Chapter 1

So goes the life of Malèna

Chapter 1

Looking out the window of my hospital room was pouring out the rain, it was raining a hazy, the roads were wet, the wind was blowing on the trees it looked like they were going to be uprooted any second at a time. 'other.

Nurse: Malèna?! Here are your meds….

Me: thank you. I say, taking the medicine she hands me. When am I going out?!

Nurse: tomorrow my beautiful

Me: okay.

Nurse: do you need something?!

Me: no thanks cava go. I say turning my head to the window

I'm sick of staying in here, the bitter taste of medicine in my throat makes me sick! The atmosphere of death in the hospital scares me ... I'm afraid of dying, it seems I don't risk anything anymore and I hope for myself from the bottom of my heart but I have lived in the anguish of dying for two years, two years of my life and it was horrible.

Two years ago, I was on my way to college and fainted on the bus, I was twenty, when I woke up I was in the hospital, I was diagnosed with a tumor in my brain, I still tremble when I think about it, that day was so gray. I still remember my parents' reaction, my mom cried like someone had just announced my death to her and my dad couldn't even look me in the eye.

I wouldn't tell you, there were people around me but I felt lonely, they all looked sorry, filled with sadness and pity every time they all laid eyes on me, no one saw me

like a normal person I had become Malena the sickly who will die soon.

I am the oldest in my family, we are two children, I have a little brother, two years younger than me, he was the only one who spoke to me normally and the only one who did not see the disease in me.

After two years of fighting disease, God made me a champion! I conquered the cancer, I was finally relieved but I sometimes go to the hospital so that they can see my state of health and that they can make a check-up, I come home a week and today c t's the last week forever by the grace of God.

The next morning

my parents came very early in the morning to pick me up, I can finally say goodbye and say shit!

Mom: give your bag to your father

Me: I can wear it alone

Mom: out of the question, you give this bag to your father!

I handed the bag to my father. I am leaving the hospital but going to go to a new prison which is my home.

In the car

Me: mom I hope you didn't touch my room

Mom: why are you saying that Malèna?!

Me: because every time I go to the hospital you change everything in my room and when I come back it is difficult for me to find my things!

Mom: no I didn’t touch anything

Me: when do I go back to school?!

Mom: it's way too early darling

Me: sorry?! Mom has made six me that I am better! You keep pushing me home!

Mom: Malèna

Me: daddy say something!!

Dad: I agree with your mother this time around; I think it's beautiful ...

He had not finished his sentence, that I had already gotten out of the car. We were already arriving home

Mom: Malèna doesn't get out of the car like that, you don't have any coats!!

We were in the middle of November it was already starting to snow, we are in a very cold period in Canada, in the car I took off my coat because my father had turned on the heating, he was super-hot.

I quickly went up to my room and locked the door, I don't want to hear or see anyone!

I want to lead a normal life, the life I was leading before all of this happened, I want people to behave with me normally! I am not sickly or at least I am no longer! Will I carry this burden on my shoulders all my life?!

After an hour spent the music playing loudly in my ears with my headphones, I decided to take a shower, I'm lucky to have a bathroom in my room, it allows me to stay in my privacy when I wish.

In my bathroom and in my room I removed everything that had to do with a mirror, I don't want to see myself naked, my skin is on the water, I remember that I cried every time I lay eyes on myself in front of a mirror I could see all the bones in my body sticking out, my eyes popping out of their sockets, I was scared.

But hair is starting to grow back slowly but I still don't like it, am I desirable?! Of course not! The ancient Malena was desirable. I had a boyfriend before all that, when he laid his eyes on me we saw desire, love or at least a facet of love, like all the others, he left ... at the beginning he was present but when he saw what I was becoming and he could no longer empty himself into me as he knew how to do so well, he left, left with pretexts, each more bogus than the next.

Malena to see you like that hurts me I could not bear to lose you. I am not a good person for you my Malèna, you deserve better than me.

The same for those I called my friends but they at least did not give me an excuse, they just stopped talking to me overnight, I had become Malèna the sickly, nobody wanted me approach because I was a junkie, I couldn't go out or if I went out I had to hold people to walk, I couldn't go to nightclubs or public places. In two years I found myself alone! I was surrounded by family maybe but I was alone.

So if life is going, they will say! people come and go, don't they! This is the cycle of life.

Knock Knock

Me: who is it!?

Ron: it's me Malèna

I got up from my bed to open the door for her

Ron: Why are you locking yourself in your room. He said walking into the room

Me: because I want to be alone. Lock the key ring behind you, I don't want mom to come home

Ron: What did she do again?! He said as he settled down on the sofa in front of my bed

Me: she annoys me Ronny! She wants all control in my life, I feel suffocated, I feel like I'm still sick

Ron: you know very well that she does this for you

Me: but she's doing too much! I can't go back to school; I can't go out! What exactly am I supposed to do!

Ron: I will take you out

Me: how?!

Ron: don't worry, when you get to go out you come tell me and we go out

Me: okay ...

Ron: well I'm going

Me: where are you going?!

Ron: I'm going to work

Me: did you find a new job?!

Ron: no I always have the same one but at night and on weekends I am a driver for a guy like that

Me: he pays you well?!

Ron: double what I do in my other job!

Me: great!

Ron: well I'll let you I have to go

I would have liked so much for him to stay, I feel less alone when he is with me, have discussed everything except my illness, that's what I like with my brother, with my parents our topics of conversation turn around my illness and nothing else, it stuffs me.

I have nothing else to do but watch TV, my father had a TV installed in my room, it prevents me from going downstairs in the living room, I wonder if this is not a technique to prevent visitors from seeing me, are they ashamed of my parents?! Sometimes I have this impression because I am unfortunately not physically presentable, my little brother he is handsome, the more he grows, the more he becomes a handsome man that all the girls run behind, and me very thin and pale, I do not am neither light nor dark in basic skin, I have a slightly dark caramel skin color, but I still manage to be pale, it's the disease.

Oh how do I hate my life!

Dad: Malèna. He said entering the room

Me: daddy can't you knock?!

Dad: you carried you between open that's why I allowed myself. How are you my princess

Me: I'll be better the day you stop looking at me with his eyes!

Dad: what eyes?!

Me: look at you, you look at me like I was dead

Dad: Malèna! No never! I'm just worried about you

Me: I'm fine dad

Dad: I want you to look your best, I want to find my daughter, the one who was bubbly and happy

Me: let me, mom and you, do the things on my own and you will see that I will be your daughter again

Dad: you still have to be careful

Me: the disease is gone daddy I'm better

He put his hand on mine then squeezes it tight

Dad: I don't know if I'll have the strength to live if I lose you.

Me: the more you worry the more something will happen to me, protect me but otherwise, protect me with love and let me breathe because I really need it

Daddy: okay, I'm going to talk to your mom so you can go out a little more often

We chatted for a little while and I don't know how I fell asleep, maybe during our conversation but I remember my eyelids starting to get heavy and I was struggling with sleep.