Chapter 4

** Malèna Magdala **

Me: grandmother I don't have enough of everything, I feel very bad about myself and mom doesn't see it, she only sees the disease inside me. I want to live my life like a girl my age, I want to be able to laugh out loud, went out. I can't even look at myself in a mirror

Grandmother: will it do you good to come to your grandmother?!

Me: yes, a lot but will mom accept

Grandmother: don't worry, I'll come pick you up in two days, while I prepare a room for you

My grandmother is a great woman, very open-minded and rich, she is rich because she inherited the money from her late husband who died ten years ago.

My grandmother was married four times in all, her first husband was the father of Inès' father, her second husband she did not have children with him, her third was my mother's father so my super grand -father as crazy as his ex-wife and the last husband was a politician who had no children and apparently no family because he delegated everything to my grandmother at least of what he had left of his riches.

Grandmother Maggy's two children didn't love her latest husband and I never understood why.

My grandmother is the kind of person who doesn't judge, she always encouraged me to have a man in my life, my first boyfriend I had him at the age of fifteen and it is at that age also that I lost my virginity and I am not very proud of it, I regret it bitterly because with hindsight I was not ready.

The first person to know that I had slept with someone was my grandmother and by the way, she's the only one who's been around so far. What I can't tell my mother I tell my grandmother because she is so much more understandable and she is always of good advice.

Our life is worth what it cost us in effort. What is life? A delirium. What is life? A shadow, an illusion, and the greatest of goods are hardly counted. Yes, all of life is a dream, and dreams themselves, what are they? Dream!We are all resigned to death; it is to life that we cannot resign ourselves to, the root of the problem is that humans stop at the superficial side of what is life, I know it and I feel it there ' has a lot more than that, and I want to live it, I want to live happy days, when I see other people laughing out loud and going out, having relationships feeling good about themselves I feel miserable, completely miserable and uninteresting. Am I a person full of energy, joy and intelligence?! I don't know, this disease has made me lose my confidence, I don't know who I am anymore but I know at least one thing who I was two years ago.

Mom: did you call your grandmother?! She said coming back to my room I do.

Mom: why did you do this?! Going to her house won't make you feel better!

Me: ...

Mom: Malèna is listening. She said more calmly. I am your mother and I am only looking for your happiness, I still feel you weak and I don't want you to take risks exposing yourself to people

Me: mom my disease is not contagious

Mom: but other people have contagious diseases and can transmit it to you you must be physically strong, look at yourself, you are vulnerable, stay at home, rest, eat, get stronger and when you are enough there you can answer a normal life

Me: my decision has already been taken by me at grandmother's!

Mom: do as you want. She said in the end before leaving my room without forgetting to slam the door. As her father would say "I spoiled this child too much, that'swhy she is so temperamental!"

My grandfather is an exceptional man like my grandmother I wonder why they divorced, he is complete. My mother is closer to her father than to her mother, she often sees him because he lives in the Congo.

My grandfather is of Congolese origin and my Senegalese grandmother Puhl, she is very fair skin, she looks like a mixed race, my mother also is fair skin, my brother too, I am the one who looks like her father, a caramel hold that varies sometimes in summer with chocolate I inherited the hair of my mother's family finally I had inherited, a large mass of hair but I often made from weaving or I put clips because I didn't have the strength to style them, anyway! My grandparents on the paternal side live in Seattle, USA, my dad is Jamaican, I have a completely weird mix but how my grandfather would say "the mix is ​​the future!" "

A few days later, I am now with my grandmother, she takes care of me and gives me some space.

Grandmother: do you want to travel?!

Me: in this state?!

Grandmother: what state?!

Me: I'm a little afraid that the disease will come back you know.

Grandmother: but she's not going to come back what are you saying?! Was it your mother who put her silly things to you?! The cancer is gone, and you know how to keep it from coming back?! Live your life! Live it fully

Me: ...

Grandma: trust me

Me: where are we going?!

Grandmother: chosen

Me: in Brazil

Grandmother: then go to Brazil but before that you will take care of yourself, eat and be flirtatious! A woman must always be flirtatious, did you forget that?!

Me: no, but to tell the truth with the disease I have lost confidence in myself a lot

Grandma: don't worry cava come back I promise

Me: ...

Grandmother: Does it bother you if we go with Inès?!

Me: not necessarily.

Grandma: why aren't you close with your cousin?!

Me, I do not know

Grandma: is it happening between you?!

Me: on my side, no, but she had come to see me not long ago because mom had called her

Grandmother: you see mom called her, she should come see you herself

Me: oh you know grandma I got used to people not calculating me

Grandma: and that's not good! You have to be the center of everything and be a woman demanded by many men, you have to have them at your feet like dogs, be a dominant and imposing woman like your grandmother. All the husbands that I had none of them imposed anything on me because I knew my worth. You are a very beautiful woman, very beautiful use that

For my grandmother, a woman when she is beautiful she must know how to use her beauty, have a feline gait, and know how to beat her eyelashes so that a man does not deny her anything. I'm the complete opposite of her instantly, I'm for love, pleasing only one man and only him, but I don't know if I still believe in love after what I've had, it is still puzzled. But Inès, she collects them from men, she really took grandmother's advice because she is a very beautiful woman, tall with a mid-rise waist with green eyes and very sexy I am the opposite of Inès, j like to be classy and sexy, but with discretion.

A month later

Today I just put my suitcase in my hotel room. After a month spent with grandmother, we finally decided to take the plane to Brazil, the climate is completely different, very different.

Since I have been with grandmother I have like a weight that has flown away I feel light and I smile more truthfully say with grandma you have no time to be bored. She often gives me vitamins so that I eat and gain strength in kind of a month I managed to gain six kilos I'm so happy I'm starting to relive a bit.

I was through the window contemplating the beautiful seen from the beach in Rio de Janeiro, it is magnificent the beauty of the world. When the weather is nice, everyone is there. As soon as it rains, there is no one left except true friends. The beauty of the world is in the eye. Everyone knows that man is descended from the monkey for a long time, but we hid him for a long time so as not to humiliate the latter.

The sea, far from being finished exploring, it is the greatest wonder in the world that man does not dominate. It surprises year after year with its discoveries, its depths in their immensity. She shows us her softness of soft waves that melt into the sand or her anger of breaking waves, hollows in the swell which is unleashed.

Leaving the right of life or death to the man who navigates it with the currents that guide him. However, under its surface, it contains a whole extraordinary world of beauty. Poor of us unconscious to feed an overpopulation and abuse of overproduction of businessman, we empty its contents to replace all our irrecoverable and dangerous waste. The sea in its immensity has become the largest garbage can in the world and will soon be a time bomb.

Inès: I sleep with grandmother

Me: as you want. I say going out of my mind

Inès: Malèna, how are you?

Me: yes, why?

Inès: like that I can feel you elsewhere

Me: okay ... oh are you already in a swimsuit?

Inès: yes, I'm going to go tanned a bit, are you coming?

Me: no thank you I'll read a book quietly

Inès: okay

Grandmother: you should go out and do like Inès and put your beauty princess to work

Me: grandmother!