EPILOGUEThree Years LaterThe hairdresser was busy as she carefully straightened each strand of my dark brown locks. I searched my own face in the mirror and found that I’ve aged a little.Years have flown by. The day Arnav and I became one, my whole life changed. It wasn't too soon after that I found my real calling, my real passion and I wrote a book. I always wanted to be everything at once, and being a writer helped me to be that. For my third book, I landed a reputable publisher. Arnav and I have since been each other's best friends and he calls me his better half. My phone rang and I answered Arnav’s call on the first ring.“Hello? Kriti, are you ready yet?”“Almost, it will take about twenty more minutes.”“Okay, I’m leaving to pick you. Prabhat has called me several times already. We must be there by 6 pm sharp.”“We’ll be there at six, Arnav, don’t worry.”“Okay! I’m on my way. Love you.”Today, my second book was launching. It was a big day for me. I was right, I was made t
Kriti’s Diary: One night before the weddingIt’s dark on this terrace. Everyone has just disappeared into their bedrooms to get some sleep after all the work we did today. Since my parents and grandparents are resting, my cousins must be busy on their phones talking to their girlfriends or boyfriends, nurturing their budding relationships, whispering secrets to near strangers with whom they are sharing some fleeting spark of passion. I’m imagining them all, deep in conversation, making promises of an eternal bond. And here, in this darkness, I need to share something with you, my dear Diary. I am alone. Dark, just like this balcony, all the way down to my soul.My world is about to change. Tomorrow, I will have to abandon this life I’ve lived the last twenty-five years. I will be surrounded by new people, and those new faces haunt me. I have no idea what things will be like. I think I have live
Kriti's POV:I took in my new room, in my new house, owned by my new husband. It was a massive bedroom. The towering windows flooded the room with moonlight. The bed was a heavy wooden thing, overwhelming the space decorated with real roses and mogra flowers in celebration of our wedding night. The pleasant fragrance of the fresh flowers filled the whole room. The walls were light blue, with a texture on the front wall—something I had always liked. The room was brightly lit making my headache after the long day. But, my tension and nervousness had suppressed the exhaustion. The bridal attire was making me uncomfortable, but I had been strictly instructed by Mumma to wait to change until my husband entered the room.I still knew nothing about my husband. I love to talk—my friends call me ‘radio’—but I find it so hard to talk to him. Maybe it’s because of his reserved nature or just the fact that he seems
As Arnav advanced into the room, he looked at me for a second with a deeply concerned expression.“You’re still awake. You haven't slept yet? Aren't you feeling comfortable? Do you need something?” His gaze kept wandering around the whole room but he seemed genuinely concerned about me."No. I'm okay,” I tugged nervously at the hem of my dupatta. “I was waiting for you.” An awkwardness had grown between us. I looked around the room, searching for something to insert into the uncomfortable silence. “Actually...um...this room is quite nice.”He managed a gentle little smile and took out his phone from his pocket. “I'm tired. I'm feeling sleepy.” He pointed to the door I hadn’t explored yet. “That's the washroom. You can get ready for bed.”I stood frozen with fear. Was he asking me to change? Did he expect me to do all that a wife does for her husband? My blood went cold
The next morning, I woke up a bit later than usual. I was used to waking up with a smile. Every morning I would roll out of bed and wish 'good morning' to my younger sister. I’ve called Kavya ‘Betu’ for as long as I can remember. Even though she is younger than me, she always got up earlier than I could.With closed eyes, and a blissful, sleepy yawn I forgot the bleak reality of the last few days. “Good morning Betu.”The voice that returned the greeting was not that of my sweet baby sister. And it dragged me back to the present with a whiplash-inducing jerk. “Good morning Kriti ji, was it comfortable for you last night?”I sat up, quickly, when I heard his voice and remembered that I'm married now, and I'm in his house, in this man’s room. “Sorry, Arnav ji.” I couldn’t manage to properly open my eyes until then.“Sorry for what? Kriti ji, as
It was nearly 9:30 when I finally made it downstairs. It was my first day with my new family and I had no idea how to behave. My mother had given me a serious talking to, reminding me to keep my voice down, don’t get angry, control my laughter. But what did any of that actually mean? When I asked her to elaborate on that last one all she said was “just give a gentle, serene smile and don’t start guffawing loudly in front of everyone. That’s not the way a newlywed girl should behave.” Since the engagement, Mumma had constantly reminded me that I would have to ‘adjust to them’. That they would end up throwing me out if I didn’t. I didn’t know where I would go if I was thrown out from here, my real family had already given me away. Those lessons seemed more difficult to me than advanced mathematics.So far, however, Arnav had been pretty chilled-out. And he did promise me it’d be ok. As I walked downstairs, I was nervou
One week later, I was packing my bag to go home for pagfera. It was a custom in which the bride went to her house for the first time after her marriage. Normally, the bride’s brother came to pick her up from her ‘new’ house and then her husband would accompany her to her ‘father’s’ house. They would stay there for a short while, generally, one day, and then come back with good wishes and gifts from the bride’s family.Since I didn’t have a real brother, and all my cousins lived far away, Abhishek Bhaiya had offered to do the duties of a brother. He was actually a brother more than a brother-in-law for me. The affection he showed me was exactly what I would have wanted from an older brother.I didn't have to carry much, but all my necessities, and some clothes had to be packed for the short stay. I tried to keep the stuff to a minimum but the end result was a huge, overstuffed tote bag. As always, I was r
As soon as the car reached my house, I jumped out of the seat. Even before Abhishek Bhaiya could park properly. I was thrilled to see my family. Those glowing faces of the people with whom I’ve spent my life, my younger days, they just made me too excited. I put my arms around my mother and my sister and pulled them toward me in a long embrace at the gate. My father was also there. He had taken a day off from work, just for me. “Come, child, let's get inside.” My mother invitedBhaiyain for tea, but he refused. “No. I've to go.” We asked him to at least come inside and chat with us for a bit, but he refused saying, “Aunty ji, please, I am tempted to stay but I’ve to get to Shreya’s school. There’s a parent teacher meeting today. Arunima must be waiting for me. I just came to drop her off.” He patted my head. The day passed chatting with my mother and Betu. When Daddy eventually joined us, it was to ask about Arnav’s
EPILOGUEThree Years LaterThe hairdresser was busy as she carefully straightened each strand of my dark brown locks. I searched my own face in the mirror and found that I’ve aged a little.Years have flown by. The day Arnav and I became one, my whole life changed. It wasn't too soon after that I found my real calling, my real passion and I wrote a book. I always wanted to be everything at once, and being a writer helped me to be that. For my third book, I landed a reputable publisher. Arnav and I have since been each other's best friends and he calls me his better half. My phone rang and I answered Arnav’s call on the first ring.“Hello? Kriti, are you ready yet?”“Almost, it will take about twenty more minutes.”“Okay, I’m leaving to pick you. Prabhat has called me several times already. We must be there by 6 pm sharp.”“We’ll be there at six, Arnav, don’t worry.”“Okay! I’m on my way. Love you.”Today, my second book was launching. It was a big day for me. I was right, I was made t
POV: KritiHe leaned in and our lips met again, for the third time in the last hour. It seemed like my husband wasn’t in a mood to go to work today. A swift move of his hand, and I heard the door close with a loud bang. His other hand explored my back through the thin line of cotton between our bodies. I moaned and gasped for breath and he finally released my lips, with a pleased and mischievous smile on his face.“Kriti! I need to leave now.”“Am I stopping you?” I dared.“No, but you’re not making it easy”My hand was entangled with his. I left it, waving my hands in a submitting motion. “I am not doing anything.”“But your eyes are telling me a different story.” He encircled his firm arms around my waist, nearly lifting me up from the ground, and whispered, “and you know what I would do if you keep doing that.”My lips curled into a smile as I buried my head on his shoulder. He’d been doing this since when we’d had that heartfelt tear-shedding moment. Hugging me tightly before leav
POV: ArnavThose words, those exact words were something I had longed to hear from her since the day I’d realized my love for her. I’d wondered, since that first day, if she’d be able to love a workaholic, boring, unexpressive businessman? I am who I am, I can’t change this person I’ve become. I felt my eyes getting heavy. I couldn’t hear anything but her sobs. And those words kept, again and again, repeating in my head, ‘I just... I love you so much…’ I closed my eyes. I felt something hot and wet slide down my cheek. Was it a tear? A tear of joy? I was numb. It didn’t even occur to me that I had to say something to her in return. To offer her a response to the revelations of her deepest feelings. I felt as if God had granted me some wish for which I’d prayed to him daily. I held her as close and as fiercely as I could for long minutes. And only then did I realize that now, it w
POV: KritiArnav was sitting quietly as he dressed my leg with a crepe bandage. I wanted to talk to him but his iron composure was making me scared. I knew he had to hate me. I wasn’t going to get a way out. I didn’t want to face him earlier. So, I just ran away. I ran away and left the diary for him. I’d been trying to talk to him for days, tell him everything that had happened, but I just couldn’t find the courage. I knew he was hurt. It was clearly visible on his face. And those eyes, when he came out running from the car and realized that it was me he had hit…“Arnav, I’m fine. It’s alright.”He looked directly into my eyes and took a deep breath, regaining that calmness. “Kriti, can I ask you something?”“Yes, Arnav.”“Have I ever scolded you?”I had no reply and just shook my head ‘no’.“Hav
POV: ArnavHours had passed and all my efforts had been in vain. I was just circling the city in my car and I had no clue where she might be. I had looked at every place I could possibly think of, and I had nothing in my mind now. I’d been in touch with Akansha and my phone again rang again.“Akansha, any news?” My voice filled with a tiny little spark of hope.“NoJeeju,” she said sadly, “nothing. Did you check café Downing Street?”“Yes, she wasn’t there. I asked for her everywhere.”We were both playing on assumptions of this unpredictable girl.“Did you look at any of the streets she likes to walk or anything?”“Yes,” I conceded. My hands ruffled my hair, “I did, I looked everywhere. Not a single person has seen her.”“Oh God, what will we do
POV: ArnavI tried calling her but she wouldn’t pick up her phone. She was angry and I’d first have to apologize for my earlier behavior, I was fine with that.I reached our home and I knocked at the door. I kept knocking, but she didn’t answer. When I let myself in, she wasn’t there. My chest got tight as I looked around the empty house. Whenever she had to go somewhere she’d always tell me. Maybe she had gone to buy more craft supplies.The first thing I saw, laying on the coffee table, was a black diary. The one in which Kriti writes now is purple, where did this black one come from and why was it here? There was a paper under the paper weight, kept on that black thing. I sat on the sofa and tried calling her again, but she wasn’t answering. The sinking feeling inside began to grow. Panic. This was what panic felt like. I hated it.I took a look at the paper.‘Arn
Four years ago, February:Dear Diary, we’ll be celebrating our second anniversary this April. Me and Sameer, the bond between us has grown so much. He talks to me like he’s planning to propose soon. Although, we have had our issues.Sameer, never liked me working at the Cultural Society. A few weeks ago, I had to work and he wanted me to go home with him instead. I had to tell him no, and he got angry. I sometimes don’t like his anger, the way he behaves with me, when he gets angry. As if, there’s nothing worthwhile about me all. He screams at me, he sometimes uses bad words. He hurts me sometimes, by his words, by his gestures, and a little bit physically too, he has left marks on my body, marks I’ve had to hide or lie about to my parents. He throws things, whatever he gets hold of, but then afterwards he always apologizes, he always tells me it was me, that I made him do it,
POV: ArnavI exhaled a breath as I hung upAbhishek Bhaiya’scall. He said he missed me. Even I miss our family but at least, Kriti and Golu were there. It had been nearly two weeks since Golu had arrived. That bastard had actually kept his promise by meeting me several times. I felt good with him. All those years, when I was all alone, I met him regularly just because, most of the time, he made my tension, the pressures, fade away a little bit. When I was struggling with the relationship with my real brother, he was there with me at least. I was able to just live some peaceful moments with him. We went for drives together in Kanpur on his bike. It gave me so much contentment when we drove to his place here in Indore the first time. I thought back to what he’d said on that first day while we were driving to his place.He’d been surprised. “Kriti, you found her?”“I didn&r
Five Years Ago, January:Dear Diary, each passing day is becoming more and more difficult for me. I just can’t forget the things he said to me after reading that letter. The first thing he asked me was, “why?”He asked me why I loved him. Does that even makes sense? Is there ever a reason why we love someone the way we do? Is it even under my control? Couldn’t he see that, with every day that passed, after that first conversation of ours, that I felt something? I fell for him. Head over heels. He made me feel special, made me feel like he cared about me, and I loved him for it. We’ve spent so many days together, and I now realize that I spent those days in a lie of my own manufacturing. I was so sure he loved me. But he doesn’t.He said, “can’t we just be friends?”What kind of friendship is this? What kind of friend sits by your si