Share
27. NOT JUST DOUBT BUT HATE
Related chapters
Ayden 28. ACCIDENT?
PRESENT-DAY I was ten. I remembered everything clearly when I was in Istanbul. That was probably the last time I felt alive as far as remember. My work used to make me alive too. It was all a mess now. My mom took me to a home for handicaps to donate my old toys one day. "You should be grateful that you have everything." She said. "Learn from them, Ayla. They don't let their disability stop them from achieving what they want. Life was cruel to them. At least God spared you from that pain. Be grateful." Whenever I feel upset I think back to that day and remember everything she said. The picture is livid in my mind. I should be grateful. Even though I lost the memories of my high school, even though I have trust issues, even though my boss made my work life miserable, even though the one man whom I worship is nothing but a pain in my ass, even though I always feel like I am lost, I should be grateful for the life I had. But pain is a pain. Whether it is big or small, bearable or
Ayden 29. INTO THE PAST: THE BEGGINING
A FEW YEARS BACK When we love something we will leave a piece of ourselves there and a little void inside. She constantly felt it in her chest. It was funny. It was ridiculous. How could she feel terrible as if they were in love for ages and broke up? That's not her case. Then why did she miss him so much? Why did she hope to bump into him at every turn? Why did every time her phone ringed, her heart skip in anticipation? She had no answers for them. Not having Jayden in her life felt like not having her safe room. He was like that. He made her feel safe and home there. She screwed it, she thought to herself. If she had just let him kiss her as other girls would do, they still would have been on talking terms. If only she didn't admit that she had feelings for him, things would have been different. Apparently, there's no chance he would see her like the other girls who meet his dating expectations. She never wants him to look at her like that. She also never wants
Ayden 30. YOU DON'T KNOW?
She's afraid that she could make a mistake. How do they do that? What do they exactly do? What if her inexperience in things like that makes their little make-out horrible? Many questions were running in her head when things got heated. But the second he made her legs wrap around his waist, she let go of her fears. She was not ready for sex. She didn't know how to stop him. She didn't know if she could say no to him. But at that moment, she let her body betray her brain. She followed his lead. She let him kiss her hungrily. And she didn't feel shy to kiss him with the same passion. It was awkward even to herself. But she tried. The moment their tongues touched while his calloused hands roamed all over her body, everything disappeared. That was something that happens in novels, not in her life. She never thought it would happen with the most handsome and wonderful person in the world. It was like a dream. His erection pressed against her jeans, exactly at her womanhood. S
Ayden 31. LIFE IS A LIE
AYLA It was the girl, who said her name was Yeona sitting on the bench. "So you forget everything?" She asked me for the twentieth time. I nook my head. When she asks me that many times, I doubt myself I had forgotten everything. She touched her temples and massaged them for a brief moment. "You are not joking, right?" I released an exasperated breath. "I didn't even remember my mom's death," I told her. She clasped her hand over her mouth. "You won't lie in that matter. You...." She gasped again. She got up from the bench and started to pace. Indeed, she knew me well. I doubted when she said she was my best friend. If she knew about my mom and had been there with me when my mom died, she knew me well. "I should've been there. I should've been there with you. How can I do that? How can I just leave? You were almost....oh god... I can't, I didn't know." And so many things came out of her mouth. It took me a good ten minutes to calm h
Ayden 32. IT WAS SOMETHING
A FEW YEARS BACK NOTTINGHAM The old- man was tall, blonde-haired, and his eyes were cerulean like Jayden's. In other words, he was an old version of Jayden. His smile was as charming as Jayden's. That's when she realized that Jayden got his looks from his father except for the hair. She heard that he owned a company. But he looked so down to earth in his simple old black shirt. "Who do we have here?" He asked, looking at Ayla and Jayden. She has to fix her hair again to be sure that the old man doesn't find out what happened. "I see a girl." He said again as if he was amazed. "A pretty little girl." She squeezed her eyes. The sound of a pretty little girl somehow upset her. She is not little. "Yes, a girl. Now stop looking at her like an alien. You are making her uncomfortable." Jayden said at once. "But you don't bring girls to this house." The old man said. "She is a friend. She is an exception." He answered. Ayla didn't know if she had to feel sad
Ayden 33. CAN'T LET HER GO
A FEW YEARS BACKNOTTINGHAM Like her father said, to wish for something beyond her reach was stupidity. She may be stupid, Jayden might be beyond her reach. But he is not a bad person. She knew in her heart that he was not like Blake or other guys who take the advantage of the situation and ignore the person later. But that's what he was doing then. He left her with her own assumptions about why he hadn't called. She didn't regret kissing him. She would do the same if everything repeats. But she wasn't sure he would do that. He never called her as he said. He never tried to explain what happened between them to reduce the awkwardness. He didn't have to. But why did he have to kiss her in the first place? He knew that she had feelings for him. It will only make it hard for her if something happens between them. She couldn't blame him. She was in it too. But why? Why, Jay? Why didn't you call like you said you would? One day she knew a great deal about him. She was in his ho
Ayden 34. THEY WERE INTENSE
PRESENT-DAY, AYLA Whenever I had a question, I felt low, alone, or when I was simply bored, there was one man I used to go to. I trust him with my life, and it all came crashing down. Blake said that he could explain, that he did everything to protect me, that he needs another chance. But my heart is aching with all the pain he left me. How could he do that? He was the same person I remembered. The person who stood back and laughed when people bullied me, the person I searched for when I was alone, the person who was the cause of most of my mistakes during my sophomore year. But I never thought of the possibility that he could do all those things when I forget everything. Now I think about it, I realized how stupid I have been until this moment. Blake never stood up for me as far as I remembered. When I woke up, and he said, he was my boyfriend, I trusted him. Then there was Jayden. Are we really that close? That part of the story still sounds mysterious. The tattoo I had ca
Ayden 35. "THINGS" FROM PAST
AYLA I can't believe I am doing this. After everything, I newly acknowledged, I don't know how to face him. Yet, here I am standing in my office lobby, pushing myself into hell again. I can flee to Istanbul. I can start new. I can forget everything that happened here. I can leave Jayden and Blake. I can leave. But I chose the worst way- I am staying. I am going to figure this out. I will know my life, even if it's past. Because now I know that the void inside me was him; Jayden. He is that missing piece. I don't know if I want to fill that shallowness, but I am sure I want to make that disappear. I need answers. It was easy when I said it in my mind. Now I have to act carefully. I see a totally different world now. Two men in this office hate me. They once loved me. And very, unfortunately, they are my bosses. And yet, determined, I walked in. As I walked into our floor, Vanessa came running to hug me. "You can't leave me alone," She complained, making a face of
Latest chapter
