DNA SAYS I LIKE YOU

LUCAS

....

He ran away from me, and that night, he broke the promise, or should I say part of the deal we made, and didn't return back to the room, and I blamed myself cause everything that was happening was all my fault, but I didn't really dwell in the fact that he was nowhere to be found, cause I still wanted answers to know what was happening between us, and what was really happening to me before he comes back, well if he does, cause I hated confusions so damn much, and uncertainty, so I googled out what was wrong with me, and took a "Do I like you more than a friend quiz", even though it was like the most cheesiest some what childish thing to do, cause I wanted to know if it was more than pity I had for him, and as if to clear things out, the result of the quiz came out "I LIKED HIM", but...but it wasn't really that surprising to me, cause a part of me had already figured out that I like him, since the time he placed his palm on my lips, I was the one who was trying to deny it, cause it was the same thing like falling for lucifer, but I don't want to care anymore, and don't want to keep my feelings hidden anymore, cause it's exhausting, and suffocating.

Yes, I know it's so shitty to fall for a cruel person like him of all people, and it's like a death wish, but to be honest, sometimes the prince charming you pictured may not be exactly the guy you end up falling for, and when you fall for the prince life throws at you, there's no way to deceive your heart, so I would stop playing "Secret crush" role, even if the end of this all might be brutal and dark, cause no matter how twisted he was, he was still a person, and deserve to know, even if he kills me.

What if I tell him, and it actually become the opposite of what I had been thinking, what if he feels happy that someone could still like an asshole like him, or...or even better, what if he likes me back!!!

I thought to myself, and men, it made my heart race as if I had just won a lottery, but I don't want to get my hopes up, so I murder the thought, and just gave him a call, luckily I had hi phone number, or should I say, I had literally begged him for his phone number the first day we started this one week deal. Anyway, I only gave him a call after I was sure that I wouldn't hang up out of fear the moment he picked up, but when I finally called, he didn't pick up, no matter how many times I did so, and it kinda made my heart sink, but I was keen on letting him know how I felt, cause I wasn't the type, I didn't want to be the fucking time that plays secret crush until the subject of affection ends up with someone else

I feel doing that was so damn stupid, and trust me when I say, I would never ever be able to forgive myself if I end up being some shitty best man on his wedding to someone else, so if Mr. Elias didn't wanted to still talk it out, I would text what I wanted to say to him

I concluded after dialing his number for the hundredth and one time

"Please come back to the room tomorrow, I have got something to say"

I typed it down on my broken phone screen, and finally sent it, after hesitating for a bit, but all I got as a reply from him after what felt like eternity of hours was a "I don't know", that was all and nothing else, end of his text!, with a full stop!, the end!

He didn't even give me a proper answer if he was going to listen to my text, and show up or not, and it kinda ended up making my heart race with a million and one thought if I was really doing the right thing, but I don't still want to give up even if it may be wrong in some ways. God, I didn't want to give up, and just bury my feelings down as if it was nothing when they were burning and engulfing my heart like fire, I didn't wanted to kill them, even if my text might have looked like I was pressuring him, cause like I said, he deserves to know that someone: Me, a person could like him, even if he was a depressed sad baby

I wanted to tell him that and make him understand my feelings, even if he was probably going to reject me in the end. I do admit that it's going to hurt like hell to be rejected by him, cause damn, no one ever wants to be rejected by the person they like, but it would be at least worth it to tell them your feelings, and know you at least tried

I listened to my thought, and feel like some kind of lecturer advising someone in particular, and it made me laugh out, but my laughter immediately vanished when I laid on the bed in the lonely room, and thought about him again.

Damnit, I can't believe am saying this, but I...I...miss him

I mumbled to myself as I closed my eyes, and tried to sleep, but hell no, all my thoughts kept on connecting back to him, even though I don't really still know how or why I fell for a guy like him, when there was literally so many fishes in the sea, but I guess that was what it means to like someone, it's crazy!

.......

The next day kicked in, and honestly I could barely concentrate on any of the lectures at all, cause all I could think about was him, and finally confessing my feelings at last, so when it got to a point, I literally got impatient, and even tried to look for him in the hallways, so that I would say it just then, but sadly, he was like a ghost again, and was nowhere to be found, so in the end, I decided to keep my sanity, and wait for him in the room like I had told him the last night, well I decided to wait hopefully, cause he didn't reply to my text, apart from that stupid "I don't know", that still pisses me off, but nevertheless, I decided to be hopeful, and decided to go as far as making the room look romantic, and eye catching, even if he turns me down in the end, cause that was the least I could do, and also a nice well arrange room would be good for crying, and trashing again, if the person you like turns you down.

I could also shout, and scream "Why do reject me douchebag", and imagine he is my pillow, and punch him if he rejects me, and leaves me alone in the room heartbroken.

I mumbled out to myself, but all my wild thought came crashing down when I saw that black book, or should I say diary of his again. That tempting ol' book of his slide out away from his pillow, and I couldn't believe he forgot to take something like this with him after what had happened the last time, but even though I bet it wasn't intentional to leave it behind, my damn mind still got curious again about what more was in there, so before I knew it, I took the book into my hands, and stared like a hungry stupid disobedient puppy at it

Yes, I know I shouldn't be touching his stuff again and it was so shitty, but...but what if I could find something in there, am not talking about juicy secrets, but something he likes to do that would make me know more about him, since I don't really know much about the guy I like, cause he doesn't speak much, and...and I swear I would just look at a few pages that's all

I told myself, but it was a lie, and I knew it, but still ignored how my conscience told me to keep the damn book, cause if he catches me with it, it would be disastrous, and opened to the middle, but what I see there is nothing about his likes or dislikes

"I did for in love, but after what happened, I would never again, and would rather prefer to remain anyone's stranger, and never let anyone like me, cause if the person does, promise me the world even, and leave me two years to come, I swear to God, I would never forgive him, cause..."

There were some more things written there, but I closed the damn book, and toss it away, cause I couldn't take it nor did I wanted to read anymore, cause it sounded like kind of nightmare, some kind of nightmare that I was trying to make happen again, even though I didn't mean it

I didn't mean to end up liking him, and end up probably putting him a dilemma that would make him remember about the damn person he fell in love with before, but I don't want to end up being someone he hates, and never forgives

I sit back on my bed, and rub my forehead as everything finally becomes clear, and as the realization finally hit me, the realization that he didn't want me or anyone else to ever like him, cause he was afraid if I would leave him one day, and that was probably way he ran away from me...He was still hurting, cause someone had once broke his heart and left a scar there, his first love maybe, and he doesn't want to fall in love again, he wants to silence his heart completely, or at least heal from it first, but here I was, trying to confess my feelings to a guy who was still hurting

Damnit!, I should be helping him heal, to be his friend first, before I think about love, and trying to enter a fucking relationship with him, God

I swore out to myself, cause I hated myself for getting carried away with my affection for him, I want confess my feelings tp him, but he would definitely reject me if I do it now

I told myself the bitter truth, even though it was hard to accept, but the truth was the truth, the truth that he needed a friend more than a lover now. The thought danced in my head, and men!, it made me so sad that I would have to keep my feelings hidden, even though I didn't wanted to, and angry with myself that I had made him almost kiss me, even though he was hurting.

Fuck, I was also angry at the shitty cramp who broke his heart, despite the fact that he was bullied, and I so much wish that shit could pay, but now wasn't the time to hate his ex, so I brought out my phone that I had fixed today, and typed out "Don't bother to come", and it hurt me so much to do that, to keep my feelings hidden, but the best was the best, so I sent it to him, when I saw that he had seen my text, I realized that would be the end of my confession tonight, but...but I would be fine, and another thing would come.

As long as I have him by my side, I would be able to tell him my feelings, after he isn't depressed anymore, so I get up from my bed, and first on the board: FRIENDS FIRST, LOVE SECOND!"