Chapter 2

Sofia Adams - February, 2012

I sigh tiredly at the memories and take another sip of the drink in front of me. I try to focus on some point to see if the tears will disperse from my eyes, but I am already getting too dizzy to control my crying.

I remember the day Anne moved in and that same day we started to put up our tree house. My dad went crazy with five kids around him. But it was cool.

It took two weeks to get it finished and by then we all had a new scar from our construction and our friendship was already cemented in a way that no one could explain.

We were what we were. And it was good while it lasted. If I had known how things would be later on I would have enjoyed it more.

I rub my arms and hands continually marked by my fingernails and my finger brushes against the scar I had on my fist from trying to hammer a nail into the house without my father seeing.

The bartender, George, glares at me trying to ascertain if I was okay. I wasn't. I was as shit as ever. And it was all his fault.

I hear my cell phone vibrate on the counter bringing me out of my reverie and distracting me from the pain of thinking about everything.

“Hi Anne” I answered, already knowing it was her. It was always her. The good and concerned Anne.

“Where, Sofia?” Anne asked, sounding tired on the other end of the line.

I'll have another drink.

“Nope, you're not going to get it out of me this time," I replied, feeling increasingly dizzy as the drink ran through my system.

“Fine, do it the hard way. See you in a bit." And then she hangs up. Anne used to be more polite.

I ask George for two more drinks because I know my time is running out. I take them all in one go and head for the dance floor.

I could never ask for a more perfect song than the one that is playing now... Chandelier by Sia envelops me and penetrates me and I, surrendered let the sound of the music carry me away. All the sweaty bodies rubbing together numb my senses. I was numb and that's exactly what I wanted. Too drunk to feel anything but the heat and the people around me.

Despite everything, I keep an eye on George knowing that it won't be long.

How long would it take for her to call every bartender in town? Not long since as I predicted in less than ten minutes I see George pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. He looks at me as he answers the call and moments later nods positively to whoever is on the other end of the line.

Yep, my time is up.

I cling to my final minutes before reality hits me, I grab some man knowing Anne wouldn't mess around until I was getting to the edges.

I kiss that stranger almost obscenely not caring about decorum. I barely know what he looks like, I register nothing of him, I just want the numbness he provides me.

He grabs my ass and pushes me to climb onto his lap, but before I can accomplish the movement I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. I turn around and there is Anne with her serene expression and gentle touch.

“That's enough, Sofia," she decrees calmly.

I sign and leave the man without any explanation. I follow Anne silently, we've done this too many times for me to know that yelling, kicking, threatening, and getting angry won't do any good. I know our game and I know I've lost. She won't give up.

Even if some have.

Anne tucks me into the passenger seat of her car, wrapping a blanket and a bottle of water around me. She knows what's coming now.

I curl up like a ball and start to cry copiously, without stopping. Shedding more tears than I ever imagined I could. Anne just strokes my back and lets me cry. She knows that is what I need. Anne always knows everything.

I cry thinking about everything that has happened. I cry about the last year and how miserable I have been. I cry because I miss so much someone who is no longer there.

I cry because in the end no matter who I want to blame, it is and always has been my fault.

***

Arriving home Anne leads me to the couch. As I snuggle in I pull my blanket and pillow piled there. Next I see Anne begin to gather the trash around the room.

“Leave it there," I mutter under the blanket.

“How can you live with this mess, Sofia? There's expired stuff here," she complained, pulling gloves from her purse. Of course she would bring gloves.

I shrug and hide my head in the blanket. I still wanted to cry, but these nights there came a point when I had no more tears. Only sadness and pain. And nothing I could do to ease it.

I felt Anne sitting close to my legs on the end of the couch.

“You have a room Sofia, when are you going to get up the courage and go in?” Anne asked.

I just denied it with my head. That was our room, I could never go in there without all the memories and the guilt consuming me. It was in that room that we fought before he left.

At first I didn't want to go in there without him, hoping that he would come back, but when I realized that this would never happen I didn't want to go back. And now I haven't been in there for almost a year, the room is still untouched since that night.

Anne went in to get my clothes and my products, but that was the only time.

“Why?” Anne asked me in a gentle voice. I knew I would have to talk.

“I guess a part of me still thinks that if I leave it exactly as it is, one day he will come back and finish the fight we started.”

Anne's gaze softened even more and I could see pain in it. She missed him too.

“Oh, Soso," and saying those two words Anne hugged me. I let her, even though I felt horrible for thinking that it wasn't her hug that I wanted. No, I wanted stronger arms around me and the lemon scent that I had grown accustomed to. I wanted him. God, how I wanted him back.

“Honey, I talked to Tom and we were thinking that maybe a trip would be good for you," she said, still hugging me and trying to sound casual. But I caught the little trembling note in her voice.

“Sofia, I can't stand to see you like this for much longer, no one else can, you're destroying yourself," she said.

It was true, my actual life consisted of me going out at night aimlessly, disappearing for days and reappearing at some police station or hospital. They were afraid that one day I would reappear in the morgue.

“And where would I go, Anne?” I asked bitterly and humorlessly.

She looked at me longingly. - she suggested.

“Really? Las Vegas? Why Las Vegas?” I asked confused.

“We went there when we turned eighteen and were out of school, do you remember how it was? The class was so excited, everything seemed like a dream, I thought it would be a good place to start over.”

I blinked stunned, I remember that trip very well, it was there that everything started to change in a way that I couldn't even imagine. When we came back nothing was the same, neither me nor the group. I had to grow up in a painful way and reality hit me like a slap in the face all at once. If Las Vegas was a watershed in my life once, could it be again?

“I'm not sure about that, Anne," I answered uncertainly, still with the memories of that trip in my head.

“Yes, think about it for a while, it will be good for all of us.”

“Us?” I asked anxiously. It's funny how a simple word can affect me so much, for years I had a different definition of "us" The old us was complete, the us of now was not.

My thoughts were interrupted by Anne calming me down.

“Me, you, Tom" She answered, waving her hands as if I knew who it was “You know, us” she finished “And anyway you have time to think, my vacation is only next month...”

I thought about it, if it was just us, this trip couldn't hurt me. More than I already was would be difficult. And there at least Anne wouldn't be so close to me to let me drown my sorrows. After all, it was Vegas. Even Anne understood that it was a place for drinking and partying.

“Fine," I answered calmly, "but only if you agree to loosen the reins a little, you're not my mother Ann, you don't have to take care of me all the time," I scolded softly.

“Someone has to do it, since you won't do it," she answered.

“So, deal?” After many years, in an automatic movement I extended my pinky, ignoring the memories that came with this act. If Anne noticed my shock, she pretended not to.

She sighed but raised her finger as well and wrapped it around mine.

“Deal," she replied.