I want Shawn. I want him not just as my boss or my lover but as my boyfriend, my husband. I want to be by his side not just at work. I want to fall asleep on his shoulder after a longconversation every night and wake up next to him every morning.I want him in my life.That's why I couldn't help but ask if he was fine. I couldn't stop myself from talking to him even though I said I wasn't ready for the chats we used to have. And when he gave me that unexpected compliment, when he looked at me like he wanted to fuck me, I nearly threw myself at him.I slap my forehead as I lie down on my bed."Oh, Felicity, what are you going to do?"Seriously, I don't know. I don't know what I can do. But I know this: I can't keep crying every night.I sit up and pull out a few sheets of tissue from the box on the nightstand. As I blow my nose, my gaze falls on the box of chocolates from that shop in Zurich.I wasn't lying when I said I haven't eaten all of them. In fact, I've only been eating one pi
I can't believe Felicity has moved on to another guy.I gulp down my Scotch, hoping it will burn the image of Felicity flirting with a guy in a bar out of my head. Or at least blur it. It doesn't. I set my empty glass down with a thud, my temper still glossing over.Fuck.I dropped by her apartment because I was worried about her. I was afraid she'd be feeling lonely again, crying while scribbling in her journal or staring at the picture of her dead parents. I was just going to check on her but then I saw her coming out of the building. She looked like she was in a hurry.She hailed a cab around the corner. I had my driver follow it. Five minutes later, she got off in front of a bar. I got even more curious.I thought Felicity didn't go to bars.I follow her inside, half expecting to see her sitting alone at the bar. To my surprise, she's at a table with four other people — two women and two men. I'm only interested in the man she's talking to. Tall, with dark hair just like me but wi
Where are we?I follow Shawn past a pair of doors and find myself in a luxurious space with crystal chandeliers hanging from a high ceiling and red velvet curtains on the fringes of huge glass windows that look out into the city. The carpet that covers the floor is red as well, but a deeper shade.At first, I think it's a restaurant because I spot a man in coattails and white gloves with a silver tray, but then I realize that the chairs are not arranged around tables like in a dining area.Rather, there are small round tables in between large, cozy armchairs, some with lamps perched on them. There are also low tables in front of divans and couches just like in a living room setting.Is this some kind of lounge?I follow Shawn across the room and up a winding staircase. At the top, another man in coattails leads us to a door. He opens it and I see a large table with a spread of food. There's a smaller one with two chairs right next to the window that has just a bottle of wine and two g
I start reading the eleven pages of the contract on top of my dining table.Eleven pages. Wow.I was going to read them earlier at that restaurant or club or whatever that was, but Shawn told me not to. Not that I would have been able to digest it with Shawn sitting right across from me staring. He said I should read it very carefully at home and then give him my answer on Monday.I guess that's what I'm doing now.I read it from start to finish even though some of the legal jargon is hard on the brain, even though at times I have to pause to let out a gasp or a curse. Then I read it again. All eleven pages.When I'm done, I stare at the front page in disbelief.A baby contract.Yup, that's exactly what it is.Basically, it says that I'll agree to have Shawn's baby, and take care of that baby — that child — in secret. In exchange, I'll get a huge amount of money, a house here and a vacation villa in Switzerland.Wow.I leave the papers on the table to get a drink of water. I keep the
Felicity can't be serious.Long after she's given me her answer, I still find myself glancing at the brown envelope on my desk in disbelief.I had the contract crafted carefully. It was rushed, yes, but my lawyer's good. He put in everything I asked him to, and I asked him to put in a lot of things, including a very generous sum of money.So why didn't Felicity sign it?Didn't she say she wanted to be a mother? Has she changed her mind?I want to summon her back into my office, tell her to cancel all my appointments and just have her tell me what's on her mind so she can make me understand why she said no, so I can convince her to say yes. But I wait until my work is done."Is there anything else I can do for you before I go home?" Felicity asks me when she pops into my office at the end of the day."Yes."I leave my desk and sit on the couch, brown envelope in tow. I place it on the table and gesture to the other couch."Sit."Felicity sits. She crosses her legs and clasps her hands
I can't stay here.I fight off a fresh wave of tears as I stuff my clothes inside my suitcase, the same one I just unpacked a week ago.I had a feeling Shawn wouldn't be happy with my decision not to sign that stupid contract, but I didn't think he was going to be such a jerk about it.It's selfish enough that all he sees me as is a baby maker. Then he goes on and says that the contract is in my best interest, that he's going to keep everything a secret for my sake when he's the one with a reputation to uphold. How dare he say I deserve to be happy while making sure I won't be.Then I find out he read my journal. He fucking read my journal, my most private possession.Don't they teach you in third grade not to go through other people's things?Yes, I was careless to leave it there. Yes, he owns the desk I left it on. Even so, he didn't have to read it. But he did. He read every page, I think. Every secret. Every wish. Every fantasy. And because of that, nothing feels real anymore.It'
The fog greets me as soon as I come out of the airport in New York. I smile because it feels like a hug from the city, welcoming me back.I drop my things at a hotel and grab a cup of coffee. I sip it as I reminisce inside the cab headed to the house where my parents and I used to live.So many memories.Even more of them come flooding back once I'm standing in front of the two-story house I know so well. It looks the same as when I left it. Dark blue roof. Pale blue walls. White door. White windows. White porch. The sign on the front says it's still for sale, so I guess no one has lived in it since I last did.I walk up to the front door. It's locked, of course. I peek through the window. All I see are pieces of furniture covered in white cloth, which in turn is covered in dust. Even hidden, I can recognize some of them, and I smile.I go around the house to the backyard. I see the patch of soil where my mother's garden used to be. Only weeds grow in it now.I also see her box of gar
"What on earth?"Ryker steps between Asher and me. He pushes me away and glances at Asher's nose."What the hell are the two of you doing?""Having our own party," Asher answers as he wipes his nose.I wipe the blood trickling from the corner of my mouth and swallow the rest. I draw a deep breath.Gradually, my temper subsides. As it does, my mind clears. I realize the stupidity of what I've just done and I slap my forehead."Fuck.""Fuck is right," Ryker says. Then he sighs. "Seriously, what are the two of you doing?""I just came up to check on him and found him drinking alone." Asher points to the bottle of Scotch.Ryker gives me a look of dismay. "What?""Then I told him he should just go after Felicity because we all know she's the reason why he's acting like this, and well... you saw what happened next. Or part of it."I sit on the couch and let out a sigh of my own."I can't go after Felicity."Enough with the denial and the drinking. It's not making anything better. Maybe talk