28. ACCIDENT?

PRESENT-DAY

I was ten. I remembered everything clearly when I was in Istanbul. That was probably the last time I felt alive as far as remember. My work used to make me alive too. It was all a mess now. My mom took me to a home for handicaps to donate my old toys one day. "You should be grateful that you have everything." She said. "Learn from them, Ayla. They don't let their disability stop them from achieving what they want. Life was cruel to them. At least God spared you from that pain. Be grateful."

Whenever I feel upset I think back to that day and remember everything she said. The picture is livid in my mind. I should be grateful. Even though I lost the memories of my high school, even though I have trust issues, even though my boss made my work life miserable, even though the one man whom I worship is nothing but a pain in my ass, even though I always feel like I am lost, I should be grateful for the life I had.

But pain is a pain. Whether it is big or small, bearable or