LUKA
I could hear the moans and grunts coming out from his office. He wasn't being quiet or discreet about it. He was the one who summoned me here, yet here he was fucking one of his bimbo's. Who was it this time? His secretary? His masseur? The daughter of the housekeeper?
I plugged in my airpods, to cancel out the noise and dug my fingers into my palm. He will never stop disrespecting her this way. She was home pining away for him, yet here he was, spilling his seeds into everyone that wore a skirt.
I hate the fact that he still has the power to get me angry. I hate the fact that I expected anything different.
I instead let my mind wander to the girl from the hallway. She was scared of me. She tries to hide it but I can see it in her eyes. I couldn't decipher if she was a wallflower that was shy and timid or she was just better at hiding her secrets.
She was naive too. She had believed me when I told her that I was watching porn. Her eyes had widened in surprise and disbelief.
Every other train of thought I had was cut short when the door opened and the woman he was inside there with stepped out.
She had tried hard to put herself back together but her hair was still messy, and she wobbled on her feet.
I was right though. It was his secretary. The unfaithful bastard was having sex with his secretary during office hours.
"Mr Donatelli." She called. Dragging her short tight skirt down, like it could make up for the fact that I sat here for the last 15 minutes listening to her have sex with my father. She had the guts to appear embarrassed, her cheeks staining red in what I assumed was a blush.
My first reaction was to tell her off. To protect my mother but somehow nowadays since I returned back home I knew it didn't matter. He would just replace her with someone else. It was better this way. Maybe my mom will finally open her eyes to see the asshole she was married to and leave.
I knew deep down that it wasn't possible. My mother will rather stay with him and keep up the impression that her marriage to him was indeed one full of roses. She was after all married to one of the wealthiest men in the country.
I opened the door without knocking. The beast was sitting behind a huge mahogany desk with glass topping. The office looked well put together, especially because of all the sounds that were coming from here just a few minutes ago.
I could still smell her lingering in the air and the entire setup nauseated me.
"Luka," His deep baritone voice called out.
"Father." I responded, staring down at the older version of me.
Alexander Donatelli was the picture of excellence. The Italian wine and transport magnate looked well put together now in his three piece navy blue suit.
"I see you still lack self control." I was taunted.
He shrugged. All he did was to give a half passed shrug, like your son listening to you cheat on his mother was a walk in the park.
"We had a deal. You gave me your word that you would attend all your classes. So why did I get a call that you attended classes only once last week?" He asked his eyebrows shooting up.
"Aww. Is daddy dearest keeping tabs on me?" My hands clutched my chest for emphasis. "You could have fooled me there, if I didn't know that you were preserving your money cow. Who wants an heir that doesn't have a high school degree, right?"
He didn't like that. His eyes lit up in anger. He never liked to be challenged or disrespected.
I saw the fury burning in brown eyes.
"For someone who hates me so much, do you think your perfect revenge will amount to nothing? Surely with your high IQ you can see the stupidity in that?" He asked with a sneer.
I dug my fingers harder into my palms. So hard I could almost draw blood.
Of course I needed that high school degree. I was already 2 years behind. Doesn't mean I plan on doing it his way.
"Bold of you to assume that everything I do is tailored towards you." I shot back.
"But it is, isn't it? My parents have an unhappy marriage, so let me run away from home for two years and join riffraffs to run scam sites while abandoning an almost perfect grade score. Waste two years of my life to punish my father. Yet here you are, in my office because I summoned you."
"You know why I am here." I answered, welcoming the pain.
"Yes I do. You're back to make sure that I don't screw your mother out in the divorce proceedings and settle her for life, while settling the bill of the bone marrow transplant of one of those Ill mannered people you made friends with during your time away from home."
How much more can you hate someone. I am reminded daily that his blood flows in me. That in many ways I was similar to this beast.
I swallowed the scream in my throat and the strong urge to throw a rage fit and thrash his office.
He didn't deserve the pleasure of rilling me up.
"Keep up your end of the bargain." My voice didn't show the storm that was going on inside of me.
"Well then get to class, my boy." He returned his gaze to his computer screen, letting me know that I was dismissed.
For a split second, I couldn't reconcile this cold heartless man to the one who used to take me to baseball games as a kid.
Everytime he wanted to keep me in line, he could just dangle either my mom, Leandro, my kid brother or Paula.
I think he enjoyed this, summoning me to his office. It was his way to show that he could still dangle a bone in front of me and like the caged dog I was, I would jump and pine for it. I think he enjoyed it.
I had turned to leave and was almost at the door, when I couldn't but stop to ask, "what happens when there is no more life in me for you to kill?"
He looked taken aback at the question.
I already knew the answer to my question. I continued the journey to the door and my hand was closed in on the door's handle when his last words came out carefully, "I want a perfect class attendance."
It was his way of telling me that today was not the day. As long as I still cared about mum, Leandro and Paula, he had control over me.
I walked out not bothering to close his office door. My petty little way of saying- fuck you dad.
***
I had contemplated going to Alexandria's study last night to steal the bottle of whiskey he had stored in his bottom drawer. But what use was that when I still had to drink alone. Instead I chose a nightclub. A high end one for that matter.
From the degree of hangover I had, I knew I had too much to drink. Which was a shame being that it was a school night and I had to drag myself to Class this morning.
I had called Paula drunk as hell last night and I felt like an ass. She already had so much on her plate. But it was Paula, my Paula.
I had fought last night again, for a more stupid reason than last time. My head and whole body ached. The green juice the housekeeper made this morning had helped with my hangover, reducing the ache in my head to a dull one.
I had no other choice than to show up in class today. Immediately the bell rang, I packed up to leave.
The day was supposed to be boring and uneventful till she showed up in front of me. The girl from the Principal's office
"I need to talk to you," She folded her hands underneath her boobs, staring me down and I couldn't help but follow the action.
She was smaller than me. Way smaller. In a petite manner. She would fit underneath my arms, so I couldn't help but scowl at the obvious dislike she had for me in her eyes.
"I don't want to talk to you. Go away." I ordered. There was no way in hell I was wasting my time standing here in this hallway with her.
"Can we just go to the field and talk, please."
"Not interested." I answered.
She stood there refusing to leave. If I wasn't already in a foul mood,I would have found her stubbornness comical.
I could easily just move somewhere else, the hallway was wide enough. Immediately I stepped to the side and she did the same, still standing in my path.
I exhaled in anger.
Did she think because we were both in the same grade, we would become buddies or what? As per what, losers sticking together?
I pulled off my hat, stringing my fingers into my hair to pull at in frustration.
I had no choice this time but to stare at her. She was wearing all black today too. Black must be her favorite color or something. It was a sweatpants and hoodie set. The black was a sharp contrast to her ivory pale skin. Unlike the last time, her hair was in a bun. Her lips were slightly rough yet plump. Like she made a habit of biting hard into them. Surprisingly I felt the urge to feel them with the pad of my thumbs, to check the texture.
Instead of pushing her, I placed my hands at her sides and carried her away from my front and walked off.
He was always in a hurry. Always the last to come to class and the first to leave. Like he had somewhere else to be and couldn't be bothered with the rest of the world. I had promised myself that I was going to speak to him yesterday but I couldn't. I was carefully biding my time all day, trying to rack up the nerves to talk to him. It however had to be done today. No more procrastination or excuses. I ran after him after today's class. My heart was pounding and I had butterflies from anxiety in my stomach. What if today goes worse than yesterday? Throughout the day I stole glances trying to gauge his mood. But he had those damned shades on, all day. Even when the history teacher asked him to take them off, he had said the light was hurting his eyes and he couldn't. But I couldn't back down now. I felt for my phone in the pocket of my sweatpant. I had written down what I wanted to say to him. I came to a stop in front of him. "I need to talk to you, can we please go somewhere p
"What is going on between you and Luka?" Tammy asked. I shrugged and closed my locker. I didn't have any pictures inside. It wasn't fancily decorated like most girls. The only decorative item I had was a mirror. "Bella," Tammy pouted. "You're hiding things from me again. I thought we promised not to do that anymore." I sighed. I could never tell her fully who I was, the life of my family depended on it. That was my biggest lie. I was lying to her everyday already, what was one more lie?Tammy hates being lied to or kept in the dark. Once, early last year I hid the fact that Jamie had asked me out. Even though I refused and we went back to being strictly friends. When she finally found out, she had been so hurt and promised us both not to hide things from her or lie. "Nothing Tammy. It really is nothing." I said gently. "Him holding your neck in the hallway like you were acting your own fifty shades of grey was not nothing." For the second time today I snapped. "Nothing Tamar
LUKAThe Alley we were in was secluded and a little dark. I shouldn't be here now. I should be in the Principal's office in a meeting with my dad. But instead I was chasing after the girl that slapped me across the face yesterday and who was naive as fuck. I didn't expect her to run away from me. She had spent all day trying her best not to look at me, I was going to tell her that I needed to make that deal with her about making sure I came to class everyday. It was the reason my dad was in school today. I needed to do it to protect my mom. He was trying to make sure his genius son graduates high school even though I didn't need to. The moment she took flight, I found myself running after her. For the first time in a long time I felt free. Like I was flipping my father the middle finger. As I was chasing after a girl while he was waiting for me. The chase was worth it, catching her made it even better. Her waist was tiny. My large hands spanned their entire length easily and I l
BELLA"Hello." The other end was silent, I guess Tammy was still mad at me for what happened one week ago. It has been one week of her not talking to me, still mad about the non existent Luka thing. "Are you still not talking to me?" I asked, beginning to get tired of how long she was drawing it out. Yes I shouldn't have shouted at her, but she kept making up stuff about me and Luka. "Finally after a week you finally decide to call me." I rolled my eyes at her response. There was no way I could have called her this past week without using the general telephone, and she would have known that if she wasn't avoiding me in school and always having somewhere to be everytime I tried to talk to her in school. "My phone screen was broken." This was better than bringing up her attitude issues this past week. "Oh." I didn't say anything after that, the line was silent but we were both on the line. I guess she was waiting for me to apologize for shouting at her in the hallway, I was also
The Cafeteria was loud. Too loud. The whole school was in a frenzy, probably because of the party that was going to be held on Saturday. The one that Tammy had finally got me an invite too, but I still wasn't going. At the far end the jocks were drumming on their desks and screaming loudly at each other in excited frenzy. There was some singing and love dovey going on beside me and one of the student body members was passing an announcement over the PA system about an upcoming event but the noise in the hall almost drowned out her voice. The smell of the different food in the air made me nauseous rather than hungry.Everything that was happening here was overwhelming my senses.The world was red today. Like bloody red. It was the start of the day when your body conspires to kill you and intensifies its strategies when it fails to. I had gotten my period today and as usual I was fighting for my life. The nausea, headache and butt cramps ramped up the pain. Jamie was sitting beside
Unknown: Let's talk after class. Two messages in one day. I didn't respond to this one also. If this message came last week, I would have been excited. I really wanted to talk to him last week. I wanted to ask if he was okay and I wanted to say I was sorry for making him late to the meeting but it isn't. Today I didn't want to talk to him especially not after he had humiliated me again, and after the childish stunt I pulled in the Cafeteria. The rest of the day was a blur. Ever feel like you are somewhere, with people, surrounded by conversations, yet you are sliping away. Your eyes track their body movements, but your consciousness does not register what is going on. You carry out actions like a zombie. You are there yet you are not, aware yet not aware. That was exactly how I felt for the rest of the day. I was back in class but I was in my own world. The ache in my head was a dull throb now. I had messaged Jamie to wait for me outside class and the moment the teacher left, I
LUKAI clutched my phone hard as the convoy rolled out of the alley. The side of my face hurt. He had punched me with his family signa ring on. The moment we entered he had raised his hand to hit me again but I held it up, "don't." He might have been able to get away with it while I was younger but not anymore. The way our relationship worked as Father and son was that we both had something on each other. For him it was my mother and younger brother, he always dangled that in front of me when he needed me to fall in line. While on my part, it was a video recording of a sex tape I made of him and his friends daughter. I also had an audio recording of some of his dirty dealings which I stole from his safe. He knew I had them. For the longest time he had tried to get them but all to no avail. I was my father's son through and through and through, in blood and deed, he knew what I was capable of, just as I did. The punch was enough punishment. I could excuse it. I had embarrassed h
BELLALuka: How do you feel now? I swiped my hands across my face to clear away the sleep fog I was in. Me: I feel fine. Close to zero pain, just little discomfort. It was almost 12 noon and I just woke up. Granted I had slept late and yesterday was a stressful one. Luka: What is the difference between discomfort and pain? Aren't both unpleasant🙄? I had my tooth brush in my mouth when I saw it and I smiled. Apart from the fact that it sounded exactly like what he could say, it also felt weird seeing that he added an emoji. Me: Discomfort is bearable, almost unnoticeable while Pain should be more exaggerated. Immediately I sent my response, he started typing, so I waited, not brushing my teeth, staring hard at the screen and shuffling from one feet to another. Luka: So the feeling you had when you slammed the door on your hand was pain while the feeling you get from wearing a tight shoe is discomfort? Overall best in sciences *insert mocking laughter*I smiled at the last state
My hands trailed on the rough skin on Bella's thigh with so much concentration that I didn't miss it when she flinched away. The loving and tenderness that I have spent the last one hour coaxing into her skin was gone. In its place was the rigid straightening of her spine and shoulders, an indication of how tense she suddenly became, almost as if she knew what was coming.The last six months we have been living in a bubble. I had accepted that it was okay for her not to say those three magical words that used to make my heart soar back to me, but lately it's been getting to me. Or maybe it's the way she never wants to talk about the 2 year gap in our relationship, or the baby we didn't know we had but lost. I want to know if she still secretly blames me for what happened. If every single time she sees the scars she hates me the way I do myself. I didn't mean to but I sighed loudly, my shoulder drooping before I rolled her body away from mine and got up padding softly to the bathroom
"I'm really sorry for the part I played in this. Especially knowing that you saw everything that happened that night. We staged a ruse and didn't take you into consideration and for that I'm sorry. Luka is my friend, and all I want is for him to be happy. He means so much to me that's why I came here and I told you my side of the story, it's up to you now whether you believe it or not." Erica ended and got up to leave. I couldn't bring myself to nod or acknowledge her. She had shown me proof that she was after all in a relationship with someone then, who was a professor at their school and telling me this could put her in trouble but she had chosen to do it anyway. I don't know what I was expecting to feel when the 'proof' came, but I'm not sure it's this. If I don't have the usual anger or person to blame for all my predicament then where do I stand? What is this deflated feeling I have in my stomach? Like a balloon punctured at the far end. "Bella," Luka began after a whi
The ride down to Luka's place was one of the most uncomfortable rides I've ever had to endure. My reference to his trysts with other girls was like an elephant in the room. It made me irritated and angry but he looked sad and kept giving me glances which I acted like I wasn't aware of. It was a different apartment from the last one which came to me as a suprise. But what I didn't expect was to see a fur covered, energetic dog launch at me. It did occur to me to go back to the shelter and ask about her wellbeinh after I got out of the hospital but I always assumed she would have been adopted or have moved on without remembering who I was. The moment she saw me she barked loudly and ran to me, wagging her tail. She remembered me, and that made me so warm and happy inside. I spent the next few minutes sitting there on the floor of Luka's studio apartment recieving her licks and hugs and reciprocating her love with my belly rubs and hugs. It took a while before she went on to greet Luk
Life was slowly and steadily returning to normal. Did I cry alot after that phone call with Luka? Yes. Did I fight the urge to go to him and be sure he is okay concerning the pregnancy bombshell I dropped on him? Yes. Did I think he'll show up after that night and actually accept responsibility to apologize for the way every thing turned out? Again Yes. But he didn't. Somehow, whatever I said to him must have resounded with him because he stayed away just as I asked. And it took a while but I took a day at a time. I showed up to classes, I smiled when it was necessary and went to as much of the freshers parties I could go to while my therapist tried to make sure I didn't loose my mind. Day in day out, I told myself that now that I have confronted Luka with all the hurt and the pain, I didn't need to see him again and I was happy that he didn't show off so why was he here now and why did I feel the familiar warmth and twinge in my chest that was usually there whenever I was near h
LUKAKnowledge isn't always power, it's sometimes pain. The kind that has you buckled over like you were kicked in the nuts. Nothing about this all consuming pain makes knowing about everything feel powerful. l feel powerless. With no single idea on how to fix this. My eyes burn and my wrist hurts from drawing and painting all day today. I also felt weak all over. When I drove down to Bella's dorm room last night all that was going on in my head was that I needed it not to be true. That there was a way out, a slim ray of hope that still gives me a redeemable chance but it had turned out to be the opposite of that. Not only had the details of what happened over the one year that I had stormed into my dad's office to get, found out to be true there were also more. Like a baby, a child between Bella and I that had miscarried. So much has happened, and I have no idea how I'm going to fix it. I haven't slept in almost 72hours. From the flight down home, to the flight back to going to
BELLA"Who is there?" I snapped. The loud noise coming from the person banging at the door repeatedly and forcefully echoed around my little room. "Who is there?" I called out even louder than earlier and was met with no response, just continuous, loud, pounding on the door. I thought about ignoring the person since they didn't answer me, and also because it was too late at night to be calling on someone since it was raining heavily. I grabbed my phone, "if you're not going to answer, I'm calling Campus security." The knocks and pounding stopped for a while after my threat and I heard the person curse out loudly in a strange language that wasn't totally foreign to me, since I knew the accent. Before I could come up with a solution, the loud knocks continued. I opened the door intent on giving the person a piece of my mind if it was who I thought it was and I was right. It was Luka. He was standing there soaking wet from the rain with his teeth chattering from cold and his eyes re
LUKAI woke up with an insane need to vomit and shot out of the tiny bed, searching with my eyes for the nearest toilet before I did it all over the floor. I barely made it to the toilet bowl before I found myself puking all over the cramped toilet floor. I puked and puked till I started to retch and my entire body felt weak and tired. Where the fuck am I and how did I get there? I lay back down on the cold floor, a little farther from the mess I just made but close to the toilet seat, and rubbed my head trying to remember bits and pieces from last night. It was the same thing from the last few days. I went out to drink, then Dylan joined me and the night ended with me drinking to stupour basically.I looked around the room, the toilet floor did look clean and I had zero energy to lift my body up right now anyway. The patterns on the floor of the toilet were faded like it had been scrubbed off due to use. From my position on the floor I couldn't see past a flowery pattern shower c
BELLA"I ran into Luka at school." I tried to make my declaration as unimportant as possible so that my mom wouldn't be alarmed or throw a fit and I must have succeeded because she didn't say anything. She was putting away the groceries and if not for the slight pause in her movements I would have thought she didn't hear me. "Ma, did you hear me?" I asked just to be sure. "It's been more than two weeks now why are just telling me?" My mouth opened on its own when she said that. "How...how did you know?" I managed to stammer out. "Are you having me followed?" I chuckled at the question, "nah, we don't have enough money for that." "Seriously mum, how did you know?" "Why else did you put your head on my laps and was crying some weeks ago? And what else could be the reason behind you moping? The only reason you're telling me now, is because you're moving to the dorms tomorrow." Wow. Nothing ever passed by this woman. Nothing. As in Zilch, Zero, Nada. "Just because I didn't say a
LUKAI threw my bag to the floor and fell on the couch like a sack of potatoes before sighing loudly. Sam, who when she heard the door open ran up to me wagging her tail in excitement followed me now to the couch and I stretched to pat her on the head. It did make me feel good everytime I walked in and there was always someone excited to see me. I barely had any time to think about my sad life and everything that happened today; from seeing Bella earlier to her running away, to me going back to school to finish up some school work to coming back home.But I know that I'm tired, very much so. I really think it's more mental exhaustion than physical. I guess I deserved this cold treatment but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt cause it hurts like a bitch. I got up and trudged to the fridge to get a bottle of water and the moment the cold liquid entered my stomach in protest it grumbled. I haven't eaten anything almost all day. I opened the fridge to search for something I could eat