CHAPTER 1: SEDUCING RUSSEL

HINDI NIYA ALAM kung ilang minuto na siyang nakatayo sa labas ng pinto basta ang alam niya ay kanina pa siya naroon. She sighed for the nth time and finally knocked on the door, she knocked two times but there was no response.

“Are you sleeping?”

Ruby Rose sighed in a mixture of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because she could not see him, she barely saw him for the whole week because he was always busy. And relief because her plan for that night would not be executed, even she thought that her plan was unreasonable. She was about to leave and go back to her room when the door opened.

“What do you want? It’s late,” Russel Clarke said.

Napalunok siya nang mapatingala sa mukha nito. He was really tall.

Napahigpit ang hawak ni Ruby Rose sa kumot na nakapalibot sa kanyang katawan. She was trembling and it was not because of the cold. Hindi paman niya nagagawa ang binabalik ay para na siyang hihimatayin sa kaba.

Mabilis siyang pumasok sa loob ng silid nito bago pa magbago ang isipan. Narinig niya itong bumuntung-hininga bago isinarado ang pinto.

Tahimik siyang umupo sa ibabaw ng kama nito dahil pabigay na ang kanyang mga tuhod dahil sa panginginig. Mabuti nalang at hindi nito nakikita dahil sa kumot.

Tiningnan niya si Russel na umu-okopa ng pinakamalaki nilang guest room sa bahay, halos magda-dalawang-taon na itong nakatira sa kanila. The guest room was located in the west wing opposite to where her room was. Nakaupo ito sa study table at may mga papel sa harapan. Maybe it was for his job, he was too immersed in studying whatever document he was holding and couldn’t hear the first time she knocked.

He was hardworking, perhaps the most hardworking man she knew beside her father. If he sets his mind into something, he would really do it, he would have it. He was very dedicated to his job that no one could barely disturb him when he was doing something important.

Russel Clarke, he was someone who was very close to her, yet very hard to catch. Ruby Rose knew him almost all her life. She had memorized every feature of his face and she knew the meaning of his gestures and facial expressions.

There was nothing about him that she didn’t like. She loved how his brows furrowed and his forehead knitted as he read through the documents. How she wished to trade places with the document he’s holding just so he could also make time for her.

Nasapo niya ang dibdib nang maalala ang narinig niyang usapan ng kanyang mga magulang. They were talking about Russel and his girlfriend. It was not confirmed that Russel was in relationship because he did not confirm it to anyone in the family, he’s the type who does not share about his romantic life. 

Hindi gustong tanggapin ni Ruby Rose ang ideyang may karelasyon na ito. Nothing was confirmed, maybe her parents just assumed that he already had a girlfriend.

Sa tuwing naiisip niya ang posibilidad na may girlfriend na ito ay gusto niyang umiyak. She wanted to scream at him about how unfair he was.

“Are you going to sit there and stare at me the whole night?”

Napapitlag si Ruby Rose nang magsalita ito. Naramdaman marahil nito ang pagtitig niya.

“Leave and go to your room if you don’t have something to say. It’s late.”

“I have something to ask you,” agad niyang sabi. Nagtaas ito ng tingin sa kanya at sinalubong ang kanyang mga mata. He was waiting for whatever question she had for him. “Do you really have a girlfriend?”

Rose didn’t have to look at herself in the mirror to know what expression she had on her face. Her eyes were begging him to say no to her question.

“B-bakit ayaw mong sumagot?” garalgal ang boses na tanong niya rito nang hindi siya nito sagutin. He was staring at her as if she was a child he was trying to understand. Ganoon na ganoon siya tinitingnan ng kanyang daddy kapag may mga bagay siyang ginagawa na hindi nito nagustuhan.

Gusto niyang bumulalas ng iyak pero ayaw niya iyong gawin sa harapan nito. She didn’t want him to see her acting like a spoiled child. Eighteen na siya noong nakaraan buwan, hindi na siya bata, sana lang ay makita nito iyon.

She believed that Russel knew she had feelings for him. How would he not know if her actions towards him were obviously saying that she admired the man very deeply? But he was continuously deny it, for him, she was a little sister, and nothing more than that.

“I won’t go back to my room if you don’t answer,” she said.

“What if it isn’t the answer that you want to hear?”

“I—I…” Nakagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi at napayuko nang hindi siya makahagilap ng isasagot. Paano nga ba kung totoong may girlfriend na ito? What would she do?

Pigil niya ang luha sa pagbagsak nang maramdaman niyang tumayo si Russel at lumapit sa kanyang kinauupuan. Hinawakan siya nito sa balikat at itinayo.

“You need to go to bed, you still have to wake up early tomorrow for your class.”

“No, Russ.” Before they reach the door, Ruby Rose pulled herself back away from his grip. Dahil sa ginawa niyang paggalaw ay nabitawan niya ang pagkakahawak sa kumot na nakapalibot sa kanyang katawan.

Nakagat niya ang pang-ibabang labi at iniyakap ang mga braso palibot sa kanyang sarili. She was reminded of what she was planning before she knocked in his door.

Although she was embarrassed beyond words, inalis niya ang mga braso na nakapalibot sa kanyang katawan. She was there to seduce the man, she had imagined that moment many times. She mentally practiced many times of what she should do. But all she had envisioned vanished into thin air, the actual thing was harder than she had thought.

Gusto niyang magtago dahil sa hiya at kabang nararamdaman. Nakatingin si Russel sa kanya habang magkasalubong ang mga kilay. There was no admiration in his eyes. She could see that he was holding back his anger.

Russel gave a very deep sigh. Inalis nito ang tingin sa kanya at dinampot ang kumot.

She felt so insecure at that moment, she wanted to cry.

“Look at me, please,” she cried inside.

She was wearing a very skimpy nighties, it was made of lace and it was see through. She’s only wearing her panty and no bra inside it, her breasts are visible. She put so much effort and she had to muster a lot of courage to wear that piece of clothing, yet she got no response from him.

Was she foolish to believe what her friend said to her about her body? Tinulungan siya ng bestfriend niya sa pagpili ng nighties na suot niya. Ang sabi nito ay walang hindi mabibighani sa gana ng kanyang katawan. And that no man could resist her after seeing her wearing the lace nighties. Her breasts were full and firm even though she was still in her teens. Her best friend said she was jealous of her.

“R-Russ.” Itinakip nito pabalik ang kumot sa kanyang katawan. She felt so miserable. “M-Make love to me,” she said in a small voice without looking at him. Natatakot siyang salubungin ang mga mata nito.

Hindi ito nagsalita at hinila siya, ngunit nagmatigas siya at hindi nagpatinag.

“Please, R-Russ, please…” she pleaded. Tears were forming in the corner of her eyes as she looked at him. “I like you. I always like you, so so much that it hurts. So please, take me, be with me.”

He was stoned into place, he was taken aback by her begging. Ruby Rose had not behave that way before. She was never promiscuous.

Inilaglag ni Rose ang kumot sa sahig. Kinuha niya ang kamay ni Russel na hindi pa nakakabawi sa pagkabigla, mahigpit niya iyong hinawakan gamit ang mga nanginginig niyang kamay. She puts his big hand on her breast.

Sinamantala niya ang pagkabigla nito at hinila ang katawan nito pababa. She reached for his face and placed her trembling lips against his. She was very scared, she didn’t know how to kiss but she’s trying.

“P-please, Russ!” Hinabol niya ito nang lumayo ito sa kanya.

“What are you doing Ruby Rose?!” he said angrily, making her flinch.

“Have s-se… M-make love to me.”

“Ha!” he laughed sarcastically and mockingly. “You could not even say the word sex. You don’t know how to kiss and your body is that of a child. Grow up, Ruby Rose! Are you not ashamed for the people who raised you?”

“Se-sex, have s-sex with me,” she murmured and saw how his eyes lit in anger. “Y-You can be rough with me, I-I wouldn’t mind.” Kasabay nang pagbaba niya sa strap ng kanyang nighties.

Nakulong ang mga daing niya sa bibig ni Russel nang bigla nitong higitin ang kanyang mga braso at idiin ang mga labi sa kanyang mga labi. He was holding her too tight that she thought she might bruise, his lips were punishing, his teeth sunk on her skin.

Bagaman mapagparusa ang ginagawa nitong paghalik sa kanya ay hindi niya ito tinulak. She was holding on to his clothes tightly trying to find some strength to support her trembling body.

Tuluyang tumulo ang mga luha niya at nalalasahan niya ang alat niyon. She could also taste blood in her mouth. There was no gentleness in his kisses, it was full of anger. And it was as if he wanted her to learn her lesson.

Kumawala ang daing sa bibig niya nang kumuyusin ng malaki nitong kamay ang kanyang dibdib. It was painful, he was clearly hurting her and she was very scared. Russel was never violent, although he had a reserved personality and he was serious most of the time, he never physically hurt her before.

Galit na tumigil si Russel sa pagpaparusa kanya, mahigpit nitong hinawakan ang magkabila niyang braso habang wala siyang tigil sa pag-iyak.

“Listen, Ruby Rose! Do not ever ask a man to do what you ask of me, you don’t know what we are capable of. The pain you are feeling now, it could be worse. Do not act like a whore and spreads your legs to anyone, that’s not how your parents raise you. Do not test my patience or I’ll tell your mother and father about what you did. Don’t be an embarrassment to them. Grow up!”

Hindi siya makapagsalita, hindi niya alam ang sasabihin dito. Her embarrassment and fear were beyond words. Russel had not yelled at her before but now, he was livid and very close to wringing her neck.

“Get out of here before I throw you out myself!” Sigaw nito sa kanya na kung hindi lang soundproof ang dingding ng guestroom ay rinig na sa buong bahay.

She grabbed the blanket and ran towards the door. Matinding pagpipigil ang ginawa niya upang hindi kumawala ang mga hikbi sa kanyang bibig habang pabalik sa kanyang kuwarto. It was the middle of the night and everyone were in their rooms, but there was a possibility that someone might see her in her messed-up state. The maids could be awake or maybe her younger siblings. Hindi niya gustong magkagulo ang pamilya nila dahil sa kanya.

Rose let out her cries when she was finally inside her room. She didn’t know what to do or what to feel. She was so miserable that she wanted to disappear.

Russel’s words keep on repeating inside her head over and over again like a broken record.

It was her first heart break in her eighteen years of existent. She bawled her eyes out while curled up on her bed.

How could she face him tomorrow? How could she look at her parents without feeling guilty? How could you unlove someone who had deeply rooted inside your heart?

She doesn’t know how. If only someone could tell her the answers.