"Always put in your mind the reasons why we're doing these—helping other people, giving them their needs, and providing everything we can to make their lives be more comfortable... for them." he looked at us one by one and then he nodded.
This is how I see my life—meaningful. Helping other people who are in need is one of the things I like to do. That's really it, isn't it? When you have the means of helping other people, you must help them without expecting in return.
"Ash, let's go home together huh? I'll just get my things." said Gizelle.
This is my fifth month here in this organization. And during those five months, I became closer to other members just like Gizelle.
I nodded to her and went straight to my things to get ready also.
We just finished giving medicines and ready-to-eat foods to people living on the streets. I want to give them a house that they can live with. But I don't have the means to do so. The only thing I can provide is my service, this is the means I have that I was talking about.
I stopped what I was doing when a group came inside the organization. They are loud. And it seems like they are arguing about something. My eyes focused on a man talking to a woman with a serious face. I think I've seen him before but I just can't figure out where and when.
I just shrugged off all the thoughts running in my mind.
I continued fixing my bag when Gizelle bumped my shoulder.
I looked at her and raised my right eyebrow.
"Let's eat first," she said while smiling.
I nodded and took all my things. This is Gizelle's nature. She always asks and invites me to eat before going home. And throughout the months that I am beside her, I get familiar with this kind of actions by her.
"I had planned to save money, but because there are so many delicious foods today, I'm feeling hungry," she stopped talking when I was suddenly bumped into by a hurrying man.
"Come on! Ash, your things are scattered!" Gizelle stated the obvious.
"Miss, I'm sorry." the man apologetically said.
"No, it’s okay. I can manage it," I said when he knelt down to pick up my scattered things. But it was as if I said nothing to him because he continued doing what he was doing.
When he finished, he stood with me and presented me with my things.
He then smiled. "I am very sorry, Miss." I returned his smile but he didn't see it because he was in a hurry to leave. And when I looked at my back, him rather, I saw him on Atlas' office.
"Hmmm, I don't believe in love at first sight because I never felt it before. But looking at my friend right now, I think I'm gonna believe that it happens to other people." she then giggled.
I looked at Gizelle who now had her hand on her chin as if thinking.
I just shook my head at her and left first. I heard her calling me but I ignored her because I knew she was still going to chase me.
When I left the organization, I saw the man I was talking about earlier, who was also looking at me.
I then avoided his gaze when I saw Gizelle approaching. I opened the door and waited for Gizelle. And we left the organization together to eat and go home as what we have planned.
I was looking at my notebook while holding my guitar. I really want to write a song but until now I still don't know what or who I should write a song for.
I'm humming the tone that I want to use in my song when my phone beeped. I saw an unregistered number there. I just let it die.
But my thoughts were interrupted when it rang again. Because of annoyance I just answered it.
"Yes?" I tried my very best not to be rude but I think whatever I do, it will still come naturally.
"Ash, can we meet again? Promise... my fiancée and I had already broken up and I already called our engagement off-" I cut him off.
"Don't you dare call me again. And what happened with us is just a mistake that must be forgotten, it's disgusting." I hung up and then I blocked his number like I used to do.
I've changed my phone number countless times already but he still gets it from whoever it is.
It's been a month since that thing happened. I didn't know that he has a fiancé and when I learned about it, I stopped and tried to do everything I could just to keep myself away from them.
I took a deep breath when I couldn't continue my meditation. I jumped off my bed and got myself a bottle of milk.
I finished drinking it and gathered myself to sleep.
*****
"Ash, how are you doing there? I hope you don't tire yourself too much there. We are not there to take care after you," I smiled when I heard my mother's very soft voice.
"Tell Ash not to stay up all the time," my smile widened when I heard my father's shout on the phone.
"Mom, tell dad that I'm not neglecting myself. Besides, I'm a grown woman now, I can take care of myself," I promised with a smile on my face.
"Well, just make sure, Ash," my mother said.
I looked at my phone when my mother on the other line suddenly went silent. I thought it had died, but it didn't.
"Uhmmm, by the way Ash… maybe I won't be able to send you your allowance for this month, because we still have such bills that needed to be paid,"
I stopped and blinked as the sadness and regret in my mother's voice softened. "It's okay, mom. I still have money for this month and maybe I'll send you money the next day." I blinked away the tears in my eyes and raised my voice.
I don't want my family to think that I'm struggling here. I don't want them to know that I am going through so much pain and disgusting scenarios and jobs... just for me... to survive.
I help other people who are in need. And I also help others who are in need... of sex. Those who desire to fuck. And that's my job.
No one in my friends and my co-members in the organization know about it. Even Gizelle. Aside from it might ruin the image and face of the organization, I don't want them to think that I am that kind of girl.
Paid, low, flirtatious, and gold digger—even though these words are adequately fit to characterize me. To describe me.
I want to already end it but I can't. Everybody has the right to choose, but not everybody is given the privilege to benefit with the choices they have.
I used to think that our life will be in the right place when we choose what is right. But, for the people like me, who have this disgusting job and unwanted situation, whatever decision we make... we will never be in the right place... because the decision we made... was forbidden... to begin with.
In the world I live in, nothing is right. Everything is wrong. It doesn't include morality. When the client wants you, you have to oblige because the exchange is heaven. But somehow I still know how to limit myself and choose.
I always ask if they are committed to someone and when they are, I don't accept their proposition even though the payment is bigger than the value of my life.
But someone got through. I thought my client a month ago was single and not committed to anyone because that was what he said. But it turned out, he was.
I hated myself because of it. I didn't accept the money. My manager was very angry at me and didn't give me any client until now... and I didn't care.
But now that I need money, I think my decision was wrong. I could've just accepted the money and forget about everything. Because that's what I am, a paid woman.
I got the call off and called my manager's number. It rang three times before she answered my call.
"What?! Please Ash, if this is another one of your stubbornness, stop, and don’t add to the heat of the ul-"
"I need a job, Mama." I interrupted her long litany.
She stopped because of what I said and she didn't seem to expect me to call her for work myself.
"Uh-huh, after a month you're just going to call me again now? When you need something, you'll call, huh? And do you expect me that I'll offer you a job, hmm?" she challenged me.
"What I did was wrong, Mama. And I'm very sorry for that. I just need a job right now." I heard her laughter on the other line.
"Hmmm okay then. I'll just call you if I have something to offer you." then she cut off the call.
I know she will not refuse my request. She receives a large commission every time I am being send for a client. Because if the payment is big, her share would be bigger.
I took a bath then prepared myself for school. And I was almost late because the traffic was so heavy. I ran the remaining distance to my class today.
And when I showed up in the door, all eyes looked at me. I didn't know what's up but I didn't mind it and just got myself a seat.
I was about to sit when a voice stopped me to do what I planned to do.
"Aren't you going to greet your professor before coming into this room? Aren't you going to say sorry because you're 10 minutes late?"
His cold voice sent shivers down my spine. He asked me those questions in a gentle way... but I felt nervous. He didn't even shout at me... but my heart is starting to beat fast already.
I looked in front because of the shock and it was too late when I saw that our Professor was already standing there! He looked familiar. I frowned because he really looked familiar.
I just ignored it and looked around me. That's why the whole class is so quiet.
I bowed my head and said sorry to him. I also greeted him a good morning and when he gave me the permission to sit down, I nodded my head and politely said 'thank you' to him.
He continued to teach and I had nothing else to do but listen. I know that he may give a quiz or maybe give an activity, so I didn't waste time on other things.
And just like what I imagined, he really did give us a quiz. The 30-item quiz was checked after we finished answering it.
"Congratulations to Ms. Olivia for having a perfect score," compliments started to praise her. "I am just a substitute so expect that your real Professor might be present tomorrow." I even heard the whining of others but I didn't join in.
I then started fixing my things when I heard my Professor call my name. I gave him my attention then asked him what he needed.
"Get these papers and come with me in Faculty." he then left.
I frowned at what he said but followed anyway. I made my way to the faculty with a frown.
And when I arrived, I didn't open the door. I waited for almost three minutes before I knocked. And when no one answered, I opened the door then let myself be welcomed inside the office.
Various desks are placed in the Faculty. The seats are very neat and very clean.
Only one picture caught my attention. It was a picture of a girl. She was smiling as well as her eyes, her black hair is fixed neatly, she has a chunky eyes, red lips, and fair skin color. She's pretty.
I approached that picture. I was about to touch it when I heard a voice behind my back. I looked at it and saw the person whom asked me to come with in this office.
He took the picture I was looking at and put it in his drawer. He then looked at me and watched my whole being from head to body to my toes.
I didn't like the way he was looking at me so I closed my eyes causing his gaze to return to my eyes.
"Have a seat," he then pointed his hand to the chair in front.
He sat down to his chair and I also did what he did.
"I called you to ask if you have been informed by your manager about the arrangement." I frowned at what he said.
"Sir?" I asked him with furrowed brows. I didn't get what he said and before he answered my question, a phone call interrupted us.
I excused myself to accept the call from my manager.
"Ash, I already sent in your email the job you are looking for. The payment, contract, and every detail are included in that file already. Good luck!"
She didn't wait for me to answer and hung up.
I checked my mails and saw the file she was talking about. I opened it and when I read the name of the client I am going to give happiness with, my body got frozen.
I re-read his name countless times but nothing was changed. He really is.
Jake Bryan Valenzuela is my new client for a month.
Just now what my professor said earlier has sunk into my brain. About the arrangement, huh?
I took a deep breath and looked at him who was already looking at me. And by the look of it, he was watching my every move.
I went inside again and offered my hand to him.
"Deal."
"Deal, then." he then accepted my hand and we did a handshake before everything came to where it is supposed to be.
"Hey Ash, you've been quiet for a while now. I've been talking to you and you're not even listening. Are you still thinking about what happened yesterday?" I turned to Gizelle who looked at me sadly."Of course not, I'm just not really in the mood to talk." I lied.She winced because of my answer. Well, I'm not talking because I'm not in the mood to do so. I do not know. Since what happened yesterday, I have already lost my appetite."It's better if we go back at the organization a minute before our break is over." said Gizelle.We just threw away the plastics of our food and then we went straight to the organization. Every week, donations come to the organization and every week we also prepare them before handing them out to the poorest of the poor."Gizelle, count the canned foods so we can divide how many canned foods we will give to each one," said Joy, one of our fellow volunteers.Gizelle frowned because of Joy's order. I don't know about Gizelle. As soon as I entered here, she
The visitors greeted him one after the other as we entered his home. His house is as big as the mansions I'm seeing in the movies. I looked at the person next to me who was still talking to his guests. I've been standing by his side for a while now but no one has noticed me yet.Jake took a glance at me and held my hand. "Aunt Helen, this is Ash my date for tonight," Jake introduced me to them. I gave them a small but sweet smile. "She's currently taking Business Management in TSU." he is still proud but it seems like it doesn't matter to those who are in front of us.He excused himself for a moment when someone talked to him. I gave the people in front of us my best smile and then held out my hand."Hi! I'm Ash and I am currently taking up Busin-" I said and was immediately cut off by an old woman whom I didn't know."Are you repeating yourself? Jake already introduced you. We don't need to hear your voice dear," she smiled at me but it was obviously fake and sarcastic. I lowered my
The cool breeze caresses my skin. I closed my eyes as I felt the coldness touch my skin. I breathed in and out deeply. I put both my hands on the hot cup in front of me. I took a small sip of my hot coffee.Whenever I can't sleep, I just get myself a coffee and feel the cold breeze in the middle of the night. I looked at the sky full of stars.This is the life I wanted and dreamed for. A peaceful life.But I know that when the morning comes, everything will be back to normal. A stressful life and noisy people. Sometimes I wonder, if everyone was given the privilege to choose the kind of life and family that they live with, would everyone be at right hands and right path?But if I was given a chance? I think...I will never choose another family to live with...because the family I have in this lifetime, is beyond astonishing and amazing. I might feel unfortunate sometimes but I would always tell myself that it is okay in a family.I smiled at my thoughts.I was trying to call my mother
I felt bad when I left Mama's office. It's always like this. I promise to myself that when my contract ends, I'm not going to sign for another contract anymore. I'm tired of this shit.I went to the bar table to ask for a shot of whiskey. "Oh, Ash, I just saw you here again?" Bryan asked."I'm busy, you know I'm studying right?"He is one of my close friends here at this bar. He's 23 years old and he's two years older than me.He smirked at me while getting my order. "Why do you even have to study? You're just wasting your time there, Ash." He gave me a glass of whiskey at the same time."It's not a waste of time because it's for my dream and for my family." I gave him a simple answer while reaching for the glass I was holding. I closed my eyes as the warm feeling hugged my throat.I looked at Bryan as he continued serving. I get his point...for him, studying is just a waste of time because he has his own responsibility and priority. For him, he needs to work immediately to provide fo
Jake was kissing me roughly while his hands were massaging my breasts. He bit my lower lip, which caused me to moan, and he used that as a chance to enter his tongue into my mouth. His tongue explores every part of my mouth.We both gasped when our lips parted."Good morning, Ash." He held my face and showered many small kisses on my lips."Good morning, too," I answered back.His kisses went down to my jaw, down to my neck, and down to my collarbone. He's kissing me on my collarbone now while I'm holding his hair. My head looked up as I bit my bottom lip because of the pleasure he was giving me now.He looked at me as he grabbed the end of my spaghetti strap. He tore it up, which added to the tension I was feeling now.Fuck, I'm very sure I'm wet down there already.He also tore my bra. He stared at it for a few seconds before grabbing it. One was mouthful while the other was holding his hand."Ughhh, J-Jake..." I can't help but moan his name because of the sensation I'm feeling righ
"Are we really not going to include them?" I asked Jake when he told me that the twins will be left behind their house.I would like to say that we should take them with us because they will be left alone there and only the housemaids will be there to be with them. However, I know my limits and boundaries. Jake is their brother. He knows what is good for them more than what I know.Jake took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly. It's obvious that he's just holding back his patience and I'm afraid that at any moment, he can kick me out of his house."Please, Ash..." He said with difficulty as if he was about to lose his patience.Well, if that's what he says. I just feel sorry for the twins. Of course they have their own housemaids. But still...I just shook my thoughts and followed Jake out of the house. I saw Lake waving at me while Take was frowning. I was surprised when Take's lips slowly lifted.He grinned!Because of what I witnessed, I also smiled. "Ash, come on..." Jake s
Watching the people around me is terrifying. It does show how different I am to them. It does provide the answers to my questions. Why were they given the things I asked for? Or is it better to say "she". Why was she given the man I asked for?On this day, the future we once dreamed for is already shattered, broken, and will never be fixed again, like my heart. I want to ask why but I won't stoop that low again. I want you to tell the reasons without me asking. I want you to come back to me without me begging. Because the last time I asked you, your answers didn't make me happy. And every time I think about everything, I don't deserve you as much as you don't deserve me.From this day until your last breath, you will face and greet the mornings with her face as your first view. You will be eating breakfast with her and much worse you will be eating her for the rest of your life.I chuckled because of the thoughts running in my mind.I gathered all my remaining strength and finally sho
"Are we really not going to include them?" I asked Jake when he told me that the twins will be left behind their house.I would like to say that we should take them with us because they will be left alone there and only the housemaids will be there to be with them. However, I know my limits and boundaries. Jake is their brother. He knows what is good for them more than what I know.Jake took a deep breath and closed his eyes tightly. It's obvious that he's just holding back his patience and I'm afraid that at any moment, he can kick me out of his house."Please, Ash..." He said with difficulty as if he was about to lose his patience.Well, if that's what he says. I just feel sorry for the twins. Of course they have their own housemaids. But still...I just shook my thoughts and followed Jake out of the house. I saw Lake waving at me while Take was frowning. I was surprised when Take's lips slowly lifted.He grinned!Because of what I witnessed, I also smiled. "Ash, come on..." Jake s
Jake was kissing me roughly while his hands were massaging my breasts. He bit my lower lip, which caused me to moan, and he used that as a chance to enter his tongue into my mouth. His tongue explores every part of my mouth.We both gasped when our lips parted."Good morning, Ash." He held my face and showered many small kisses on my lips."Good morning, too," I answered back.His kisses went down to my jaw, down to my neck, and down to my collarbone. He's kissing me on my collarbone now while I'm holding his hair. My head looked up as I bit my bottom lip because of the pleasure he was giving me now.He looked at me as he grabbed the end of my spaghetti strap. He tore it up, which added to the tension I was feeling now.Fuck, I'm very sure I'm wet down there already.He also tore my bra. He stared at it for a few seconds before grabbing it. One was mouthful while the other was holding his hand."Ughhh, J-Jake..." I can't help but moan his name because of the sensation I'm feeling righ
I felt bad when I left Mama's office. It's always like this. I promise to myself that when my contract ends, I'm not going to sign for another contract anymore. I'm tired of this shit.I went to the bar table to ask for a shot of whiskey. "Oh, Ash, I just saw you here again?" Bryan asked."I'm busy, you know I'm studying right?"He is one of my close friends here at this bar. He's 23 years old and he's two years older than me.He smirked at me while getting my order. "Why do you even have to study? You're just wasting your time there, Ash." He gave me a glass of whiskey at the same time."It's not a waste of time because it's for my dream and for my family." I gave him a simple answer while reaching for the glass I was holding. I closed my eyes as the warm feeling hugged my throat.I looked at Bryan as he continued serving. I get his point...for him, studying is just a waste of time because he has his own responsibility and priority. For him, he needs to work immediately to provide fo
The cool breeze caresses my skin. I closed my eyes as I felt the coldness touch my skin. I breathed in and out deeply. I put both my hands on the hot cup in front of me. I took a small sip of my hot coffee.Whenever I can't sleep, I just get myself a coffee and feel the cold breeze in the middle of the night. I looked at the sky full of stars.This is the life I wanted and dreamed for. A peaceful life.But I know that when the morning comes, everything will be back to normal. A stressful life and noisy people. Sometimes I wonder, if everyone was given the privilege to choose the kind of life and family that they live with, would everyone be at right hands and right path?But if I was given a chance? I think...I will never choose another family to live with...because the family I have in this lifetime, is beyond astonishing and amazing. I might feel unfortunate sometimes but I would always tell myself that it is okay in a family.I smiled at my thoughts.I was trying to call my mother
The visitors greeted him one after the other as we entered his home. His house is as big as the mansions I'm seeing in the movies. I looked at the person next to me who was still talking to his guests. I've been standing by his side for a while now but no one has noticed me yet.Jake took a glance at me and held my hand. "Aunt Helen, this is Ash my date for tonight," Jake introduced me to them. I gave them a small but sweet smile. "She's currently taking Business Management in TSU." he is still proud but it seems like it doesn't matter to those who are in front of us.He excused himself for a moment when someone talked to him. I gave the people in front of us my best smile and then held out my hand."Hi! I'm Ash and I am currently taking up Busin-" I said and was immediately cut off by an old woman whom I didn't know."Are you repeating yourself? Jake already introduced you. We don't need to hear your voice dear," she smiled at me but it was obviously fake and sarcastic. I lowered my
"Hey Ash, you've been quiet for a while now. I've been talking to you and you're not even listening. Are you still thinking about what happened yesterday?" I turned to Gizelle who looked at me sadly."Of course not, I'm just not really in the mood to talk." I lied.She winced because of my answer. Well, I'm not talking because I'm not in the mood to do so. I do not know. Since what happened yesterday, I have already lost my appetite."It's better if we go back at the organization a minute before our break is over." said Gizelle.We just threw away the plastics of our food and then we went straight to the organization. Every week, donations come to the organization and every week we also prepare them before handing them out to the poorest of the poor."Gizelle, count the canned foods so we can divide how many canned foods we will give to each one," said Joy, one of our fellow volunteers.Gizelle frowned because of Joy's order. I don't know about Gizelle. As soon as I entered here, she
"Always put in your mind the reasons why we're doing these—helping other people, giving them their needs, and providing everything we can to make their lives be more comfortable... for them." he looked at us one by one and then he nodded.This is how I see my life—meaningful. Helping other people who are in need is one of the things I like to do. That's really it, isn't it? When you have the means of helping other people, you must help them without expecting in return."Ash, let's go home together huh? I'll just get my things." said Gizelle.This is my fifth month here in this organization. And during those five months, I became closer to other members just like Gizelle.I nodded to her and went straight to my things to get ready also.We just finished giving medicines and ready-to-eat foods to people living on the streets. I want to give them a house that they can live with. But I don't have the means to do so. The only thing I can provide is my service, this is the means I have that
Watching the people around me is terrifying. It does show how different I am to them. It does provide the answers to my questions. Why were they given the things I asked for? Or is it better to say "she". Why was she given the man I asked for?On this day, the future we once dreamed for is already shattered, broken, and will never be fixed again, like my heart. I want to ask why but I won't stoop that low again. I want you to tell the reasons without me asking. I want you to come back to me without me begging. Because the last time I asked you, your answers didn't make me happy. And every time I think about everything, I don't deserve you as much as you don't deserve me.From this day until your last breath, you will face and greet the mornings with her face as your first view. You will be eating breakfast with her and much worse you will be eating her for the rest of your life.I chuckled because of the thoughts running in my mind.I gathered all my remaining strength and finally sho