Or so I thought. But I was wrong.I can pretend that I never had sex with Felicity, but I can't forget about it.It's been a week since we got back from Switzerland, and yet each time she walks into my office, all I can think of is how amazing she looked in bed. Or on the couch. Or in the shower.Like right now.Fuck.Why did I agree never to have sex with her again? I can't remember."Is there anything else I can do for you before I leave, sir?" she asks.Sir. She's been calling me that since we came back, even more than before we left for Switzerland. Why? To remind me about our agreement? Of the fact that I can't have her?If only I could."Let me check," I say as I go through the papers on my desk. In truth, I'm just stalling because I don't want her to leave.Anything else she can do for me? She can climb onto my lap and let me kiss her. Or kneel beneath my desk and suck me off. Or let me lift that burgundy dress of hers and fuck her on top of my desk.Damn it, Shawn. Are you a s
I want Shawn. I want him not just as my boss or my lover but as my boyfriend, my husband. I want to be by his side not just at work. I want to fall asleep on his shoulder after a longconversation every night and wake up next to him every morning.I want him in my life.That's why I couldn't help but ask if he was fine. I couldn't stop myself from talking to him even though I said I wasn't ready for the chats we used to have. And when he gave me that unexpected compliment, when he looked at me like he wanted to fuck me, I nearly threw myself at him.I slap my forehead as I lie down on my bed."Oh, Felicity, what are you going to do?"Seriously, I don't know. I don't know what I can do. But I know this: I can't keep crying every night.I sit up and pull out a few sheets of tissue from the box on the nightstand. As I blow my nose, my gaze falls on the box of chocolates from that shop in Zurich.I wasn't lying when I said I haven't eaten all of them. In fact, I've only been eating one pi
I can't believe Felicity has moved on to another guy.I gulp down my Scotch, hoping it will burn the image of Felicity flirting with a guy in a bar out of my head. Or at least blur it. It doesn't. I set my empty glass down with a thud, my temper still glossing over.Fuck.I dropped by her apartment because I was worried about her. I was afraid she'd be feeling lonely again, crying while scribbling in her journal or staring at the picture of her dead parents. I was just going to check on her but then I saw her coming out of the building. She looked like she was in a hurry.She hailed a cab around the corner. I had my driver follow it. Five minutes later, she got off in front of a bar. I got even more curious.I thought Felicity didn't go to bars.I follow her inside, half expecting to see her sitting alone at the bar. To my surprise, she's at a table with four other people — two women and two men. I'm only interested in the man she's talking to. Tall, with dark hair just like me but wi
Where are we?I follow Shawn past a pair of doors and find myself in a luxurious space with crystal chandeliers hanging from a high ceiling and red velvet curtains on the fringes of huge glass windows that look out into the city. The carpet that covers the floor is red as well, but a deeper shade.At first, I think it's a restaurant because I spot a man in coattails and white gloves with a silver tray, but then I realize that the chairs are not arranged around tables like in a dining area.Rather, there are small round tables in between large, cozy armchairs, some with lamps perched on them. There are also low tables in front of divans and couches just like in a living room setting.Is this some kind of lounge?I follow Shawn across the room and up a winding staircase. At the top, another man in coattails leads us to a door. He opens it and I see a large table with a spread of food. There's a smaller one with two chairs right next to the window that has just a bottle of wine and two g
I start reading the eleven pages of the contract on top of my dining table.Eleven pages. Wow.I was going to read them earlier at that restaurant or club or whatever that was, but Shawn told me not to. Not that I would have been able to digest it with Shawn sitting right across from me staring. He said I should read it very carefully at home and then give him my answer on Monday.I guess that's what I'm doing now.I read it from start to finish even though some of the legal jargon is hard on the brain, even though at times I have to pause to let out a gasp or a curse. Then I read it again. All eleven pages.When I'm done, I stare at the front page in disbelief.A baby contract.Yup, that's exactly what it is.Basically, it says that I'll agree to have Shawn's baby, and take care of that baby — that child — in secret. In exchange, I'll get a huge amount of money, a house here and a vacation villa in Switzerland.Wow.I leave the papers on the table to get a drink of water. I keep the
Felicity can't be serious.Long after she's given me her answer, I still find myself glancing at the brown envelope on my desk in disbelief.I had the contract crafted carefully. It was rushed, yes, but my lawyer's good. He put in everything I asked him to, and I asked him to put in a lot of things, including a very generous sum of money.So why didn't Felicity sign it?Didn't she say she wanted to be a mother? Has she changed her mind?I want to summon her back into my office, tell her to cancel all my appointments and just have her tell me what's on her mind so she can make me understand why she said no, so I can convince her to say yes. But I wait until my work is done."Is there anything else I can do for you before I go home?" Felicity asks me when she pops into my office at the end of the day."Yes."I leave my desk and sit on the couch, brown envelope in tow. I place it on the table and gesture to the other couch."Sit."Felicity sits. She crosses her legs and clasps her hands
I can't stay here.I fight off a fresh wave of tears as I stuff my clothes inside my suitcase, the same one I just unpacked a week ago.I had a feeling Shawn wouldn't be happy with my decision not to sign that stupid contract, but I didn't think he was going to be such a jerk about it.It's selfish enough that all he sees me as is a baby maker. Then he goes on and says that the contract is in my best interest, that he's going to keep everything a secret for my sake when he's the one with a reputation to uphold. How dare he say I deserve to be happy while making sure I won't be.Then I find out he read my journal. He fucking read my journal, my most private possession.Don't they teach you in third grade not to go through other people's things?Yes, I was careless to leave it there. Yes, he owns the desk I left it on. Even so, he didn't have to read it. But he did. He read every page, I think. Every secret. Every wish. Every fantasy. And because of that, nothing feels real anymore.It'
The fog greets me as soon as I come out of the airport in New York. I smile because it feels like a hug from the city, welcoming me back.I drop my things at a hotel and grab a cup of coffee. I sip it as I reminisce inside the cab headed to the house where my parents and I used to live.So many memories.Even more of them come flooding back once I'm standing in front of the two-story house I know so well. It looks the same as when I left it. Dark blue roof. Pale blue walls. White door. White windows. White porch. The sign on the front says it's still for sale, so I guess no one has lived in it since I last did.I walk up to the front door. It's locked, of course. I peek through the window. All I see are pieces of furniture covered in white cloth, which in turn is covered in dust. Even hidden, I can recognize some of them, and I smile.I go around the house to the backyard. I see the patch of soil where my mother's garden used to be. Only weeds grow in it now.I also see her box of gar
The weeks passed, and after confirmation from the doctor, they set to work decorating one of the rooms into a nursery. They went for neutral colors and gave Logan free rein to help them decorate. He had an artistic eye, and Norman loved seeing the boy come out of his shell. During the decorating of the nursery, it sank in that he was going to have a baby.They were going to have a tiny little life in their hands. It wasn't about being a father, or for Sasha a mother, as they already felt that way for Logan. He'd spoken with Sasha about it, and she had the same thoughts and fears as he did.Norman knew he hadn't made a mistake with Sasha. Not only did he love her, but she was a fantastic mom, and she knew exactly what to say and do to help Logan along the way. Therewere moments, late at night, where he'd still have nightmares.She never once shouted at him. Instead, she'd nurture him, and love him.Once the nursery was complete, they went shopping, letting Logan pick some of the stuff
Two weeks after purchasing the house, they had Logan officially adopted. Norman took as much time away from the office as he could. Sasha went to the office between school hours, completing his work for him. He didn't want her to hire anyone else. Another two weeks after they had Logan, their house was available, and they moved in on that weekend. Her parents came to help as much as they could.They looked after Logan while she and Norman organized movers. They had her mother's slow-cooked pulled pork for dinner rather than have takeout.For an entire weekend, they got the house exactly as they wanted, starting with the bedrooms, and bathroom. Time seemed to move quickly but smoothly where life just played out.Logan came out of his shell, and completely animated their lives. She loved him like he was her own son. He talked constantly about what he loved, which bands he enjoyed listening to. It was fun getting to find out what food he liked as well. He didn't like broccoli, which was
Norman watched as Sasha kissed Logan's cheek, wrapping him up in his new jacket. Each time they brought him back to the foster home, the harder it was to leave him behind.There had been a snag with the adoption, but Shannon was dealing with it.There had to be an assessment done on Logan to make sure he wanted to live with them.Their backgrounds had come back fine, and Shannon assured him it was just down to paperwork. One department needing to talk to another, and rather than phone calls, they had to do it in paper. He was used to problems like this.Logan threw his arms around Sasha, holding her close.She was so beautiful, and she took his breath away. They had been together for a little over a month now. A month of being married, and he loved her ever more.Shannon nodded at him, taking hold of Logan's hand as Sasha came back to him."I hate this. I hate leaving him.""We'll have him soon. I've already got my lawyers working on speeding up the process." He handed her some leafle
Sasha watched as Norman spoke with his clients. It had been a week since he'd asked her about Logan. Things were moving slowly with Logan, but Shannon was reassured that they would be able to have him by next week. Until then, they both went and visited, getting Logan used to them.The boys with Logan weren't angry or upset that he was coming home with them. In fact, they were damn happy. She was shocked by the love the boys showed Logan, and she was proud.The workplace gossip had died down now. No one was whispering behind their hands, looking at them, and laughing. It was the laughter she'd hated more than anything. Norman wouldn't let them hide their relationship anymore, and for that she was glad. She'd never enjoyed hiding that part of herself, and it never felt natural for her to."Here you go," Lottie said, interrupting her."So sorry, I was away in a different land there," she said, taking the mail from her."Marriage must really suit you.""Why do you say that?""You're pract
"Norman, this is my mom and dad, Emma and Harold Miller," Sasha said.The two people were a lot older than Norman imagined, but he saw that they were loving, caring people. The kindness in their eyes showed through. While he'd been participating in this yearly event of torture, "taste the food", he'd noticed her parents arrive. The care they gave to each child was something he admired."Hello, it's great to meet you," he said."It's about damn time we met you. Been married for what? A month or so, and we're only getting to meet you now. It's a disgrace.""Dad, stop it," Sasha said, chuckling. "We've been busy, and we both know you'd have needed to calm down before you could even accept him into your life.""Yeah, well, a father is still allowed to be ... annoyed."Norman smiled as he noticed Harold hesitated before saying something, making sure kids didn't hear any cussing words.According to Shannon, the event was a roaring success. Norman would double, maybe even triple, his donatio
That Saturday, Sasha stayed beside Norman, holding onto his arm as they were surrounded by congratulations. She didn't miss the questioning looks that some were throwing their way. There was no mistaking their confused thoughts. They were all wondering why he was with her.Norman, though, he was so different. The kids from over ten different foster homes in the area had turned up at the school for a day of fun. Every year Norman would donate money to the school so that he could host these events. The previous four years she had stayed in the background, playing her part but never really getting too close.This year was different. Norman grabbed her arm, holding up their hands, and announcing to the whole event that they were husband and wife. He didn't address anyone but the kids."Kids, listen up. Something is a little different this year. You see this beautiful lady by my side?""She's your PA," one kid said."Now she's my wife. Sasha accepted my proposal.""Does that mean you're in
Later that night, Norman was waiting for Sasha to finish in the shower. He would join her, but he had plans with her, and he intended to carry them out. After he'd escorted her to the human resources department for the two of them to change their marital status, and also her name, his building was humming with gossip.Martha and Lottie took the time to stop by her desk to ask about the details of what was going on. When she had looked toward him, he'd gone to help her, letting them know that they couldn't stop love.Norman stared at his reflection in one of the mirrors, and then stared down at his wedding band.Love.He'd never felt it before in his life. The people in his world didn't deserve love, and he didn't really believe in it either. At least, he hadn't.No, he didn't love Sasha.Love was just an element of control that people used.He believed in sex.Sasha came out of the bathroom dressed in a towel."Why did you take my nightshirt?""Why would I want you dressed?" He ran hi
"Please tell me he's a meat eater?" her mother, Emma, asked."Yes, Norman likes meat."Sasha sat outside of the office building, eating a sandwich. Norman was on a very important conference call. She made sure he had some lunch and decided to eat hers outside on one of the walls, watching the hustle and bustle of the city life go by."Good, good. I have no problem with people being vegetarian, or whatever they want to call it. Just not for me. A meal is not a meal without some meat.""There are a lot of people who will disagree. I like vegetarian food. You should make the lasagna. Amazing."She heard her mother's scoff. "Can you imagine me feeding Harold a vegetarian lasagna?""Nope. Dad wouldn't talk to you for weeks.""Now that you say that, I may just make it for him."Sasha started laughing. Her mother and father loved each other very much. "How much does he know of... my arrangement?""He knows everything, sweetie. You know I don't keep things like that from your father."Sasha g
One glorious week had passed. Norman stared out of his office window, and couldn't keep the smile from his face. He was married, and slowly, he was moving Sasha into his place. Their wedding hadn't been a big deal.No white dress, no flowers, no guests. Like Sasha wanted, they'd gone down to the courtrooms during a break, and simply gotten married, signed the paperwork, sealed it all up, and he'd placed a ring on her finger. It had to be one of the coldest moments of his life. Then he recalled Sasha's smile, and nothing had been cold about that day. They all had to make sacrifices, and she was giving up her life to be with him.There had been a few minor setbacks. She didn't want anyone to know that he was married in the office, so the ring he wore was around his neck attached to a necklace. Sasha wouldn't wear her ring either, which pissed him the fuck off.She belonged to him. They were in the process of making a baby together, and they were husband and wife. It would only be a matt