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After Everything 43
I wake up to faint flutters of chatter, let it be known that Em never wakes up before me well except for today I guess. I notice she’s sitting on the edge of the bed when my eyes finally adjust and I come to. We need coffee, I must mumble something because Em turns and flashes me a simple smile and then proceeds to hand me a coffee. Ok wow, she is up before me and has gone out for coffee. Where is my girlfriend really? I wonder if she woke up anxious or something, she would tell me though. We agreed no more running or hiding or retreating. I still have the question when she hangs up with her brother I assume. “Hey Em?” “Yeah.” She moves to lay down next to me as I open my arms for her fall into. “Are you okay?” “Yeah why wouldn’t I be.” “Your up before me?” “Only because my idiot of a brother, being Damien rang me and I know his ringtone and if I didn’t answer. Cole would then ring and then they’d probably ring you so I figured I’d just answer it and then
After Everything 44
It’s been a month since New York which means it’s also the end of October. I’ve been doing really well mentally and physically. I feel better. But King has been distant and pulling away, we still see each other and spend time with each other, nothing has changed in what we do and how we act or feel. But what has changed is the atmosphere everything happens in. I don’t know if this is him slipping away but I want to help but don’t know how and now I know what seeing someone you love hurt and not knowing how to fix it. I know it’s his brother’s death anniversary coming up. 5 years. That hit me pretty hard and I ran, I can’t really blame him if he wanted to do the same. But for now it’s Halloween and we are going to party. After Josie convinced me, it didn’t take much and then Kingston surprised me with matching costumes. Well he told me what to wear for mine since I already own multiple pairs of them. We are a couple dressed in scrubs with our own little Grey’s Anatomy ba
After Everything 45
She left. I’m mean I didn’t give her a reason to stay. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t fight for her or with her. I have no idea what I just did. Just that it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m sobbing freely now still staring out over the balcony. I can’t look to my right because I know what lays there and I really don’t want to see it. It’s the butterfly ring I gave her in New York. The one that matches mine. Her words hit me. I want to fight. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t give up on us. Not when she didn’t at her lowest. I love her with everything. And I just shattered both our hearts. By not saying anything. I know she will go to her brothers. I want to ring and explain everything. But she’ll know it’s not everything. I asked for space and she gave it to me. But this fucking kills me. Not going to sleep next to her. No forehead kisses. No hugs from behind. No laugh filling me. No breathtaking smiles. No grey’s nights. No sil
After Everything 46
I haven’t stopped crying since I left his parents house and well not really before that either. I sent him that song and that message because I needed him to know I still hadn’t given up. This has been the longest week of my life. And not having him by my side is hurting me so much. My anxiety hasn’t flared, I had a bout of nausea but that did pass. I ended up coming home to the girls after two days. I needed the time away from campus and being home in Willow Falls was nice. I visited them and I knew what they were telling me. That Kingston is my future and that I needed to fight enough for the both of us. Josie comes into my room “you have a visitor.” “Ok.” I don’t know who it is. I come out of my room and walk toward the door and that’s when his familiar scent, the feeling of home and his light wash jeans and white tee shirt fill my vision. “Hi.” he says in a nervous tone. It’s been 6 days since I last kissed him, held him, touched him. “Hi.” I s
After Everything 47
We found our way back home in each other’s hearts. She is my everything and not following her on that balcony will ever be the biggest mistake of my life. It’s been a few days and we slowly fell back into the same routines and relationship. Telling her my confession about my brother’s death and why I blamed myself was freeing. A weight was lifted from my shoulders. We are currently at Glaze’s picking up our morning coffees which we enjoy as we walk through campus before we head toward class. The bright light and stale smell of the lecture hall hits as we enter the room for our developmental psychology class. We sit down in our usual spots, Em is still drinking her iced coffee even though she is wearing a matching set and then a puffer with a beanie she looks adorable but it’s a bit of an oxymoron. “I don’t why you are still drinking iced coffee in the middle of November?” I state with a laugh at just how cute she looks in a beanie. “I take forever to drink thing
After Everything 48
She’s in my arms as I wake up like always, I’ve grown so used to it. It’s a habit going to sleep together, wake up with kisses, Em doing her routine, I cook breakfast for us and anyone else who’s home, we get ready for class or to study or we just head out and go on a date. I’m currently flipping pancakes clad in nothing but sweatpants when Austen in the same outfit as me comes out of Josie’s room rubbing his eyes. Josie’s been doing better lately which means Austen is at ease more now. He nods in my direction to say good morning not ready for words I see. “You two want some?” I offer pointing to the pancakes. “Yeah why not. You need help with anything.” “Yeah figuring out their fucking coffee machine, Em normally sets it up but she kind of had other things on her mind when we came home last night.” Meaning I distracted her after coming home from the library after working on our assignment for hours and the craving hit both of us. “Um yeah, it can’t be that hard. I’ve
After Everything 49
He really is something special and the absolute best. This weekend just passed he took care of me after I said I wanted to drink which I did and then got drunk and I threw up multiple times. But he looked after me and watched over me. And now we are staying in after he planned this crazy date out because my period came this morning. It comes like clockwork around the 16th or 17th of every month. This time it was no different, it’s the 17th we go on break for Thanksgiving really soon. Kingston and I both talked and discussed with our families and decided to have a big one at my childhood home with both families so they can meet and get to know each other. I have mild cramps and a headache but you’d think I had something way worse because Kingston’s has been doting on me ever since I rang and cancelled our date. He went to the store on the way home from practice and picked me up my favourites. Ice cream, chocolate and pizza. He also must know what I use because he stocked
After Everything 50
Coming home from Thanksgiving I felt lighter than I had done in forever and actually happy. Which I didn’t think nor really feel around this time of year. When we get back it’s a hustle of activity in the apartment and on campus. “Why did we sign up for this event again?” Sutton asks as we run around trying to pull together decorations for the end of semester ball at our sorority. “So it’s away from finals.” Addison responds. “Ok right, well now we are on decorations and the event is tomorrow.” Sutton chuckles. “Do we even have dresses?” Sutton continues. “I was just going to wear–” I begin to say that I was going to wear last year’s dress before everyone cut me off with a world of yeah no’s. “Why not?” “Because I got the dresses covered, we have matching ones. The silk slips that we love with a small twist. I had to design them for my end of year project and I named them after you girls. Figured since I had to design and bring them to life it would be a sham
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