CHAPTER 6: CAUGHT

SHE FELT the ringing in her ears when she woke up. Hindi niya maimulat ang mga mata dahil sa sakit ng ulo. Pagkaraan ng ilang minuto ay unti-unti nang rumirehistro sa kanyang pandinig ang mga boses sa labas ng silid.

The voices were inaudible at first, until they became clearer as minutes passed by. They were two voices, no, there’s three, three familiar voices.

Gusto niyang buksan ang mga talukap pero tila kay bigat ng mga iyon. Maging ang katawan ay nahihirapan siyang igalaw. She could barely feel her body that it was starting to scare her. What’s happening to her?

Hanggang sa marinig niya ang pagbukas ng pinto at ang papalapit na mga yabag ay nanatili siyang nakapikit at hindi makagalaw. Tanging mga ungol ang kumakawala sa kanyang mga labi.

Naririnig niya ang mararahas nitong paghinga habang nakaupo sa dulong bahagi ng kama.

Ilang beses niyang sinubukang buksan ang mga talukap at nang magtagumpay ay nakita niya si Russel. Nang luminaw ang kanyang paningin ay una niyang napagtuonan ang nakakuyom nitong kamao. He was clenching his fists so hard that they turned white.

“You’re awake.”

Nabaling ang kanyang mga mata sa mukha nito. Napakislot siya nang makita ang emosiyong naroon. Kahit na hindi nakatingin sa kanya ay ramdam niya ang galit ni Russel. His face was dark, his jaw tightened and the look in his eyes intensified.

Dahil sa emosyong ipinapakita ni Russel ay nag-uunahang pumasok sa kanyang isipan ang ginawa niya. About how she spiked his drink. Kahit na malabo ang mga sumunod na nangyari ay alam niya at ramdam niyang may nangyari sa pagitan nilang dalawa. Patunay niyon ang pananakit ng kanyang katawan, partikular na sa gitna ng kanyang mga binti.

“I never thought that you would stoop this low, Ruby Rose Peters.”

Humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa kumot at hindi napigilan ang panginginig ng katawan. Hindi sumisigaw si Russel, ngunit malamig ang boses na ginamit nito. For some reason, it was even frightening.

“I didn’t know that you’re a drug user. Or maybe you’re already addicted to it. I could sue you, did you know that?”

“L-let me explain,” she said in a raspy voice.

“Explain, what? That you drug me and I had no choice but to have sex with you?”

Doon tumingin si Russel sa kanya. Kung nakakapaso lang ang titig ng isang tao ay kanina pa siya napaso dahil sa apoy na nagmumula sa mga mata nito.

Bumuka ang kanyang mga labi ngunit walang lumalabas na tinig. She was so scared and it hindered her from talking.  

“Where did you get this?”

Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata nang makita ang pakete ng druga na nasa nakabukang kamay ni Russel. So remembered how she put it in her pocket. Did he search through her clothes?

Napaatras siya sa headboard ng kama nang lumapit si Russel sa kanya. Hinawakan nito ang kanyang mga balikat at niyugyog. “Tell me, Ruby Rose!”

“I-I only got it yesterday, b-believe me, I’m not an addict,” she said with tears in the corners of her eyes.

A heavy and rough sigh escaped his mouth before he released her. Then he brushed his hair with his hand, it was his habit every time he didn’t know what to do.

“I am very close… Very close from strangling you right now. Do me a favor and get out of here before I do it.”

Hindi niya na kailangang utusan ang katawan na kumilos dahil awtomatiko iyong umalis sa ibabaw ng kama. Muntik pa siyang matumba nang makaramdam ng pagkahilo at pananakit ng buong katawan.

Kahit na naginginig ay hinagilap niya ang kanyang mga damit at kung paano nalang isinuot. She wanted to get away from that place as soon as possible.

Sa natitirang lakas ay lumakad siya patungo sa pintuan. But before she went out from the room, she glanced back at Russel who was still sitting on the bed. Nakayuko ito sa sahig at nakahawak ang mga kamay sa ulo.

“R-Russ—”

“Get out!” he snarled at her.

Mabilis niyang binuksan ang pinto at lumabas. Ngunit agad niyang nahiling na sana hindi nalang siya lumabas ng pinto nang makita ang dalawang babae na nasa sala. It was her Aunt Katie, Russel’s adoptive mother, and her mother Magenta.

Katie, who was pacing the living room nervously, stopped and stared at Ruby Rose. Ngunit ang ina niya ay nanatiling nakatitig sa pader at hindi makatingin sa kanya.

“A-Aunt Katie… M-Mommy…” she muttered. Her voice was stuttering and she was very close into tears as her limbs were getting weaker that it was hard for her to maintain her balance.

Pagpasok ni Russel sa kuwarto kanina ay tuluyan niyang nakalimutan ang mga boses na kanyang narinig nang magising siya. Those voices were from her mother and Russel’s adoptive mother.

“Let’s go home, Ruby Rose,” her mother said in a cold voice.

“M-Mom…” Nanginginig ang mga tuhod na sumunod siya sa kanyang ina na walang lingon-likod na lumakad patungo sa pinto ng bahay. “A-Aunt Katie,” she sobbed while looking at Katie.

“Go home for now, Ruby.”

“I-I’m s-sorry.” She felt like she needed to say those words. She was ashamed and scared. Hindi niya alam kung bakit naroon ang mga ina nila ni Russel, pero base sa reaksiyon ng dalawang babae ay alam ng mga ito ang ginawa nila ng binata.

It was not supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a memory she could never forget for the rest of her life. But now, it was starting to feel like a nightmare.

Her mother had not spoken a single word to her in their ride home even though she called her name a few times. Nakaupo ito sa tabi ng driver’s seat habang siya ay nasa likuran nito, may kasama rin silang family driver na nagmamaneho ng sasakyan. 

“Go to your room and fix yourself.”

“M-Mom…”

Akmang hahawakan niya ang kanyang mommy nang lumakad ito palayo. Nanghihinang tumungo siya sa kanyang silid at agad na dumiretso ng banyo nang maramdaman ang paghalukay ng sikmura. She was crying while throwing up, she felt so sick and her body was aching.

Nang mapatingin sa salamin ay nahindik siya sa nakita. She looked very unkempt. Her hair was tousled and she was very pale. There were visible marks on her neck. When she pulled the hem of her shirt, she bit her lip when she saw the bite marks on her body. Nang hubarin niya ang lahat ng suot ay nalaman niyang halos buong katawan ay may mga marka ng ngipin at halik ni Russel. Hindi niya iyon napansin kaninang nagbihis siya sa loob ng silid nito, marahil ay dahil sa tensiyon.

How wild was them last night?  Hindi malinaw sa kanyang isipan ang mga nangyari sa kanila.

Pinuno niya ng tubig ang bath tub at inilubog ang katawan doon. Napaungol siya nang makaramdam ng ginhawa. Iniyakap niya ang mga braso sa kanyang binti at nilapat ang pisngi sa kanyang mga tuhod.

Kinapa niya ang damdamin, hindi siya nagulat nang walang mahanap na pagsisi roon. Even when she was eighteen, she wanted to give her first to Russel. Gusto niyang ito ang maging unang lalaki sa kanyang buhay na a-angkin sa kanyang buong pagktao.

She also wanted him to be her last. Ngunit malabo na sigurong mangyari iyon pagkatapos ng ginawa. Ruby Rose saw the hate in Russel’s eyes earlier. He wouldn’t want to see her after what she did.

Ang tanging ipinanghihinayang niya ay hindi niya maalala ng malinaw ang mga nangyari. Did he whisper sweet nothings to her while they were making love? What expression did he have on his face?

He enjoyed last night, right? He did not totally dislike what happened to them if she would base in the marks on her body. Or was it only because of the drugs?

Ilang sandali siyang nagtagal doon habang nag-iisip. Nang matapos ay nagbihis siya at nalaman niyang hapon na. Ni hindi niya napansin kanina nang magising sa bahay ni Russel na hapon na pala.

Naalala niyang ngayong araw ang dating ng kanyang Aunt Katie sa bansa at napag tagni-tagni ang mga nangyari. Russel was supposed to fetch Katie from the airport. Pero hindi nito nagawang sunduin ang ina dahil wala itong malay-tao dahil sa epekto ng druga sa kanilang sistema. Kagigising lang marahil ni Russel nang dumating ang mga ina nila. Russel’s house was one of those modern houses that uses an electronic keypad door lock. Alam ni Katie ang passcode ng bahay kaya malayang nakapasok ang dalawa.

Maybe the two mothers saw them together sleeping on Russel’s bed, naked and messy. Ruby Rose could only imagine the shock on the two women’s faces.

Lumabas siya ng kanyang silid at hinanap ang kanyang mommy. Pumasok siya sa loob ng master’s bedroom na inuokopa ng kanyang mga magulang. Nasa loob ang kanyang mommy at nakaupo sa may sofa.

She sat on the bed, and stare at her hands on her lap. She was fidgeting out of nervousness. “I-I’m sor—” she could not finish what she was about to say when her mother started talking.

“Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iisipin kanina. Pero ngayon, after giving it some thought, I was very disappointed with you, Ruby Rose.”

Nanlumo si Ruby Rose sa narinig. Magenta never said those words before to her children.

“Alam mong ikakasal na si Russel, pero bakit? Bakit niyo nagawa ang bagay na ‘yon? Why did you sleep with a man who’ll be married to another woman days from now?”

Hindi niya magawang dipensahan ang sarili. Naiintindihan niya ang reaksiyon ng kanyang ina. Of course, her and Russel was not supposed to do that. Ikakasal na ito, hindi niya alam kung ano ang magiging epekto ng ginawa nila roon.

“Hindi kita pinalaki para mang-agaw ng lalaking pagmamay-ari na ng iba.”

There was no anger in her mother’s face. Ang nakikita niya sa mukha nito ay panlulumo at disappointment.

“That’s not it,” she said in a small voice. “I just—” she trailed of and closed her eyes tightly. “I just love him so much, it hurts. I wanted him to be mine, even just for one night.” Her voice quivered but she did not let her sob out.

“B-Bakit si Russel pa? Bakit kayo pa?”

Naghihirap ang damdamin ng kanyang mommy, gusto niya itong yakapin pero natatakot siya na baka ipagtabuyan siya nito. Hindi nito matanggap ang mga nalaman at nasaksihan. Itinuring nitong parang tunay na anak si Russel.

Russel was an orphan when Ruby Rose’s father brought him in their home. Inalagaan ito ni Magenta ng dalawang taon bago ito lumipat sa states nang ampunin ni Katie at Gascon. They were family by affiliation.

Si Rebecca ang nagpalaki sa Daddy ni Ruby Rose, Rebecca was his aunt. Ang asawa ni Rebecca na isang foreigner ay uncle naman ni Katie.

Hindi man magkadugo ang pamilya nila ni Russel ay pamilya na ang turing nila sa isa’t isa.

“Did you know, when I decided to live with Rebecca in Brooklyn, it was because of Russel?”

“Lumipat si Russel noon ng bahay at umalis ka naman ng bansa. I have an idea that something happened, but I wasn’t sure. You never told me anything.” Puno ng hinanakit ang boses nito.

“I’m sorry,” iyon ang lang tanging nasabi niya. Perhaps if she was more open to her feelings and told her mother, it would’ve been bearable and she didn’t have to migrate. “I… I want to go back in Brooklyn.”

Magenta frowned deeply. “No!” matigas nitong sabi.

“I have to, mom.”

“Why? Dahil gusto mong takasan ang ginawa mo? Kagaya ng ginawa mo noon?”

Those words hit her. She wanted to laugh. Tama ang mommy niya, gusto niyang tumakas dahil hindi niya kayang harapin ang konsekuwensiya ng ginawa niya. Ah, she was really a coward.

“You cannot go back to Brooklyn. You could be pregnant after what happened to you and Russel. Did you even use a protection?”

Wala sa loob naa napahawak siya sa kanyang tiyan. Hindi niya naisip ang bagay na ‘yon. Of course, they did not use any protection. Wala sila sa tamang pag-iisip para humagilap ng kung anong proteksiyon na puwede nilang gamitin.

“Hindi ka puwedeng bumalik ng Brooklyn hanggang hindi natin nalalaman kung buntis ka ba o hindi.”

Alam ni Ruby Rose na hindi niya mababago ang isipan ng kanyang mommy. So, she wagered with her, if it would turn out that she was not pregnant, she would go back to Brooklyn. Napapayag din niya ang kanyang mommy na huwag sabihin sa kanyang Daddy ang nangyari.

It was the longest month she had her whole life. Pagkatapos ng isang buwan mula nang mag-usap sila ng kanyang ina ay nagkaroon siya ng sintomas ng pagbubuntis.

One morning, she was throwing up in her bathroom and her mother found her. She looked at Magenta with her frightened eyes. “M-Mom…”

“Are you pregnant?” walang emosiyong tanong ni Magenta.

“I don’t know.”

Later that day, her mother brought her to the OB and she was indeed pregnant with Russel’s baby.

“Congratulations, mommy, you are one month pregnant,” the doctor announced with a smile.

Ruby Rose suddenly felt nauseous, she covered her mouth with her hands and wanted to throw up.