BE MY FRIEND

LUCAS

...

"What's wrong with me?"

I thought to myself, no...I racked my head without mercy, but in the end, I found no answer to it apart from realizing that I don't want to leave this room....not anymore, but...but I want to...help him, I know I know it's like the most shittest thing I would ever want to do, and am probably, really going to regret it, but, but I who is a pathetic loser wants to help him, even though the old me would have done literally everything to stay away from him

Ugh, it's so complicated and frustrating, and was literally like a puzzle I still don't fully understand, but...but all I knew was that I don't want him to hate me more than shit, cause it would make the guilt I have for reading his diary kill me, so when Mr. "Not a devil" returned few days after that incident, to pick up a notebook, probably his assignment, I dared to risk my life again, and blocked his way before he could leave

"Am sorry"

Yes I did it, the person who didn't feared getting slapped by him, blurted out as fast as I could with my eyes pleading to him, but all he does was scoff out frustratedly, before pushing me to the side, and walking out of the room again, he left me alone with myself yet again

First attempt?, Failed!

I write that on the board at the side of the room, and sighed to myself angrily, cause I knew this guilt would kill me if he doesn't forgives me, and, ugh, hell no, I really don't want to be the one that causes his poor ass to be found dead in the hallway or something, because he had a fight with his roommate, so I become a spy in the end, and tried to find my target in classes, but he was nowhere, and that tragic shit kept on happening, and happening for days to two whole weeks, that literally anyone in my shoes would just give up, anyone but me, and thankfully one lucky day came my way, and I saw his figure passed in the hallway, and quickly rushed up to him before he could disappear again, cause I know if I spent another day in this "Elias goose chase"

"You can't keep running away from me"

When I was close enough, I yelled out to him, and it made his legs stop, and turn around to me, but when I finally see his face, he immediately held my right hand, and took....no he dragged me away from the crowded hallway, and I bet it was because he didn't fancy any drama, but who was I to care, hell no, I wanted to give him a piece of my mind at last, but he firsts me to speak out

"What the fuck don't you understand, STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

He spat out as soon as he pushed me to the wall awfully hard, the wall that was in a secluded part of the hallway I never knew exist, but that wasn't the point, no... the point was that he literally just broke my back right now, but he didn't care, he didn't care at all

"Didn't you also want to stay away from me, so what this new shitty drama now, huh?"

He asked me again with a displeased angry look on his face, and it made me shirt of words, cause to think about it, I really didn't even know why I was doing this, and if I even tell him that it's because of guilt, and maybe pity, he would literally kill me, cause he had already made it clear not to pity his poor ass, so...so in the end I really did had nothing to say, and my silence?, my silence made him more pissed, so he rolled his eyes, and tried to walk away from me, but, but I knew if I didn't stop him this time, I might never get a chance to, so I swallowed the lump on my throat, and parted my lips

"I want to be your friend"

Yes I said it, I literally blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, and it made his legs stop, but he didn't turn around to look at my face, so I don't see his reaction, but I heard him speak

"I don't fucking need one, thank you!"

I heard his cols voice after some minutes of silence, and immediately he yelled at me, he started to walk away again, but...but I don't still want him to leave when I wasn't done speaking to him, hell no

"At...at least, hear me out first!"

I yelled out again frustratedly and with all the emotions raging inside me, and luckily, it was this time he finally stopped, and turned around to look at me with one of his eyebrows arched up, but I didn't care about his expression, but what I wanted to let him know

"We would make a deal"

I blurted out and shock him again with my words, but all I saw him do was fold his hands together frustratedly as if to let me he wasn't interested in anymore shit coming from me, but...but that too didn't stop me from speaking, so I continued, and literally said...

"I would stay with you"

It literally sounded like some kind of dictate, curt command, but I still didn't want to care

"And you would return back to the room too"

I added to my words, no I completed my sentence, and watch as he immediately parted his lips

"Not ever in this life"

He yelled out at me angrily and scoffed out, but he didn't stop there, no...he didn't

"So are you done?"

It was cold, so cold and mean, he glared at me coldly, and asked me if I was done blabbering out shits like he silently might call it, and it made me so dumbfoundedly and it was exactly what he wanted, cause immediately he saw my expression, he tried to turn around to leave, but I still don't want to accept defeat that pathetically, no I didn't want to remain the fool to him, so I grabbed unto his arm and hold it tight to prevent him from taking any more step away from me, but immediately I touch him, he wrestles back angrily

"Fuck you, let go of me!"

He swore out at me, as he tries to yank his hand away, but I don't release it, or else I swear I would literally write on my forehead that I was the biggest fool ever, and I didn't want that, I didn't fucking want that, so I struggle back

"Not until am done speaking"

I become so stubborn, and tell him back, and it made him more angrier, so angry that before I could fight back, he yanks his arm away from me at last

Damnit!, I hate the fact that he was stronger than me no matter how hard I try

I fought with my inner self angrily as he rubbed his arm I held, before he glared at me, but his words surprised me

"I would listen to your shit, so don't ever touch me again"

He calls my deal shit, but I smiled either way, because this blue eyes ended up not being so coldhearted to leave, or maybe he secretly just missed his room too, but I don't let the thought take over me, so I shake it off, and looked at him in the eyes

"It's a deal for a week"

I tell him as soon as I mentally slapped the smile away from my face, cause I didn't wanted to piss him off and make him change his mind

"I want to be your friend" I tell him again

"Why?"

And immediately he heard me, he raised one of his eyebrows and asked me, he was suspicious, so suspicious, but God, I was going to play it so cool

"No reason"

I replied back sharply, even though the truth was because I felt guilty, and kinda pity his poor ass, even though he told me like a million times before to mind my own business, I pitied his sad life, cause that's just who I am.

Immediately he heard me say that, he parted his lips to probably lecture me, cause he doesn't believe my words , but he stops himself halfway, and I guess it was because he probably figured out that it was best not to waste his breath, since I wouldn't listen, and it kinda made me grin, how he was finally able to understand some part of me, but I immediately murdered it, cause I didn't wanted him to see my smile

"If I successfully become your friend, I would keep staying with you, and you wouldn't treat me like shit anymore"

"You..."

He tries to stop me, but I don't want to listen, so I cut his words off

"But if the one week comes to an end, and you still hate my guts, then I would leave the room, and would never show my face to you again"

I know it's so damn foolish to trade a place to stay, with trying to be his friend, a friend to a guy that probably wants to throw me off a cliff, but I completed my sentence either way, and he immediately arched one of his eyebrows up to show that he doesn't believes me, so I sighed out and behave like an high school kid reciting the pledge, and placed my right hand on my chest, and lifted my left hand up

"I swear I would leave Mr. grumpy Elias's room, even if it means I would rot on the hallways"

I said it, I, the idiot literally promised him that, and watched as a wicked grin appear on the side of his lips, as he moved closer to me

"You don't know the shit you have just gotten yourself into"

He flicks my forehead when he was close enough to me as if to tell me that I was a fool, but I was confident with my words, and my deal

"It's my deal Elias, so I know what am doing, and know I would make you like me"

I looked into his eyes, and told him confidently, and I guess he liked my attitude that it made him grin wider, but I don't care if he sees me as a fool now

"And oh, one more thing"

I called his attention back, when he wanted to leave again, and it made him stop, and turned back to look at me

"What now?"

He raised one of his eyebrows up and asked me frustratedly, but I spoke either way

"If I also get you to like me, you would stop cutting your sel..."

SELF!, I was going to say self, cause I had figured out a depressed poor guy like him would definitely do that, and that was what that cotton wool I saw might have been, but he didn't let me finish, no, he rushed back to me, and placed his cold right palm on my lips to stop me.

His eyes....his blue eyes was a mixture of shock and confusion, shock about how I was able to figure out he was that sad that he cuts himself, and confused as to why I was investing so much attention on his personal life, but deep down I didn't know the answer either.

God, I didn't know why I wanted him to be less sad despite being an asshole, I didn't know why I felt guilty reading his book when I bet he was literally merciless when he burnt my project up, and...and most importantly, I don't know why my fucking damn heart was racing horribly fast now that he placed his palm on my lips

Stop already!, qu..quit it!

I mentally tried to stop my heart, but it didn't listen, instead I lose it more when I looked into his eyes this close, but...but he immediately broke the eye lock, and let go of me when he realized just how much effect he was causing on me

"Uh..."

For the first time ever, he becomes short of words as soon as he let go of me, and when he saw I was looking at his confused face confused myself, he turned around to stop me

"You can try to change me, but I can't wait to see you fail, and leave me!"

I heard his voice again, but it came out unsure, unlike the bold heartless way he always spoke, but he said it either way, before disappearing away from me, before I could make any sense of it, but the worst confusing part of it all was as soon he was gone, my mind disobeys me again and raced...no, it exploded

Damnit, shut up already!, he is no good!, ugh!!!!!

I mumbled out to myself and tried to stop my racing heart, but nothing I do could make my damn mind forget how close he was, and how I freaking literally wanted him to be closer

Ugh, maybe the real psychopath in the end is me!

I was the real psychopath after all....