FOUR YEARS AGO
”Where were you, Lee? What happened to you?” she asked, pointing at my shirt. “I’ve been waiting for you. My lunch is almost over. I don’t have a free period next.” Carrie was looking me up and down, ready to fire her inquisitive questions at me.
“I got sucked in some drama, sorry,” I mumbled as I took the seat next to her on the table. I put the backpack down as it was weighing my shoulders down, and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to abandon you like that. Something just came up."
“What happened to your shoulder? Your shirt looks drenched.” She tried to pry my shirt collar down to take a look. “What the fuck?”
“Yeah, someone spilled their coffee on me.” I gently put her fingers away, peering a look at my red shoulder. "It was hot. It almost burned me."
“What do you mean? You mean, hot coffee? Who did that?” Her mouth opened in an ‘O’, which she ultimately closed tsk-ing. "Couldn't they see where they were going?"
“Someone,” I whispered, annoyed. "Just someone you don't know about."
“Actually, I saw him with you. Spill! Wait, he spilled his coffee on you?” Carrie was giving me her tell-me-everything-right-now eyes.
I traced the edges of the table with my shoe. “Uh-huh."
“Shit,” Carrie gasped.
“Uh-huh,” I stretched the sentence to a lull when Carrie decided to put her cellphone down again. "It was him."
“Did something scandalous happen?” She piped up, looking around us. Then she rubbed her palms together. "Maybe something did happen."
“Like what?” I started to get frustrated.
“Like he said your first name or made a conversation?” She deadpanned with a straight face. "That's why you look like this. He talked to you, didn't he?"
“You would like me to admit that? Wouldn’t you?” I narrowed my eyes into slits, lips thinning into a sharp line. "Yes, he did."
“Yeah, anything more than you breathing the same air as him.” Her sassiness was irritating me to no end. Then she teared up at her own joke. "Well, you did do that, so. . ."
“Well, FYI, we talked. He was sincere.” I finally spilled the beans, to get her off my back. I folded my arms, closing on my chest.
“Like he asked how you felt after he spilled his coffee all over you?” Carrie was now looking at me, her eyes slitted in their gaze, irritated that I won’t tell her everything. Her need to control everything knew no bounds.
“Carrie!” I finally broke her constant glare on me by yelling at her. "Find something else to do in your free time."
“Lee, use your head and be smart." She was back to reprimanding me like a little child as if she knew everything. “Also, choose to be courageous. If you like him, go and ask him out.”
”I have nothing more to add to this conversation.” I walked away from the FBI treatment my friend was giving me. I knew she cared but sometimes she was a huge pain in the ass. I won’t be subjected to this emotional blackmail. "I'm heading out."
“And bring me a chai latte this time, will ya? Without falling for someone or in someone's cup of coffee!”
Carrie’s voice boomed in the middle of the cafeteria as I walked out of it.
PRESENTI am caught in a web of my own premonitions of an intricate pseudo-reality of lies.I was curious about where my heart could go, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want or love Cassiel. I have wanted him for so long, more than he can ever think. Sometimes, he thinks it isn’t so but it is this simple fact that has strung me all along. Even after three years of dating him, I am in constant need of want and attention from him.Is it bad to want someone this much?I am pondering over my love, or something in between, for both the men in my life, lost in my own alternate reality of thoughts when Daniel’s voice breaks me out of my dreamlike reverie.“Don't you want some more of that sumptuous wagyu steak?” He asks me, licking his lips discreetly. “You would love this!”“Yeah, I'd like that, Daniel,” I hastily murmur. "Are you ordering it again?"A shabby-looking flower girl with her hoodie rattled at the edges, enters the outdoor bistro where we are having our steak and potatoes with vino.
FOUR YEARS AGO"I didn’t know you go here. I mean in this class.” He was taken aback, looking at me with those big doe eyes. "Wow, what a coincidence.""You spilled coffee over me, yesterday. Remember?" I rolled my eyes at this handsome, dark-haired boy that has the best and the most river-like clear blue eyes I've ever seen. "It's not something one should forget easily."“Oh, I know, I didn’t mean that. . . I meant I didn't know that you, too, have signed up for this class."“Yes, I have. I’m minoring in it. You look like you’re doing the same thing, yeah, obviously.” I felt anxious talking to a stranger for the first time in a long while. Awkward.“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after what happened yesterday.” He let out a gust of wind from his lips. "At least not this soon."“When I said, I guess so, I meant it.” I coughed and looked away. I wetted my lips, finding it uneasy to keep the conversation on. "By that I meant that I would see you around on the campus."“Yeah, I gu
Thirty minutes into the class…"I didn't get your name," I said to him, not looking up to meet his gaze while still scribbling notes in my notepad at the end of the class. "Would you care to share?"“Cassiel.” He didn’t break the word into syllables. "What about yours?"I took a long breath. I needed to extend this conversation. From the corner of my eye, I observed him. “Cassiel, what is that you are scribbling? Is it detailed class notes on Dryden?"“It’s your name, of course. You should look at this.” He quickly took up his notebook and flung it up in the air for me to view. He retrieved it immediately. "What do you think?"“Well, that was fast.” I was speechless. "Your penmanship is beautiful."“It was, not so much anymore.” His long hands formed a protective circle on the piece of paper he was protecting from my eye’s glance. I caught a peep but both of his shoulders moved too quickly and shielded again whatever he was working on. I sighed because he was so fucking agile and hand
FOUR YEARS AGOAfter class. . .After three long university classes, I finally wanted to get some exercise done and decided to take a walk around my big university campus. I got a coffee on the go and strolled around in the front courtyard of our humongous college, where I saw a couple of guys hovering around their expensive motorbikes parked against the old Victorian styled pillars and sidewalls.I quickened my pace when they suddenly started laughing and hooting as they walked past one by one around me. One of them stepped in front of me, looked right in my eyes, and whistled at me as I took long strides away from him. I ignored their behavior. That’s the only thing that seemed right at that moment. Lordy, I didn't have anyone accompanying me to this part of the campus, but heck, I didn’t care and I didn’t need a bodyguard. I could look out for myself. I breathed in and out.I’m a strong woman. I’m not afraid. I won’t regard or warrant their behavior. I can take care of myself.Just
PRESENTHe’s walking away. He’s going to walk even further away from me. I can feel it. I can feel it with every breath I draw, and every time my heart skips a beat.Daniel is the one to walk away when it should have been me. I have no self-control. When did I change into this unbecoming woman that I never wanted to be?Do I even deserve Cass? When I’m doing this behind his back. . .Someone knocks on the door and the bell jiggles for a long thirty seconds, awakening me from my delirium. It has been more than an hour since Daniel collected his clothes and walked out of this apartment, but he’s everywhere.As I pick myself up from the sofa, exactly where Daniel left me in a hypnotic state, I take a look around the room, and everything seems to shout out loud at me. Our coffee table, our wooden chairs, our bean-bag, even that old blow-up bed that lies unforgotten in the corner.They are all shouting at the top of their lungs. “You are a cheater. You betrayed him. He doesn’t deserve thi
FOUR YEARS AGOI was crying as I ran inside our dorm room. Thank god, it was open and Carrie was there with someone. It was one of the guys on our floor with whom she flirted on a daily basis. I immediately stopped and put the loose strands of my hair back behind my ear, as I rubbed away the salty tears streaking unknown patterns on my face. The guy moved around the room as he shuffled on his feet when he saw me coming through the door and Carrie mirrored him. They exchanged concerned looks with each other as they stopped laughing.“What-what happened?” Carrie’s voice came in waves, like the rustling of the leaves on a late autumn day. "Did something happen, Ange?"“Nuh-nothing. Nothing that important unravelled to begin with.” I tried to keep myself from crying a new river all over again. “Just-just these rude guys on the campus. They-they tried to catcall me and stuff.” I thudded my ass on the sofa in the living room, getting rid of the satchel I was carrying all day around with me
FOUR YEARS AGOAs I walked along the hallway the following day, our eyes meet outside the first lecture hall. Cassiel looked like the perfect college guy with pretty blue eyes and a smile which looked a lot like the morning sun. He looked like someone whom I could fall for, and then he waved at me, which made his blue eyes seem even more bright and dreamy. We were both perfect strangers in the making.As our previous run-in started to take form in my faded memory, I felt rigid and I immediately stiffened when he came closer. Before he could catch up to me, I turned around and started to pace with long strides in a different direction than where my class was, initially dreading a very awkward situation.“Angelique, wait up!” His voice stopped me. "Angel!"“Yes?” I turned around, trying to appear nonchalant. My nerves were everywhere. "Did you call my name?"“Do you want to come to our party this weekend? My roommate is throwing one of his famous ragers at our apartment.” His warm smile
PRESENT“Two matcha coffees, please.” I close my eyes momentarily, reminiscing yesterday’s flow of events. "And can you put some extra cream on top?"“Ten dollars.” The girl at the coffee counter rolls her eyes at the 'extra cream comment,' which brings me back to the day I met Daniel. As I hand her the money on the counter, I can’t stop going back down the memory lane. My past flashes right in front of my eyes. The girl shuffles on her feet to prepare the coffee on the counter. "There you go."It’s the same coffee house where we met a couple of months ago. At that time he looked genuinely interested in knowing me. He still does want to figure me out. But, the way he acted earlier is a giant slap of reality on my face. We can never be anything more than acquaintances and, at the most, friends.Only if I knew it back then.***THREE MONTHS AGOMy mind raced with thoughts as I hastily took long strides towards the old Paul’s cafè down six blocks from the Main Street. Boy, I shouldn't ha
TWO MONTHS AGOAfter smoking my drag, I stepped on it with the edge of my heels to kill it. I walked back to the store where Daniel was and joined him inside. He was doing some sexy leaning around one of the shelves of fancy dress shirts, and he stared at me as I walked towards him.“It took you a while, didn't it?” He raised his eyebrows as he gave me another brilliant smile. "Aren't you playing hard to get?""Playing hard to get with you?" I licked my lips as I blinked my eyes quickly. "What would I do that for? I have no feelings for you, so playing hard to get would be an absolute waste of my time."He ignored my comment as he opened his mouth to talk again."Do you smoke?" He eyed my lips cautiously. "Are you a smoker?""Yeah. I was taking a drag." Then I zeroed in on the store and took everything around me in. Little middle-class me would never have stepped into a store like this a few years ago. "Why are you always asking me questions?"The grandeur of the store blew me away as
PRESENT TWO MONTHS AGO “All right, all right.” The country singer put his hands up defensively. Then he pivoted to go back to where he came from. "I'm leaving. Are you happy, Angelique?" I nodded. "I can't be any happier." Halfway through his walk on the pavement, he pivoted to look at me, resting his right hand on his slim waist as he looked at me expectantly. “Well, I do have something to say." Then he licked his lips. "I need your help.” “What help?” I stood there awkwardly, gazing bewildered at him. "Weren't you just walking away from me?" He nodded back towards one of the men’s clothing stores on the right side of the street. “Help me find a tux?" “Why would I help you?” I narrowed my eyes at him. "I barely know you." “You owe me. Have you forgotten that?" He smirked at me as he ogled at my face. "Don't you remember that night from the karaoke bar?” He bit his lip, looking at my face for signs of recognition. He thought I’d forgotten all about what happened that night aga
PRESENTTWO MONTHS AGOI was coming out of one of the many expensive stores on Upper Fifth Avenue. I needed to help Jeff find a ring for Carrie. We were both walking around when Jeff tugged at my hand and pulled me to one of the window displays of this luxurious wedding dresser designer brand, Weddingly Beat, and there sat a glimmering white mermaid ball gown. I looked at it while holding my breath because it was so beautiful.“Hey!" Jeff groaned. Just look at that. Isn't it beautiful?"“Isn’t it beautiful?” I repeated his words. "It's more than beautiful. It's probably what all girls dream about when they are little."“It’s gorgeous,” he murmured in awe. “Carrie would look so unearthly in this."“Yes, you’re right.” I coughed as I added more to the conversation. “And not just that ... I guess she’ll even like it.” I threw in a humorous laugh. "It's difficult to match her unreachable standards."“You think so?” He gazed at the dress and then at me with a childlike innocence I had rare
PRESENTThe roads are dark and the concrete shines in the night from the faint light that falls on them from the tall street lights at the end of every long block. I don’t know how I’ll make it back to our apartment without having an honest excuse ready when Cassiel questions me about my disappearance. What would I tell him if he asks me where I had been gone for the past three hours? Or who I was spending my time with for the hours I had disappeared? In a hurry, I left my cellphone on the kitchen table. What if he goes through my phone?But, knowing Cass, I know that he will not. But what if luck is not on my side today? Will he find out about my cheating and my despicable behavior? He won’t go through your phone. My brain answers for me. He’s not like you.From what it looks like given my present circumstances, I know that I have been unlucky for a while. That’s why I almost cheated on Cassiel, that’s why I have developed feelings for Daniel. And also probably why I can’t make u
FOUR YEARS AGOCassiel walked me straight into the mall, holding onto my right hand tightly as he walked ahead of me leading me through the crowd. I couldn’t even stop to breathe because he was hurrying me to a MacYum’s right around the corner. The mall was crowded and people were shopping to beat the holiday rush of Halloween. I saw four kids dressed as cute monsters and mad scientists running out of a costume store, probably as a marketing gimmick for increasing the store's holiday sales, rushing in our direction. One of them crashed right into my stomach as he was passing by us. I took two squeaky steps back in my boots but somehow managed not to sway.Cassiel immediately turned around at the loss of my fingers. “Are you okay, babe?"“Yeah-yeah, I am.” I put both of my hands on the kid’s shoulder as I stopped him in place as he just ran into me a second ago. “Are you okay, buddy?”The six-year-old kid chuckled and nodded his head. Cassiel came in and patted his head. Then the kid s
PRESENT“And what do you need me for?” I try not to snap at him. I keep it curt. Where the hell did this wife come from? Has he been married before? He never said anything about this person in all the days we have been acquainted with each other. "If you have a wife, why don't you hang out with her?"“I need you here with me so we can act like we are dating.” He’s so obvious and persistent in his answers like it means nothing to him. “You know I need you to get her out of my house.”“I can’t do that. I don't think that I'll be available. I'm sorry for saying this, but you need to call one of your model fuck-buddies who can help you out in this situation.” I mimic him in a sarcastic tone. Then I can't control my anger any longer. “And from where on earth did your wife materialise in thin air?” I take a deep inhale. “And why are you calling me? How dare you?”“Please, Lee. I absolutely need your help this time.” He’s taking a pause before he continues. “Melissa isn’t that important. She
PRESENTA few hours later, we are both lying on the floor with our backs against on the couch, eating the salad he made three hours ago, almost half-naked. The television is on at a low volume and it slowly hums in the background. Cassiel palms my breast accidentally while taking away a string of pasta sticking to the curve of my collar bone. The action shoots a pang of electricity in my entire upper body, travelling to the nerve endings and I inadvertently shudder. Then he moves his mouth to lick the bread crumbs still sticking on my chin.“Do you know I always had a thing for bread?"“Maybe you should travel to Germany. Do you know what they have in there?” I try to make myself sound more enthusiastic. "Germans love their breads more than French do, apparently.""Huh?" He shakes his head innocently at my statement. “What is there for me to see in Germany?"“A bread that resembles a vagina."“You’re shitting me, aren't you?” He shuffles his feet slowly on the carpet and leans right n
PRESENT“Did you get those raspberries on your way home, honey?” Cass's voice reverberates throughout the entire house. He’s working in the kitchen. I can hear him rolling the dough with all the noises he’s making. "Or the pasta sauce I had put on our grocery list?"“No. I'm sorry, love. I forgot!" I yell as I draw the front door to a close. "You should have texted me that to remind me!" Then I exhale a sigh. "You know how forgetful I am, right?"I walk into the living room area to put my handbag, which also has my laptop down on the table. My phone vibrates as I get another mail from the magazine I work for, telling me that the work’s deadline is set in the incoming three weeks. I get another message from my boss to reassure me if I got the email.Yes, you snotty little piece of work. I got the mail. Just don't try to make my life hell!My head in the magazine company is doing this on purpose, in other words, adding to my workload because she wants to hire another part-time writer
FOUR YEARS AGOCassiel was parked in front of the pavement of our dormitory building, waiting silently for me to go ahead and get inside safely. But I didn’t want him to go back yet. I can’t recall the last time a guy waited for me to get inside home safely.He gazed at me in silence with an intense look in his eyes. “Why are you waiting here? Don’t you want to go in?”I was standing on the pavement captivated by his blue eyes. I know that I wanted something, something more from him to remember this moment as pure, unembellished and whole. I wanted the moment to last forever and become infinite in my imagination.I leaned against the driver's side car’s window. “I really don’t know what I’m waiting for, Cassiel."“Have you forgotten your keys?” He scrunched his nose, showcasing faint freckles splattered on the skin and as my eyes traced them, I realised a small section of these orange-brown freckles were hugely evident on his cheekbones. "Can you do something about it?"I chuckled. “Y