tell me a filipino joke

He starts nibbling on my chest and starts pulling off my bra away from my chest. I couldn’t take it anymore, I push him away hard and scream loudly and fall off the couch and try to find my way towards the door. He laughs in a childlike manner and jumps on top of me and bites down on my shoulder blade. “Ahhh!! What are you doing! Get off me!!” I scream clawing on the wooden floor trying to get away from him.He sinks his teeth in me deeper and presses me down on the floor with all his body weight. Tears stream down my face while I groan in the excruciating pain that he is giving me. “Please I beg you, please stop.” I whisper closing my eyes slowly, stopping my struggle against him.He slowly lets me go and gets off me and sits in front of me. I close my eyes and feel his fingers dancing on my spine; he keeps running them back and forth humming a soft tune with his mouth. “What is your name pretty girl?” He slowly bounces his fingers on the soft skin of my thigh. “Isabelle.” I whisper softly.“I’m Daniel; I just wanted to play with you. Why would you hurt me, Isabelle?” He whispers my name coming closer to my ear.I could feel his hot breathe against my neck. A shiver runs down my spine when I feel him kiss my cheek and start to go down to my jaw while leaving small trails of wet kisses. “Please stop it; this is not playing, please.” I hold in my cries and try to push myself away from him.

"Loving you is my greatest masterpiece, Coraline." -Damien Merced About ten years ago, two reporters mysteriously disappeared while covering the illegal trades issue of then elected congressman Merced. This happening triggered their soon teenage daughter Coraline to fight for the righteous justice. Together with Damien Merced, a man with the same goal as hers, amid the ultimatum of same former congressman, they are devoted to connect the pieces of his wrongdoings even if it will take time. Will they achieve what they are rooting for? Will they be a microphone of the veiled souls?

Being the head of the family, kay Marco na atang ang responsibilidad na palaguin ang kumpanyang itinaguyod ng pamilya pati na rin ang pagpapalaki sa nakababatang kapatid na si Beatriz. He had worked hard, played all his cards wisely para marating ang kung anumang narating niya ngayon. Aside from being the CEO of Fuentabella Conglomerate, together with his two mates ay naitayo nila ang FHM Management. He then finally decided the inevitable, to settle down because part of him longed for something warm like the sunshine. How cheesy it may sound he wanted something like what Beatriz possess. Love and family. Everything was doing fine. He's waiting for Poleen to be ready until he get a taste of her. Her sweet, innocent Cielo. Consuelo Sta. Maria, ang dalagang napiling ipakasal kay Stefano Hernandez. Ang naturang kasal ang magiging kaganapan sa matagal ng plano ng parehong haligi pamilya. She give it a try, kung para sa abuelo niya ay gagawin niya ang lahat. Stefano seems nice sa kabila ng pagiging stiff at aloof. Until their paths cross, the remarkable Marco Antonio Fuentabella Would she succumbed to heat everytime Marco initiates it? Paano na ang nalalapit niyang kasal kay Stef? Would she commit?

The moment she saw Gavin Guevara, she knew he was going to fulfill what she needs and that was steamy fantasies with him. They both just wanted to have some fun, but now it's slowly turning into something more.

Matagal na si Divine na may gusto sa best friend ng Kuya Ivan niya na si Marcus ngunit nililihim lang niya 'yon. Hindi niya sinasabi 'yon dahil nahihiya siyang umamin na may gusto siya rito. Ulilang lubos na silang dalawa ng kuya niya. Isang araw ay kinailangan ng Kuya Ivan niya na pumunta sa ibang bansa dahil napili itong isama ng boss nila na magtatagal ng isang buwan. Hindi naman puwedeng tumanggi ang kuya niya kaya pumayag ito. Ang problema lang ay wala siyang makakasama sa bahay nilang dalawa. Ayaw pa naman ng kuya niya na mag-isa lang siya. Naisip ng Kuya Ivan niya na doon muna patirahin sa bahay nilang dalawa na magkapatid ang best friend nito na si Marcus para may kasama siya. Mapagkakatiwalaan naman ito at higit sa lahat ay babantayan siya. Imbis na matuwa ay kinabahan si Divine matapos niyang malaman 'yon na ang matagal na niyang gusto na lalaki ay ang makakasama niya sa bahay nila habang wala ang kuya niya. Ano kaya ang posibleng mangyari sa kanilang dalawa na magkasama sa iisang bubong? Masabi kaya ni Divine ang totoong nararamdaman niya para kay Marcus? May chance kaya na mahalin rin siya ni Marcus pabalik kung umamin siya ng totoong nararamdaman niya para dito?

Athena Ramirez Ang trabaho ay eksakto kung ano ang gusto niya. alam niyang magagawa niya ito ng maayos. Tuwang-tuwa si Athena sa pagkakataong magtrabaho hanggang sa sinabi ng babae sa ahensya na walang puntong mag-aplay dahil, ang mahalaga ngunit hindi nasabi na mga kwalipikasyon ay ang pagiging kasal, o nasa katanghaliang-gulang, at ako ay hindi. Tila, si Eros Ramazzotti ang CEO ay isang workaholic na may sakit na ang kanyang mga batang sekretarya ay umibig sa kanya at nawalan ng konsentrasyon sa kanilang trabaho. Lumalabas na ang pagiging hindi kaakit-akit ay itinuturing na isang bonus dahil hindi rin niya nais na magambala. Ngunit hindi siya ganoon kadaling sumuko. Ang trabaho ang tanging pag-asa at pagtakas niya kaya nakumbinsi ni Athena ang ahensya na ipadala siya para sa interbyu. Inalis niya ang kanyang mga pampaganda, namuhunan sa isang murang singsing sa kasal, nagsuot ng mga damit na dowdy. Para sa mabuting sukat, nagdagdag siya ng isang pares ng pangit na salamin, hinila ang kanyang buhok sa isang hindi nakakaakit na tinapay, at voila. May asawa at hindi kaakit-akit. Oo, nakuha niya ang trabaho, Oh, and guess what? Sa wakas ay naunawaan na niya kung bakit hindi makapag-concentrate ang ibang mga sekretarya sa trabahong ito. Si Eros Ramazzotti ay ang pinakamainit na CEO na nabubuhay, na ginagawang imposibleng magtrabaho para sa kanya ngunit ang kanyang desperadong krisis sa pananalapi ay naging dahilan upang lunukin niya ang anumang pagnanais na mayroon siya para sa kanya...

*The Queen And The Freak (Filipino/Taglish Edition)* --- Si Blair ay isang bampira na kakalipat lang mula sa Transylvania upang maranasan ang buhay ng isang normal na tao kasama ang kanyang ina-inahan sa Amerika. Nakilala niya ang isang nakakabighaning dalaga na nagngangalang Pryce, na buong akala nya ay kinasusuklaman siya sa kadahilanang hindi maganda ang kanilang unang pagkikita. Lahat ay nagbago sa buhay ni Blair nang 'di niya inakala na darating ang panahon na mahuhulog siya kay Pryce, na hindi pala isang normal na tao, ngunit isang werewolf na nalalapit na ang awakening. And none of them knew na si Pryce ay hindi lamang isang ordinaryong werewolf kundi ang nakatadhanang reyna.

After being dumped by her boyfriend of two years for the second time, Susan decided that she needed a rebound after three months. She meets a possessive hot guy in the club who calls himself Andrew Brown and refuses to leave her house after a one night stand. What happens if Susan finds out his real identity after falling for him as a homeless guy? His fake name didn’t even ring a bell, but was he for real or was he going to dump her just like her previous exes? Dig in to read the fascinating story of Susan Stack and Andrew Crown, the disguised CEO of Crown Investors, a Trillion Dollar multinational company in New York.

"Then, be my bed warmer.." He said. And because of Love she is willing to risk everything she has. Including her heart. Rowy still agreed to be Dylan's substitute for Alexa- her friend and Dylan's First love. Even though she knew it was wrong, and it would destroy her heart along the way. And now, Alexa came back, and she let Dylan free. She left, and hoard a FACT that it could be a source of resentment in the future. But maybe she will just cross the bridge when she reaches there, for now she wants to get away from the pain, and forget the bitterness that the world has thrown at her.

All you need is love and trust to break a bad boy and change him. Isabelle -Belle - Baldwin is a sweet innocent girl who is trying to do the right thing by staying near her ill father and take care of him. In doing so, she puts herself aside. Shawn Grayson is gorgeous but arrogant as hell and he is becoming the nightmare that will bother Belle's every dream at night and every single minute during the day. Is it possible for them to live together a love story? Well, if you want to find out, you should start reading this novel. You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect—you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze, and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.