you re so old jokes one liners

True is an ex assassin,Joe, Josephine is an actress,with a secret disorder,which makes her want to live the life of her characters. True's grandad might not make it quarter way through the new year,and requests one thing from True. That he gets himself a girlfriend. Will True be able to find someone he can truly relate to and can Joe find solace somewhere and learn her who she really is? Can they both work together,pretending to be a couple and get the one thing they both need from the world. Can they both find freedom?

Siya yung tipo ng babae na exaggerated mag-isip. Sobrang layo ang nararating ng utak niya, sweet at mabait pero may pagkatang* at childish nga lang siya. Yun ba'ng lagi nalang siya nasasabit sa gulo dahil sa pagiging down to the highest level niya'ng mag-isip. She's Amie Hera Madrigal. What if dahil sa katangahan nito ay makikilala niya ang hindi inaasahang tao? A man that might think every girls dream. Isa lang naman ito sa pinakasucessfull businessman. Nah, scartch that. Isang aroganteng tao. A man who hates stupid people the most. That man is King Alexander Jauqez, a boss from hell. He is worst than a control freaking dictator. He is the saboteur of office romance, and no one ever dare to obey him. May pag-asa kaya na magkasundo silang dalawa? Ngayon pa at parehas nilang kailangan ang isa't isa o mauuwi ito sa walang hangganang bangayan? May pag-asa ba na mabuo ang salitang "Love"? Is there really a happy ending in every story? Or not every story has one?

This is BOOK 1 for the TRILOGY: The Devil, the Mercenary & the SaintNicholai swear not to love again. His life was on auto pilot after Amanda, her first love died. Then faith played with him one crazy night, he met Cassie, a young beautiful angelic innocent girl. Now, he is in battle whether to keep his promise to his first love or break it to be with a woman he can't keep his hands and mind off with. He created a wall to guard his heart but then he met her. They were united by one crazy night, can they stop from falling to each other. Both can't take their mind from each other, both can't deny the attraction they have. Can they stay together when the past holds him hostage? This is a roller coaster story will give you one hell of a ride. When can he finally stake his claim and say angel you're mine.Book 1: Angel you're MineBook 2: Save MeBook 3: Broken Vows

Pangarap ni Christian ang maisama ang kanyang pamilya sa lahat ng kanyang tagumpay sa buhay. Gayundin naman ang nais ni Arris na kahit pag-aasawa pa ang kahilingan ng mga ito. Lahat ng ito ay nakatatak sa puso't isipan nila nine months ago. Hanggang sa nagkatagpo ang kanilang landas dahil sa isang failed blind date! Sa kanyang sinapupunan ay may isang bata na ang hindi kumpirmado kung sino ang ama. Paano ito nangyari? Sino nga kaya ang tunay na ama?

Austin Monticillo had all luxury in life. Money, fame, power, perfect family and of course, women he constantly changes depending to his moods. He is a total womanizer. Alam niya iyon, matapos makapag-graduate ay agad niyang pinamahalaan ang kanilang kompanya. But, out of nowhere, ay may isang Georgina Czsharina Abejuela ang maghahabol sa kaniya dahil naanakan daw niya ang pinsan nito. He fucking don't know about it, hindi niya kilala ang sinasabi nitong pinsan, at mas lalong wala sa taste niya ang babae. Dahil sa isang kasunduan, ay inalok ni Austin ang babaeng si Georgina ng pera para matahimik ito, pero hindi 'yon tinanggap nito, she refuses the money. "Trabaho! Iyon ang kailangan ko!" that word makes his heart rolled out of beat. Dahil ang totoo, nagugustuhan niya ang pagiging arisgada, bulyawera at pagiging matapang nito. He even admires her dahil tumayo itong ina sa batang inabandona ng pinsan niya. Naging single-parent ito sa bata, he didn't saw it coming na magkakaroon pala siya ng bagong figure, at 'yon ay ang maging ama sa batang napamahal na rin sa kaniya. Magiging perfect pa rin kaya ang pagiging daddy figure niya kung may isang epal na darating para balikan si Georgina Czsharina? Sino ito? Ito ang businessman model boyfriend nito na muntikan nang maging fiancé ni Czsharina, si Garret. Mayaman din ito, mas gwapo sa kaniya at hindi hamak na may kinabukasan si Czsharina rito. What would he do to claim her as his? May magagawa ba ang gaya niyang Austin Monticillo lang?

The story of Sienna Zannotti and Eric Connall is not your typical love story. They are the leaders of rival mafia organizations, and when fate brings them together in an arranged marriage, sparks fly. Sienna is a fierce and unforgiving Don, while Eric is just as ruthless in his leadership of the American mafia. They both resist the idea of a marriage, but their parent's wishes leave them no choice. As they meet for the first time, they each find themselves drawn to the unexpected qualities of the other. Eric discovers a captivating woman in Sienna, and she finds him attractive despite his leadership position. But can two powerful and dominant mafia lords make a marriage work? Will they succumb to their differences and go their separate ways, or will they be able to find a common ground to build from? A Love So Dangerous is a journey through the obstacles of love and power, as Sienna and Eric navigate their way through their arranged marriage. Is their love powerful enough to withstand the forces surrounding them, or will the dangers of their worlds prove too much to bear?

On the day of my wedding anniversary, I was cleaning my house when I found a picture album. As it turned out, my husband had been religiously taking pictures with the girl of his dreams every year on this precise date. He had been doing it since he was forty years old and he was now sixty years old. His hair had progressed from a jet black to a faded white and yet, he kept up the tradition. There was a written message in his handwriting at the back of the picture that read, “Eternal Love.” Since he doesn't love me, I will no longer bother washing his clothes and cooking for him. I will no longer care for his children and grandchildren. I may have foolishly wasted half of my life, but it was not too late to make a change.

"Mulai hari ini, kamu adalah salah satu pemilik saham terbesar Han Group." "Tidak ... tidak mungkin," gumam Windi sambil terus menggelengkan kepala. Tangannya bergetar hebat karena shock mengetahui dirinya kaya mendadak dalam semalam. *** Windi, seorang gadis yatim piatu, tidak pernah menyangka jika perjalanannya ke Korea Selatan akan mengubah hidupnya 180 derajat. Tidak hanya menemukan takdir cintanya, Windi juga menemukan rahasia masa kecilnya yang kelam. Siapakah Windi sebenarnya?

Elizabeth Lancaster, an 18 year old brought up with strict values and in a cold and stern environment, gets her first wish to venture to the outside world and taste freedom and gain new experiences and most importantly, FRIENDS. William Warren, a 19 year old college sophomore studying in the most sought after University, lacks nothing in life be it friends, girls, popularity, fame even money. He has everything but still isn't satisfied with life till someone manages to catch his attention. And boy is that someone so damn interesting that she knocked his soul out of his body the first time he laid eyes on her. Now he wants her, and the chase is about to begin but it is unclear who became the prey and who the hunter along the way.

The youngest billionaire in town with looks of Adonis and everything at his feet desired just one thing more in life. His perfect match. He wished for a wife whose beauty would turn heads, a smile which would lighten up his world and figure which would curve perfectly under his fingers. A beauty who spoke with etiquette and made him proud. But he got her A mediocre girl with average looks, fierce personality and no curves. Outspoken and downright rude. She was everything he didn't want his wife to be like. But who could defy when their souls were bound by threads of fate. She was insecure And he fueled it further She considered herself inferior to him And he used every chance to make it a belief. She had a beautiful delicate golden heart And he made sure to taint it black and crush it under his Gucci shoes. She was his not so beautiful wife And he made sure that nothing left of her could be ever considered beautiful. "I will taint every damn fibre of your body my dear Elle...every bit of it till you beg me to divorce you" -Ashton "I will love every flaw of you my dear husband ...each and everyone till this heart beats for you" -Elle BEAUTY SERIES: Book 1 His not so beautiful wife Book 2 His Scarred Beauty