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After Everything 41
“Please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for takeoff.” The flight attendant says over the PA. Em cuddles further into my side as we settle in to head off on our week away. I didn’t think about her anxiety really and I felt shit when I saw her tense up at the airport. She nuzzles her head into the crook of my neck so she can’t see or hear anything around us. My arm is wrapped tightly around her shoulder. “You alright Em?” I ask. She doesn’t respond, all I feel is a nod against my chest. I start rubbing soothing circles on her back just to ease the anxiousness. “Just a little anxious not as bad as normal when traveling, I’m ok.” She says to reassure me and herself. She glances up at me as I plant a kiss on her forehead. She’s trying her best to be okay and I trying to just keep her calm. “Hey, why don’t we try the senses exercise.” I say knowing it works well in distracting her and takes her mind away from the anxiety. “Ok” she whispers peering up at me from
After Everything 42
“That’s special and very cute and attractive.” I lean down and press a kiss on it where it is a little red. “It is, every birthday we incorporate something matching with our symbols. This one is just the most permeant.” She confirms pointing to her jumper with the butterfly in the corner which I remember every girl wearing with a different symbol this morning. “Hey Em you want something to eat?” I get no response and look over to my side and see Em lightly snoring. She must be really tired after being with the girls, her family and me today. I take her jeans off and pull out a pair of sweats that she wears to bed that are mine and put them on. I then lift her up so she is under the covers along with removing the scrunchie from the bun on her head along with taking her makeup off with a wipe and using some of her skincare. I don’t remember every step but I do what I can remember. She sighs and I kiss her forehead and decide to unpack our bags a little before exhaust
After Everything 43
I wake up to faint flutters of chatter, let it be known that Em never wakes up before me well except for today I guess. I notice she’s sitting on the edge of the bed when my eyes finally adjust and I come to. We need coffee, I must mumble something because Em turns and flashes me a simple smile and then proceeds to hand me a coffee. Ok wow, she is up before me and has gone out for coffee. Where is my girlfriend really? I wonder if she woke up anxious or something, she would tell me though. We agreed no more running or hiding or retreating. I still have the question when she hangs up with her brother I assume. “Hey Em?” “Yeah.” She moves to lay down next to me as I open my arms for her fall into. “Are you okay?” “Yeah why wouldn’t I be.” “Your up before me?” “Only because my idiot of a brother, being Damien rang me and I know his ringtone and if I didn’t answer. Cole would then ring and then they’d probably ring you so I figured I’d just answer it and then
After Everything 44
It’s been a month since New York which means it’s also the end of October. I’ve been doing really well mentally and physically. I feel better. But King has been distant and pulling away, we still see each other and spend time with each other, nothing has changed in what we do and how we act or feel. But what has changed is the atmosphere everything happens in. I don’t know if this is him slipping away but I want to help but don’t know how and now I know what seeing someone you love hurt and not knowing how to fix it. I know it’s his brother’s death anniversary coming up. 5 years. That hit me pretty hard and I ran, I can’t really blame him if he wanted to do the same. But for now it’s Halloween and we are going to party. After Josie convinced me, it didn’t take much and then Kingston surprised me with matching costumes. Well he told me what to wear for mine since I already own multiple pairs of them. We are a couple dressed in scrubs with our own little Grey’s Anatomy ba
After Everything 45
She left. I’m mean I didn’t give her a reason to stay. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t fight for her or with her. I have no idea what I just did. Just that it hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m sobbing freely now still staring out over the balcony. I can’t look to my right because I know what lays there and I really don’t want to see it. It’s the butterfly ring I gave her in New York. The one that matches mine. Her words hit me. I want to fight. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t give up on us. Not when she didn’t at her lowest. I love her with everything. And I just shattered both our hearts. By not saying anything. I know she will go to her brothers. I want to ring and explain everything. But she’ll know it’s not everything. I asked for space and she gave it to me. But this fucking kills me. Not going to sleep next to her. No forehead kisses. No hugs from behind. No laugh filling me. No breathtaking smiles. No grey’s nights. No sil
After Everything 46
I haven’t stopped crying since I left his parents house and well not really before that either. I sent him that song and that message because I needed him to know I still hadn’t given up. This has been the longest week of my life. And not having him by my side is hurting me so much. My anxiety hasn’t flared, I had a bout of nausea but that did pass. I ended up coming home to the girls after two days. I needed the time away from campus and being home in Willow Falls was nice. I visited them and I knew what they were telling me. That Kingston is my future and that I needed to fight enough for the both of us. Josie comes into my room “you have a visitor.” “Ok.” I don’t know who it is. I come out of my room and walk toward the door and that’s when his familiar scent, the feeling of home and his light wash jeans and white tee shirt fill my vision. “Hi.” he says in a nervous tone. It’s been 6 days since I last kissed him, held him, touched him. “Hi.” I s
After Everything 47
We found our way back home in each other’s hearts. She is my everything and not following her on that balcony will ever be the biggest mistake of my life. It’s been a few days and we slowly fell back into the same routines and relationship. Telling her my confession about my brother’s death and why I blamed myself was freeing. A weight was lifted from my shoulders. We are currently at Glaze’s picking up our morning coffees which we enjoy as we walk through campus before we head toward class. The bright light and stale smell of the lecture hall hits as we enter the room for our developmental psychology class. We sit down in our usual spots, Em is still drinking her iced coffee even though she is wearing a matching set and then a puffer with a beanie she looks adorable but it’s a bit of an oxymoron. “I don’t why you are still drinking iced coffee in the middle of November?” I state with a laugh at just how cute she looks in a beanie. “I take forever to drink thing
After Everything 48
She’s in my arms as I wake up like always, I’ve grown so used to it. It’s a habit going to sleep together, wake up with kisses, Em doing her routine, I cook breakfast for us and anyone else who’s home, we get ready for class or to study or we just head out and go on a date. I’m currently flipping pancakes clad in nothing but sweatpants when Austen in the same outfit as me comes out of Josie’s room rubbing his eyes. Josie’s been doing better lately which means Austen is at ease more now. He nods in my direction to say good morning not ready for words I see. “You two want some?” I offer pointing to the pancakes. “Yeah why not. You need help with anything.” “Yeah figuring out their fucking coffee machine, Em normally sets it up but she kind of had other things on her mind when we came home last night.” Meaning I distracted her after coming home from the library after working on our assignment for hours and the craving hit both of us. “Um yeah, it can’t be that hard. I’ve
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