"Stinky fat head," I cursed, slamming the door of my locker with as much strength as I could muster.
"Brainless ant."
Every other person probably burst into tears when they were humiliated in class but not me. When I'm so angry, I curse and plan millions of ways to stab out the perpetrators eyes even though that was all I can do.
My name is Bella and I hate school. Which isn't news, considering the fact that almost all teenagers do. But, I am not your regular teenager, not in the smart, genius way. Quite the opposite, this was my second year in this class, because I failed the grade.
I hate school because I suck at it.
This year I had to go to classes all alone. All my friends have moved on to the 12th grade.
Class today consisted mainly of new students and Mr Charles kept calling me to answer questions since I was an old face in the class, even pointing that out in a joke that wasn't funny to me at all.
After digging out my lunch ticket I made the way to the school cafeteria, wishing this day could go as fast as it can so I can get to Basketball practice.
My school, Crest high school, was divided into sections. Everybody had their own group or clique.
To my far left was Maya, Trisha, Molly and Dolly. The queens of Crest high. Maya was already a full blown I*******m influencer and model with more than hundred thousand followers on I*******m. Her beautiful face however could not make up for her foul personality.
"Babes," A semi high pitched scream came from Tammy short for Tamara, my best friend in the whole world. She and James were actually, but James was not in school today.
My lips stretched into a wide smile and it felt like I could finally breathe. Finally, someone I knew.
"I missed being in the same class as you so much already," her voice a low pitched whine and her cupid bow lips jutting for a pout.
"Tammy, it's just one day of school." I smiled trying to placate her, but feeling so good inside. Someone cared enough to miss her.
"Doesn't matter. I sat through Literature class alone listening to Chucky stuff his mouth with doughnut and Maya showing off." She flipped her bone straight jet black hair with purple highlights backwards and huffed.
This girl with her loud voice and riotous hair was such a vibe.
I watched her as she continued to rant animatedly while I stuffed my mouth with the greasy pizza that was on the menu today and pushed off my curly hair that kept falling over.
In contrast to Tammy I had red brown curly hair which was so difficult to tame and often felt like it could drown my small frame.
Suddenly she stopped talking, her mouth forming a round, O shape in surprise, and her eyes almost popping out of the socket.
The cafeteria was also quiet. I followed her direction turning towards the door to the source of her astonishment till I saw it. Not it, him.
A huge brown haired boy with cinnamon brown eyes and a bandage at the side of his eyes walking towards where we sat.
He passed us quickly, with his own tray of food and going to an empty table.
What was the fuss and mystery about?
I returned my undivided attention to the pizza and the rumors started.
"Luka is back. Luka Donatelli is back." I heard someone whisper.
"Who is he? Who is Luka?" I asked Tammy.
She just shrugged coldy, "No one you should know Bells."
I could see Maya moving towards his table and I rolled my eyes at the originality. Trust Maya to walk to the finest mysterious, new kid on the block and stake her claim.
What I didn't expect was for him to wrap his arms around and hug her tight. Too tight. I rolled my eyes again.
Well, anyone that is close to Maya is bad news.
Luckily for me the bell rang, and every other thought was shoved down.
******
I looked forward to practice all day.
I loved throwing hoops.
I could throw a ball around all day and pretend that I was a normal student. That this wasn't my fourth high school, with this being my longest one yet. I could spend time away from home and focus on one thing. Which is making sure the ball goes into the nets.
No complications. No failures. No monsters to run away from.
I practiced the usual drill starting with a little warm up and stretches to get loose followed by jump shots which Coach has been complaining of throughout last year.
"Bella," Coach called loudly. I spun dribbling an imaginary opponent and throwing the ball into the net before I walked towards him
"I'm sorry Bella, but you cannot play this year until I see improvements in your school grade. The goal of the school is to make sure that no part of your academics suffer, and that even sport students are well balanced."
"But Coach, this is a new year. We haven't even started taking tests yet. You're asking me to sit on the bench through out the year, to focus on my academics. Why can't I do both?" I asked in anger.
"Because you didn't successfully do both last year. You're stuck in the non promotion zone already, no major college will take you with flunked grades." He cajoled and I rolled my eyes. I bounced off the balls off my feet, I felt like running away.
This. He was taking basketball away from me at this point.
"So what if I pass my mid terms? What if I pass my mid terms well? Will you re evaluate letting me back into the team by then?" I asked.
"Yes. I see no reason why not. But Bella this is only if you..."
I didn't wait for him to finish before answering, "I will pass my midterms."
Even if it costs me blood and sweat, I will pass my midterms. This was the longest time we have spent in one town. Now that it finally feels like we could stop running, I will do anything to get into a college with a good women's basketball program.
I could hear the Snickers from Maya and her mini me's chuckling and laughing from the corner where they had their cheerleading practice going on and I felt even more humiliated.
"Now you're kicked off the basketball team too. Your life must be hard keeping up with so many failures," Dolly said. Her snide comment was loud enough for almost everyone to hear and her crew laughed a little.
Useless Amoeba.
Waste of matter.
I cursed and stalked towards the door angrily with hot tears brimming underneath my eyelids.
I couldn't even leave the gym room because it was still time for Physical Education. I sat quietly brooding wishing I at least had my headphones on. Instead I watched the whole practice carefully, drawing imaginary court plays in my head on how it would have been if I was on the court.
When the bell finally rang, I waited till everyone was out before I dragged myself to class.
We had history class. It was our last one for the day and Mrs Maxine always came late. I could still slip in unnoticed. Not like attending a class with people who used to be your juniors will be unnoticed but at least a girl could dream.
When I reached the class, I was surprised to see Mrs Maxine already in class and the cafeteria mystery boy standing in front of the class.
I felt like having the ground swallow me up when I heard her call my name. "Bella, you and Luka are retaining the grade so you're paired up for the reading for today."
My cheeks reddened in embarrassment. If Mr Charles's earlier announcement was not loud enough it was definitely clearer now. Everyone in this class knew that I was repeating the entire year.
This was going to be one hard year ahead.
Mystery Cafeteria boy didn't seem fazed at all. If he wasn't in our class last year, seeing that I joined the school that year, he must have been a year ahead of us and was taking classes with those two years his junior.
Nothing wiped the blank look on his face, as he stared at the book we were supposed to be reading for the month.
He had this cold, bored look on his face. He suddenly raised his head from the book we shared to meet mine and I looked away in guilt choosing to stick at the pages of the textbook throughout the rest of the class.
Immediately the bell rang, he gathered his stuff and walked right out.
I ran down the stairs, taking it two at a time. As usual I was late. I am that person that will probably show up late on my wedding day because I can't find my underwear or something.The living room slash kitchen area was empty. My mother must have left already. I didn't even see her last night either. In the past week we have spent the majority of the time apart.She must have left already with Anne-Marie, my little sister. The only school that was willing to accept her was far away when we moved to this town last year. So, my mother usually had to wake earlier to get her to school. She was just six years old.Whose fault is that?Mine.I was the reason why Anne-Marie had to pack up and leave so much.I was the sole reason why mom had to leave a good job in a big city and move to a place where she had to work night and
"Mystery Cafeteria Boy!" He stopped at first then whirred around, facing me full on. His eyes were blazing red. "You're my ticket back to basketball. I need you to go to class and show up on all school days." I said with a false bravado. In all honesty, I was scared shitless. He looked intimidating, standing there, staring down at me with mean eyes and tightly drawn lips. First, he put his hands in his ears to remove the airpods, which means he had them on the whole time we were in the Principal's office. This was not good at all. This means he wasn't really listening to what she said and his 'yes' was performative at best. "Shoo away," his hands waving in the air to indicate that he needed me to be gone. Shoo away. Like I was a bird or a little kid he could dismiss. I swallowed every single complaint I could think of choosing instead to say, "You promised the Principal in there that you will come to class and assist me this year?" For the second time in the space of an hour h
I see the accusatory glances people shot my way throughout the rest of the day.The questions in their eyes and the hostility. Just last week I was Bella, the girl that failed a class yet no one really cared enough to make me the whole subject of the school.Did you see Bella making out with Luka in the hallway with his hands wrapped around her neck in that possessive fifty shades of grey way?I wanted to puke when I heard that in the restroom.The source of all my unwanted attention had somehow returned to class not sparing me even a single glance throughout. I couldn't help but to stare at him.I hated him. With his brown eyes and rich dad that could buy a building for his son. I hated the fact that he had it so easy.Immediately the bell rang I packed up and left. I was going to walk today. I needed the tim
LUKAI could hear the moans and grunts coming out from his office. He wasn't being quiet or discreet about it. He was the one who summoned me here, yet here he was fucking one of his bimbo's. Who was it this time? His secretary? His masseur? The daughter of the housekeeper?I plugged in my airpods, to cancel out the noise and dug my fingers into my palm. He will never stop disrespecting her this way. She was home pining away for him, yet here he was, spilling his seeds into everyone that wore a skirt.I hate the fact that he still has the power to get me angry. I hate the fact that I expected anything different.I instead let my mind wander to the girl from the hallway. She was scared of me. She tries to hide it but I can see it in her eyes. I couldn't decipher if she was a wallflower that was shy and timid or she was just better at hiding her secrets.She was n
He was always in a hurry. Always the last to come to class and the first to leave. Like he had somewhere else to be and couldn't be bothered with the rest of the world. I had promised myself that I was going to speak to him yesterday but I couldn't. I was carefully biding my time all day, trying to rack up the nerves to talk to him. It however had to be done today. No more procrastination or excuses. I ran after him after today's class. My heart was pounding and I had butterflies from anxiety in my stomach. What if today goes worse than yesterday? Throughout the day I stole glances trying to gauge his mood. But he had those damned shades on, all day. Even when the history teacher asked him to take them off, he had said the light was hurting his eyes and he couldn't. But I couldn't back down now. I felt for my phone in the pocket of my sweatpant. I had written down what I wanted to say to him. I came to a stop in front of him. "I need to talk to you, can we please go somewhere p
"What is going on between you and Luka?" Tammy asked. I shrugged and closed my locker. I didn't have any pictures inside. It wasn't fancily decorated like most girls. The only decorative item I had was a mirror. "Bella," Tammy pouted. "You're hiding things from me again. I thought we promised not to do that anymore." I sighed. I could never tell her fully who I was, the life of my family depended on it. That was my biggest lie. I was lying to her everyday already, what was one more lie?Tammy hates being lied to or kept in the dark. Once, early last year I hid the fact that Jamie had asked me out. Even though I refused and we went back to being strictly friends. When she finally found out, she had been so hurt and promised us both not to hide things from her or lie. "Nothing Tammy. It really is nothing." I said gently. "Him holding your neck in the hallway like you were acting your own fifty shades of grey was not nothing." For the second time today I snapped. "Nothing Tamar
LUKAThe Alley we were in was secluded and a little dark. I shouldn't be here now. I should be in the Principal's office in a meeting with my dad. But instead I was chasing after the girl that slapped me across the face yesterday and who was naive as fuck. I didn't expect her to run away from me. She had spent all day trying her best not to look at me, I was going to tell her that I needed to make that deal with her about making sure I came to class everyday. It was the reason my dad was in school today. I needed to do it to protect my mom. He was trying to make sure his genius son graduates high school even though I didn't need to. The moment she took flight, I found myself running after her. For the first time in a long time I felt free. Like I was flipping my father the middle finger. As I was chasing after a girl while he was waiting for me. The chase was worth it, catching her made it even better. Her waist was tiny. My large hands spanned their entire length easily and I l
BELLA"Hello." The other end was silent, I guess Tammy was still mad at me for what happened one week ago. It has been one week of her not talking to me, still mad about the non existent Luka thing. "Are you still not talking to me?" I asked, beginning to get tired of how long she was drawing it out. Yes I shouldn't have shouted at her, but she kept making up stuff about me and Luka. "Finally after a week you finally decide to call me." I rolled my eyes at her response. There was no way I could have called her this past week without using the general telephone, and she would have known that if she wasn't avoiding me in school and always having somewhere to be everytime I tried to talk to her in school. "My phone screen was broken." This was better than bringing up her attitude issues this past week. "Oh." I didn't say anything after that, the line was silent but we were both on the line. I guess she was waiting for me to apologize for shouting at her in the hallway, I was also
My hands trailed on the rough skin on Bella's thigh with so much concentration that I didn't miss it when she flinched away. The loving and tenderness that I have spent the last one hour coaxing into her skin was gone. In its place was the rigid straightening of her spine and shoulders, an indication of how tense she suddenly became, almost as if she knew what was coming.The last six months we have been living in a bubble. I had accepted that it was okay for her not to say those three magical words that used to make my heart soar back to me, but lately it's been getting to me. Or maybe it's the way she never wants to talk about the 2 year gap in our relationship, or the baby we didn't know we had but lost. I want to know if she still secretly blames me for what happened. If every single time she sees the scars she hates me the way I do myself. I didn't mean to but I sighed loudly, my shoulder drooping before I rolled her body away from mine and got up padding softly to the bathroom
"I'm really sorry for the part I played in this. Especially knowing that you saw everything that happened that night. We staged a ruse and didn't take you into consideration and for that I'm sorry. Luka is my friend, and all I want is for him to be happy. He means so much to me that's why I came here and I told you my side of the story, it's up to you now whether you believe it or not." Erica ended and got up to leave. I couldn't bring myself to nod or acknowledge her. She had shown me proof that she was after all in a relationship with someone then, who was a professor at their school and telling me this could put her in trouble but she had chosen to do it anyway. I don't know what I was expecting to feel when the 'proof' came, but I'm not sure it's this. If I don't have the usual anger or person to blame for all my predicament then where do I stand? What is this deflated feeling I have in my stomach? Like a balloon punctured at the far end. "Bella," Luka began after a whi
The ride down to Luka's place was one of the most uncomfortable rides I've ever had to endure. My reference to his trysts with other girls was like an elephant in the room. It made me irritated and angry but he looked sad and kept giving me glances which I acted like I wasn't aware of. It was a different apartment from the last one which came to me as a suprise. But what I didn't expect was to see a fur covered, energetic dog launch at me. It did occur to me to go back to the shelter and ask about her wellbeinh after I got out of the hospital but I always assumed she would have been adopted or have moved on without remembering who I was. The moment she saw me she barked loudly and ran to me, wagging her tail. She remembered me, and that made me so warm and happy inside. I spent the next few minutes sitting there on the floor of Luka's studio apartment recieving her licks and hugs and reciprocating her love with my belly rubs and hugs. It took a while before she went on to greet Luk
Life was slowly and steadily returning to normal. Did I cry alot after that phone call with Luka? Yes. Did I fight the urge to go to him and be sure he is okay concerning the pregnancy bombshell I dropped on him? Yes. Did I think he'll show up after that night and actually accept responsibility to apologize for the way every thing turned out? Again Yes. But he didn't. Somehow, whatever I said to him must have resounded with him because he stayed away just as I asked. And it took a while but I took a day at a time. I showed up to classes, I smiled when it was necessary and went to as much of the freshers parties I could go to while my therapist tried to make sure I didn't loose my mind. Day in day out, I told myself that now that I have confronted Luka with all the hurt and the pain, I didn't need to see him again and I was happy that he didn't show off so why was he here now and why did I feel the familiar warmth and twinge in my chest that was usually there whenever I was near h
LUKAKnowledge isn't always power, it's sometimes pain. The kind that has you buckled over like you were kicked in the nuts. Nothing about this all consuming pain makes knowing about everything feel powerful. l feel powerless. With no single idea on how to fix this. My eyes burn and my wrist hurts from drawing and painting all day today. I also felt weak all over. When I drove down to Bella's dorm room last night all that was going on in my head was that I needed it not to be true. That there was a way out, a slim ray of hope that still gives me a redeemable chance but it had turned out to be the opposite of that. Not only had the details of what happened over the one year that I had stormed into my dad's office to get, found out to be true there were also more. Like a baby, a child between Bella and I that had miscarried. So much has happened, and I have no idea how I'm going to fix it. I haven't slept in almost 72hours. From the flight down home, to the flight back to going to
BELLA"Who is there?" I snapped. The loud noise coming from the person banging at the door repeatedly and forcefully echoed around my little room. "Who is there?" I called out even louder than earlier and was met with no response, just continuous, loud, pounding on the door. I thought about ignoring the person since they didn't answer me, and also because it was too late at night to be calling on someone since it was raining heavily. I grabbed my phone, "if you're not going to answer, I'm calling Campus security." The knocks and pounding stopped for a while after my threat and I heard the person curse out loudly in a strange language that wasn't totally foreign to me, since I knew the accent. Before I could come up with a solution, the loud knocks continued. I opened the door intent on giving the person a piece of my mind if it was who I thought it was and I was right. It was Luka. He was standing there soaking wet from the rain with his teeth chattering from cold and his eyes re
LUKAI woke up with an insane need to vomit and shot out of the tiny bed, searching with my eyes for the nearest toilet before I did it all over the floor. I barely made it to the toilet bowl before I found myself puking all over the cramped toilet floor. I puked and puked till I started to retch and my entire body felt weak and tired. Where the fuck am I and how did I get there? I lay back down on the cold floor, a little farther from the mess I just made but close to the toilet seat, and rubbed my head trying to remember bits and pieces from last night. It was the same thing from the last few days. I went out to drink, then Dylan joined me and the night ended with me drinking to stupour basically.I looked around the room, the toilet floor did look clean and I had zero energy to lift my body up right now anyway. The patterns on the floor of the toilet were faded like it had been scrubbed off due to use. From my position on the floor I couldn't see past a flowery pattern shower c
BELLA"I ran into Luka at school." I tried to make my declaration as unimportant as possible so that my mom wouldn't be alarmed or throw a fit and I must have succeeded because she didn't say anything. She was putting away the groceries and if not for the slight pause in her movements I would have thought she didn't hear me. "Ma, did you hear me?" I asked just to be sure. "It's been more than two weeks now why are just telling me?" My mouth opened on its own when she said that. "How...how did you know?" I managed to stammer out. "Are you having me followed?" I chuckled at the question, "nah, we don't have enough money for that." "Seriously mum, how did you know?" "Why else did you put your head on my laps and was crying some weeks ago? And what else could be the reason behind you moping? The only reason you're telling me now, is because you're moving to the dorms tomorrow." Wow. Nothing ever passed by this woman. Nothing. As in Zilch, Zero, Nada. "Just because I didn't say a
LUKAI threw my bag to the floor and fell on the couch like a sack of potatoes before sighing loudly. Sam, who when she heard the door open ran up to me wagging her tail in excitement followed me now to the couch and I stretched to pat her on the head. It did make me feel good everytime I walked in and there was always someone excited to see me. I barely had any time to think about my sad life and everything that happened today; from seeing Bella earlier to her running away, to me going back to school to finish up some school work to coming back home.But I know that I'm tired, very much so. I really think it's more mental exhaustion than physical. I guess I deserved this cold treatment but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt cause it hurts like a bitch. I got up and trudged to the fridge to get a bottle of water and the moment the cold liquid entered my stomach in protest it grumbled. I haven't eaten anything almost all day. I opened the fridge to search for something I could eat