TWO MONTHS AGOAfter smoking my drag, I stepped on it with the edge of my heels to kill it. I walked back to the store where Daniel was and joined him inside. He was doing some sexy leaning around one of the shelves of fancy dress shirts, and he stared at me as I walked towards him.“It took you a while, didn't it?” He raised his eyebrows as he gave me another brilliant smile. "Aren't you playing hard to get?""Playing hard to get with you?" I licked my lips as I blinked my eyes quickly. "What would I do that for? I have no feelings for you, so playing hard to get would be an absolute waste of my time."He ignored my comment as he opened his mouth to talk again."Do you smoke?" He eyed my lips cautiously. "Are you a smoker?""Yeah. I was taking a drag." Then I zeroed in on the store and took everything around me in. Little middle-class me would never have stepped into a store like this a few years ago. "Why are you always asking me questions?"The grandeur of the store blew me away as
PRESENT"You are wasting your time with Cassiel.” His words are raw and harsh. “You are just existing and living your life like a zombie." His lips are twisting words as his mouth curls, like he's aiming to throw the hurt, and puke out the venom he's been feeling at me. “You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re delusional and you live in your pretty little bubble.”“Enough, Daniel! What’s that supposed to mean?” I’m taken aback. I’ve known that his feelings had been a mess. But I do not want to know what this mess spirals into. He turns around so I face his back, and I’m weighing the thought of putting a hand on it."What I mean to say is that you're just spending your life with Cassiel like you don’t have a better option! He doesn’t bring out the best in you.” He takes a deep breath, his voice is chilling when he pivots and looks at me. “You, though, live with me Ange.”We’ve had this exact same fight so many times. I close my eyes to think and say something that will be a setback to
FOUR YEARS AGO“Are you going to show up for Mr. Freyer’s class?” Carrie was sitting on the couch beside me, running her fingers down her golden auburn hair. She looked like a Disney princess done right.“Is he going to give another sermon on John Donne? Because all man now is an island.” I rolled my eyes when Carrie shot me a look. She gets boisterous and sassy when it comes to Literature. "Don't tell me you're in love with some old man because you like how pretentious he is in our classes?"Carrie has always been in love with Dante and metaphysical poetry. She wanted to revel in darkness and the spirituality behind human existence. She had this constant gleam in her eyes whenever she sat in Mr. Freyer’s class, like she was in awe or something.I wanted to ask her what Bertrand Russell once said, “Day after day, man is accumulating knowledge, but is the man getting any wiser?”I felt my inner Virginia Woolf fist thumping when I looked at her. What’s all this passion for?Carrie humme
FOUR YEARS AGO”Where were you, Lee? What happened to you?” she asked, pointing at my shirt. “I’ve been waiting for you. My lunch is almost over. I don’t have a free period next.” Carrie was looking me up and down, ready to fire her inquisitive questions at me.“I got sucked in some drama, sorry,” I mumbled as I took the seat next to her on the table. I put the backpack down as it was weighing my shoulders down, and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to abandon you like that. Something just came up."“What happened to your shoulder? Your shirt looks drenched.” She tried to pry my shirt collar down to take a look. “What the fuck?”“Yeah, someone spilled their coffee on me.” I gently put her fingers away, peering a look at my red shoulder. "It was hot. It almost burned me."“What do you mean? You mean, hot coffee? Who did that?” Her mouth opened in an ‘O’, which she ultimately closed tsk-ing. "Couldn't they see where they were going?"“Someone,” I whispered, annoyed. "Just someone you d
PRESENTI am caught in a web of my own premonitions of an intricate pseudo-reality of lies.I was curious about where my heart could go, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want or love Cassiel. I have wanted him for so long, more than he can ever think. Sometimes, he thinks it isn’t so but it is this simple fact that has strung me all along. Even after three years of dating him, I am in constant need of want and attention from him.Is it bad to want someone this much?I am pondering over my love, or something in between, for both the men in my life, lost in my own alternate reality of thoughts when Daniel’s voice breaks me out of my dreamlike reverie.“Don't you want some more of that sumptuous wagyu steak?” He asks me, licking his lips discreetly. “You would love this!”“Yeah, I'd like that, Daniel,” I hastily murmur. "Are you ordering it again?"A shabby-looking flower girl with her hoodie rattled at the edges, enters the outdoor bistro where we are having our steak and potatoes with vino.
FOUR YEARS AGO"I didn’t know you go here. I mean in this class.” He was taken aback, looking at me with those big doe eyes. "Wow, what a coincidence.""You spilled coffee over me, yesterday. Remember?" I rolled my eyes at this handsome, dark-haired boy that has the best and the most river-like clear blue eyes I've ever seen. "It's not something one should forget easily."“Oh, I know, I didn’t mean that. . . I meant I didn't know that you, too, have signed up for this class."“Yes, I have. I’m minoring in it. You look like you’re doing the same thing, yeah, obviously.” I felt anxious talking to a stranger for the first time in a long while. Awkward.“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after what happened yesterday.” He let out a gust of wind from his lips. "At least not this soon."“When I said, I guess so, I meant it.” I coughed and looked away. I wetted my lips, finding it uneasy to keep the conversation on. "By that I meant that I would see you around on the campus."“Yeah, I gu
Thirty minutes into the class…"I didn't get your name," I said to him, not looking up to meet his gaze while still scribbling notes in my notepad at the end of the class. "Would you care to share?"“Cassiel.” He didn’t break the word into syllables. "What about yours?"I took a long breath. I needed to extend this conversation. From the corner of my eye, I observed him. “Cassiel, what is that you are scribbling? Is it detailed class notes on Dryden?"“It’s your name, of course. You should look at this.” He quickly took up his notebook and flung it up in the air for me to view. He retrieved it immediately. "What do you think?"“Well, that was fast.” I was speechless. "Your penmanship is beautiful."“It was, not so much anymore.” His long hands formed a protective circle on the piece of paper he was protecting from my eye’s glance. I caught a peep but both of his shoulders moved too quickly and shielded again whatever he was working on. I sighed because he was so fucking agile and hand
FOUR YEARS AGOAfter class. . .After three long university classes, I finally wanted to get some exercise done and decided to take a walk around my big university campus. I got a coffee on the go and strolled around in the front courtyard of our humongous college, where I saw a couple of guys hovering around their expensive motorbikes parked against the old Victorian styled pillars and sidewalls.I quickened my pace when they suddenly started laughing and hooting as they walked past one by one around me. One of them stepped in front of me, looked right in my eyes, and whistled at me as I took long strides away from him. I ignored their behavior. That’s the only thing that seemed right at that moment. Lordy, I didn't have anyone accompanying me to this part of the campus, but heck, I didn’t care and I didn’t need a bodyguard. I could look out for myself. I breathed in and out.I’m a strong woman. I’m not afraid. I won’t regard or warrant their behavior. I can take care of myself.Just
TWO MONTHS AGOAfter smoking my drag, I stepped on it with the edge of my heels to kill it. I walked back to the store where Daniel was and joined him inside. He was doing some sexy leaning around one of the shelves of fancy dress shirts, and he stared at me as I walked towards him.“It took you a while, didn't it?” He raised his eyebrows as he gave me another brilliant smile. "Aren't you playing hard to get?""Playing hard to get with you?" I licked my lips as I blinked my eyes quickly. "What would I do that for? I have no feelings for you, so playing hard to get would be an absolute waste of my time."He ignored my comment as he opened his mouth to talk again."Do you smoke?" He eyed my lips cautiously. "Are you a smoker?""Yeah. I was taking a drag." Then I zeroed in on the store and took everything around me in. Little middle-class me would never have stepped into a store like this a few years ago. "Why are you always asking me questions?"The grandeur of the store blew me away as
PRESENT TWO MONTHS AGO “All right, all right.” The country singer put his hands up defensively. Then he pivoted to go back to where he came from. "I'm leaving. Are you happy, Angelique?" I nodded. "I can't be any happier." Halfway through his walk on the pavement, he pivoted to look at me, resting his right hand on his slim waist as he looked at me expectantly. “Well, I do have something to say." Then he licked his lips. "I need your help.” “What help?” I stood there awkwardly, gazing bewildered at him. "Weren't you just walking away from me?" He nodded back towards one of the men’s clothing stores on the right side of the street. “Help me find a tux?" “Why would I help you?” I narrowed my eyes at him. "I barely know you." “You owe me. Have you forgotten that?" He smirked at me as he ogled at my face. "Don't you remember that night from the karaoke bar?” He bit his lip, looking at my face for signs of recognition. He thought I’d forgotten all about what happened that night aga
PRESENTTWO MONTHS AGOI was coming out of one of the many expensive stores on Upper Fifth Avenue. I needed to help Jeff find a ring for Carrie. We were both walking around when Jeff tugged at my hand and pulled me to one of the window displays of this luxurious wedding dresser designer brand, Weddingly Beat, and there sat a glimmering white mermaid ball gown. I looked at it while holding my breath because it was so beautiful.“Hey!" Jeff groaned. Just look at that. Isn't it beautiful?"“Isn’t it beautiful?” I repeated his words. "It's more than beautiful. It's probably what all girls dream about when they are little."“It’s gorgeous,” he murmured in awe. “Carrie would look so unearthly in this."“Yes, you’re right.” I coughed as I added more to the conversation. “And not just that ... I guess she’ll even like it.” I threw in a humorous laugh. "It's difficult to match her unreachable standards."“You think so?” He gazed at the dress and then at me with a childlike innocence I had rare
PRESENTThe roads are dark and the concrete shines in the night from the faint light that falls on them from the tall street lights at the end of every long block. I don’t know how I’ll make it back to our apartment without having an honest excuse ready when Cassiel questions me about my disappearance. What would I tell him if he asks me where I had been gone for the past three hours? Or who I was spending my time with for the hours I had disappeared? In a hurry, I left my cellphone on the kitchen table. What if he goes through my phone?But, knowing Cass, I know that he will not. But what if luck is not on my side today? Will he find out about my cheating and my despicable behavior? He won’t go through your phone. My brain answers for me. He’s not like you.From what it looks like given my present circumstances, I know that I have been unlucky for a while. That’s why I almost cheated on Cassiel, that’s why I have developed feelings for Daniel. And also probably why I can’t make u
FOUR YEARS AGOCassiel walked me straight into the mall, holding onto my right hand tightly as he walked ahead of me leading me through the crowd. I couldn’t even stop to breathe because he was hurrying me to a MacYum’s right around the corner. The mall was crowded and people were shopping to beat the holiday rush of Halloween. I saw four kids dressed as cute monsters and mad scientists running out of a costume store, probably as a marketing gimmick for increasing the store's holiday sales, rushing in our direction. One of them crashed right into my stomach as he was passing by us. I took two squeaky steps back in my boots but somehow managed not to sway.Cassiel immediately turned around at the loss of my fingers. “Are you okay, babe?"“Yeah-yeah, I am.” I put both of my hands on the kid’s shoulder as I stopped him in place as he just ran into me a second ago. “Are you okay, buddy?”The six-year-old kid chuckled and nodded his head. Cassiel came in and patted his head. Then the kid s
PRESENT“And what do you need me for?” I try not to snap at him. I keep it curt. Where the hell did this wife come from? Has he been married before? He never said anything about this person in all the days we have been acquainted with each other. "If you have a wife, why don't you hang out with her?"“I need you here with me so we can act like we are dating.” He’s so obvious and persistent in his answers like it means nothing to him. “You know I need you to get her out of my house.”“I can’t do that. I don't think that I'll be available. I'm sorry for saying this, but you need to call one of your model fuck-buddies who can help you out in this situation.” I mimic him in a sarcastic tone. Then I can't control my anger any longer. “And from where on earth did your wife materialise in thin air?” I take a deep inhale. “And why are you calling me? How dare you?”“Please, Lee. I absolutely need your help this time.” He’s taking a pause before he continues. “Melissa isn’t that important. She
PRESENTA few hours later, we are both lying on the floor with our backs against on the couch, eating the salad he made three hours ago, almost half-naked. The television is on at a low volume and it slowly hums in the background. Cassiel palms my breast accidentally while taking away a string of pasta sticking to the curve of my collar bone. The action shoots a pang of electricity in my entire upper body, travelling to the nerve endings and I inadvertently shudder. Then he moves his mouth to lick the bread crumbs still sticking on my chin.“Do you know I always had a thing for bread?"“Maybe you should travel to Germany. Do you know what they have in there?” I try to make myself sound more enthusiastic. "Germans love their breads more than French do, apparently.""Huh?" He shakes his head innocently at my statement. “What is there for me to see in Germany?"“A bread that resembles a vagina."“You’re shitting me, aren't you?” He shuffles his feet slowly on the carpet and leans right n
PRESENT“Did you get those raspberries on your way home, honey?” Cass's voice reverberates throughout the entire house. He’s working in the kitchen. I can hear him rolling the dough with all the noises he’s making. "Or the pasta sauce I had put on our grocery list?"“No. I'm sorry, love. I forgot!" I yell as I draw the front door to a close. "You should have texted me that to remind me!" Then I exhale a sigh. "You know how forgetful I am, right?"I walk into the living room area to put my handbag, which also has my laptop down on the table. My phone vibrates as I get another mail from the magazine I work for, telling me that the work’s deadline is set in the incoming three weeks. I get another message from my boss to reassure me if I got the email.Yes, you snotty little piece of work. I got the mail. Just don't try to make my life hell!My head in the magazine company is doing this on purpose, in other words, adding to my workload because she wants to hire another part-time writer
FOUR YEARS AGOCassiel was parked in front of the pavement of our dormitory building, waiting silently for me to go ahead and get inside safely. But I didn’t want him to go back yet. I can’t recall the last time a guy waited for me to get inside home safely.He gazed at me in silence with an intense look in his eyes. “Why are you waiting here? Don’t you want to go in?”I was standing on the pavement captivated by his blue eyes. I know that I wanted something, something more from him to remember this moment as pure, unembellished and whole. I wanted the moment to last forever and become infinite in my imagination.I leaned against the driver's side car’s window. “I really don’t know what I’m waiting for, Cassiel."“Have you forgotten your keys?” He scrunched his nose, showcasing faint freckles splattered on the skin and as my eyes traced them, I realised a small section of these orange-brown freckles were hugely evident on his cheekbones. "Can you do something about it?"I chuckled. “Y