Prologue: Marriage

Watching the people around me is terrifying. It does show how different I am to them. It does provide the answers to my questions. Why were they given the things I asked for? Or is it better to say "she". Why was she given the man I asked for?

On this day, the future we once dreamed for is already shattered, broken, and will never be fixed again, like my heart. I want to ask why but I won't stoop that low again. I want you to tell the reasons without me asking. I want you to come back to me without me begging. Because the last time I asked you, your answers didn't make me happy. And every time I think about everything, I don't deserve you as much as you don't deserve me.

From this day until your last breath, you will face and greet the mornings with her face as your first view. You will be eating breakfast with her and much worse you will be eating her for the rest of your life.

I chuckled because of the thoughts running in my mind.

I gathered all my remaining strength and finally showed up.

All eyes looked at me as I walked through their backyard. Despite the pain and betrayal I'm feeling, I smiled. I know that all their eyes are on me now.

                                       

"Who is she?"

"Hmmm, she's familiar,"

"She was Jake's date in his last event!"

"The one who look like trash?"

Then they all laughed.

"Is she even invited here?"

"Well, you know the trash...they still come to a party even if they don't belong to it."

I took a deep breath to hide that I was affected by what they were saying. I didn't let them see that I was hurting to all their hurtful banters.

"Congratulations... Allison, and my ex-fiancé, Jake." I gave them my sweetest smile. With their faces now, you'd think I was Malificent ready to curse them.

Jake grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear. "What are you doing here? Please just please." I can hear his begging voice.

"You didn't invite me. I just came here to greet you and also to witness the wedding I sho--" I was stunned when he pulled me away from there.

"Are you really not going to ignore us? Ash please! Move on!" He asked as his eyes blazed with fire.

I removed my hand from his grip because of what he said. How dare he? How can he tell me to move on despite the things that he's done? The thickness of his face.

I looked at him directly in his eyes.

"Move on? No. Of course not. I won't move on. I will let you and your wife feel the pain you let me feel—"

"I swear, if you did something bad to my wife and to my family, I'd kill you" he cut me off only to hurt me with his words.

I smiled. Despite the pain that I was feeling because of his words, I smiled. In spite of all the things that he has done to me, I smiled. I managed to smile yet I wasn't happy.

I grabbed his collar and kissed his lips. He tried to push me but I tightened my hold on him. I'm waiting for him to push me with all his strength but he didn't. My hopes arise.

He still loves me! I knew it!

I put my hands around his neck and kissed his lips even harder. This time, he stopped escaping and let me kiss him. He's not responding to my lips but the fact that he's letting me savor his lips feels like heaven to me. I tried to enter my tongue on his lips but I can't because he's greeting his teeth. I stopped kissing him and looked him in the eyes.

"Have you forgotten how to kiss? Why? Aren't you kissing your friend? Or isn't he delicious unlike me—"

I couldn't finish what I was going to say when he suddenly pressed me against the wall and kissed me deeply. My eyes widened but after a few moments, I responded to his kisses when he entered his tounge on my mouth. I opened my eyes only to see his wife, Allison, watching us. I can see the pain and hatred in her eyes and I feel satisfied.

I moaned as he kissed me harder. He's now kissing me on my neck when Allison spoke. "J-jake, s-stop." Panicking, Jake pushed me against the wall and turned to his wife. Jake didn't even ask if I'm okay.

He immediately went to his now crying wife. He wrapped his arms around her while muttering something.

I know what I did was wrong but I felt satisfied. I stood up and walked towards them. I stopped in front of them.

"Congratulations for the wedding, Allison. And for Jake, your lips still taste sweet. But you seem to be fading." And passed them both. I can still hear Allison's curses towards me but I didn't bother to look at them.

I stopped when an arm grabbed my hands. "And for you Ash, what we had was nothing. I don't even know why you're hurting. I paid you, have you forgotten? Allison and I were in a relationship back then. And all of us? It was nothing and a joke. You are nothing but a whore, a mistress. Always remember that...bitch."

My tears fell one after the other. I don't know why I still hurt like this. I thought I was used to hurting myself. So that when I face them, I won't be hurt anymore. But I was wrong.

Maybe because this is not what I expected for. Deep inside my heart, no matter how many times he hurts me and says that he no longer loves me, I still expected him to beg at me. That he would ask me back in his life because he once told me that he couldn't live without me. But looking at the situation right now, it seems like all of those were mere lies and my chance is now broken.

I was like a wave that is always coming back and forth to reach the shore, and that is me...who always comes back to his life, trying to reach the only dream I have, to be married to him...but fate doesn't want me to.

I think, no matter how hard we try to get the things we want, when fate refuses us to, nothing will happen, aside from us being broken and shattered... into pieces.

I couldn't really get fate. I asked and tried everything I could to end up with him. But I just ended up in my bedroom with tears cascading down my face.

I looked in the mirror with a smile. After this, I promise...my heart will be alive and free again.

I still need to get hurt again to learn that there really isn't any more. No matter what I do, it's gone.

What are they doing now? Are they enjoying this night with them being married? I wanted to run to my car but I had to stop myself.

I quickly went down to take the rope I had. When I saw this, a smile appeared on my face.

I went up to my room and did the right thing. This is the only thing I know to stop my self from doing something I don't want to do.

I tied my feet to the bed tightly. I can't even feel the pain. I feel pain, but not physical pain.

I was about to do the same in my hands when the door opened. I smiled when I saw him.

"Atlas! T-help me--" I stopped when he enveloped me in his arms and started crying. I don't know what's happening to him.

"I-I'll help you p-but... Ash n-help yourself too," He said while crying and sobbing.

"Hey w-what are you doing! W-I'm fine I just need your help. Help me tie my hand please?" I smiled and did everything I could to look like a cute puppy. I know he couldn't resist me when my face is like this.

He did nothing but hug me though and I don't know what happened but I just found myself crying out loud. Shouting because of the physical pain I'm feeling on my foot that I didn't feel before.

I heard him say I love you to me until everything went to black.