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33. CAN'T LET HER GO
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Ayden 34. THEY WERE INTENSE
PRESENT-DAY, AYLA Whenever I had a question, I felt low, alone, or when I was simply bored, there was one man I used to go to. I trust him with my life, and it all came crashing down. Blake said that he could explain, that he did everything to protect me, that he needs another chance. But my heart is aching with all the pain he left me. How could he do that? He was the same person I remembered. The person who stood back and laughed when people bullied me, the person I searched for when I was alone, the person who was the cause of most of my mistakes during my sophomore year. But I never thought of the possibility that he could do all those things when I forget everything. Now I think about it, I realized how stupid I have been until this moment. Blake never stood up for me as far as I remembered. When I woke up, and he said, he was my boyfriend, I trusted him. Then there was Jayden. Are we really that close? That part of the story still sounds mysterious. The tattoo I had ca
Ayden 35. "THINGS" FROM PAST
AYLA I can't believe I am doing this. After everything, I newly acknowledged, I don't know how to face him. Yet, here I am standing in my office lobby, pushing myself into hell again. I can flee to Istanbul. I can start new. I can forget everything that happened here. I can leave Jayden and Blake. I can leave. But I chose the worst way- I am staying. I am going to figure this out. I will know my life, even if it's past. Because now I know that the void inside me was him; Jayden. He is that missing piece. I don't know if I want to fill that shallowness, but I am sure I want to make that disappear. I need answers. It was easy when I said it in my mind. Now I have to act carefully. I see a totally different world now. Two men in this office hate me. They once loved me. And very, unfortunately, they are my bosses. And yet, determined, I walked in. As I walked into our floor, Vanessa came running to hug me. "You can't leave me alone," She complained, making a face of
Ayden 36. THE GIRL WHO SUFFERED
Ayla He is panting. I can say by the way he is sweating that he has run a long way. He rapidly blinked, looking at the books sprawled across the floor and me. He ruffled his hand through his hair, a habit he often does when he is under pressure. "I might have given one of my books. I wanna take t back." Another lie. When he returned my diaries, it wouldn't have struck him that the things he was hiding can be written in them. There's no doubt in the fact that Blake was trying to protect me no matter what he did in the past, and it was Jayden who wasn't there all this time. "I just need two minutes. I think that's the book," He pointed to one of my diaries. He doesn't even know which diary contains the entries about that something I can't even speak about. He never read any of them. "Drop it, Blake. I read it. I was pregnant. I knew now." He knelt before me, supporting himself with his left hand on the couch. "I didn't remember it. So it
Ayden 37. COME BACK TO ME
A FEW YEARS BACK ISTANBUL It rained the day before, and the day before that. The roads are slippery. Warning signs were made everywhere to limit the speed. Jayden spotted a few areas where the aftermath of accidents had prevailed. It was a bad day indeed. No pleasant weather after rain, no cool breeze, and no warm sun could change that. They have traveled for miles in silence. He didn't know where he was going. He only knew they had not reached the place where he wanted to stop. She was asleep on his shoulder. Her long red hair swayed to the wind as they drove on the highway. He attempted to put her hair in place but relinquished it in the fear of waking her. That could be her only sleep for the coming months. She didn't hold him, not even for support. And that said it all. She woke up when their undecided ride finally came to an end. They stopped in the middle of a bridge overlooking the sea. The sun was right above their head. "It wasn't this hot w
Ayden 38. FRIENDS AND VILLAINS
PRESENT DAY "So, did that Ayla had gone back to him?" I asked her curiously. "Stop talking about her as if she was someone else. It was you. She is you. You are her. I know it's hard but if you can't accept that fact, it will be much harder to do whatever you have planned to do." Yeona told me for the third time. I have been asking her about how I handled my mom's death. Whenever she mentioned that Ayla as 'you', I feel like shouting that it was not me, at least not the me I knew. "Yes, she did. She came back. Aigoo." She sighed. "You," She stressed the word, "You came back." "So, Blake wasn't there with me when Anne died?" I asked her. She shook her head again, followed by a sigh, "I know it's hard. But when you first came to Nottingham, he avoided you. We two had a bad reputation, and don't ask me why. Why do people bully? We were weak. So during our sophomore year, he was our greatest villain from whom Jayden saved us."
Ayden 39. IT HURTS
PRESENT DAYAYLA I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't feel this way. God is so so cruel. Once again, he left me alone with my ex- the ex I have not remembered in a very confined place. I am trying hard to not stare. But he is wearing a black shirt revealing a great amount of his hard chest. I have a chance to check if he still has the tattoo or not. If only he removes the third button too. Uff, shit, Ayla. You can't be so pathetic. Yesterday I came to a firm determination that I don't have to know about anything, that I should quit and give up on finding out about her. Too many people were involved in her tragedy. I thought I had no strength to deal with it. And now, I would do anything to have a peek at his tattoo. I was so confident when we were alone last time because he was a stranger to me. Now I know that he was my ex I can't put on a stranger's face anymore nor can I treat him as I always did; like my boss. It was getting awkward and heated. He raised
Ayden 40. IT WILL END
FEW YEAR BACK He didn't know that waiting is so tiring and it can get vicious over time. One part of him selfishly imagined the good days they were going to have, what he was going to do, how things would unfold to his favor, how he'll be able to sit under the sky and talk about stars as boring as they seemed for Mason and Yeona, and how they'll become one as if it was meant to be. The other part of him was afraid she wouldn't come back and that would be the end. That wouldn't break him. He may feel awful but it would go away. But he hoped for her return. And she did. It was like releasing the breath he never knew that he held till then. Watching her standing under the tree, so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't realized that she was shivering. "You should start using your phone again, Surgeon." He commented, walking towards her. She wasn't surprised to see him there. Her eyes didn't brighten like they always did at his sight. The same girl with red hair, a sle
Ayden 41. WHERE WOULD I GO LEAVING YOU?
A FEW YEARS BACK "She is avoiding me." Jayden placed his glass tankard filled with beer on the table. "Trust me. That's for good." Mason said as he sipped on his beer. He rolled his eyes at that. "Why are you against us?" He asked him. "Because it's a fool's errand, Jayden. Her mom died. She is so vulnerable right now. And if you are near her, she will depend on you. Do you love her?" "Mason, I.." "It's so easy, Jayden. It's a yes or no. Do you love her?" His question was a bitter pill to swallow. He asked himself the same question more than a thousand times, and he always got only one answer. "No, I don't think what I feel for her is love. It's just....." "You pity her, Jayden. As awful as it may sound, you pity her. There are many girls who loved you before. But Ayla became an exception because she was different from them. It's not love. You know that too." No, it's not pity. But there was no good reason to justify what he
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