3. Happy for a moment

And finally, we reached our destination. The moment I got out of the jeep, a strong sour smell hit my nose, and I almost threw up. But, a soft fresh material covered my nose and I stared back at my mother’s worried eyes. I smiled, a warm cheeky smile, trying to show her I was thankful. Two tall and lean ladies popped their heads out of a door right beside what looked like a storeroom and I quickly recognized them as our childhood neighbours.

I quickly greeted my relatives and headed towards my so-called room for a week. All I could think of on my way up the stairs was taking a long warm shower. I tugged the heavy door open by its old iron handle and Bam! The same old dusty smell welcomed me. There was a thick layer of

dust built up on all the shelves, cobwebs in the corners, and smudges on the windows. A tiny little spider crept up on my ankle and I yelped and banged my head at the cupboard.

“Ow, that hurt!”

What was I even expecting? That over a span of 2 years, my old room would’ve transformed into a well facilitated apartment? Nope. Not happening! I wonder how my Uncle and Aunt even manage to live here.” I murmured silently.

Without further thoughts, I went to the bathroom, tried taking a shower, scrubbing myself with any body wash or bar soap I could find. But I still felt unsatisfied and restless. I put on a bathrobe and dragged myself out of the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and my hair but didn't feel any cleaner. Sighing, I checked my e-mail, which was empty. I checked the DVR to see if any new shows had been recorded, but I had already seen everything.

“Great! This has to be one of the best days of my life!” I told myself sarcastically.

I went downstairs and found my brother, Nick, playing video games. My Mom and Aunt Mary were chatting merrily in the kitchen while my Dad was in the garage with my Uncle – everyone in their right places. They all seemed to have a lot of catching up to do. I told my Mom that something didn't feel right, and she suggested that for once I should clean my room. The thought itself made me nauseous. It suffocated me.

The day passed by with my frequent whining. I opened the door to my bedroom and everything was in its usual cluttered arrangement.  A plate of half-eaten pancakes sat on my desk, soggy with syrup from the morning. Piles of dirty clothes sat unsorted, collecting dust. I went inside my room sulking, feeling so overwhelmed that I might as well have been floundering without a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I subconsciously wondered what Jen was up to right now. I can absolutely picture her slouching on the couch, watching TV, and munching on her favourite bag of Lays. And Nana, she must be baking her favourite chocolate chip cookies and feeding them to our neighbour's kids.

A little later in the day, we visited our neighbour. He looked like someone who laughed a lot, I thought, noticing the wrinkle lines around the corner of his lips. “Hi, Aiv! Nice to meet you. I’m Uncle George. You can call me George.” he introduced himself.

“Hi George, it’s a pleasure meeting you, too!”  he seemed like a kind and friendly man. We talked about school, our families, and how the village had changed ever since we left. A few moments later I excused myself to the washroom.

I was horrified by what was in front of me. It was not any toilet but a small congested room with a tiny hole at the centre. I decided to return back home. Seeing the horrified look on my face, my father looked perplexed and worried at the same time. And I told him how and why I was like that. My dad tried making me understand the situation, but I was not having it. Clenching my fists, I announced that I was returning. Everyone was alarmed by my sudden decision. My dad apologised to our neighbour for my behaviour and explained everything to mom. And she yelled at me for behaving this way. The way my mother looked at me with disgrace, the way my brother shot daggers at me with his eyes sent chills down my spine.

“Do whatever you want to, we won’t stop you!” Mom snapped. She then got up from her chair and headed towards the kitchen.

I felt isolated, anxious, and insecure. I quickly ran out the place and sat under a huge banyan tree. I closed my eyes shut and breathed in some fresh air. Later, I felt a slight touch on my hands. I opened my eyes to see a little boy covered with mud staring at me joyfully. I flinched. He stepped back seeing my reaction, and instead started chatting with me.

“I’m getting a new shoe tomorrow!” he giggled, and I noticed he was barefooted and had small cuts all over his tiny feet. My heart ached for some reason. I asked him if he had never worn a shoe before and he sadly shook his head. I took out a KitKat from my pocket and handed it to him. He thanked me with the brightest and purest smile I had ever seen. Smiles and a big bright brown eyes exist in my mind’s eye. So happy, free, and pure.  No worry. No concerns. Eager for love, attention, affection.

I looked around the place. There weren’t all the conveniences of modern technology that made everyday life easier. The playground was muddy, there were pebbles all over the place, and the place simply looked deserted. Children ran around with their dirty faces and worn out clothes and yet they were laughing.

I was happy for a moment. I started to notice when my thought process shifted and my inner critic started to invade my mind. It started in with, “Why are you touching that dirty kid? Why are you wasting your time in this filthy place?” But I decided to change my way of viewing things. Seeing those small children play happily in mud made me smile; my heart felt swollen with happiness. They had nothing but still had everything. That little kid changed my view towards life.

I spun around to ask his name, but he was gone. I found it quite strange, considering the fact that we were at a constricted place and the only way out was to get past me, since the other side was a dark deep jungle. But I guess I was too occupied to ponder about that.

Sleep that night, felt peaceful like never before, my heart felt unburdened and light. I snuggled under my blanket and my eyes shut close in a flicker of time. I didn’t even realize I had dozed off peacefully.

The next morning, I started perceiving things. I noticed that a spider had spun a shimmering line from my lamp to the top of my mirror and stood in the middle of the cluttered room, breathing in the filthy air, like this room belonged to it. I burst out laughing, I felt happy. I actually did.

I loathe my old self who thought having everything you need with you made us happy. True happiness didn’t lie in money, instead it lied in the small unexpected things.