. He's not responding or answering, and we think he's in a bad state," I reply, without mentioning his sister's possible birthday. It's not my story to tell."Where do you think he could be?" Kate asks."We could check his nightclub..." I reply uncertainly. Those environments were always challenging for a recovering alcoholic. There's plenty of alcohol available and reminders of the old life.Kate sighs, understanding my dilemma."I can go in there and look for him," Ethan suggests, seeing our distress.We breathe a sigh of relief."Yes!" Kate exclaims, already heading towards the exit.We arrive at the nightclub and wait outside while Ethan goes in.Some people are outside with their bottles in hand, chatting and having fun."Do you miss it?" I ask. Sometimes, I feel
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I stare at Anne, unable to believe what she's saying."I'm just saying she's changed. Maggie isn't the horrible teenager she used to be," she defends."Whatever, I'm just grateful she doesn't live here with her parents. I don't need to see her, and she doesn't need to see me. Everyone's happy," I respond, annoyed."Is this about Ethan?" Anne asks, adjusting herself on the bed in the room where she's staying at Tom's aunt and uncle's house."What? Of course not," I reply, avoiding eye contact and twisting the sheets on the bed with my fingers. "I've already gotten over that silly relationship they had. I've forgotten about it, and she was his first, that's all in the past.""I can see that," Anne responds, smiling at me.I caress her protruding belly."So, have you found out what it is yet?" I ask, changing the subject.Anne looks thoughtful."Well, unless I give birth to a pumpkin, I believe it's a baby," Anne responds seriously.I laugh at her terrible joke.
Sofia Adams - April 2012We walk through the streets of Las Vegas."Is the fourth step still keeping you up at night?" Ethan brings up our conversation again."I just don't understand what there is to evaluate. I did bad things, got it, next step," I say exasperatedly.Ethan laughs."I don't think it's that simple, Sofia..." We stop at a familiar park since we've come here a few times to talk."Tell me the complete step," Ethan requests, sitting on one of the plastic benches. I sit beside him."The fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were given instincts for a reason," I repeat.Ethan gazes into the horizon."Since these meetings started, I've been researching about it. The fourth step seems to be one of the hardest, and seeing you, I understand the difficulty. I think your main obstacle is not understanding why it's so important," Ethan says. I don't know how to feel when I hear that Ethan researched the twelve steps for me. It's confusing."Th