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27. NOT JUST DOUBT BUT HATE
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
Ayden 28. ACCIDENT?
PRESENT-DAY I was ten. I remembered everything clearly when I was in Istanbul. That was probably the last time I felt alive as far as remember. My work used to make me alive too. It was all a mess now. My mom took me to a home for handicaps to donate my old toys one day. "You should be grateful that you have everything." She said. "Learn from them, Ayla. They don't let their disability stop them from achieving what they want. Life was cruel to them. At least God spared you from that pain. Be grateful." Whenever I feel upset I think back to that day and remember everything she said. The picture is livid in my mind. I should be grateful. Even though I lost the memories of my high school, even though I have trust issues, even though my boss made my work life miserable, even though the one man whom I worship is nothing but a pain in my ass, even though I always feel like I am lost, I should be grateful for the life I had. But pain is a pain. Whether it is big or small, bearable or
Ayden 29. INTO THE PAST: THE BEGGINING
A FEW YEARS BACK When we love something we will leave a piece of ourselves there and a little void inside. She constantly felt it in her chest. It was funny. It was ridiculous. How could she feel terrible as if they were in love for ages and broke up? That's not her case. Then why did she miss him so much? Why did she hope to bump into him at every turn? Why did every time her phone ringed, her heart skip in anticipation? She had no answers for them. Not having Jayden in her life felt like not having her safe room. He was like that. He made her feel safe and home there. She screwed it, she thought to herself. If she had just let him kiss her as other girls would do, they still would have been on talking terms. If only she didn't admit that she had feelings for him, things would have been different. Apparently, there's no chance he would see her like the other girls who meet his dating expectations. She never wants him to look at her like that. She also never wants
Ayden 30. YOU DON'T KNOW?
She's afraid that she could make a mistake. How do they do that? What do they exactly do? What if her inexperience in things like that makes their little make-out horrible? Many questions were running in her head when things got heated. But the second he made her legs wrap around his waist, she let go of her fears. She was not ready for sex. She didn't know how to stop him. She didn't know if she could say no to him. But at that moment, she let her body betray her brain. She followed his lead. She let him kiss her hungrily. And she didn't feel shy to kiss him with the same passion. It was awkward even to herself. But she tried. The moment their tongues touched while his calloused hands roamed all over her body, everything disappeared. That was something that happens in novels, not in her life. She never thought it would happen with the most handsome and wonderful person in the world. It was like a dream. His erection pressed against her jeans, exactly at her womanhood. S
Ayden 31. LIFE IS A LIE
AYLA It was the girl, who said her name was Yeona sitting on the bench. "So you forget everything?" She asked me for the twentieth time. I nook my head. When she asks me that many times, I doubt myself I had forgotten everything. She touched her temples and massaged them for a brief moment. "You are not joking, right?" I released an exasperated breath. "I didn't even remember my mom's death," I told her. She clasped her hand over her mouth. "You won't lie in that matter. You...." She gasped again. She got up from the bench and started to pace. Indeed, she knew me well. I doubted when she said she was my best friend. If she knew about my mom and had been there with me when my mom died, she knew me well. "I should've been there. I should've been there with you. How can I do that? How can I just leave? You were almost....oh god... I can't, I didn't know." And so many things came out of her mouth. It took me a good ten minutes to calm h
Ayden 32. IT WAS SOMETHING
A FEW YEARS BACK NOTTINGHAM The old- man was tall, blonde-haired, and his eyes were cerulean like Jayden's. In other words, he was an old version of Jayden. His smile was as charming as Jayden's. That's when she realized that Jayden got his looks from his father except for the hair. She heard that he owned a company. But he looked so down to earth in his simple old black shirt. "Who do we have here?" He asked, looking at Ayla and Jayden. She has to fix her hair again to be sure that the old man doesn't find out what happened. "I see a girl." He said again as if he was amazed. "A pretty little girl." She squeezed her eyes. The sound of a pretty little girl somehow upset her. She is not little. "Yes, a girl. Now stop looking at her like an alien. You are making her uncomfortable." Jayden said at once. "But you don't bring girls to this house." The old man said. "She is a friend. She is an exception." He answered. Ayla didn't know if she had to feel sad
Ayden 33. CAN'T LET HER GO
A FEW YEARS BACKNOTTINGHAM Like her father said, to wish for something beyond her reach was stupidity. She may be stupid, Jayden might be beyond her reach. But he is not a bad person. She knew in her heart that he was not like Blake or other guys who take the advantage of the situation and ignore the person later. But that's what he was doing then. He left her with her own assumptions about why he hadn't called. She didn't regret kissing him. She would do the same if everything repeats. But she wasn't sure he would do that. He never called her as he said. He never tried to explain what happened between them to reduce the awkwardness. He didn't have to. But why did he have to kiss her in the first place? He knew that she had feelings for him. It will only make it hard for her if something happens between them. She couldn't blame him. She was in it too. But why? Why, Jay? Why didn't you call like you said you would? One day she knew a great deal about him. She was in his ho
Ayden 34. THEY WERE INTENSE
PRESENT-DAY, AYLA Whenever I had a question, I felt low, alone, or when I was simply bored, there was one man I used to go to. I trust him with my life, and it all came crashing down. Blake said that he could explain, that he did everything to protect me, that he needs another chance. But my heart is aching with all the pain he left me. How could he do that? He was the same person I remembered. The person who stood back and laughed when people bullied me, the person I searched for when I was alone, the person who was the cause of most of my mistakes during my sophomore year. But I never thought of the possibility that he could do all those things when I forget everything. Now I think about it, I realized how stupid I have been until this moment. Blake never stood up for me as far as I remembered. When I woke up, and he said, he was my boyfriend, I trusted him. Then there was Jayden. Are we really that close? That part of the story still sounds mysterious. The tattoo I had ca
Ayden 35. "THINGS" FROM PAST
AYLA I can't believe I am doing this. After everything, I newly acknowledged, I don't know how to face him. Yet, here I am standing in my office lobby, pushing myself into hell again. I can flee to Istanbul. I can start new. I can forget everything that happened here. I can leave Jayden and Blake. I can leave. But I chose the worst way- I am staying. I am going to figure this out. I will know my life, even if it's past. Because now I know that the void inside me was him; Jayden. He is that missing piece. I don't know if I want to fill that shallowness, but I am sure I want to make that disappear. I need answers. It was easy when I said it in my mind. Now I have to act carefully. I see a totally different world now. Two men in this office hate me. They once loved me. And very, unfortunately, they are my bosses. And yet, determined, I walked in. As I walked into our floor, Vanessa came running to hug me. "You can't leave me alone," She complained, making a face of
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Ayden 66. SAY YES
AYLA | NOW My hands are clammy. I stared at the road ahead, sitting in Jayden’s fancy car. The speed hit over 70, and when the hood of the car opened without me asking for it, I released a breath of relief. I closed my eyes, my face towards the sky, and the wind swayed my hair. It’s going to be a mess, I’m sure. But I enjoyed this moment. The wind, the freedom, the thud in my chest, the moment of no thoughts, the clarity in my bones, I love everything about this moment. Did I ever think that I would have someone to depend on completely? That’s exactly what I am doing. I am trusting him with my heart, and my body. I am going to take the leap of faith in him, in us, and I hope fate plays in our favour. We entered into a sumptuous upscale street with many apartments and villas here and there. Either side of the road is lined up with maple trees. I bet it looks more beautiful in the daytime. Jayden stopped the car in front of a tower. Of course, it’s a skyscraper, or how else w
Ayden 65. TAKE ME HOME
AYLA | NOW I hugged my diary and wiped my tears. I had something I thought I'd never have: a father figure, a brother, and a man, my man who loved me unconditionally and who protected me."Nothing you do will make him leave you." Henry told her. And somehow I did something that made him leave. But he came back for me. He said that he came back for me six months after he left, which is exactly two months after I woke up, and he saw me in Blake's arms. That must have hurt. He felt betrayed. I think I can finally see his pain. He was ready to give Ayla a chance even though he believed that his father died because of her. His love is incomparable. How did I get that lucky? How did it all go down? For now, I closed the dairy. My body and mind were desperate to see him, see the guy who gave me the world, and nothing about him changed now, even though I didn't remember him. I squealed in joy as I got ready for the office, putting some extra effort into my hair and make-up. I chose a two-p
Ayden 64. HIS LOVE
AYLA | THEN He is crazy. She is going to kill him for sure. He even locked her in the car, went to the department store and bought condoms. Not just one but ten. She will kick him on the bed and lock him in the washroom. Then she will sleep while he begs her to open the door. "I swear, Jayden. If you don't take me home today, I might kill you accidentally." "I am taking you, home." He said so casually without giving a second thought about what his words were doing to her, they were giving her hope which she didn't want. "I am not ready for this." She yelled. "You're more than ready." She was. She is. She knows it. She also knows how addictive his touch can be, how blissful his kisses can be and how peaceful she'll be with him. She will be addicted to happiness. That's what her relationship is with him, pure happiness. That's what makes it more precious and fragile. It can be broken. A month away from turning eighteen Ayla already knows that she wants forever w
Ayden 63. MAKE YOU MINE
AYLA It became hard to breathe. It has been two weeks. Two weeks since the break up. Two weeks since she talked to him, since she received a text from and heard about him. She is the one who left. She is the one who ended. He made that so clear. But it hurts. A part of her wondered if he missed her. A part of her wondered why he didn't call her. Did he move on? Of course, he would. He is Jayden Knight. He can have anyone. He said they were a mistake. Of course, he wouldn't regret this. Ayla on the other hand, felt suffocated. She stared at her phone, waiting for his call, even though she knew she wouldn't change her mind if he did and read their old conversations. When will this year be over? When will she find a new city? There are too many memories everywhere. She didn't realise it till now. But Jayden showed her every place in the city, and kissed her in every corner. Her heart swelled at the thought. How long will it take for the pain to go away? She forgot how she used t
Ayden 62. SHATTERED
JAYDEN | THEN Something changed between them. Ayla became distant again. Ever since she cried in his arms, she started to avoid him. She cried in front of him before without feeling insecure or inferior. It took a lot of time for her to open up. Now, she went back to being reserved again. Jayden was left with a nibbling feeling inside. Something was off. Something was off between them. She kissed him back when he kissed her. It wasn't just the same passion. She said I love you too, when he said, I love you. It wasn't just the same intensity. She didn't pick up the phone after the third ring or the fourth like she usually does. She barely replied to his messages. Her windows weren't opened anymore. Jayden stood, outside her house, staring at her dark room, not knowing where it all went wrong. He called her. It was 11 PM. She has been staying late for a year now. Sometimes they talked until 3 AM. She was online. But his messages were left unread. He lost it then. Gritting h
Ayden 61. DATE
AYLA Blake joined me for the morning run today. "So?" He asked, panting. "You are going on a date with your boss. You are one lucky girl." I laughed at his words. "I feel like I am a character in a novel." "I hope it's a novel full of smut." I punched him in the stomach. He acted like he couldn't breathe and did a fake cry, holding his stomach. If I didn't know him better, I would have trusted he was really in pain. "I haven't forgiven you yet," I yelled at him and ran faster. He joined me soon. "I am really happy for you." He says. "Need help with what are you going to wear?" I shook my head, "It's weird to take your help for a date with Jayden. Given, you are enemies and all." "When can we move past that?" He asked me with a hope. "When I know the full story." "He became yours. Do you still need to know the full story?" I nod my head. "It is my story. I had to know." "Good to know that you are accepting your past while moving forward in presen
Ayden 60. A HOPE OF FUTURE
AYLA PRESENT | By this time in my life, I knew so many things about Jayden. They are more than I thought I would. Right now, he is angry. It is pure rage mixed with something else that became hard to comprehend for me. Is it hurt, pain or just love? "No, I left you at your father's mercy." His words came out as a whisper with a heavy tone as though it was hurting him to talk with me. "I don't understand," I told him, confused. I came to Steph's cabin hoping to see him. A million thoughts ran in my head about how I would greet him after the kiss. I tried hard not to blush because he would grin like a devil. But never did I imagine, it would be like this. "Of course, because you don't remember." That's all it took for him to break me, a simple and stupid accusation. He was walking out without even looking back after throwing those few sharp words at me, and I started to realise the effect he had on me. I thought he was
Ayden 59. HOW CAN I GO BACK?
AYLA A FEW YEARS AGO Her bedside clock read 11:45 PM. Her mom would never let her use her phone at that time. After sitting in the same position for an hour and a half, she got up slowly. A few times, Evelyn knocked at her door. But she ignored it. The knock came again, making her sigh. After all, it's not Evelyn's fault. She held an ice pack in her hand when Ayla opened the door. "I am sorry for what happened." She told her, handing over the ice pack. "You did nothing," Ayla said, taking the ice pack. "Thank you." She said in her hoarse tone. Then, Evelyn did the most unexpected thing. She took a strand of hair to the back of her ear in a motherly way. "You're a good girl, Ayla. I know that. Eda has raised you well. It's just your dad hated her. And he hates the knights. We had a long rivalry with them, and it made him furious. Otherwise, your dad wouldn't have. .." "He has never been my dad, Evelyn. Do not try to justify what he did. He slapped me because
Ayden 58. NOTHING IS GOOD
Her house was situated at the end of the street. She could see the beautiful gardens perched on the lawn of each mansion she has passed by. 'I could do it,' she thought. Just another minute and she will be inside her room, and he can't hurt her, or at least she thought he couldn't. His truck is still after her, following her into the house. Jack just came out of the house looking at her suspiciously. His gaze shifted to Nathaniel who shortly followed her. Nathaniel is taller than Jack but not as tall as Jayden. He has a muscled body and if something happens, Ayla was sure that would happen, she can't outdo him. He looked dangerous, and he got big hands. Something about that terrified her evenmore. She saw him leaning towards Jack and whispering something, and Jack looked at her with spite in his eyes a second later. * An eerie silence settled over the dinner table. Something is off or it's her fear of Na
