Part 5

Whenever my eyes open when I wake up from my sleep, and when my nasal cavity is still breathing in, I feel tight. I'm more comfortable in my sleep. I felt no pain, sorrow, or disappointment. But when I woke up, I remembered everything again.

Everyone told me, 'hey Grisella, you're going to be fine, everything will pass.' Yeah, I know everything will pass, but no one knows how hard it is for me to fight with the time that feels like a long spin. Fighting second by second, day after day that makes me have to swallow harshly every time that disappointment comes

"Where is Dennis today? why doesn't he visit" I complained to maria.

"You miss him now?" Maria smiled mischievously at me,

"Don't get me wrong, okay, I'm just bored."

"So if there's Dennis, you're not bored?"

"At least there is Dennis and Hendrik in this house, that's better," I replied

"He went to see his mother. Every end of the month, it's always like that", answered Maria. Maria returned to open the novel's pages, and her eyes were already focused on reading the book.

"who?" I asked, confused

"Dennis," answered Maria.

"Is his mother not here?"

"not. His parents are divorced. Dennis's mother is in another town. But Dennis usually only briefly visits his mother. He spends more time here."

"Ohhh," I replied sadly.

"He's a good man. I support you with him, "repeated Maria, looking mischievously at me.

"What? Don't bother me anymore, okay," I replied irritably.

"I'm serious, do I look kidding."

"It's not possible, it's not that easy for me," I protested.

"You haven't even tried."

"Never will," I said firmly.

"Grisella, where are you?" shouted Margaret for me

"Yeah, Margaret, I'm in the backyard. What is wrong?" I answered

"Your cellphone has been ringing since earlier" Margaret handed me my cellphone.

"Thank you," I said, smiling. I saw the screen of my cellphone. Claudia's name was printed on my cellphone screen. For a moment, I froze in silence.

"who?" asked Maria

"hah? Claudia. My friend"

"Then pick up the phone," said Maria. I sighed heavily, somehow I feel bad. My handphone is ringing again.

"Just answer, maybe something important," repeated Maria. I nodded resignedly.

"Hello," I replied

"Hello? Hello Grisella? Is that you? "Claudia answered

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh my God, where are you? I've tried calling you many times. Did you receive my message? Why don't you call me back? "

"I'm sorry, I just need time with myself."

"Where are you now?"

"Somewhere, this is the best for me."

"I miss you, can I visit? Why are you avoiding me too? I don't even want this to happen to you. Are you okay now? "

"Yeah, everything is fine," I answered doubtfully,

"Sweety, what news do I hear? You've listened to this news. Did you see the info? "

"news? I do not know. news about what? "I asked curiously, and suddenly my chest felt increasingly tight, even my breathing began to rush. I looked at Maria. She was still busy reading her novel. Even though I know, he listened to my chat with Claudia.

"I'm sorry to say that now Delon and Rosalinda are engaged. They even celebrate lavish parties and get media coverage, you know," Claudia said. I was silent. No words came out of my mouth again when Claudia explained the news. I'm sure I didn't hear wrong. I clenched my fists to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Grisella? Are you still there? Hello? Hello? "Claudia said again. I quickly hung up on the phone. I got up from my seat and ran into the house.

"Hey, what's up, Grisella?" Maria asked anxiously at my reaction. I just kept walking towards the living room.

"What is the problem?" Asked Maria again, urging me

"Can this be turned on?" I asked, pointing at the television. I'm still holding back my tears.

"Yeah, it's still working. What is wrong?" replied Margaret, who came after me and maria. Without answering their questions, I immediately turned on the television.

"Where is the remote?"

"This," Margaret handed me the tv remote. My hands trembled as I searched for the channel broadcasting the news of Delon's engagement, and when I found him, that's when my whole body burned. Watching Delon and Rosalinda laughing happily side by side on the TV screen. My mouth is trembling, I want to scream, but I can't. My tears just flowed. I fell in front of the TV could not believe what I saw.

"Oh my God, is that Dellon?" said Maria. My eyes are still on the TV screen, while my heart is screaming to leave.

"You don't need to see this." Maria grabbed the remote from my hand and turned off the TV. I bowed sadly. The questions have hit my head. Was that Dellon?

"Grisella, you have nothing to think about, okay. You have to focus on your health," repeated Maria.

"Come on, I'll take you to your room," said Margaret, about to touch me.

"Let me just mom," said maria. She holds my body. More precisely, she tries not to touch my skin. I didn't say anything. My mind was messed up. While tears continued to stream down my cheeks

"Sit down," commanded Maria. I sat on my bed. I started sobbing with my crying sound. Maria opened the curtains of my bedroom window wider.

"Why don't you shout and let go of your voice?" Maria said to me. I stay sad with wet eyes.

"Shout, no one forbids you. What are you holding up? Be crazy," ordered Maria. While I was still digesting this situation in my mind, everything was like a nightmare.

"What you saw earlier, that's the reality. He's already engaged to another woman and dumped you like trash. What do you expect? You wake up from your nightmare?" maria looked at me sharply.

"Maria, you make her worse off," said Margaret standing at the door of my room

"Mom, I have to do this. I have to make her aware of the situation she is in. Let me talk, okay?" answered maria.

"Call me if there is anything, I'm your mother in this house, guys," said Margaret firmly and walked away

"Are you just silent? I told you to scream. What are you waiting for? "Maria urged me? The more Maria spoke, the more my tears came out.

"Stop pretending you don't know. I told you what you see is real. Your ex-lover is already engaged to that woman. A woman who was your first rival. Women who have tried to drop your career. Then what are you waiting for? Delon come here, pick you up like a queen ?, I told you to SHOUT."

Maria's words were devastating to my feelings. The sentence she said stabbed the wound that was still wet in my heart.

"Arrghhhhhhhh, I know. I know that. I know, Hikz, hikzz, I know," I shouted as loud as possible. I sobbed my tears.

"I didn't expect anything. I'm enjoying this feeling of disappointment, you know? I'm not waiting for anyone to come. Me, I'm already broken, then what else could I hope for. What do you want me to be, huh? I know everything, I know he's Dellon. I know it's Maria, "I said sobbing.

"So try to understand that your biggest enemy now is your feelings. If you already know why you are crying, huh? Why are you silent? What else do you think ?. Losing someone you love is a natural thing. If it wasn't god who took it from you, then someone else. If you are aware of this fact, don't ever try to torture yourself again. "

Again I fell silent to hear Maria's words. Am I this stupid?

"Cry as much as you want, but only for today. I will let you. Don't you hurt yourself? If you do something silly, I will help you kill yourself, "said Maria, and then went out of my room.

Arghhhhhhh, I screamed as loud as I could release my emotions. This time the situation has answered that I have lost Delon. He's my only last hope to feel happy, and now I've lost her. A Grisella has nothing left. I feel dead, but why am I still breathing ??

*****

I've been trying to close my eyes. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do. Disappointment overtook me at this time. I walked to my bedroom window. The night is getting late, and the view of the forest outside tempts me to enter it.

"What should I do now? My life is ruined. They are laughing at my suffering," I said. My eyes were blank, looking towards the forest. Suddenly my mind and body moved by themselves.

I walked to the kitchen, looking for a rope or some other rope I might use to hang myself. I hurriedly looked for the string until I found a medium-sized line. Strong enough if I use it to hang myself

"Wait, I'm coming," I said toward the forest. I quickly stepped closer to the edge of the woods. Then my eyes focused on seeing the shadow standing upright in the woods. Those red eyes stared at me, although the body was not clear to me.

"You want to help me?" I asked. I don't know what I thought.

"Help me kill me. I will be very grateful, "I said again, preparing to run towards the forest. Something pulled me into there.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I said again.

"No, stop it Grisella," someone shouted. I turned to look back, Margaret was already running over to me.

"Don't come here," I shouted, shouted Margaret. I gripped the rope in my hand tighter and ran towards the forest; unfortunately, Margaret quickly grabbed my hand. The palm of my hand touched Margaret's palm. Suddenly I felt a hot sensation in my hand.

"Let me go, please," I shouted, struggling and trying to release Margaret's hand.

What do you think? There are still many who love and support you," said Margaret. My eyes turned to the forest. The figure was still standing rigidly in there. I can see the shadow, and the red eyes even stare at me closely.

"Look at me, look at me Grisella," Margaret snapped at me. I ignored her orders. I threw the rope I was holding into the forest.

"Take this, kill me now, wrap the rope around my neck," I shouted.

"not. Oh my God, Grisella, your parents. Remember them. Maria? Maria," shouted Margaret calling the name Maria.

"Aarghhhh, it hurts. Let me go. "I grow more groaning because now my disease has recurred. It's not only my palms that feel hot. My whole body trembled to withstand the heat on my skin.

"Forgive me. I beg you to hang on. Maria "said, Margaret. I glimpsed Margaret's tears. She looked at me, sad and full of pity.

"Arghhhhh, it hurts, my body hurts," I said, struggling. Margaret still refused to let go of her grip.

"What happened, oh my God, Mom?" maria ran from inside the house to Margaret and me. I looked back at the shadow that stood earlier. There was no shadow like a human there anymore.

But my eyes widened when I saw a wolf with a size large enough to stand there. Those eyes were still red, looking at me—an abnormally sized wolf. I heard a growl.

"You are crazy? You want to make all the citizens gossip about your family?" snapped Maria. She helped Margaret pull my hand towards the house. My body is still struggling. I want my breath to end tonight. But they don't let me.

"Arghhhhhhh, you don't understand anything," I shouted irritably while enduring the pain that had spread through my body.

"Mom, pull her stronger, I'll push her from behind," said Maria, I heard. They pulled me more robust than before. I can't help struggling anymore.

"Get some medicine and inject her," orders Margaret. Maria nodded according to her mother's orders. At the same time, I was lying limp on my bed. My body is burning from within. The flowing blood was hot. My lips are not able to say anything more.

I vaguely saw Maria and her mother preparing my medicines. They injected me as my mother had taught me and made me take a few pills. I have nothing to complain about in the next second because everything has become dark, silent, and there is nothing to hear. I've drifted back into the vacuum.

********

Slowly I can feel my eyelids open, but my body still feels sad for me to move. More precisely, my strength is still not enough just to move my body.

"I can't let her go on like this. I thought she would be better. I will bring her back with us," said my mother's voice. It took a little effort for me to move my head. On the sofa near my room, my mom sat with her shoulder on my dad's lap. Maria and her mother sat right beside them.

"Whatever it is you want for her good, I will obey. We will bring her back," answered my dad.

"Are you awake?" asked Maria when  I  see them. My mom quickly approached me, she was about to hold my hand, but she stopped when she saw my skin, which was still flushed.

"Mom," I said haltingly.

"Yeah, honey," answered my mom.

"I'm fine," I replied, still in a very soft voice. I think last night I fought quite hard with my illness. It felt like my body was withering.

"Yeah, I know, you don't have to talk much first. Your body may still be weak".

"I don't want to go."

"Don't want to go where? What do you mean?"

"Mom, I don't want to leave here. I'm comfortable living here, "I said sadly.

"No, honey. You're not safe here. My heart is not calm if I have to leave you here. You have to come with me, we come back home, and I can watch you."

"No," I refused firmly.

"Why?" asked my dad

"I just want to be here. Really "I replied.

"Are you sure, dear?" asked my dad again.

"Hmmm," I replied, nodding my head slowly.

"I'm sorry, I let my guard down," Maria joined in.

"not. This is not your fault. I know you have done your best for my daughter. You have also saved her life, "my mother replied

"It was my fault. I'm sorry, "I said, looking at Maria with a regretful look. I don't know what kind of idiocy I did last night.

"I will feed you to eat. That way, you will be more powerful," said my mom. Again I remember every word that came out of Margaret's mouth. There are still many people who care about me, including my parents. I just didn't open my eyes wide enough.

If asked, why I still choose to live in this house?. I feel I should be here. There is something that wants me here. There is something I can find here. No matter what the figure I saw last night, I can be sure a wolf of unnatural size. But why didn't such a wild animal injure me? Even though I had begged the animal to kill me.