I ran down the stairs, taking it two at a time. As usual I was late. I am that person that will probably show up late on my wedding day because I can't find my underwear or something.
The living room slash kitchen area was empty. My mother must have left already. I didn't even see her last night either. In the past week we have spent the majority of the time apart.
She must have left already with Anne-Marie, my little sister. The only school that was willing to accept her was far away when we moved to this town last year. So, my mother usually had to wake earlier to get her to school. She was just six years old.
Whose fault is that?
Mine.
I was the reason why Anne-Marie had to pack up and leave so much.
I was the sole reason why mom had to leave a good job in a big city and move to a place where she had to work night and day to make ends meet, only for me to fail a whole year.
I was the reason why she always had to look over her shoulder. Why we always had to pack up and run.
I was the reason why she spent a lot of time crying at night, knowing she couldn't fix it, yet breaking herself in an attempt to make it work, to keep us alive.
As usual, the pain came. It came fast, with the swirling dark voices.
Sometimes I feel it would be better for her if I wasn't here. But I was the only one she has. One thing I am sure of is that she loves me. Me leaving will destroy her.
So I stayed. I show up as much as I can.
I sighed loudly going to check what I could have for breakfast pushing every dark thought aside. I could settle for cereal but the thought was cut short with the loud honks coming from outside.
Jamie will probably not wait for me to stuff my face full of cereal. Instead I grabbed a cold pizza slice from last night. This was better than nothing.
The run down to the car was fast.
"Good morning, Chief latecomer." Jamie greeted me and I laughed. We were always late because of me
"Good morning to you too, Baby face." I greeted. James has been obsessed with sprouting beards the last two months, as if it will make up for mostly hanging with girls or his cute baby face.
"Shut up," he whined, one hand going to stroke the three lone hair sprouts on his chin and I burst into laughter.
"Nigga, cut off those hair strands please. What are you stroking? Your armpit has more hair than your face." I teased.
"Hater." He replied.
I shrugged.
"You look like shit also," he added.
I feel like shit. I didn't say that part out loud, instead I used the car mirror to check myself out. I had eye bags under my eyes and I didn't even know how to use makeup to cover it like all the cool girls did. In my hurry today I forgot my scrunchie and my hair was a giant ball of curls flying everywhere. I could spot my black roots showing and I made a quick mental note to recolor my roots back to reddish brown.
"Shit. I look like shit." I cursed.
"That's what I said." James said.
I made to whack him on the head but he dodged it quickly.
I slapped some cherry lip balm on my dry lips and fluffed my hair out till it looked presentable enough. This will just have to do for the day.
I barely made it into class when the bell rang and I heaved in relief.
I could barely keep up because my head was pounding. I stayed up late last night trying to study and got barely up to 3hours sleep.
I was surprisingly good at math. I just sucked at every other thing, since I had the attention span of a duck. Sometimes I think I have ADHD. I could barely bring myself to focus and complete tasks without my brain wandering off somewhere else.
Like right now, I was fingering the necklace on my neck and thinking about the last NBA game. My head was pounding and I kept trying to follow Mr Jones' explanation, Genetics and the theories that governed it.
The rest of the class sounded like a lullaby as I found myself drifting off.
"Miss Davidson," the teacher's sharp voice broke out, waking me from my slumber.
"Get up," he commanded and I did, albeit sluggishly.
"I expected more from you this year. Not coming to class and sleeping through it. I am highly disappointed in you."
Who appointed you earlier?
I was tempted to roll my eyes. My fingers went to massage my temples, pushing off my curls to the side. It was when I raised my head again that I saw him. Mystery cafeteria boy.
The whole of last week had gone by so fast but not without me noticing that he didn't attend classes throughout last week.
He strolled in lazily. With an aura that commanded attention instantly just like that day in the cafeteria. He had another bandage on his chin this time around.
He must be either walking into objects and harming himself constantly or getting into fights. It seemed more like the former than the later anyway.
Mr Jones fixed his hawk-like gaze on Mystery Cafeteria Boy and I sent up a silent prayer of thanks, sliding into my chair. At least he had another unserious student who was failing to focus on.
"You're late, Mr Donatelli." He said gently in a placating manner.
If I didn't know better, I would have believed he was a soft man. But I knew he was the strict disciplinarian who always tried to remind his students how the world out there was a cruel one and they won't survive without a degree.
Mystery Cafeteria Boy just shrugged casually as If Mr Jones was stating the obvious, which he was.
"The school accepted you back on strict grounds. You are supposed to come to class and show up early for it."
"The school accepted me back because My Father is paying for a new hall and sport complex." Mystery Cafeteria Boy muttered, not too low that Mr Jones couldn't hear.
His face changed quickly into a shade of beetroot red. In my defense he looked so funny and swollen like bread in water, I didn't know when I chuckled. This was entertaining.
He didn't miss it either. His eyes turned sharply toward me and I wanted to disappear.
"Well, since the both of you have decided not to take your future seriously, I'm sending you to the Principal's office and also to detention. However I must say, it is such a shame to see you waste away. Especially you, Mr Donatelli."
That last part felt like a secret that every other person knew apart from me.
In my defense this was my second year in this town. It was the longest we had stayed in a place in the last 5 years.
I hoped they wouldn't call my mother. She had so much to deal with already, she didn't need to be called to school to deal with her dumb daughter.
We sat in the hallway waiting for the Principal. It was the second time I was getting up close to, mystery cafeteria boy.
The mystery part of the name fits him. He had this air around him that felt like it was constantly screaming- I don't give a Fuck to the world.
Even now, he wasn't bothered to spare me a side glance. Instead he brought out airpods and plugged them in and covered them with his hair.
I don't think he wanted to play anything. Probably was him trying to tell me he wasn't interested in any form of conversation. But I was nervous, and when I was nervous or overly excited I became extremely chatty and said things without reservations.
He brought out his phone to watch something and angled the screen away from me.
Before the connecting dots between my brain and mouth could connect and stop me from speaking, I opened my mouth, "what are you watching?"
"Porn." He answered with a shrug.
"Ohhhh." The sound left my mouth in a short strangled gasp. Of course he would watch porn.
He looked like an Italian Pornstar. Not like I've watched any Porn yet, but he would pass off as a goodlooking porn star, if they wanted their female stars to be attracted.
Not on the phone though but I have seen it in real life and it changed my entire life. Maybe God was punishing me for seeing what I wasn't supposed to.
It sounded so wrong though. Watching porn in the hallway of the Principal's office.
"Are..Are you supposed to be doing that here?" I stuttered.
He raised up his eyes from his phone and looked at me from the corner of his eyes and the side of his lips raised in a tiny smile that if I wasn't looking at him so hard I would have missed it.
Somehow I felt so proud for making him smile. Like I hit an achievement, something similar to the feeling of watching the ball flying into the net.
"Is there a specific place for watching porn?" He asked in return. This was the loudest I have ever heard him speak and so it made sense that I registered how deep his voice was.
"I don't know, but not in public. That is harassment." I replied.
He looked at me like I was genuinely stupid. I had gotten that look a lot in my life time, and I knew when I was given.
It stung.
The Principal's office door opened and I got up first and entered.
The next ten minutes was the fourth longest of my life following my first court deposition.
I listened haphazardly to the Principal's lecture, only getting into it when she threatened to bring my mother to school.
I lost it there and then and begged her not to.
"Luka had an almost perfect score on all his grades before he left, pairing you together and making sure that he helps you with your grades this year will be a big assist to you. Maybe it will make him show up in class also, you are now responsible for making sure he has a perfect attendance. I will even consider asking the coach to take you back if he does." My eyes lit up.
It made sense now why Mr Jones felt like he was wasting away.
"That is fine with me ma'am" She readjusted her glasses that sat on the brim of her nose and leaned back in satisfaction with my answer.
"What of you Luka?" She asked.
"Yes." He answered. No ma'am nothing.
"Alright you can leave."
Instead of going back towards class, Luka was going towards the school's main entrance.
Oh hell no.
How was I supposed to get him to have a perfect attendance when he was already leaving for the day.
I turned sharply and followed after him.
"Hey," I called out. Digging my hand into the pocket of my oversized hoodie.
My answer was his retreating back.
"Hey," I called out even louder coming to a full stop.
I could be stupid but at least I was stubborn.
He kept walking away and I broke into a sprint running after him and tugged on his arm, "Mystery Cafeteria Boy!" I screamed in his face.
"Mystery Cafeteria Boy!" He stopped at first then whirred around, facing me full on. His eyes were blazing red. "You're my ticket back to basketball. I need you to go to class and show up on all school days." I said with a false bravado. In all honesty, I was scared shitless. He looked intimidating, standing there, staring down at me with mean eyes and tightly drawn lips. First, he put his hands in his ears to remove the airpods, which means he had them on the whole time we were in the Principal's office. This was not good at all. This means he wasn't really listening to what she said and his 'yes' was performative at best. "Shoo away," his hands waving in the air to indicate that he needed me to be gone. Shoo away. Like I was a bird or a little kid he could dismiss. I swallowed every single complaint I could think of choosing instead to say, "You promised the Principal in there that you will come to class and assist me this year?" For the second time in the space of an hour h
I see the accusatory glances people shot my way throughout the rest of the day.The questions in their eyes and the hostility. Just last week I was Bella, the girl that failed a class yet no one really cared enough to make me the whole subject of the school.Did you see Bella making out with Luka in the hallway with his hands wrapped around her neck in that possessive fifty shades of grey way?I wanted to puke when I heard that in the restroom.The source of all my unwanted attention had somehow returned to class not sparing me even a single glance throughout. I couldn't help but to stare at him.I hated him. With his brown eyes and rich dad that could buy a building for his son. I hated the fact that he had it so easy.Immediately the bell rang I packed up and left. I was going to walk today. I needed the tim
LUKAI could hear the moans and grunts coming out from his office. He wasn't being quiet or discreet about it. He was the one who summoned me here, yet here he was fucking one of his bimbo's. Who was it this time? His secretary? His masseur? The daughter of the housekeeper?I plugged in my airpods, to cancel out the noise and dug my fingers into my palm. He will never stop disrespecting her this way. She was home pining away for him, yet here he was, spilling his seeds into everyone that wore a skirt.I hate the fact that he still has the power to get me angry. I hate the fact that I expected anything different.I instead let my mind wander to the girl from the hallway. She was scared of me. She tries to hide it but I can see it in her eyes. I couldn't decipher if she was a wallflower that was shy and timid or she was just better at hiding her secrets.She was n
He was always in a hurry. Always the last to come to class and the first to leave. Like he had somewhere else to be and couldn't be bothered with the rest of the world. I had promised myself that I was going to speak to him yesterday but I couldn't. I was carefully biding my time all day, trying to rack up the nerves to talk to him. It however had to be done today. No more procrastination or excuses. I ran after him after today's class. My heart was pounding and I had butterflies from anxiety in my stomach. What if today goes worse than yesterday? Throughout the day I stole glances trying to gauge his mood. But he had those damned shades on, all day. Even when the history teacher asked him to take them off, he had said the light was hurting his eyes and he couldn't. But I couldn't back down now. I felt for my phone in the pocket of my sweatpant. I had written down what I wanted to say to him. I came to a stop in front of him. "I need to talk to you, can we please go somewhere p
"What is going on between you and Luka?" Tammy asked. I shrugged and closed my locker. I didn't have any pictures inside. It wasn't fancily decorated like most girls. The only decorative item I had was a mirror. "Bella," Tammy pouted. "You're hiding things from me again. I thought we promised not to do that anymore." I sighed. I could never tell her fully who I was, the life of my family depended on it. That was my biggest lie. I was lying to her everyday already, what was one more lie?Tammy hates being lied to or kept in the dark. Once, early last year I hid the fact that Jamie had asked me out. Even though I refused and we went back to being strictly friends. When she finally found out, she had been so hurt and promised us both not to hide things from her or lie. "Nothing Tammy. It really is nothing." I said gently. "Him holding your neck in the hallway like you were acting your own fifty shades of grey was not nothing." For the second time today I snapped. "Nothing Tamar
LUKAThe Alley we were in was secluded and a little dark. I shouldn't be here now. I should be in the Principal's office in a meeting with my dad. But instead I was chasing after the girl that slapped me across the face yesterday and who was naive as fuck. I didn't expect her to run away from me. She had spent all day trying her best not to look at me, I was going to tell her that I needed to make that deal with her about making sure I came to class everyday. It was the reason my dad was in school today. I needed to do it to protect my mom. He was trying to make sure his genius son graduates high school even though I didn't need to. The moment she took flight, I found myself running after her. For the first time in a long time I felt free. Like I was flipping my father the middle finger. As I was chasing after a girl while he was waiting for me. The chase was worth it, catching her made it even better. Her waist was tiny. My large hands spanned their entire length easily and I l
BELLA"Hello." The other end was silent, I guess Tammy was still mad at me for what happened one week ago. It has been one week of her not talking to me, still mad about the non existent Luka thing. "Are you still not talking to me?" I asked, beginning to get tired of how long she was drawing it out. Yes I shouldn't have shouted at her, but she kept making up stuff about me and Luka. "Finally after a week you finally decide to call me." I rolled my eyes at her response. There was no way I could have called her this past week without using the general telephone, and she would have known that if she wasn't avoiding me in school and always having somewhere to be everytime I tried to talk to her in school. "My phone screen was broken." This was better than bringing up her attitude issues this past week. "Oh." I didn't say anything after that, the line was silent but we were both on the line. I guess she was waiting for me to apologize for shouting at her in the hallway, I was also
The Cafeteria was loud. Too loud. The whole school was in a frenzy, probably because of the party that was going to be held on Saturday. The one that Tammy had finally got me an invite too, but I still wasn't going. At the far end the jocks were drumming on their desks and screaming loudly at each other in excited frenzy. There was some singing and love dovey going on beside me and one of the student body members was passing an announcement over the PA system about an upcoming event but the noise in the hall almost drowned out her voice. The smell of the different food in the air made me nauseous rather than hungry.Everything that was happening here was overwhelming my senses.The world was red today. Like bloody red. It was the start of the day when your body conspires to kill you and intensifies its strategies when it fails to. I had gotten my period today and as usual I was fighting for my life. The nausea, headache and butt cramps ramped up the pain. Jamie was sitting beside